TORCHWOOD
The Unstuck Man
Chronological note: This story takes place after series one, but just before series two.
James sat and reminisced about the days that had gone by. He knew that the Torchwood team wouldn't be able to do that. He knew that for them he was a faded memory. He was the unstuck man. He could interact with people, form relationships, close ones. Didn't he know it. But for those with whom he became involved, as he lost contact with them, their memories of him would begin to fade and he would inevitably become completely forgotten. Perhaps a better way to think of it would be the forgotten man. But he liked unstuck better. It had a nice ring to it. He'd spent a few months with the Torchwood team. Long enough to know when a problem wasn't a problem which could be solved by conventional detectives. He knew he'd have to make contact again. He also knew that it would be painful. He knew that the man he loved and had grown so close to wouldn't remember him, wouldn't remember the moments that they'd shared. Hell, he wouldn't even remember his name.
"Rhys, did you eat the last of the spag bol?" Gwen called to Rhys with her head buried in the fridge.
"No. How could I? I wasn't even here, was I?" It was a rhetorical question of course. But Rhys came from out of the bedroom to look at Gwen, the woman he loved and would one day marry.
"No, I guess not." Gwen said and frowned. They took turns with dinner. Well, ideally. Most nights Gwen was kept busy with her Torchwood duties. There was more than a rift running under Cardiff, there was often a rift in their relationship as her Torchwood top-secret business kept her away from home. That business was mostly sorted now that Rhys knew exactly what she did. She'd let Rhys in on the big 'secret' much to the chagrin of the rest of the team. But they'd soon come around to accept that Rhys was her family and her lover. And unlike the rest of them she didn't want to wind up bitter, detached, and alone. Gwen stuck her head in the fridge again peered around looking for some leftovers to warm up. She suddenly felt a sense of déjà vu. She shook her head and tried to forget about it. But it seemed there was more food missing that she couldn't account for. Rhys had been on a long delivery trip and hadn't been home to eat all the food, as he'd just pointed out. She thought that maybe she'd had the girls over and they all ate and perhaps she forgot. She couldn't imagine eating food and forgetting about it.
She found some tuna salad in a food container. She opened it and it had definitely gone off. She put the lid back and smiled to herself. And then went over to the sofa where Rhys had plopped down and began to watch television. She took off the lid to the tuna and said. "What do you think?"
Rhys made a disgusted face and a gagging noise. "Oh, God Gwen, that's it I'm off food for the rest of the night. You did that on purpose, it is your turn to cook tonight." He grinned at her and got up. She squealed and ran away, around the sofa once and then headed into the bedroom. There wasn't a whole lot of apartment in which to run. But he caught up with her. "Wait, I've still got the bad tuna!" She shouted. He paused to let her set the container down on the bedside table. And then he grabbed her around the waist and turned and fell onto the bed so that she was almost on top of him. They laughed and kissed, but soon the aroma of the bad fish salad destroyed their romantic moment and they looked at each other in understanding. She got up and took it to the kitchen and dumped it out and then rinsed the container. Funny that. She didn't remember either of them making any tuna salad recently. She couldn't remember the last time she'd even eaten tuna salad. She shrugged and went back to the bedroom. "I'm gonna make dinner, don't worry… so, fancy a Chinese?"
"Get over here, now!" Rhys grinned playfully at her. Then her phone rang. She knew that ring. It was Jack's ring. OK there wasn't a special ring, but she could almost swear that there was a different tone to the ring when it was Jack calling with urgent Torchwood business. She reached for the phone, which was a bit of a struggle at the moment because Rhys was holding onto her. "I've got to…" She trailed off and Rhys loosened his grip. She answered breathlessly. "Hello Jack."
"Am I interrupting something?" Jack asked with a sly grin on his face. She could almost hear his grin on the other end. What was it about Captain Jack Harkness that was so compelling? He was handsome sure, but it was more than that. He was mysterious, which could be somewhat frustrating. He almost always seemed to know so much more about some situations than he let on. It made the team feel very cut off from him at times. "Cheeky, no!" Gwen laughed.
"We have a little situation here that we need to address." Jack said seriously. Jack sounded unusually confounded. He didn't seem as super confident as usual. He actually sounded concerned and genuinely puzzled. Not his usual cocky self.
"OK…I dunno Jack, it is Saturday and it's my turn to cook." Gwen started.
"Yes, and we all know how much you enjoy that. Get here as soon as you can Gwen. We need you. It has to be the whole team." Jack said gravely.
"OK, your wish is my command." Gwen said and hung up. There was something about the tone in Jack's voice that worried Gwen. She didn't hear that tone very often, but when she did, she knew that it was important. It almost seemed as if Jack had a map to what was happening at all times. So if Jack was in the dark, then this was an unforeseen variable. And if Jack wasn't his characteristic, confident, swash-buckling self, then it was time to be worried.
"Everything alright? Are there aliens among us?" Rhys realized the absurdity of that statement and amended, "Well, you know what I mean. Torchwood team got another unexplained whatsit threatening mankind?" Rhys smiled at her. "It's OK, I'll sort some dinner out for myself."
"I'm sorry Rhys. It sounded really urgent." She got a serious faraway look and Rhys stopped smiling as he looked at the grave expression on her face.
"I'll try and call to let you know… well, something." Gwen said before she left and closed the door behind her.
