I slid my fingers over the plastic of the security tag. I didn't know exactly why I was doing this. It was a stupid piece of denim that I didn't want anyways. I felt my pulse quicken as I glanced at the door.

'now or never…'

I walked towards the door, a pair of jeans hidden discretely in my jacket. I think I was having an adrenaline rush. or a heart attack, either one. As I passed through the door alarms, the high pitched screeching of the alarm blasted in my ears. A grin stretched wide and proud on my face. I started sprinting, as fast as humanly possible to the shiny blue car waiting in the parking lot that belonged to my best friend, Alli Bandhari. I heard the running footsteps behind me, the distant police sirens, and the screams telling me to stop. The old, innocent Clare would have obeyed. But not me. Not the new, dangerous Clare. I leapt forward into the open door of the car, and Alli slammed on the gas. I was practically panting from the run. But..I laughed. I laughed so hard, you know, the kind of laughing that makes your ribs hurt. The one where you're moving, smiling, taking on all the motions of laughter, but there's no sound coming out. I felt exhilarated, free. That was my first act of crime. All because of him. Because he left me. As I clutched the hunk of denim in my hand, I knew this would be an act I would practice.

2 weeks earlier.

I was sliding across the floor of degrassi, my heels slipping out from under me. I spotted Eli walking, slamming himself against lockers. I ran towards him, pulling on his shoulder.

"come with me, Fitz has a knife."

I tugged at his arm, but he wasn't moving. I looked at him, confusion in my eyes.

"this is where we run! let's go!"

Eli stared past me and still did not move.

"i'm not gonna let that jerk scare me…"

I was furious now, why was he acting like some tough guy!

"eli, he has a knife!"

I heard the sound of metal scraping metal. My heart stopped, i'm sure of it.

"aw..don't you two look cute?"

I turned around and saw Fitz walking slowly through the dark, the knife he was carrying gleaming in the moonlight that was streaming through the windows. I stuttered.

"y-you should go."

"and let pretty boy make time with my date?"

I was sweating, and I felt like my heart would fly out of my mouth any second.

"please, Fitz..don't do this.."

I was pleading..I didn't know what else to do.

"shut up bitch!"

Fitz spat out and I was stunned. I felt Eli push me away from him towards the opposite side of the lockers and I heard him murmur.

"get away from me."

Eli looked up as Fitz continued to step towards him.

"look, i'm sorry about before..about everything. You win."

Fitz stepped directly in front of Eli and I felt a whimper slip through my lips. Fitz laughed slightly.

"i've heard that before."

"stop. i'm serious."

Fitz pushed Eli back slightly and stepped towards him again.

"you've had this comin' for a while."

Silence.

"what's wrong emo boy? out of smartass comments?"

Fitz pushed Eli once more. Eli spoke out, barely audible.

"please. don't do this."

"something's gotta shut you up."

Fitz pulled his hand back and slammed the knife forward. My heart instantly left my throat and flew down probably somewhere in my intestines. A scream erupted from my stomach and I ran forward as Eli slid to the ground. Fitz laughed and I slid down onto the ground, reaching for Eli. I looked up and saw the knife stuck into the wall. Everything else was a blur of color. The police came in shouting orders, and Fitz got taken away.

I rolled over, my eyes peeled open wide with fear. I wondered what Eli was doing. Where he was…what he was thinking about. I had left things so open."

"but if this is it…I can't be with you…"

I didn't know where we stood anymore, and it was driving my crazy. I pushed the covers off of me, and I stood up out of bed. I grabbed my laptop off of my desk, and brought it over to my bed. As I sat back down I opened my laptop and clicked open a new internet tab. I typed in and quickly scrolled through my online friends.

'-Eli Goldsworthy is now online!'

I quickly clicked on his name and typed into the chat window.

clare-e23: Eli! hi! i'm glad you're online. I think we need to talk about some things.

I hit the enter key, and my entire face dropped as I got a reply.

