What's Left
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or any of its characters. This is purely fan based and is in no way associated to any actual Death Note work. I don't make any money from this.
Here's most of what's in it: BJ; HJ; (Gang)Rape; Bondage; Lemon; Lime/Pink; Oral; Anal; Torture; Threesomes(or more); Murder; Blood; slightly OOC (out of character). Note that this is through the whole series, not just this chapter. This is the only time I'm warning you about what's in the whole thing; though, I'll post what's in the specific chapter each time.
Feedback is nice, so please send me you're ideas and comments! You can reach me at
Pairing: Ryuuzaki/LxRaito (Light)
Summary: L has just freed Yagami Raito (Light) from being chained to him. The real Kira is back and better then ever when suddenly the worst happens. "God" comes crashing back down to Earth. He can't kill, he can't become the god of a new world, Hell, he can barely stand to live! So…what's left?
Dedicated to Miaoshou who I officially love.
Chapter 1: Kami no shi / God's Death
Yagami Raito was excited. It was about midnight, and L had just taken off the chain that had been keeping them together since he had been released from confinement. And, better yet, he had his memories back. Oh yes, it was a good day for Raito; for Kira. He even had his Death Note back. Unfortunately, he still had a shinigami following him. Even worse, it was Rem! Even if Ryuuk was stupid, at least he had never threatened to kill him. Actually, now that he thought about it, Ryuuk had told him that when he died, he was the one who would write his name down in the Death Note.
Raito banished such meaningless thoughts from his mind. That wasn't for a long time. And Rem wasn't following him right now. This was the first time in ages that he had been free of L, so he could finally go outside. He wasn't expected back until later that night (Now that they were free, L had had Watari prepare him his own room, as his family still thought he had rented an apartment). Raito had quietly whispered to Rem to stay there. Raito was alone.
…That is, until two pairs of hands grabbed him from a side alley. He yelled out in surprise and anger. He felt another hand cover his mouth from behind and another hold a knife to his throat. He was shoved into the alley brutally. He was furious. How dare they? Didn't they know who he was? He was God! Well, he would show them.
He started to stand up, but felt the blade push against his throat. "Don't move, pretty boy," A voice threatened behind him. The two other men sniggered. "Now listen closely an' do wha' we tell ya, an' we won' kill ya." Raito reali
zed that unlike the first two men, who were weaving slightly from side to side, obviously drunk, the person speaking to him was completely sober. There was no slur in his words, no alcohol on his breath.
"Now, my friends here are lookin' for a lil' fun. We saw you, walkin' with tha' cocky lil' attitude and tha' pretty lil' smirk on yer face, an' my boys says to me, they says, 'Boofu, le's wipe tha' lil' smile righ' off 'is face.' Now, my boys are like my fam'ly, an' I try ta make my fam'ly happy. So here's wha' we're gonna do. My boys is gonna have their fun, an' you's gonna do wha' they says. In the meantime, I'll be takin' pictures ta blackmail ya with if ya go ta the police. Sound' good?" At this the two men chorused their approval.
Raito felt sick. He knew just what kind of "fun" this man was talking about. He also knew this would be no fun for him at all. He slowly, slowly reached for his pocket. He had the Death Note with him (The one back with the task force was actually Rem's; Raito had had her switch them when he was sure no one was looking). The man saw his movement, though, and grabbed his wrist. Not like I knew their names anyway, Raito thought bitterly.
"Wha's this?" The man asked, rhetorically, "A no'book? Does pretty boy here keep a diary so he can write down his feelings?" The two drunken men laughed cruelly. They man pulled out a simple cigarette lighter and flicked it on, to even more laughs. The man (still behind him) took the lighter in his left hand and the Death Note in his right -- having discarded the knife in favor of the lighter -- and slowly brought them together in front of Raito. When the man's arms completely encircled him, he lowered the lighter under the Note and set it alight. Raito's eyes widened as he saw his dreams for a new world crumbling to ashes in front of him.
"No!" He yelled. Overcome with rage, he threw back his head as far as possible and connected with the man's nose. The man cursed. He dropped the lighter. He didn't need to drop the Death Note. It was gone. Turned to sand and blown away, just like everything else from the shinigami world when it was destroyed.
The two drunken men, seeing their leader hurt, went into a rage. One tackled Raito as he was about to make a run for it. As they were wrestling on the ground, the other man ran to help his leader.
"I'b fine!" He screamed at the drunken man; though, by the way his voice sounded, he obviously had a broken nose.