Rhys went to the kitchen and thought that the idea of getting something to eat sounded like a good idea after all. He had already forgotten about the unpleasant spoilt tuna salad. When had they made, or even eaten, tuna salad? He shrugged and opened a drawer where he found a menu. "Chinese it is then." He said aloud to no one in particular. Maybe later he'd give Banana Boat a call and see if he wanted to get a pint. No problem. He loved Gwen, but it did get lonely with her having a job that demanded so much of her time. Especially when it was time away from him. He missed her. He supposed he could understand what all those wives who had husbands at war felt like. It felt that way sometimes, especially considering what Gwen actually did. It was like being at war. War with alien threats that they were often ill-equipped to deal with. He worried about her too. Another reason why it was so hard and lonely. He worried that one day she wouldn't come home at all. That instead it would be that smug too-good-looking Jack Harkness at their door coming to tell him that he was sorry, but that Gwen wasn't going to be home ever again. He stopped himself right there before he really lost it and started calling her and interrupting her. He knew that domestic distractions could also be factor in determining her safety. He tried to leave her alone when she was at work. He didn't know everything that went on with Torchwood, but he knew enough to understand that her full attention had to be on her duties.
A little while earlier…
"What are you drinking?" Jack looked over to the stool to his left and saw the man sitting there. Quite a looker by all accounts. "Depends on what you're buying." Jack said and flashed his most disarming smile.
"James." The man said and reached out to shake Jacks hand. Jack got the oddest sense of déjà vu. Which for Jack, ever since the change that had occurred on Platform One, had become very few and far between. You'd think being immortal, he may have déjà vu more, but in recent times it almost never happened. So when it did, he sat up and paid attention. He had learned to never ignore his instincts. Spider senses as people used to say. Well, he supposed that they still did say. For him being from a future century, but now living what was technically in the past, it could get confusing. "Captain Jack Harkness." Jack said and took the man's hand in his. He felt a connection to this man. He didn't remember ever meeting him. They hadn't dated had they? He would've remembered a boyfriend this cute. James had short brown wavy hair and a heart-shaped face, big amber eyes, and olive skin. Yes, definitely. Jack would have remembered someone like that. He couldn't remember everything, what man among us can? But he usually remembered the ones that were really good at something. Like the ones who were the best lovers or the best looking. Not that looks were necessarily an accomplishment.
"Good to meetcha Jack" James said as he spun on his stool and flagged down he bartender. "I haven't told you what I'm drinking yet." Jack protested.
"I see a glass of water in your hand. Same again? Live a little, have it sparkling." The handsome stranger named James said.
"OK, you've twisted my arm." Jack said. There was something compelling about this man. Something that made him feel at ease. He felt as if he could trust him. There weren't very many people who evoked those feelings in Jack. Especially considering his checkered past, or future, as the case may be. James ordered him a sparkling water with a wedge of lemon. Jack gratefully accepted.
"Do you come here often?" James asked. It seemed like such a cliché question to ask and to be asked. Jack was taken aback for a moment.
"Do you not do this often?" Jack asked with a crooked smile.
"What do you mean?" James said.
"Hit on men in bars." Jack said.
"No, I really want to know." James said matter-of-factly.
"Uh, no, not really. I suppose I just felt like coming in here today. Saturday, no work." For once, Jack felt oddly shy and bashful and blushed. He was usually the one to make others blush.
"Yes, of course. But why here?" Mysterious James said.
"I don't know, it just sort of beckoned to me, I suppose." Jack said truthfully. Which after he'd said it aloud it sounded a little ridiculous and he blushed again. His alabaster cheeks looked rosy in the dim bar lighting.
"It's OK, something compels us sometimes." James said mysteriously. Jack's brow furrowed for a moment as something was niggling in the back of his mind about what this man had said. It wasn't quite a déjà vu moment, but it was something…strange. He didn't like being uncertain. It made him feel decidedly vulnerable. And vulnerable was not a position that Captain Jack Harkness was at all used to feeling.
Jack decided to see how this was going to play out and continue the flirtatious dance and also to try to glean a little bit more from this mysterious stranger. Because he was… stranger that is. Stranger and stranger as Jack sat there chatting with him. Sometimes they chatted about nothing in particular and other times he would make some statement that sounded profound and odd to Jack. Not so much odd because it was profound. But odd because it was somehow familiar. Is this what I seem like to other people Jack wondered.
"Do you live nearby?" Jack asked.
"Why, what were you thinking?" James smiled at him.
"Just curious." Said Jack. "You don't have a Welsh accent. Where are you from?" Jack said.
"Originally London. But I've lived all over, so at times I use expressions from many places. I have bits and bobs from everywhere really." James said as he looked deep into Jacks eyes. He looked into his eyes, not like a man trying to pick him up. Now Jack recognized that look. Love. Familiarity. He hadn't seen it in anyone's eyes, well some of his Torchwood team, but not in a lover, or at least not in a long while. How could this man whom he had never met look at him with such love in his eyes? Such affection? Such longing? Jack was unsettled by it. He didn't, no he couldn't even imagine what this could mean. He'd lived a long time and knew that there were indeed more things in Heaven and Earth…
"Jack, I need to cut to the chase. I don't know how much time we have. Or rather I don't know how much time I have." James said urgently.
"What? What are you talking about? Who are you… really? What do you want with me?" Jack's ultra-cautious hackles were up now. He didn't like being blindsided. Even if it was by a hot guy. Or at least not in that way. And he didn't like people making demands of him.
