Disclaimer: Anything recognizable is Janet Evanovich, the rest is me! (I broke up the big paragraph as was pointed out…I hadn't even realized it was that big :X Sorry!!! I hope that's a lot easier to read! – ok one more fix…I'm not used to posting here so my scene splits didn't show!)

There are a lot of women in the world that believe life should be simple. You are born into the world, you grow up playing Barbie dolls, dressing and accessorizing them, then dressing up and accessorizing yourself. After high school, you get married, have a hundred kids and make sure dinner is on the table every night at six o'clock. I was sure the vast majority of these women lived in the burg. They lived simple lives living in ordinary houses, raising ordinary kids, and doting on their ordinary husbands.

I grew up in the burg which is a small part of Trenton, New Jersey. I, however, was not ordinary. Right now, though, I was weighing the positives of living the ordinary life. My name is Stephanie Plum and I work as a Bond Enforcement Officer for Vincent Plum Bail Bonds. Vinnie is my weasel of a cousin that likes men, women, and, at one time, a duck.

Currently, I was seriously, again, considering switching professions. I was thinking a nice desk job at Rangeman or even stuffing tampons into boxes at the tampon factory would suffice. I mean, people that work in the tampon factory don't have to deal with bozos hanging upside down in a tree waving a gun right?

Eddie Gaskett was doing just that and I, being the brave bounty hunter that I am, was hiding behind my newly bought rusted out Geo Metro. I'd bought the Geo because work had been slow and it was the only car at the dealer I could currently afford.

Eddie Gaskett was a short man with skinny legs and a large belly. He reminded me of a chicken, and he was swearing and making threats, the gun waving erratically and I heard a shot ring out. I'd dove behind my car because he'd already shot once and shattered the passenger window on my car. I had no way to stop him and my phone was in my car. I was too afraid of Eddie shooting me to try and retrieve it.

The problem wasn't that I was afraid Eddie would shoot me on purpose, as I didn't find him exceptionally bright, but I was afraid that, during his careless gun waving, I'd be caught by a stray bullet. The reason I didn't think he was too smart was, two weeks ago my on-again off-again boyfriend Joe Morelli, was locking up his house when he heard a strange noise. He'd turned to see Eddie's bottom hanging out of a window in the house next door. Joe works for the Trenton Police Department as a plainsclothes cop, currently working homicide.

He'd walked over to see what was going on and discovered Eddie had gotten himself stuck in the window while attempting to break in and rob the place. After the fire department had gotten him unstuck, he'd been arrested for breaking and entering. I didn't think it was the smartest thing to try and break into the neighbor of a cop.

Now Eddie was FTA, bounty hunter speak for failure-to-appear, and it was my job to drag his sorry butt back into the system. He'd gotten stuck in the tree after he'd run when I'd nicely asked him to come with me to the station to reschedule his court date. He'd run to the tree and I had lunged to grab him only to have him turn and sucker punch me in the gut. While I'd laid on the ground trying to catch my breath, he'd climbed the tree only half-way he'd slipped and gotten his leg caught in some branches.

I'd heard a sickening snap as his body had flipped leaving him dangling by his broken leg. He'd kept hold of the gun that was in his hand, which he hadn't bothered to use until he was dangling helplessly. He'd started waving it and I'd then rolled to my side and moved to safety, diving behind my car as the first shot had taken place.

So there I was hunkered down behind my car debating a serious career change when a cop car pulled up across the street. Crazy Carl Costanza and his partner Big Dog climbed out of the cruiser. Carl and I had made communion together among other things. Both men had big grins on their faces and were leaning against the car watching Gaskett dangle and me hide.

"We got a call that some crazy woman chased that nice Gaskett man up a tree and he was now dangling upside down in the tree waving a gun." Carl called out. I could hear the laughter in his voice.

"I could use a little help." I called, getting irritated. Just then a sleek black, 911 Turbo Porsche pulled up behind my car and Ranger climbed out. Ranger's real name is Carlos Manoso but everyone calls him Ranger, a nickname carried over from his time spent in the Special Forces. I'd met Ranger when I'd first started working for Vinnie. He'd mentored me and now I could never tell if he showed up because he wanted to make sure I was ok or because I was the day's entertainment. Today I was certain that I was entertainment. His lips twitched as his dark eyes took in Gaskett dangling from the tree.

"Babe" he said.

"Is anyone going to help or are you all just going to stand there laughing at me?" I was beyond upset at this point. Joe and I had had a fight this morning and we'd both stormed out of the house fuming with anger. I was even more upset because Rex, my hamster and I was beginning to think the only child I'd ever have, was still in Morelli's house. This meant that I'd have to go back to his house at some point. We'd been on again but now I was feeling off again.

Carl reached into the cop cruiser and pulled out a megaphone. It was old fashioned but then, Trenton PD lived on a tight budget. It was probably left over from the seventies and on it's last leg but it still worked so it was good enough for Trenton's finest.

"Mr. Gaskett this is the police, drop the weapon." Gaskett stopped wiggling and looked around. His body seemed to deflate of energy as he caught sight of the cruiser. Once his gun had stopped waving around, Ranger ambled over to me. He reached down, picked me up, and set me on my feet. His eyes travelled down to my chest and mine followed. He was staring at a glob of powdered sugar and red jelly.

"That's not mine! Eddie Gaskett threw it at me when he answered the door!" Ranger's lips twitched again, he kissed my forehead, and then he was gone. Jerk was my first thought, then I blew out a sigh. I had to admit that if it was reversed, I'd be driving up to see an FTA dangling from a tree too.

