In an old, broken-down hut in the middle of nowhere there lived an old man, his children, and his under aged girl friend. One day his girlfriend looked at the left over food on the table when she thought the kids were asleep and, without reason, started crying to the old ex-car salesman.
"Ian, oh Ian,"
"Yes?" he replied, sounding aggravated.
"Oh Ian,"
"I'm right here, Lucinda!"
"Oh, Ian!" Ian clears his throat "I can't stand it anymore!"
"What in God's name are you complaining about now?"
"Oh, Ian--"
"Stop that!"
"We're middle class citizens; we can't afford a new limo with them to pay for. When we eat dinner sometimes Gretel asks for some of my caviar instead of being a good girl and eating her Meow Mix
"In the morning!"
Hansel heard it all.
"Gretel wake up!"
"Who, what, when, where, why?"
"Because we like you!" scratches his head, "Father's new girl friend is going to try to 'lose' us!"
"She's too much like every other girlfriend he's ever had." she frowned at the memory.
"Let's deal with it tomorrow."
"Okay!"
The Next Morning
"Kids, we're going to Walt Disney World!" said Lucinda.
"Cool!" shouted the kids.
"Wait, how are we going to get to Florida?" Hansel asked.
"Duh, we're going to take a plane!" Lucinda muttered something about stupid children.
"Okay then."
And they left.
"Here we are!" declared Gretel.
"UH, HERE WE ARE." Ian said in caps.
"Everybody in!" yelled the ticket person.
"Let's go, kids!" said Lucinda.
And everyone got in.
"Gretel, let's go mess with the toilets!" and they ran to the bathroom and did just that.
"I bet I can flush more flight safety manuals down there," points to the toilet, "than you, Gretel!"
"You're on!" she replied.
They both flushed six. Right after that the plane landed.
"That's why the plane ticket's were so expensive," Gretel started, "It lands in the parking lot!"
"I'll have four park hoppers or whatever you call them." said Ian.
"Okay," said the ticket lady. "How many days?"
"Two." Beep, beep, beep, click! "What's the damage?"
"Two dollars."
"Really?"
"Of course not. Four hundred dollars."
"I should have just given you the two dollars." he mumbled, and wrote a check "here."
They all got on the ferry and ended up in the Magic Kingdom. But before they got on any rides they needed to drop off their luggage at the hotel.
"Look Hansel, a nasty witch!"
"You're making me look bad."
"You already looked bad."
"That was cruel."
"Damn straight. Let's go on the Tower of Terror."
"Race me?" and they raced.
"So what about Lucinda?
"What about her?"
"She's evil."
"I think she's gotten closer than any other girlfriend.
"Let's leave a trail of airline food from the hotel."
"Good idea."
"Let's get on the ride." and they did
The door started opening. A worker popped his head in the door. "Hey, everyone been having a good time at MGM?" Everyone nods 'yes.' "Any first time passengers?" everyone raised their hands. "Oh, boy." and he stepped out.
The ride started moving, the weird opening sequence started playing, the suspense started building (oooh, suspense). And then the ride dropped as I stopped being descriptive. But I'm going to spare you the details and go to the time which is after the ride.
THE TIME WHICH IS AFTER THE RIDE
They got off the ride, laughing at themselves and the fear they experienced on the ride.
"Hansel, let's get some souvenirs."
"Ai don know Gretel, they look expensive."
"Oh, no, Hansel, we can afford them."
And they bought some.
They went back to the hotel and got their jackets, so they could stay out late. Hansel dropped bits of their friendly skies meal as they walked.
"Soo Hansel, which ride should we go on?" Hansel gave the answer that he gave and they went on that ride. They went on lots of rides. They turned around like they were going back, but very hungry little children ate their crumbs.
"Gretel, my crumbs are all gone!!!"
"Oh, no!!!??? But sadly, they got lost instead of finding the trail.
THEN THEY FOUND SOMETHING INCREDIBLE....DUMDUMDOH?
A simple home with cheap souvenirs!
"It's incredible!!!!"said Hansel, "never have I seen such cheap souvenirs!!"
"MMMMHM", Gretel replied. Hansel looked at her funny but she didn't notice so he redirected his gaze to the shop filled with tawdry trinkets in front of them.
They wandered in but there was nothing there.
"Whaaaaa?" They agreed on something at last.
"Hello, children."
"Yaaaaaaahh!!!!" The witch somehow made them disappear and reappear at the table. They all looked through a box of fake photos of people with Disney characters.
Gretel was getting too absorbed to notice that Hansel was screaming in the back room.
"You don't seem to care that your brother is lacked up."
Gretel looked at her "Shh, if you have nothing to say then be gone!" Then it clicked in Gretel's mind. Her eyes got very wide. "What?"
"If you want to stay alive, then develop this film!"
So she did. The witch forced Hansel to look at the boring photos until he started to turn to stone.
"Little boy, let me feel your arm."
"Hansel, take the caterpillar. Show her that instead". She whispered before leaving.
The witch came over. "Oh Hansel, your arm is all soft and hairy and wriggly. What have I done wrong?"
Couldn't we just cover him in cement?"
"Good idea Gretel, you little homicidal sociopath. You will soon be part of my favorite photo." She smiled. They winced. Then the witch took Gretel to the cement mixer.
"You go finish the cement."
"Ai don know how"
Oh, nonsense", she took Gretel's bucket and bent down to pour it in. "Like this, you foolish child!" Gretel leaned over and pushed her in. Then she ran inside where Hansel was locked in. She picked the lock and they ran towards the rides, and when they saw it the hotel.
"Dad!" they both shouted. He came down.
"Oh, my god! I thought Lucinda killed you!"
"Nah, " they replied. And they both went to their rooms.