"I need all of you." James said. "Your whole team. I know you Jack. I know all of you. I promise I will explain, but you have to let me explain to all of you at once. Because I don't have much time. I don't want to have to repeat myself. And believe me I will. That's all I ever seem to do. Repeat myself." James looked down with a sad, tragic look in his eyes.
Something in Jack felt such sympathy for him when he looked that way. He felt such affection for this man whom he'd just met, but who claimed to know him and his team. Perhaps the best way to sort this out would be to go back to the hub. If he were a threat, it would be 5 against one and they had the means to contain him if he were alien or affected by the rift in some way. Gwen was always insisting that they try to do more to help. She wouldn't like being interrupted on a Saturday afternoon, but she was the one who wanted to do more to help. She was the heart of the team. She helped to humanize them. She helped them to maintain their connection to people and keep their sympathy intact. She urged them not to let Torchwood and the work that they did cut them off from life, and people. She urged them to retain their compassion. She kept them human. He admired Gwen, he admired her strength and assertive nature, not to mention her hair, eyes, mouth, legs… OK time to assemble the team.
James felt so sad and nervous about going to meet Jack. He knew where he'd find him. He didn't know how he knew, he just did. Sometimes he knew things. He could see patterns where others didn't. He knew for instance that this wasn't a bar that Jack usually went to. He also knew that Jack usually drank water. He rarely ever imbibed alcohol. He'd only seen Jack consume alcohol once when they were together. And they had been together. For almost three months. Just long enough for him to fall. And boy did he fall. Head over heels in love with the handsome and sometimes elusive Captain Jack Harkness. The mysterious American man with the military coat. He had the most beautiful smile and the most beautiful skin and a perfect head of hair. He looked like one of those guys in one of those old American films where their hair is always perfect even after they've been running or fist-fighting. It wasn't just Jack's looks. He was strong and an amazing lover, almost as if he were much older than he appeared. Which as it just so happened, he was. He'd had over a hundred years to get it right, but barely looked a day over 30. James wondered if it was strange for him to date such younger men, or women, or whatever. Jack had such a youthful quality at times. And other times he could be so strange mysterious and even off-putting. He had seen him show such mercy, kindness, and compassion. But he had also seen him be brutal when necessary to protect the ones he cared about. He preferred the gentle Jack. He didn't like to see anything set him off to make him resort to something extreme which shocked his team. He hadn't known Jack then, but he'd heard the story of the cyberwoman in the basement. He'd also heard about Philoctotes. He'd been very disturbed by those stories, because Jack was so old and could be so very kind at times. But those stories, he knew, didn't just disturb him, they disturbed his team as well. He wondered about all of the things about jack which he didn't know. He knew a lot, but not everything. He knew that he used to be a con man. He used to be a Time Agent, whatever that meant. He couldn't imagine what a Time Agent was. And Jack was hesitant to explain. In fact he hadn't exactly explained at all, but had distracted him from the topic in his typical charming Captain Jack way.
James remembered everything. He remembered things unlike anyone else. He had what's called an eidetic memory. He was not only able to remember anything he read, but anything he saw or heard with perfect accuracy. The problem was. No one could remember him. He could stay with them forever and they would remember him, but as time went on their memories began to be all jumbled. They would lose things as time went on. A few months into a relationship and the new person had trouble remembering how they met or where they went on their first date, etc. This could become quite tiresome as well as become somewhat disturbing to the individuals involved. He had met the Torchwood team by accident. He didn't encounter them in an effort to get help with his 'affliction'. He had never heard of bloody Torchwood. Or rather he had, but believed it was an urban legend or something. There was always some tale of a special black ops team somewhere. He figured it was the urban legend answer to dealing with threats that couldn't be explained. It made people feel better to think that there were secret teams out there dealing with the problem. Protecting us from aliens. He remembered the battle at Canary Wharf. He remembered the Cybermen, the Daleks, the star over London at Christmastime that began shooting people down. He even remembered the Sycorax and how the Doctor had stopped them. He remembered everything. Some people had conveniently forgotten all those events. But he couldn't forget, even if he'd wanted to. He even met the prime minister once. She'd been so sincere and engendered such trust. He wished she'd been able to remain in office. She'd introduced herself. He'd said, "Yes, I know who you are." Of course she wouldn't remember him, meeting him, speaking with him… anything. But he would remember her for the rest of his life. With perfect clarity as if it had just happened. That was perhaps a part of his so-called affliction. Something had happened to him a long time ago. Something which he couldn't explain. He remembered it, but couldn't exactly understand it. He'd been an adolescent. And from that moment on he was changed forever. First he began to fade from his friends minds. He thought they were taking the piss. Just joking around the way friends do. But then it kept happening. He was out with some friends after school eating pizza. And suddenly one of his friends looked really alarmed and said. "Did we go to school together or what?" He laughed and slapped his friend and kept eating his pizza. But then his girlfriend stood him up. They had made plans weeks ago to go to a concert. And he was waiting for her and she just didn't show up. He called her that night and said "Hey, where were you?"
"Who is this?" She'd asked
"Uh, James the man of your dreams." He'd said smiling.
"Oh, right sorry. Did we have plans?" She sounded confused and puzzled.
"Too right, we did. Concert. Tickets. Date. Remember." He said, feeling rejected.