*eli-gold49 is now offline

I slammed my laptop shut. I was leaving tomorrow for my grandparents house for a week. I needed to talk to Eli. I reached for my phone on the nightstand next to me. I slid it open, quickly starting a new text to Eli.

'eli i am leaving tomorrow and i really need to talk to you.'

I hit send and laid back onto my pillow. I clutched my phone, staring at the screen waiting for it to light up with a new message. I must have stayed like that for hours, just waiting and waiting. I glanced at my alarm clock one more before my eyes drooped shut. 4:57 am.

My eyes snapped open as my body lurched forward, caused by the loud ringing in my ear. I slammed down the snooze button on my alarm clock and scrambled around, throwing my blankets everywhere looking for my phone. When I finally managed to unwrap it from all of my tangled sheets, i found nothing from Eli. I decided to try and call him. I held the phone up to my ear and counted the rings. Finally I hung up, losing most hope of seeing him before I left. I quickly texted him, once again. I really didn't care if I was being annoying.

'eli if you could just come to my house for even 5 minutes before I leave at 2, it would make me feel so much better.'

I set my phone down as I got dressed. I grabbed a muffin and sat out on my front steps, with my phone in hand. I was convinced that if Eli cared at all about us, he would show up. I sat out there for 3 hours doing nothing but waiting. My mom came out through the front doors, struggling to carry all of my bags. I grabbed a few from her, shoving them into the backseat of the car. I climbed in next to all of my bags. That was it. My mom backed the car out of the driveway. Eli just didn't care anymore.

I texted and called Eli several times each day during the week I was gone, but all went unanswered. I was obviously starting to get worried but a part of me knew he was fine, he was just avoiding me. We couldn't just leave things as they were. I was miserable, and just to make myself feel better, I told myself he was miserable without me too. As I loaded up my mom's car once again with all of my bags, I felt comfort in the fact that we had school tomorrow. Eli couldn't avoid me forever, we were english partners.

We finally got back home around 11 pm. I was exhausted, but as I pushed the front door open I found a large box. I opened it up to find a large handbook, full of the new degrassi rules, and a pile of ugly polos, skirts, and khaki pants. I don't know why I hated these uniforms so much. I usually didn't mind dress codes. I mean, I was the girl who wore my private school uniform for months through grade 9. Something about these uniforms though, made me really dislike them. I bet Eli wouldn't like these at all. ugh, eli. I had to get him out of my head. I picked up the box and trudged up to my room. I changed into some pajama pants and a t-shirt before leaning against my headboard, skimming through the contents of the new handbook. Of course I couldn't concentrate with the thought of Eli floating around in my head.

I leaned against the passenger side of Eli's hearse, poking my head through the window.

"thanks for returning my calls…"

I waited for Eli to respond, but there was nothing but the sound of his music blaring loudly.

"can we talk?"

Eli sat up straight in the driver's seat.

"no thank you."

He stood up, walking around to the open hood of his car. I walked over to the hood also, facing Eli.

"well, it's happening. okay, the other day…that wasn't just a kiss for the film."

I again, waited for Eli's response. Once again, nothing.

"there's something between us Eli, and I know it."

Eli shook his head.

"you're wrong."

I walked around to the side of the car Eli was on.

"i'm not stupid. okay, either you like me, or you're a sociopath who likes to jerk people around and hurt them, and I know it's not the latter."

Eli looked up at me, his facial expression not changing.

"..or is it..?"

Eli's eyes burned into mine.

"i'm sorry I led you on."

His facial expression was still the same, and he looked back down into the hood of his car.

"…wow."

I walked away and grabbed my bike, walking away from Eli.

I looked out the passenger side of Eli's hearse and then looked back at him.

"oh, I get it…this is the part here you uh, ditch me, and I have to find my own way back home, because this is gonna be the funniest joke ever…you're messed Eli."

Eli's gaze stayed fixed on the road even though we weren't moving.

"you're right…i am."

He finally turned his head towards me and continued,

"I can't just be friends with you Clare…I like you too much. But I can't be with you, I don't deserve to! It's just…this is where I killed my girlfriend."

