These are meant to be short, but very valuable to one another.
And the writing is supposed to be like this-it's inspired by a novel that I have read recently.
For once in my life, I felt like I was vacant. Isolated. Unwanted. Never had I felt this way before until it happened.
I attempted to swallow the lump in my throat, weakly failing. Not now. I can't think about it.
I have to be strong for her. My mom. Her all time dreams were to have a perfect family, and I was promising to keep that dream for her. I needed her to be happy.
"Clare." She said, and I returned to staring out the window. I hadn't found my voice yet, but a noise crept up my throat. That was all that managed.
"Clare." She repeated once again, but this time she sounded demanding. Eli used to use that tone with me when I would keep myself isolated from him. I shut my eyes tightly, trying to hold back the tears. If I cry, she'll break down.
"I need you to talk to me." Mom started, making a turn. I shook my head. I can't explain it right now, I wanted to say. You wouldn't understand what I've been through these past few days.
"If you don't talk about it now, then those emotions you bottle up will explode one day." I opened my eyes, unveiling some of my pain as she looked at me.
"You need to talk."
I shook my head again, my frame slightly shaking. Could she tell how much I wished to disappear from this atmosphere-to live a perfect life like in her dreams? Mom sighed loudly; a sign of defeat. I'm sorry your dream hasn't come true yet. But I can't talk about it. It's too painful.
As we approached the house, she wouldn't look at me. I felt guilty for putting her in the position that she was now in, even though it wasn't really my fault. If the father figure of the family stayed, then we wouldn't have this issue. But now I had to repair my family and move on, which just kept on getting harder.
I expected her to hastily get out of the car, but instead she turned to me. I glanced up at her, obviously confused by her actions.
"I need you to go to a guidance counselor. But you need to talk to her. You are scheduled for tonight, as I know you don't have any plans, and I know that you may not want to go, but it will help. I assure you of it."
The knot in my throat just cut off my air supply as my breath hitched. It's not going to work. Instead, I nod. She leaves the automobile slowly, walking to the house with a new emotion-bravery.
I looked wide-eyed at her as she saunters into the house like she was just over a breakup, and had brand new confidence.
I wish I could do that.