"We did? I'm sorry. I don't remember." She had said.
"We planned it weeks ago, fine. I guess we lost the tickets." He said and soon rang off.
Finally she'd broken up with him. She had begun to forget more and more things that mattered to him. At first he thought there was something wrong with her. She had just lost interest or was cheating and seeing someone else. But then as it happened more and more with people he knew, he realized that there was something different about him. No one could remember him. Or at least not for very long. After 2-3 months their memories of their earliest encounters would fade until they were completely gone, while he was left remembering everything. He could only see someone for a few months. He began telling people about his little problem. Of course they wouldn't believe him and when the memories started to fade, they wouldn't remember he'd told them, they would just begin to be uneasy around him. He understood. They could remember everything else, everyone else in their lives except him. It even messed with their memories of things which surrounded encounters with him. Like if they shared a meal, they sometimes forgot the meal or forgot all about the food. If there were other people there it helped to cement the memory, it would simply become hazy.
James remembered a night he had gone around to Gwen Cooper's while Rhys was away. She'd been so kind to him and sympathetic to him. She was also quite sexy. But she had a boyfriend. Rhys, who had been away on business at the time. He drove a lorry and sometimes had deliveries that took him away overnight. It didn't happen often, but it happened. He'd made tuna salad and they'd had sandwiches and crisps for dinner and watched a movie. There was leftover and he had even put it away for her. She'd likely lose the memory of the food as well as the memory of their sharing food. He didn't know if anything could be done for him. He had honestly never sought any sort of help since he didn't believe that anyone could help him. He just felt so down sometimes. Especially when he fell in love with someone and knew that that person wouldn't have any idea who he was a few weeks after he'd gone. And he always did go eventually. It was too much of a strain on them, on him. It made people uneasy and it made him sad. The memory of a handsome Londoner named James would never stick. That's why he called himself The Unstuck Man.
Then he found Torchwood. Then he found Captain Jack Harkness. Then he found the team: Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, and Gwen Cooper. He talked to them. He got close to Jack. So close. He told them about what was wrong with him. They wrote it all down in their records. They examined him. They connected him to electrodes and took readings. Cute little Tosh and her instruments. He didn't understand it, but it made him feel substantial, if only for a brief time. And even though they would forget, he was comforted by the fact that somewhere, someone not only believed him, but wrote it down, so that it would be permanently etched in history. There would at least be a record of the unstuck man for someone to find when he finally just faded away to nothing. And he was… fading away. He was absolutely and completely fading away. He didn't know when it would happen, or how it would happen, or even if it would hurt, but he knew that he didn't have much longer on this Earth.
Meanwhile back at the hub…
Jack opened the deadlock door which granted him access to the Hub. It was the location of the underground base of operations for Torchwood located in Cardiff, Wales. They all just called it the Hub. Located underneath the Millennium Centre, it was a prime location being that there was a rift in time and space running underneath Cardiff which was a potential source of energy. But it was also a source of strange and mysterious things from other worlds, other times, which could 'leak' into our world. Some of these things were harmless, some of these things were artefacts with great power. And some of these things weren't things at all, but aliens who, if let loose to roam would kill, perhaps even eat, any human being that they found. Because of all of this rift activity the Torchwood team in Cardiff was almost always busy. They never had a dull moment, whether it was chasing down weevils or going to retrieve some object someone had stumbled upon and began using to wreak havoc all over the city. Captain Jack Harkness, as head of Torchwood Cardiff vowed to do his best to keep the city of Cardiff, as well as the rest of the world, safe from anything which threatened humanity or his team.
Captain Jack turned to James, "Just follow me."
"I know the way." James said
"Right." Jack said curtly.
"We're not going to get on the invisible lift?" James said.
Captain Jack just exhaled loudly and ignored him. He was uneasy with someone, anyone, no matter how cute they may be, knowing so much about operations. In addition to the top secret location made more top secret by the ruse of an information centre at the point of reception, there was also an invisible lift outside by the fountain, which wasn't exactly invisible. It had a perception filter. It's not that they couldn't see you, it's that they didn't so much notice. They would definitely notice once you stepped off. James had realised just how much when he'd first ridden it with Jack.
"What's this then?" Said Owen. "It's a bit difficult to maintain a secret base if you bring your boyfriends around for a tour." Owen was carrying some sort of medical instrument that neither James nor Jack recognized.
"Owen, this is James. He's not my boyfriend. He's…" Jack hesitated. "He needs our help."
"OK, well I hope you know what you're doing." Owen said. The team could often become frustrated with Jack keeping secrets from them and didn't hesitate to let him know just how much in the dark they felt. "Hello James, what seems to be the problem then?"
"No, it's really important that we all be here for this. When the team is all here let me know, will ya Owen? Until then we'll be in my office." Jack said and led James up to his office. Funny Owen thought, he seems familiar. More than that though, he seems to be familiar with us and this place. Owen frowned but went back to taking readings on some alien remains he had on his autopsy table.