My expression changed from confused to bewildered. My eyes grew twice their size and I struggled to speak.

"e-excuse me?"

Eli sighed and continued.

"last year, we had a fight, it got messy. I said things I shouldn't have…she was really upset…took off on her bike in the night…got hit by a car."

My expression softened, the news sinking in.

"I am so sorry…"

Eli looked out the windshield.

"just like that, the closest person in my life was gone…because of me."

I shook my head slightly.

"I had no idea."

Eli looked back over at me, locking eyes with mine.

"it's not fair…why should I get to be happy?"

Simpson walked away and I turned to Eli, clearly scared out of my brain. Eli smirked, just like always.

"justice has been served."

"if fitz finds out.."

Eli cut me off, also just like always.

"i'll handle it. now let's talk about something more important, like how you're gonna thank me for throwing simpson off your scent."

Eli walked towards me and I backed up, just to be stopped by my back making contact with a wall.

"what did you have in mind?"

I tried to smirk, knowing it didn't come off anything like Eli's. This caused him to smirk, which caused my insides to melt.

"well…I don't know…"

Eli leaned forward, and in seconds our lips made contact. My head was spinning. I didn't know where the ground was, how to breathe, or even what air was. He pulled away, leaving me breathless, practically panting.

"I have a french exam."

I tried to think of something witty.

"i think you just…passed it…"

clearly, I failed at that attempt.

I saw Eli at his open locker, standing alone. I smiled and walked towards him, leaning against the lockers surrounding his.

"how was your french exam?"

Eli smirked. Obviously leaving me breathless.

"way too long.."

Eli leaned down towards me and my breath hitched in my throat. He stopped and I mentally yelled at myself for thinking of a question right at this moment.

"so..does this mean I have a date to vegas night?"

Eli shrugged and looked at me, standing up straight.

"depends. do we get a corsage?"

Eli snickered and leaned in once again. We were nearly in contact as a hand flew into a locker causing a loud bang. I jumped as Eli turned around coming face to face with Fitz.

"just spent an hour in Simpson's office, someone told him I set off the stink bomb."

Eli shrugged and put on an innocent face.

"me and my loose lips.."

Fitz wrapped his arms around Eli's neck, grabbing him into a headlock. Luckily a teacher walked by and stared Fitz down before he could cause any serious damage to Eli.

"this isn't over."

Fitz and his groupies walked away, leaving me pleased. Eli turned towards me, all signs of happiness gone from his face.

"dude's a menace. someone needs to teach him a lesson."

"cause that worked so well last time. can't you two just kiss and makeup?"

I knew my pleading would do nothing with Eli, but I could try.

"he's not really my type."

Eli smirked, clearly joking around.

"i'm serious eli. someone is gonna get hurt."

"the only way to avoid a bully is to keep him scared."

"or…you could…lay low with your girlfriend?"

As soon as the word girlfriend slipped from my lips I immediately wanted to take it back. I didn't know where we stood. That was so wrong.

" twist my rubber arm.."

Eli smirked and continued.

"girlfriend."

I wanted to jump for joy, scream from rooftops. Instead, I just grabbed Eli's arm, and wrapped it around my shoulders as I slid my arm around his waist as we walked down the hall.

I looked down at the book in my lap as I leaned against a locker waiting for Eli. I was sitting next to Adam who was talking, but I didn't really think I was listening. I looked up when I heard a familiar voice.

"okay, please tell me an ostrich started world war one."

I looked up at him, my lips closed tightly. He had a confused look on his face.

"…spit it out edwards."

I stood up and started rambling about something, anything.

"well, you know…i-it's funny that you should mention world war one, because well, many say that the-the revenge en-enacted by the league of nations on germany post war was responsible for the outbreak o-of world war two…"

I fiddled with my hands, and tried to avoid making eye contact with Eli. Eli looked down at Adam, still a confused look on his face.

"what is she talking about?"

Adam stood up.

"Clare is going to vegas night with Fitz."

I looked towards Adam, trying to sound angry, or stern.

"Adam!"

Adam shrugged and looked at me.

