A/N- Italics are the character's thoughts, mostly.

Disclaimer- Booey, Bleach doesn't belong to Pickle-san, but Kubo Tite. So do all mentioned characters, Soul Society, and his ugly-lookin' sunglasses. What I do have is a bottle of Chlorox, though.

Ch. 1 - Kenseikan

"Byakushi, how come you're always wearing your hair thingies? The ke- ken- ken- thingamaboogers!

Byakuya flinched at the nickname, but continued doing his paperwork, trying to ignore the 11th division's little fukutaichou seated on his desk. Duh, he was the quiet, stoic captain of 6-bantai. What else could he do? "Kenseikan."

"Yeah, those things! Ken- uhh…. Yeah! How come you always wear it!?! I bet you look prettier without it!! Ooh, Bya-kun should take them off! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease?!?" Without waiting for an answer, Yachiru leaped to his head and began tearing at the famous Kuchiki's trademark hairpeice.

He tolerated this for a moment, then plucked her off. A bit too late - it wasn't before the little pink menace had gotten a hold on his kenseikan. Shit. Not a proper thought for a noble, but nobody heard what went on in his head. Oh, if only they knew... "Kusajishi-fukutaichou, I request that you please return my kenseikan. And if you're not here for anything important, please leave. I am working at this moment and am not to be amused." Ignoring this, Yachiru began pinning pink glittery ribbons (Byakuya had no idea where those came from) all over his head, all the while sucking on Byakuya's kenseikan.

"It don't taste like candy… Yay! Bya-kun looks pretty now!! Really pretty! I gotta show Ken-chan! And Baldy! And Froo-Froo! And Inky-face-chan!" As if on cue, said redhead marched into the 6th division office with a fresh stack of paperwork and plopped it on Byakuya's desk.

"Kuchiki-taichou, I have the papers from- taichou? Uh… fuku...fuku…." Renji looked like he was trying to cosplay Nemo - he gaped at the scene with such a look on his face. And he had reason to. There was Kuchiki-taichou seated at his desk, pen in hand, sans kenseikan, with pink, sequined hair ribbons on various places all over his cranium. Flowery ribbons, too. Not to mention Yachiru seated on his head. He looked damn stupid in Renji's opinion.

"Hiya Inky-chan! Doesn't Byakushi look pretty? Ooh, and call me Yachiru-chan! Not Kusajishi- fuka...fuka...erm…" She paused to think. "Whatever! But, Bya-kun is pretty, right? Right? Huh? Say something, Inky-chan!!"

"T-t-t-taichou!! Why do you have…. Your hair…." Renji gesticulated wildly in the air, like he was trying to doggy-paddle into the sky. Or, rather, through the roof. Fuck, Kusajishi got 'im good this time! He would've laughed if Byakuya wasn't emanating a laugh-and-die aura. Boy, I wish I had one of those human contraptions….camera, was it? Too bad. I gotta ask Rukia for one of those… which region is she in again?

"Abarai, is there a problem?" Byakuya kept a calm expression, but his reiatsu was rising steadily higher and higher.

"N-n-n-n-NO!!!!! T-there's n-nothing wrong at all!" Except your hair.

Yachiru giggled. "Inky-chan's talking funny! L-l-l-like-ke-ke-ke t-t-t-this-s-s-s!! Ooh! Catch, Inky-chan!"

"Hey! Don't call me Inky-Waah!!" Renji made a dive for the kenseikan as it went soaring through the air. Or maybe Renji was the one who soared through the air. In any case, he landed flat on his face. At least I saved Kuchiki-taichou's precious kenseikan. He looked up. Oh, shit. The papers. The papers he'd come to deliver were spread all over the floor; he'd knocked them over in his clumsy, flying reenact of Luke and Father (When he was all like, "Noooooo!!!!").

"Inky-chan, do you know why Bya-kun wears those hair thingies? Ooh, can I see what you look like with Bya-kun's hair curlers? Wait, actually, I think you'd look really ugly…Bleaaah…" Her mental image wasn't pretty. Unlike 'Byakushi.'

"So ya don't know? Oooo-kay! Bya-kun! Bya-kun! Bya-ku----------n!" No response. After several minutes of pestering him, she leapt out the window to find someone else who might know. Her first victim, I mean- whatever, victims, were Shiro-chan and co.

"Big-boobies-chan, how come Byakushi always wears his hair roller doohickeymabobbers?" Matsumoto muttered something, then dropped back to 'her' couch. Bad move. "Get up, Boobies-chan!! Up! Up!"

"Yeeow!!" Yachiru held a handful Matsumoto's long, golden tresses - poor Matsumoto was almost dangling off the couch by her hair. "Hey, I had too mush't thake yesterday and now I'th gof a fangofer, so I ain't feelin' tho…eh? Shun'thui? Piss off." And once again she fell back to the couch. Several sheets of undone, once-hidden paperwork flew out from under it, in full view of Hitsugaya.

"Matsumoto!!"

A groan.

"Shiro-chan, how come Bya-kun wears his-"

"Later, Kusajishi! And it's Hitsugaya-taichou! Matsumoto! You skipped paperwork a-"

"Oi! Frostbutt!!"

"It's Hitsugaya-taichou! Now go! Get that paperwork finished Matsu-"

"Shiro-chan is mean! How come-"

"Hitsugaya-"

"Mmm…Gin…Rubber...Abalone.." Matsumoto.

"Waah! You're mean! And you didn't even hear my whole question yet!" Hitsugaya groaned. These two were giving him a major headache. It was bad enough that Matsumoto had gotten drunk and come back with a hangover (She'd been hogging the couch all day), but now the damned Kusajishi brat was here too. He groaned. Better get it over with.

"Just ask the stupid question already. I'm busy."

"How come Byakushi-"At this, Hitsugaya smirked- "wears hair curlers?"

What a pointless question. But if it gets her to shut up...whatever. Hopefully she'll go away after this…"It's a thing people like him wear."

Yachiru looked at him for a moment, then went silent. Finally!! Leave, brat, leave!! You got your answer, now leave!! But Yachiru did no such thing. Instead, she looked up at Hitsugaya again and gave her words of enlightenment.

"So all girly men wear hair curlers?"

Ta-da! So, zis eez ze end of chapter one.