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Part I
So I ran.
Oh, what a coward I was. What an incredible coward. The minute our love was put
to the test, I betrayed him. Selfishly. Afraid. I berated herself as my body
moved forward, away from him, away from Nefertiti and her husband, away from
Imhotep, my only real love. As the pyramid collapsed around me, so did the
meaning I had striven so mightily to give to my life.
And as I lost my balance, saw myself falling in slow motion into the pit of
scarabs, the story of how I got here flashed through me. It came back, in those
last few seconds, with bitter irony. And as the insects began to eat away at my
flesh, although my body reacted in fear, in my mind I was calm. Here, finally,
was peace.
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I had known, deep inside me, since I was a tiny child, that I was different
from the people around me, that I knew things that other people did not. I had
vaguely menacing dreams, visions of hieroglyphics come to life, the symbols
moving and churning on the wall, marching, quivering, trying to tell me
something. I never understood them, these constant reminders that I was
different, that there was something inside of me. I was isolated, afraid of
myself.
I never knew when I understood, when I came to realize the truth of my past.
But I came to know that my life was guided by a force stronger than myself. As
the memories came back to me– bitter memories of my past, my previous life–I
understood that I was fated to relive them, begin the cycle again, bring my
lost love to life again. I had been Anuk Su Namun, a realization I experienced
when I began to read the hieroglyphics in my dreams–suddenly, the dreams I had
struggled with for fifteen years began to make sense. I understood their
message. And I accepted my fate–her fate. My body was the vessel for this
mistress, this Ancient Egyptian woman. By allowing this woman to have her body
back, I would no longer dream, no longer fear sleep, no longer feel isolated,
alone, no longer have no understanding of myself. If I gave up, allowed this
Egyptian woman to possess me, I could have peace.
So I sought out the head of the British Museum, told him my dreams. He
understood, wanted to use her, use me, to awaken Imhotep and gain power,
control of the world. He wanted it for selfish reasons, but I did it for
myself, for peace. I would no longer be a divided self, confused and unaware of
the darker side of me, the evil that lurked in my soul, my spirit. All this
time she, the Egyptian woman in me, grew stronger and more powerful.
Ever growing was the presence of Anuk Su Namun in myself. The dreams became
more vivid. In them I had conversations with people in the past, conversations
I began to remember when I woke. These messages from my darker side, from my
past were what helped me find Imhotep. My mummy. My lover. The man who
resurrected me twice, who would risk the wrath of his Gods for my love. My priest.
My confessor. As we grew closer to finding him, I lost more and more of myself.
I felt Anuk Su Namun's spirit becoming more powerful. The intensity of the love
and the desire was frighteningly strong in this woman. I was losing herself to
a dead woman, a women who needed to be reborn, needed to release this
incredible intensity.
Finally we found the body, the mummy, my past love. When we finally brought him
to life, it was as though the pieces began to fit together. I began to see
other parts of my previous life, parts I had not known before. Anuk Su Namun,
this other part of me, became even stronger. No, I was not afraid of him–for
this I had been born, this was my purpose. Here, in the remains of this man,
was my future.
And when Imhotep completed the spell, her soul was returned to my body. I was
whole. There were no more strange dreams and I was no longer afraid. I accepted
the woman I had been and the woman that I was.
I experienced emotions more intense than any I had ever felt. The violent hate
and love that grew inside of me frightened me. The range of emotions–fierce
loyalty and love to terrible hatred and vengeance–made me afraid of my own
self, as I had never been before. Yet these emotions were an undeniable part of
me, more so than anything I had felt before. To be Anuk Su Namun completely was
almost a revelation. I no longer repressed my feelings, or felt ashamed of them
because I did not understand them. They frightened me, but I welcomed them.
They were real. They came from my true past. And for once in my thirty two
years I felt complete. The joining. My joining. The fusion of the two parts of
my spirit.
Suddenly, I understood why I was so full of anger, of love, of hate, of
vengeance, of fierce tenderness. It was then that I remembered everything. The
truth of my past life became clear to me. The abstract dreams focused. I
remembered life 3,000 years ago as if it were yesterday. I saw the Ancient City
of Thebes as it was long ago. Through my joining, I remembered, acutely and
with glee, what my life had been–and who my enemies were.
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Please review! (My first fanfic ever...be brutal).