Ianto appeared seemingly from nowhere. "Jesus, Ianto! You need to look into a bell or something. Where did you come from?" Sometimes Ianto seemed like a glorified butler, but at other times he seemed very familiar with Torchwood's operations. Owen felt a little sorry for him at times. He knew he used to work at Torchwood London and that he was one of the few survivors of the Battle at Canary Wharf. He had heard of the Cybermen, they were supposedly so much worse than the thing that Ianto had been secretly keeping in their basement. He'd had his girlfriend Lisa, who had only begun her transformation, but not completed it, stored in the basement for weeks. She still had her human body, mostly, and her looks. But her humanity had all but gone once she was discovered. Ianto had been a complete disaster after that. Ianto's position here seemed to him like a demotion. He would hate to be demoted. Which he supposed he wouldn't be given that he was a doctor and there was no demotion for a doctor, only losing your license.
"I was only wondering. Coffee?" Ianto asked gravely from above him.
"Cheers, yeah" Owen mumbled as he returned to his work.
Ianto turned on his heel and went to retrieve coffee. He knew that the others were puzzled as to his involvement with the team. He seemed to be little more than a receptionist and butler here at Torchwood Cardiff. He wanted to be more involved, but honestly he was content with fetching caffeinated beverages for a while as the pain of losing Lisa was still so fresh for him. He was making the coffee when he heard the tell-tale sound the door made. He glanced up and saw Gwen. Her hair a bit mussed, but none the worse for wear on a Saturday afternoon.
"Hiya Ianto." Gwen said cheerfully. Gwen was always so pleasant. She had a kind way about her. She was so compassionate and full of a strength which he sometimes envied. She was also already carrying her own coffee. He glanced disapprovingly at the paper cup. And playfully shook his head.
"It's a Saturday, you shouldn't have to always make coffee, should you?" Gwen called and smiled.
"But I like to make coffee. It's what I do." He replied with mock confusion.
Toshiko Sato came in shortly after Gwen, Tosh to her team. She looked distracted, but she often did or deep in thought. It was almost as if her genius brain couldn't keep up with her thoughts fast enough for her to properly express herself. She sometimes sounded deliberately hesitant when she spoke to people. Gwen found it charming, but knew that others probably thought it was some sign of weakness or shyness. The only time Tosh seemed shy was when she spoke to Owen. Poor thing had it bad. Too bad Owen didn't see her that way. He only saw her as a lab geek that he worked with. "What's going on? Is Jack here?" Tosh asked Ianto.
"Yes, he came in a little while ago with a new friend." Ianto raised an eyebrow. The team were very well-versed on Jack Harkness' love 'em and leave 'em dalliances. Even though some of his stories sounded far-fetched.
Owen popped up with gloved hands and what could only be some sort of excretion of the alien variety all over them. "Oh, yeah, Jack's waiting for all of us. He wants us in the conference room." He went back to his autopsy, but only to remove his gloves then went up to wash his hands and clean up alien goo.
They all trickled into the conference room and sat around the table. Jack, Owen, and a handsome brown-haired, amber-eyed man came into the room and sat down. "Everyone, this is James." Jack said and he then looked at each of them as if he already knew them.
"Aren't you going to introduce us?" Tosh said
"I just did." Jack said.
"She means to him, Jack." Owen interjected.
"I already know you, Owen, Tosh, Ianto, Gwen." James said and looked at each of them respectively. They all got very quiet and stared at this man whom they had never seen before. He was so compelling, handsome, open, friendly. He also seemed so profoundly sad. Especially when he looked at Jack, Gwen noticed.
"Guys, James is the unstuck man" Jack said. Glad to finally be able to speed things up. He hated not to have all of the story. He could be a bit of a control freak. He needed to have the full scoop so he knew how best to proceed. It was also necessary as the leader and the person responsible for his team. He cared about them, they were important.
"The what?" They all piped up, almost in unison. Then they all began gibbering to one another.
"Hush." Jack said. "Here, look" Jack got up and took the remote for the monitor and called up some images and data from their own records. They all looked in awe. As there were pictures of each of them with this man. There were entries about him. "He should tell you the story himself, since none of you, including myself, can remember any of this." Jack said to reassure them, that he wasn't intentionally keeping things from them. At least not in this case. He turned the monitor off and allowed James to begin his story.
They all sat in awed silence as they listened to stories of things they could not recall. They all sat with rapt attention as this handsome stranger told them stories which seemed true and recounted things that they had spoken about as well as things they had shared together, from meals, to nights out. Suddenly Gwen thought of the food at home. Or rather the lack thereof. That explained how food could be missing which neither her nor Rhys had touched. She felt so much sadness for him. She couldn't imagine something like that happening to her or for that matter to Rhys. She would be so devastated if Rhys could no longer remember her. She simply let him finish his story before deciding to bombard him with questions.
He seemed to be finished with his tale. Gwen said, "What can we do?" Then she looked in Jack's direction, "Jack?"
"Gwen, I don't know that there is anything we can do. We have his medical records, we have records of his scans. We just don't remember taking them. We would have done something then if we could have." Jack said
"Maybe we just didn't have enough time before. Maybe we just need to work on the problem a bit longer." Gwen suggested desperately. She seemed so defeated. They all did. Each of them had thoughtful expressions on their face as if they were all pondering the puzzle at hand. Owen opened his mouth as if to add something, but then closed it again. Then he just frowned and looked down at the table.
Tosh looked up "If you don't mind me saying, um, well asking, why are you here now? I mean why did you come back?"
"I'm fading away." James said sadly.
"What?" Tosh asked.
James had on a long sleeve shirt and long trousers. He stood up and raised his trouser leg. There was a gossamer transparency to his ankle just above his sock. Owen stood up and came toward him. "May I…?" Owen looked at him for consent.
