An Officer And A Gentleman

By Hillary

Dedicated to the RDSS, Elise Dempster and the Goddess of Angst, Princess Pardy.

This is a suicide note written by Rimmer (who by now is so mentally screwed up from all this angst-slash that I don't blame him.)

Sorry the formatting is a bit buggered- I couldn't be bothered with it.

Happy Gazpacho Soup Day everyone.

An officer and a gentleman.

That's all I ever wanted. Success comes to easy to some people, why couldn't I be one of them? Because I was born a failure. I was never meant to amount to anything. I guess my destiny has been fulfilled then, because I'm not going anywhere. There is no ziggurat left to climb, just a vast, black void.

No more blaming my shortcomings and mistakes on parenting, sibling rivalry or ingrown toenails.

No more cheating at exams, brown-nosing officers, no more pile cream or muffins.

It's time I accepted my mistakes for what they are. Hideous failures.

Some people can look at their mistakes and think "Oh well, I guess I learned the hard way".

Some people learn, move on.

Unfortunately, I am not one of these people.

For the last fourteen years, I have tried everything I know to become someone important. To feel important. No matter how hard I tried, I failed.

Over the last few months these failures have become too much to bear.

Lister, thank you for believing in me, I see now that you were always trying to help me.

Thank you for convincing me to leave as Ace, that was as close to a hero as I will ever be.

I apologise for all the times I was cruel, all the times I made you feel worthless. I wish I could have told you face to face, but I adored you. You were the one beacon of hope in my life when things were bleak. You have a kindness I have never known. Please don't forget me, and please don't walk the path I did. You have the spirit the courage to be a great man.

You may be the last human being alive, but by god they saved the best for last.

I love you Lister.

Please forgive me.

Rimmer

__________________________

*wanders off to find something cheery to look at*