Raito threw off his attacker and jumped to his feet. He turned and tried to run. He had only gone a few feet, however, when he was once again tackled. He twisted as he fell, bringing his legs up to kick his opponent. He wasn't counting on the other man, though, who viscously kicked him in his side. He automatically curled his body around the area. The man drew his foot back to kick him again and this time hit his head. The world went black, then white before becoming normal again.
"Sonofa-" The man who was holding his legs in place said.
"Lil' Bas'ard," the other man said. Raito felt his shirt being ripped off by one of them. The man who had ripped it then pulled the ruined garment off of him and threw it toward a garbage can at one side of the alley.
The man at his feet grabbed his pants and pulled them down, thankfully not ripping them. He did the same to his boxers.
"Use or abuse?" The man at his feet asked the one at his head.
"You're already down there; you can have 'im. 'Sides, I'm lookin' forward to hurtin' this mother fucker."
When Raito realized what these men were planning to do, he panicked. He couldn't help it, much as it annoyed him. He started to thrash wildly, trying to throw the two men off of him. They laughed at his attempts at first, but soon grew frustrated. The man at his head slapped him. Hard. "Do that again, and you'll get worse than tha'," he said.
"You can be a good boy and do what we say, or you can die," the other man put in. Raito stilled instantly. The men smirked. The man at his head took his pants, underwear, socks, and shoes off. The man at his feet did as well. Together, they flipped him over so that he was resting on his stomach. Then it started.
The man at his head grabbed Raito roughly by the hair, making him yelp in pain. He lifted him up slightly, sat down, and dropped Raito's head --right in his naked lap. "Suck," was his simple command.
Raito didn't move. They man, seeing his reluctance, grabbed his hair again and told him, "If I don' cum, you ain' leavin' here alive, pretty boy."
Raito, sucking up his pride slowly lifted his head so as to reach the man's, um, other head. The man was starting to become hard, but was a long way away from having the necessary orgasm. Raito started to suck. He was disgusted. It was dirty, gross, horrible, and utterly wrong! But it was do or die…literally.
The man at Raito's feet positioned himself carefully, erection hovering just outside Raito's back end. Suddenly, without any sort of preparation, he thrust in.
Raito screamed. Fire burst up his spine. He was being wrenched in half! He had unconsciously tightened his muscles, making it even more painful. He could feel warm blood spilling around the man's erect member. With shame he realized that tears had started spilling from his eyes.
The man pulled out swiftly and shoved back in with even more force than before, causing Raito to scream yet again. At least the blood helped lubricate it. The man was easily sliding his penis in an out. In and out and in and out and in and out, producing a scream each time at first, but they slowly began to fade into pitiful whimpers.
Meanwhile, the other man, seeing that there was no way Raito could possibly continue his blow job, began to masturbate. He began running his hand down his own shaft, occasionally stopping to order Raito to suck again. He did so. The man noticed that with every thrust from his drunken friend, Raito would whimper and bite down with his lips a tiny bit on his manhood. The soft feel of his breath when he whimpered sent shivers of pleasure down his spine. Every little nibble made him moan in ecstasy. He thrust his hips up, almost choking Raito. The man saw that this caused him to have to bring his hands up to make sure he didn't suffocate. He grabbed Raito's hands and began to run them up and down his now fully erect member. He let go, but Raito, understanding, kept his hands moving up and down, in time with the thrusts into his backside. Both rapists hit their climax at almost the same moment. With a groan of pure ecstasy, the first man came in Raito's face and mouth. The man quickly put a hand over Raito's mouth, telling him to swallow. With tears of shame and disgust running down his face, he did.
Giving a similar moan, the other man came explosively in Raito, causing a surge of fresh pain. Cum mixed with blood as he slowly pulled his now limp cock out of Raito, causing as much pain and discomfort as he could.
As the two men pulled on their clothes, they laughed at Raito, taking pride in what they had done. Did they even realize what it was that they had done? Who they had done it to? They had defiled a god! That was unforgivable.
But what could he do?
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L was sitting in a chair, his knees pulled up to his chest in their usual way. He held the Death Note with a thumb and forefinger in each hand. He was staring at it intently.
"Shinigami?" He asked suddenly.
"Yes?" Rem answered. L shifted his eyes to the death god's face, lowering the notebook slightly.
"Who owns this Death Note?" L asked, looking closely at Rem for her response.
"I suppose you do. Why?" L nodded.
"Are there any other Death Notes in a human's possession now?"
"It's against the rules for me to tell you that," the shinigami said unhelpfully.
"That is unfortunate," L said, slightly annoyed with all of these vague and unhelpful answers.
The shinigami opened her mouth to say something when suddenly she closed it, looking surprised. Her visible eye drifted to the upper left corner. "What is it?" L asked suspiciously. The shinigami looked at him slowly.