"Sure Owen, go ahead." James said and smiled beneficently down at him. Owen reached down and touched his ankle. It was there, he could feel it, but it wasn't quite there the way that it should be. Owen didn't really know how to explain it.
"Well?!" Gwen asked impatiently.
"Insubstantial." Just one word was all Owen could come up with. In all of his years as a medical professional, first a doctor to humans and then a doctor whose patients were often dead and extra-terrestrial or perhaps past or future terrestrial, depending on the day, that was the best word that he could come up with. "You should probably have a seat mate." Owen said, by way of the only comforting words he could offer.
"It's OK. Owen, it doesn't hurt a bit. It doesn't actually feel like anything. It just looks strange. I suppose when I finally slip away, I want the one group of people that know and understand…" He hesitated. "Well, understand more than most in any case, to be the ones that I spend my last moments with." James said. He didn't sound sad, just certain and resolved.
"How do you know it's not just some infection or temporary?" Ianto asked.
"I have this sense of certainty sometimes. It's as if truth is given to me in a manner which I do not understand. I don't know where it comes from or how I know, I just do." James glanced around the room kindly at all of their fascinated faces staring at him. He knew this team. He knew their loyalty. He knew their bravery. He'd seen it. He knew that they would move mountains to solve a problem or avert a threat to the human race. He knew that Gwen had taught them the importance of the human individual as well. Gwen looked at him and leaned forward as he sat back down. "I wish I could remember, I'm sorry."
"It's alright Gwen." James said and squeezed her hand. "I know that you can't remember what you mean to me, but I can. And that's enough, or it will have to be for now." It seemed as if their roles had reversed somehow. He had come to them in his final hours for comfort, but they were now the ones who seemed to need comfort. They seemed so sad at their inability to recall. They couldn't recall things that they had done, readings they had taken, conversations they had had with him. They weren't as disturbed by the strangeness as average civilians because they were used to the strange and abnormal. They took it in their stride. But on each of their faces he could see the conflict of familiarity mixed with sympathy for his plight. They felt so bad for him as if they had committed some terrible faux pas. He was the one who was reassuring them. He was the one comforting them as they struggled to understand and acclimate to his presence all over again. He felt badly for them as well, he realized. He rarely ever reacquainted with people once the forgetting began. Once he began to be unstuck. But the Torchwood team, they were different. They were special. They had no idea how special they were to him. But right now he just had to spend what was left of his time with the most recent close encounter that he had. The most recent emotional connection that he had managed to make. The sadness and loss made him quite the world-weary man. He would be one of their unsolved cases. There wasn't anything that they could do for him. Just be with him in his last hours.
He looked at Gwen. "There isn't anything you lot can do for me now. Just spend this time I have left with me making new memories. I have an eidetic memory. I will always remember. Well, for as long as I'm here anyway."
"James will you excuse us for a moment. Just go and wait in my office" Jack said. He'd been silent all this time. He had that look on his face as if he'd been calculating all the time they had been talking.
Jack steepled his fingers and took a deep deliberate breath. Then said, "So, what do you think? Can we do anything? Or is he right? Is it just a matter of being with him in his last hours?"
"I don't know Jack. I think he may be right. I'm a doctor, but I haven't been trained for anything like this. They didn't cover alien rift activity when I was getting my doctorate." Owen chimed in. He spoke the words that the others felt were true. He said what everyone else was afraid to say. As a doctor he tried to do everything in his power to honour the oath he took to 'first do no harm' but it was times like this he felt like a first year med student. Hell, there were no times like this. No one had to see the things that he saw. There was no manual or guidelines for dealing with the kind of shit that the Torchwood team dealt with on a daily and weekly basis.
The others just looked up at Jack and nodded their assent. Their faces forlorn and sad, more so than he had seen them in a while.
"So I guess it's settled then. We just do whatever we can for his last moments." Jack said with finality.
"But Jack…" Gwen started, but then trailed off. She had nothing to say, she had nothing helpful to add. Railing against Jack wasn't going to solve anything. It wasn't going to fix James and whatever was wrong with him.
"Jack!" they heard James cry out from in Jack's office. They all bounded out of the conference room. Jack found James on the floor. He was shaky and had apparently fallen down. His insubstantial nature had caused him to be unsteady on his feet.
"Were you standing up?" Jack asked
"Yes, I was just looking at your pictures and that bottle of Scotch you keep in your desk drawer. Then I fell over and now look." He pulled his trouser leg up to reveal that even more of him was fading away. And it wasn't simply fading from view but it really was as if it were less substantial somehow. He simply couldn't stand on his feet anymore. Jack asked him, "Can you stand if I help you?"
"I don't know, I can try." James replied. Jack took his arm and grabbed his waist with his other hand then tried to prop him up, then he faltered. Jack picked him up in his arms.
"Ianto, get the bed for me" Ianto raised an eyebrow. "Yes, that one. And move it somewhere comfortable." Ianto nodded and left to go retrieve the bed. It was the bed that Jack kept here for himself. The one that no one talked about. The one that everyone was curious as to why he had here at the Hub. Why would he choose to sleep here? Why does he live here? But Ianto moved the bed into the conference room. Which was probably the most comfortable place besides Jack's office where many people could fit. Jack went to talk to the others quietly. He came back to James' side. "I'm so scared Jack" There were those eyes again. Those amber eyes that said 'I love you'. Jack's heart broke for him, but it also broke for the fact that he couldn't remember someone like James. Tears welled up in Jacks eyes. He looked away. "So we're going to make this a great send off. It'll be like a party." Jack turned back to James and forced a smile.