"it's better to just RIP the bandage off!"

Adam walked away and Eli looked over at me, his eyes wide.

"i'm waiting for the punch line."

I looked up at him, suddenly nervous.

"Fitz promised to leave you alone if I went to vegas night with him."

Eli seemed stunned.

"and you said yes!"

I nodded slowly as I talked.

"i want this stupid feud to be over, and if I go with Fitz tonight I think I can make that happen."

Eli smiled, at least I think it was a smile.

"suppose crazier things have happened."

I smiled, relieved.

"so you're not mad?"

I asked hopefully. He smirked.

"just a little bit."

I was getting ready for vegas night and Eli showed up. He wanted me to talk outside. I followed him out the door and walked out to his hearse. Eli held up a pill bottle.

"it's ipapac. makes people barf."

I was confused.

"most guys just buy flowers…"

"I want you to slip it in fitz's drink."

I couldn't believe this.

"what happened to being the bigger man?"

"can't. not anymore."

"because?"

"don't be naive Fitz is a bad guy. He wants to have sex with you."

I was livid at this point. I was being naive!

"oh! then you're right. the appropriate response is to poison him!"

"I told you, this is how you control bullies, keep 'em scared."

why was eli doing this? he was being stupid.

"do you know who also uses those tactics? terrorists."

Eli scoffed.

"I don't understand, who's side are you on?"

I shook my head.

"i'm not sure, but i know it's not the side that poison's people."

I walked away from Eli, and slammed the door, leaving him standing outside alone.

The blue and red lights were shining on my face as I walked down the steps of degrassi next to Eli.

"when I was nine, there was this kid, Mike. His hobby was beating me up. Didn't matter how fast I ran, he was always faster."

I wiped tears off of my cheek and sniffled.

"you're not nine anymore."

"well neither are the bullies, so what am I supposed to do?"

I searched for an answer, but I didn't have one.

"I don't have the answer. But, if it's this…I can't be with you."

It pained me to say those five words.

'i can't be with you…'

'can't be with you….'

My eyes snapped open. My face was damp with tears. I looked over at the clock. It was already 5 am. I decided to just get up now, there was no sense in going back to bed just to dream about Eli. I took a long time to put on my uniform, consisting of a purple polo and a long khaki skirt. I pinned my hair back, trying to think of anything but Eli. I sat around doing basically nothing until 6:30. I decided to leave a little earlier, realizing that riding my bike in a skirt might be quite challenging. After a good 20 minutes of biking across town while pulling my skirt down, I finally got to the degrassi parking lot. I pushed my bike across the parking lot. I pushed my bike across the parking lot and waved to Alli when I spotted her. As I locked my bike up I looked up the stairs to degrassi. Kids were holding out their bags, allowing police officers to rummage through them. There were metal detectors in every doorway and there were lines of kids waiting to walk through them. I could see police officers patrolling through the hallways. I turned to Alli.

"it's like we're living in a police state…"

It was hard for me to believe that one little incident caused all of this. I think more happened than most people saw. I walked up the stairs, scanning the parking lot out of the corner of my eye. There it was, the more than familiar black hearse, belonging to Eli Goldsworthy. My insides tingled and I giggled, all hope of us being together again flooding into my brain. I held my bag open allowing the officer to search through it. All feelings of disgust towards degrassi vanished as I stepped through the metal detector, Eli taking over my mind. I glanced around the school hallways. There was Adam, his beanie being pulled off of his head by an officer.

"Ada-"

I stopped yelling mid-sentence as I saw a boy trailing behind Adam. A boy in a red polo, black lining his fingers, a ring sitting on his thumb, and a mop of beautiful, black hair. A grin spread across my face.

"Eli!"

He turned around his smile fading from his face, mine plastered in place.

"…clare…."

i'm baaaack!(: here's my new story guys. no new characters, just eclare!(: please review, i'm super excited about this story! this chapter is so long though, so sorry about that! i just had so many ideasss. oh, & the italic's are basically just clare's thoughts or dreams. (: just so you know :D