"Kira is dead," she said, almost as if she didn't believe it herself.
"Yes, we saw him die just a few hours ago," L said. He knew very well who she meant. She had been talking about the first Kira. The original Kira. His Kira.
"No, that wasn't Kira," Rem said, confirming his suspicions. "The notebook you are holding now is actually mine. The other one was with Kira." L looked at the shinigami, not the least bit surprised. The ownership should have passed to whoever was holding it when Higuchi died. So that meant Kira was…
Yagami Raito. The name swam through his mind before he could stop it. No, it can't be him, he thought. If only for that 13 day rule…
"Was?" L asked quickly. The shinigami nodded.
"The notebook has been destroyed. Kira is dead." L was shocked. Kira had died? How could that be possible? The thought that the shinigami had been lying didn't even pass through his head; he knew Rem had been telling the truth.
"Will you relinquish ownership of the Death Note?" Rem asked him. L thought about it.
"Yes," he said. Now that he knew how it worked, he didn't need it. He handed it over.
"Thank you," the shinigami said, turning away.
"Will you at least tell me who Kira was?" L asked. Rem paused.
"I hated the one you call Kira. I only wish that I had been the one to kill him. But I won't tell you. I have someone I need to protect and telling you who Kira is may endanger that person." L nodded once more, his thumb finding its way to his lips. He watched as the shinigami walked through a wall, leaving forever. She had given him more information than she knew.
After about half an hour, Yagami Raito picked himself up. It hurt. He gently pulled his pants up from around his ankles, careful not to touch his abused area. Looking around for his shirt, he finally saw it lying on top of an overturned trash can. He picked it up. It had been a striped button-up shirt. The man had ripped it off by grabbing his collar and pulling, causing all the buttons to be torn off.
He pulled it on anyway. There was another small rip along his left side, but he neither noticed nor cared. The ripped shirt would cover his wounds better than no shirt.
He walked home slowly, painfully, jumping at every slight noise. His mind was numb. He refused to think about what had happened to him, refused to think about his shame. What was he gong to do now? He was no longer a god. Kira was dead. He wasn't even really a human anymore. He was worse than that. He was defiled, shamed, abused, destroyed, tainted, besmirched, degraded, sullied, tarnished, injured, dead! He was dead inside, now. He was a walking corpse. There was nothing left for him. Nothing left of him. He was a filthy nothing.
As he reached the task force building, he realized the others had probably left by now. He was thankful. He didn't want them to see him like this. Especially his father. A new wave of self loathing washed over him at the thought of what his father would think if he knew.
Maybe it would be best to just die. He had always held those who committed suicide in contempt, but now he realized how one could come to feel bad enough to do it.
He walked through the doors, making his way to his room. He would think of that later. All he wanted to do right now was take a long shower, washing the feeling of filth out of him. After that, he would escape into the embrace of sleep. He didn't want to be conscious any longer than was necessary.
He didn't want to keep thinking that awful question. He didn't want to think about what was left for him now.
L watched the images on his computer with shocked disbelief on his face. It was an image from the security cameras.
L watched as Raito made his way slowly to his room. His shirt was ripped in multiple places. It was covered in dirt. As he switched cameras to get a look at the other side, he noticed a large bloodstain on Raito's left side. With a sick feeling, he realized it was Raito's blood, as the stain was slowly growing larger.
His pants were even filthier and covered in even more blood stains.
Raito had a bruise slowly forming on his right cheek. His lower lip and nose were bleeding. He walked slowly and with a limp, gritting his teeth in pain every once in a while.
L took this all in, but what he found most disturbing was Raito's face. He zoomed in closer and freeze-framed. This close he noticed tear tracks, the only clean part of his dirt-covered face. Raito never cried. What the Hell was going on?
It was then L noticed his eyes. All thought stopped, which was saying something for L. Raito's eyes weren't there. Well, they were, but they weren't. They were eyes, certainly, but they were empty. There was no spark of life, no emotion. They're, L searched for the right word, soulless.
L watched as Raito walked into his room. He headed straight to the attached bathroom. Unfortunately, there were only infrared cameras in the bathroom. L frowned, annoyed. He was beginning to wish he had installed the normal cameras, privacy or not.
He sighed. There was nothing to do but wait until he came out.
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Once in the bathroom, Raito took his clothes off slowly. He noticed the growing bloodstain on his shirt and frowned. Ah, well, he thought. He was just going to throw it out anyway.