"That sounds nice. That's exactly what the unstuck man needs." James smiled very sincerely at Jack. He just wanted Jack to take him in his arms, hold him, and kiss him one last time. He was so lonely. It was such a lonely way to live. It had only been a few months since their forgetting. So about six months total since he'd first met them. He knew that they couldn't remember, but at least he could be with people that he knew, people that he valued, people that he cherished.
"OK Gwen, I want a pizza, everything on it. And here, Owen, go out and buy something to drink." Jack fumbled in his pocket for what Owen could only assume was money to fund this little excursion, then withdrew his hand. "Just tell them it's for Jack" Jack intoned.
"Alright Jack, you know sometime I may need a little…"
"No. Now go. Hurry" Jack cut him off. Owen sulked but left. "And get something nice!" Jack called after him as he went through the deadlock sealed door.
Gwen was on the phone ordering pizza. "Ianto, find me something nice. I'm thinking opera, something… not too melancholy."
"If you don't mind Jack, I think I may have just the thing." And Ianto did some jiggery pokery with the computer and came up with Beethoven. Definitely something good. Happy classical. But not such happy music that you couldn't think or have a conversation.
"How do you do it Ianto, every time? How do you always know just the right thing?" Jack smiled when the music piped up.
"I know everything" Ianto said as if this were common knowledge.
"Toshiko, I'd like you to run a search for any similar circumstances or occurrences like this that have occurred."
"We already did. Oh… there could have been instances since our last encounter with him. Understood." Tosh said as she was already getting to work on the problem.
With each of them properly occupied with something, Jack had a chance to go back to the conference room and sit with James. It wasn't total privacy, but it was a sight lot better than his office which was see-through. So he moved some of the chairs and the table out of the way. Jack took his hand and gave James his most winning smile. James looked weaker or more tired or something, he couldn't be sure what exactly. But he looked different. And it definitely wasn't a good sort of different. "Please don't leave me again. I'm afraid that I will… slip away while you're gone."
"No, you won't. Just try and hold on." Jack said and took him in his arms. He held him close as if that would somehow shore him up and give him strength. Maybe it did. Jack took a deep breath. He was beginning to be fond of this man. He was beginning to see how they could have wound up together. He was beginning to see just how compelling he was. He released his pressure on James just a little bit and looked down into his eyes. James looked at him with such longing and loneliness. Jack leaned down and kissed him. James began to recline more onto the bed and Jack helped him by using his own strength to lower him onto the bed slowly. He never let go of the kiss. He was losing himself in his kiss, when he heard someone clear their throat. He looked up and wiped his mouth. "Oh Gwen, don't you knock?" he said with a gleam in his eye.
"I hated to interrupt, but I didn't want the pizza to get cold." She smiled and blushed a little as she tentatively brought the pizza into the conference room. She placed it on the table. Then they heard the Hub door opening. Owen must be back with the hooch, James thought fondly.
Owen came in grumpy and wet. "It just started pouring down, right when I got out of the shop. Bloody rain is ruining the whole look I'm going for." He shook water off his shoes and out of his hair, which hit Ianto as he was walking over with a towel. Always the prepared one, it's sometimes spooky, Owen thought. "Thanks Ianto" Owen said, spooky or not he was grateful for towel service. He went to put the bag down and Ianto took it from him. He then went to go change. He almost always kept a change of clothes here just in case. You never knew if you were going to get dirty, bloody, or come back covered in some heretofore unnamed alien goo.
He changed as quickly as he could. Something told him that this bloke James didn't have a lot of time left. He came out in his clean clothes and Ianto looked at him in an approving fashion. They went up to the conference room. "You coming Tosh?", Owen asked as they walked away.
"Yep, be up in a bit." Tosh trailed off. She often did that. She was paying rapt attention to her computer screen. "I may have found something, but I don't know if it's of any significance."
"Well, you can tell Jack when we get upstairs, let's go." Owen seemed impatient for some reason. Tosh supposed it must be frustrating for Owen as a healer not to be able to actually heal anyone. She, on the other hand, hated to deal with such messy things. That's why she found maths so comforting. It was direct and definite and concrete. She liked the consistency of maths and the sciences.
They all headed back up to the conference room and they were all shocked by what they saw. James had his trousers off and was wearing only his pants. "It's not what you think" Jack said defensively. "James was showing me his degradation. Maybe sustenance is all he needs. It seemed to have slowed a bit when he began to eat the pizza". Owen smacked his head, he had forgotten the bottle of sparkling something. Jack had said to get something good. Ianto brought the bottle out of a soggy bag. Oh yeah, Ianto took it from me when I was trying to dry off. He shook his head. Ianto to the rescue again. He was so glad that Ianto was there sometimes he could just hug him. Not that he would, but sometimes he could.