OOO

I pulled into the parking lot of my apartment building and blew out another sigh. I'd spent the better part of the afternoon waiting for the fire department to cut Eddie Gaskett out of the tree. He was then taken to the hospital under police escort and I'd followed Carl and Big Dog to the police station to collect my body receipt. I looked at the offending piece of paper in my hand and did the most mature thing I could think of and stuck out my tongue.

I got out of my car and headed into the building. I met Dillon Ruddick, the building super, in the elevator. He had a long handled paint roller over one shoulder and a can of cream colored paint in the opposite hand.

"Hey Steph." He said.

"Hey Dillon." I said.

"Rough day?"

"Very." He set down the paint can and reached into his pocket and pulled out a beer. The elevator doors opened, he handed me the beer, and he stepped off the elevator. I called thanks to him but the elevator doors had already closed. The elevator started moving again and I then realized that that had been my floor. I let out a string of cusswords and in the middle of my tirade, Mrs. Bestler got on the elevator.

"That was a pip of a fit." She said, smiling.

"Temporary insanity."

"Ain't that something, I must get that too."

"It happens." The elevator arrived back at my floor and I stepped off then headed to my apartment. I walked in, closed the door behind me, and stripped off my shirt. I then realized that there was someone in my living room, and he was sitting on my couch.

"Babe." Ranger said. Even from the distance I could see his eyes darken and I felt heat flush my face and neck. He rose and started toward me and I scrambled to pull my shirt back over my head. In my haste, my head and arm got stuck in the neck hole and I was unable to get either out. Ranger let out a bark of laughter, something rare for Ranger as Ranger was the man of mystery, emotion was something he hardly ever showed.

"Scared?" He asked as his hands skimmed up my sides, pulling the shirt up enough I could pull my arm out and slip it into the correct hole.

"Yes!" I squeaked. He grinned and pressed me into the door and kissed me hard. My knees went weak and when he pulled back I instinctively held on for fear I'd crumple to the floor if I let go. His lips twitched and he moved away and I could breathe again.

"So, uh, why are you here?"

"I was hoping you'd help me with a skip."

"Who?"

Jeremiah Laughlin."

"Who….ooooh no…no way. I'm not going anywhere near that one." Ranger trailed a finger down my arm and I shivered.

"I'll make it worth your time." I gulped and took an involuntary step backward. Ranger's lips twitched again and he dropped his hand. "I meant I'd give you seventy percent.

"Seventy?" I said. Laughlin was wanted for armed robbery, rape, and murder in the first degree. He was out on a hundred thousand dollar bond. That meant with thirty percent, I'd walk away with seven thousand dollars. Truth is I was really needed the money.

"Yes."

"Sure." I mentally slapped my head. I was willing to go after a rapist murdered for money, how insane is that?

"Pick you up at midnight. Wear something sexy." With that he pulled me against him, kissed me hard, then he was gone. Damn. How did he always do that? Why couldn't I ever leave him weak kneed and drooling while I left? Because Stephanie, I said to myself, Ranger doesn't get weak kneed and you're a dope, a big stupid dope. I stormed off to the bathroom, stripping my clothes off and leaving them wherever they fell. I stood in the shower until I was all pruny then stomped to my bedroom and pulled on some shorts, a shirt, flopped on my bed in my thinking pose.

I lay like that for half an hour before I realized that it was too quiet in my apartment. I couldn't figure it out until it hit me. Rex. I groaned. Rex was still at Morelli's house which meant I had to face Morelli to get Rex back. Not at the top of my list of things to do for the evening. I grumbled as I rolled off the bed and put on a bra. I then stormed out of the building and to my car. I was not in the mood for Morelli yet here I was, off to his house to retrieve my hamster.

OOO

I idled across the street from Morelli's house and debated whether I could live without Rex for the night. After all, Morelli would take care of him, he knew enough to feed Rex. I blew air out of the corner of my mouth and shut off the car. I couldn't do it. There was no way I was leaving Rex. I angled out of the car and strode across the street to Morelli's house and lifted my hand to knock. The door opened just before my knuckles made contact and I rapped on Joyce Barnhardt's head instead.

I froze, my mouth open in shock, though a small part of me wanted to laugh at knocking on Joyce's head. I could feel color creeping up my neck as a slow smile spread across her face. What I wouldn't give to wipe that smile off. Joyce had been a rotten kid growing up, spitting in people's food and looking under bathroom stalls in the girls' bathroom. When we grew up I caught her bare-assed and playing hide-the-salami with my husband Dickie Orr soon after we'd gotten married. Dickie and I were no longer married but Joyce and I were still enemies.

"Well, well, look who's here. Too bad you couldn't have gotten here ten minutes ago. You'd have found something more interesting." With that she turned to make a kissy face at Joe before flouncing down the stoop and off to her car which was parked in front of Joe's blazer. I looked at her car, half in a daze. How did I miss that?

I looked back at Joe, he was standing in the doorway, shirtless, and looking sheepish. I felt my jaw drop and I snapped it shut, elbowed myself past Morelli and into the kitchen. I snatched up Rex's cage and walked back to the door. Joe attempted to stop me, but I guess I looked livid enough that he moved. The thing is, I didn't for a minute believe Joe would sleep with Joyce Barnhardt, but I was still angry with him and this scene only served to fuel the left over anger.

"Steph, it's not what it looks like." He said, following me as I stomped to my car, wrenching the door open and placing Rex on the passenger seat. I was beyond listening and I climbed in, Morelli standing next to my door, hands on his hips. I turned the key, gunned the engine and backed into a green Ford Contour.

I swore, threw the car in park, and got out. I looked at the car, the front was mangled. I looked around, no one was around besides Joe and me, he moved toward me. I got back in my car and got a business card, wrote my information on it all the while with Joe standing outside my door running his fingers through his hair in agitation. I got out, put the card on the Ford's windshield, got back in my car and took off managing not to look at Morelli in the rearview.