When his discarded pants hit the floor, he heard an odd clacking sound. Bending down to look in his pockets, he found his cell phone. He was mildly surprised that it was still there, but he didn't dwell on it too long. It wasn't important. Nothing was important anymore.
He laid his phone on the sink and finished undressing before stepping into the shower. He turned it as hot as it would go, barely noticing the heat.
He scrubbed until he was red all over, and then he scrubbed some more. The water had turned icy long before he stepped out. When he felt he could get no cleaner he stepped out grabbing a towel on the way. He dried himself off, being careful around his sore places.
He glanced at his reflection. The face that stared back at him, hair wet, eyes soulless, made him angry. He wrapped the towel around his waist too tightly in his anger, crying out as the wound in his side began bleeding again.
He caught his reflection in the mirror then. He paused in horror, reaching a hand to touch his cheek beneath his eyes. There were tears there, spilling out slowly.
At this sight, something in him snapped. With a feral cry, he clenched his hand into a fist and slammed it into the mirror. As the shattered pieces fell on the sink and the floor around him, he sank to the floor.
It would be so simple. Just take a sliver of glass and run it across his wrists or throat. So simple….
He felt his hand reach out, but couldn't quite make it pick up a piece. Sighing, he lowered his hand, letting it hit his thigh. It sickened him that he was this weak.
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L's mouth fell open in surprise as Raito's hand connected with the mirror. The infrared cameras made it impossible to see his face and therefore his emotions, but L knew he was angry. He pushed a button on his computer, signaling Watari.
"Bring the first-aid kit and something to clean up glass to Yagami-kun's room, please," he said, voice not betraying the sickening feeling in his stomach that he felt.
He rushed up to Raito's room, dreading what he would find there. As he burst into the room, he saw Raito calmly sitting on his bed in sweatpants and a plain cotton shirt. This was odd for him, L noticed in the back of his mind. He normally only wore his boxers to bed.
Raito looked at him calmly.
"Yes Ryuuzaki?" he asked. Composing himself, L stated just as calmly:
"Yagami-kun, please let me see your hand." Raito's lips twitched in an almost smile. He's using my last name, Raito noticed, not the least bit surprised that L had seen him. He obediently held out his right hand for him to inspect.
With horror, L noticed that there were still shards of glass in it. Raito hadn't even bothered to clean it.
Just then, Watari entered the room, handing the first-aid kit to L before walking to the bathroom to clean up the glass. Without a word, L sat down on the bed beside Raito and began carefully picking out the shards of glass and lying them on a piece of gauze from the kit. Raito allowed this, shivering slightly every time L made contact with his bare skin. He still didn't feel clean.
"May I ask why Yagami-kun felt the need to punch the mirror?" L asked, curiously.
"I don't like mirrors," Raito answered, shortly. L noticed that his throat was raw.
"Mirrors are only capable of showing you what they see. Wouldn't that mean that you do not like yourself?" L asked, knowing it would annoy Raito.
"Yes, I suppose that's what it implies," Raito said calmly, surprising L. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Watari leave holding a small garbage sack. L began to gently wrap Raito's hand in gauze.
"Is Raito-kun implying that he dislikes himself?" L asked, changing to Raito's first name easily.
"Yes," Raito said in a low hiss, full of self-hate and anger. L stopped in his task, surprised by this. When he looked at Raito's face, he saw his eyes were trained on a tail of blood on his wrist.
Finishing his hand, L said, "Lift up your shirt, please, Raito-kun. I need to tend to the injury there as well."
"No, I can do it," Raito snapped. He didn't want L to see that wound.
"I insist," L replied, looking Raito in the eyes. Seeing that it would be useless to argue, Raito lifted the edge of his shirt, looking away sharply.
L saw a large gash surrounded by a purplish bruise. He noted that it was in the shape of a boot mark, but said nothing. He was extremely curious now. He gently dabbed at the wound with a cotton ball dipped in antiseptic. Raito hissed at the sting of it.
That done, L began wrapping gauze around Raito. At the feel of another body this close to his, Raito flinched away.
"Don't touch me," he hissed.
"It's quite hard to wrap your wounds without touching you, Raito-kun," L replied. He began to reach forward to finish. Raito, seeing this, said the first thing that came to his mind. Anything to get L away from him.
"Stop it, I'm Kira!" he practically screamed. L blinked at him stupidly (which he had never done in his life before now).
"The last two rules in the Death Note are false! I had Ryuuk write them before I went into confinement!" Raito's eyes had gone wide. He had a panicked look on his face. L was stunned.
"Why tell me this? You were winning," it pained L to saw it, but it was true.