"Put your jeans back on, I think you're making the team uncomfortable. You 20th Century types are all so uncomfortable with the human form. Wait until you have to get used to other forms. Not all species wear clothes all the time you know?" Jack droned. He often went off on tangents and spoke of far off things that the team often wondered about. Did he really have knowledge of the future? The way he talked was almost as if mankind were already living surrounded by aliens and traveling the galaxy throughout space. But stranger things…
They all sat and ate pizza and talked. James asked Gwen about Rhys. She had a surprised look on her face but also felt flattered somehow that he'd asked. "He's doing really well, his business seems to be doing well and he really loves the independence of running the business." Then once she'd answered his question she seemed almost surprised at her own candour. But he was so easy to talk to. He was easy on the eyes as well. And she could have sworn that she caught him checking her out once or twice. Attraction for a dying man. A fading man, no an unstuck man. In a few months' time she would forget him again. It was so sad. "Hey Gwen, don't look so glum, we've got pizza, great hooch, and great company." James smiled his biggest brightest smile for her. Just as he said those words. Jack was passing around a bunch of paper cups filled with the sparkling wine product that Owen had purchased. Jack supposed he should be grateful, he could've come back with something really bad. He held James' hand again once he'd finished distributing the alcohol. He didn't choose to imbibe any of it himself. But looked up and just as he did, he noticed that Ianto had slipped out. Really should put a bell on him, Jack thought and just as he did, Ianto returned with his secret stash of Scotch. Ianto held up the bottle proudly. Jack inclined his head that yes of this he would partake.
Jack asked that everyone leave him alone with James. No one even said anything smart ass. They just filed out, quietly. But the camera was on. Jack knew, but he also knew that they weren't keeping the camera on to be voyeurs, but simply to have a record of what had occurred. If anything were to occur… they could always delete. Or rather he could delete it. "I don't want to go, Jack. There's so much I remember. There's so much that I still want out of life. You know this problem makes it so I can't even keep a job. It makes it impossible to have ties of any kind."
"Please try to stay, try to hold on. Just focus on my voice" Jack pleaded with him. His fading had speeded up again. Now it was his chest and his arms which were less stuck to reality. "Is there anything that I can do? Anything that you want? Just let me know." Jack asked.
"Just one thing. Can you kiss me again? I just want you to hold me and kiss me again." Jack held him in his arms and kissed him again. This time he felt like if he squeezed too hard he'd break him apart and turn him to dust right then and there. Right in his arms. He held him gently. Jack held James in his arms again and kissed him as tenderly as he could and he could feel a pulse, a fizzle in the air. It had been a while since he had kissed someone like this. James clung to him as if his life depended on it. Jack didn't let go, not ever, not even at the end. He was holding on to him and still kissing him when he felt something just let go. He opened his eyes and there was a burst of starlight and he was gone. Jack's eyes welled up with tears. And this time he didn't hold them back. He cried and sobbed and held onto himself, since there was no more James to hold on to. He felt a great emptiness inside him. Emptiness for not being able to figure out what was wrong. Emptiness for not being able to fix it. Emptiness for not being able to save one man. When one died it was a tragedy, but when many died it was a statistic. Jack had heard that or read that somewhere. But he didn't believe that. That was just something that statisticians said to make tragedy less tragic. Jack was aware that there were hundreds, thousands of James's out there every day. He knew that he couldn't save them all. Most of the time he could simply distance himself with those words. But Gwen had taught him something in the time she'd been with Torchwood. She'd taught him that people mattered. And how. He felt heartbroken, but it had only been a day.
He was still sobbing, when the team quietly came back in. They all looked sad as well. Tears were in Gwen's eyes as well as Tosh's. They hated to see Jack upset. Sometimes he could be so cold, but there were times when he could also be very sensitive. Gwen went to him first. She sat next to him and held him and let him cry against her shoulder. "He loved you Jack. I think that he loved all of us." She whispered it low enough that only Jack could hear her. Jack sniffled and nodded against her shoulder and then he let go of her. Jack took out a handkerchief and wiped his face and blew his nose. "OK we'll go through everything we have on James." Everyone looked a little crestfallen at these words. "On Monday. Everyone try and have a good weekend, what's left of it." Everyone left Jack, except Gwen.
Jack was holding her hand. A little bit tight if she were asked. But she held on anyway. Jack looked at her. His expression said "Why" even if his lips didn't. "We'll go on Jack. We'll just… keep doing what we do.
Several weeks later
"Hey Jack, what's this? How did we meet this guy?" Toshiko asked Jack when he came in the Hub one morning. "There's all this footage of him. Jack, he's in the Hub."
That got Jack's attention. He came over to Toshiko's work station and looked over her shoulder. "I dunno. He's James, he was really cute and a really great kisser." Then Jack looked confused. Sort of sad, then pensive, then worried. "I don't know. I don't remember meeting him. That's strange. It's like he just popped up."
"Hey who's hooch is this? Why's it in the fridge where I keep my specimens?" Owen asked. Perturbed by the notion of someone getting up to no good after hours or rather by not including him.
"There's alcohol in your specimen fridge?" Jack piped up.
"Yes, whose is it and why is it in there?" Owen answered
"Why was I playing Beethoven on the intercom?" Asked Ianto as he looked at his coffee station. He looked confused. An expression rarely worn by the all-knowing Ianto Jones.
Jack took a breath and pursed his lips. The way he looked when he was deeply and determinedly in thought. "I don't know. I don't have all the answers, contrary to what you may think."
Toshiko looked at a few more pictures and video stills of James. The last one that she saw, the last one that she would ever see, was of all of them standing in the hub by the lift smiling. This would be one of the last times that she thought about James before she put him out of her mind forever.
THE END