"That's not your business. The point is I'm Kira! You win! You can execute me in the most brutal way you can think of. O-or, you can write my name in the Death Note yourself! I know that's something that would appeal to you!" Raito realized he was babbling now. He didn't care. He saw a way out, and Damnit, he was taking it.
"Hmm, well I can't be sure your Kira. You may just be working with him or even be manipulated by him. Even if you are Kira, this may be some part of your plan. I'm afraid I can't convict you yet. A better plan would be to handcuff you to me again so that I may observe you, or perhaps confine you and myself to a floor here for a certain amount of days."
Raito cringed visibly at this suggestion. "No," he said firmly. "I'm not spending any more time chained to you!" L nodded as if he had expected this.
"Follow me, then, Yagami-kun," he said. And, seeing he was about to protest, added, "If you don't willingly follow me, I'm afraid I'll have to drag you against your will." L watched as fear flashed briefly through Raito's eyes. That, too, was odd. Even if he had been afraid by this minor, non-life threatening threat, he would never, never have shown it. Especially not to an enemy. Be warned, Yagami Raito, I will figure out what is going on, he thought firmly to himself, before leading his enemy to a small apartment-like room that they would both be sharing until he could make good on his silent promise.
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Raito walked with his head down, auburn locks covering his soulless eyes. He didn't want L to see the shame and self-loathing that he was sure was clear in them. He didn't want L to see the emptiness that was raging inside him. He just wanted it all to end.
He looked down at his bandaged hand as L led him to a room halfway up the building. The blood was beginning to show through. He licked his lips, staring at the blood with a longing. Oh, how he wished he could just die!
He looked up briefly to see that L had stopped and was watching is morbid longing with a mixture of horror, curiosity, and…worry? No, Raito just imagined that one. L was never worried. Especially not about his enemies.
They began walking again. He watched as L shifted in front of him, typing in a password on a number pad next to the door. There was a high pitched beep, and a space opened in the wall above the number pad. L leaned forward and Raito saw a red light shine in his eyes briefly --a retina scan. This room was much better protected than any of the other rooms.
Finally, L pulled out a simple passkey and swiped it through a slot above the door handle. There was another high pitched beep, this time accompanied by the sound of the door unlocking.
L opened it and gestured for Raito to go in first. He did. He saw a large living room with two couches, an easy chair, and a coffee table. Attached to the side of the room was a large kitchenette with simple wooden cabinets, a full-sized fridge, a stove, an oven, and a microwave. In the corner of the room, between the kitchenette and the chair, there was a hallway.
Walking forward to see where the hallway led, Raito stumbled over a loose thread in the beige carpet. He quickly regained his balance twisting in order to do so. Pain flared up his left side. He clutched it, gasping. He sank to his knees in agony. L was at his side in moments, the door closed and locked behind him.
"Raito-kun?" L asked, "Are you all right? You never let me finish bandaging you." But Raito didn't hear. The brief pain was nothing in comparison to the flood of memories that it had brought with it. The pain, the cruel laughter, the smell of blood, sweat, and alcohol. Raito felt like he was going to be sick. Fortunately, he blacked out before he could shame himself further.
He sunk into the waiting arms of darkness, hoping to escape from the pain that was inescapable.
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L saw Raito fall out of the corner of his eye. He turned around, asking if him if he was okay. In answer, Raito crumpled to the floor. L was next to I'm in moments, cautious, in case this was all a trick. He quickly saw that it was not. Raito's face was beaded with sweat and he was breathing irregularly. L reached out to feel the pulse in his neck. It, too, was irregular.
"Raito-kun?" he asked, worried. "Raito-kun, wake up!" No response. L sighed. It looked like he was going to have to carry him to his room. He had given Watari strict orders to evacuate the task force if he was ever forced to use this room. This room was made only for L and Kira. This was where the "final showdown" was to take place.
Sighing once again, L gently picked Raito up, being careful of his wounds. He carried him down the hallway. There were only two doors leading off it, the bathroom (on the left) and the bedroom (on the right). L had to put Raito down to open the door. When he reached down to pick him up again, he couldn't help noticing how vulnerable Raito looked. The sweat was beginning to pour down his face, making his hair damp. The expression on his unconscious face showed terrible pain. L was unsettled by this. It felt like he was witnessing something private. Sure, he had no problems invading people's privacy and even their emotions, but Raito never let anyone see what he was really feeling, especially pain. Especially pain this terrible and all consuming.
As L picked him back up and began carrying him to the bed, he couldn't help wondering, once again, what was great enough to cause this pain.
A/N: So. First fanfic. Like it? Hate it? Review? Maybe? Also, if there are any grammer mistakes, please tell me. I don't have a beta.