Disclaimer: Escaflowne doesn't belong to me, nor do the characters in this
story . . .blahblahblah . . .
************************************************************************
Could you hear the rumble? Everywhere, it seemed like everything was tearing away and crashing into the earth. So much destruction, the stench of death . . .
But nothing could touch me. I was safe in his warmth.
What? Who's he? There's no one here, it's all so soft . . .and white . . .
It's not white. It's red. Red like blood.
Like death.
Like sorrow.
Like wine.
But I don't like wine. No, wait, I do. The dark, red wine. The kind you loose yourself in. The kind that makes you drunk with bliss. The kind that sees your soul.
Wine can't see your soul.
OH, yes it can, his can . . .
Two, ethereal pools . . .
Don't worry, because he's strong, and he's protecting you, and he's carrying you. He'll keep you safe from the debris.
So then why am I falling? And why is there someone screaming? Wait . . ..is that me?
***********************************************************************
Hitomi lifted her heavy lids, trying to listen to who, or what, was screaming. Right before her, but so far away, on the little table beside her bed, the white phone kept on screaming, hurting her ears.
When did phones get so loud and annoying? She thought. She lazily picked up the pillow beside her, hid her head, and turned away from the dreadful electronic. With each wail, the girl was coming to her senses. She sat up, staring at the blank wall in front of her. Someone's trying to call her. Someone wants to talk to her. In a rush of movement, the phone, unplugged from the wall, lay dead on the tile floor, it's ringing cut short.
In a dazed state, Hitomi dragged herself to her small, clean bathroom, staring at herself, and noticed that the bags under her eyes were heavy, and the crusty sleep in the crevices were being washed away by leaden, incomprehensible tears.
Hitomi pressed her face into the nearest absorbent material, trying to wipe away the tears that didn't have an originator. The towel not being of much use, she stripped and slammed the door to the shower, hoping that the water would bear away her unnamed grief.
Every tear a human shred had a reason from being released, didn't it? All sorrow was the result of some circumstance, right?
But her tears didn't account for anything.
They were just there, greeting her every morning, and her days seemed destined to be weighted down by a lingering despondency.
As if something deep inside her that she couldn't reach was so sad. Something that broke her heart a million ways.
But she had no idea what it was.
***************I'll Cry Instead*****************************************
by Cev
Chapter One: Devil in Her Heart
********************************************************************
"The sky is really blue today."
"Hitomi?"
"It's not foggy from the city or anything . . .it's just blue."
"Hitomi . . .what are you talking about?"
"What?" Hitomi blinked a few times, and turned her head from the window, looking at the girl in front of her. "Yukari?"
"Hey, are you alright?" The brunette asked.
"Yes, of course." Hitomi answered, as if Yukari's question was the stupidest thing to ask at the moment.
"You were mumbling. Something about blue?"
"No."
Yukari gave her friend a questioning stare, but Hitomi glared back, and the exasperated young woman gave her rejected attention to the coffee mug in front of her. "Oh, by the way," she said, after a moment passed, "I called you this morning, the phone kept ringing and ringing until I got that 'this phone number has been disconnected' recording. What happened?"
Hitomi choked a bit on her coffee, suddenly remembering her hasty solution to the irritating phone in the morning. "That was you?"
"Yeah . . ."
"I must have . . .uh . . .knocked it off or something." Hitomi concluded, leaning back, sipping on her hot drink.
"Sure." Yukari raised her brows at her friend, shaking her head. "Anyway, I have to get to the shop, or else Rachael will behead me. This really sucks. I still have that paper for English due. Have you got it done?"
"Yeah, I finished it last night." Hitomi answered. "Anyway, I'll see you later. I have to start, too."
Yukari picked up her belongings, and just as she was about to step out of the café, she turned to Hitomi. "Come to my apartment tonight, ok? There's something I need to tell you."
"Can't you tell me now?" Hitomi asked, turning around in the booth to watch the uneasy woman.
"No, it has to wait." And with that, Yukari closed the door.
"What was that about?" A voice behind Hitomi asked.
She finished off the rest of her coffee, and stood up, taking the cup to the bar. "I don't know, George. Something's up." Hitomi said sadly, walking around the bar to stand by the light-hearted man.
"Hey, pip up dear, got to have cheery waitresses today." George said, starting to wipe off the counters.
"Okay." Hitomi smiled as big and happily as she could, and reached for her apron.
************************************************************************
"So what are you going to do?" Amano looked out into the glittering black night, trying to settle his mind, and this issue.
"I have no idea . . ." Yukari sighed, pacing circles in their apartment, "There's always Aida and Hiruki. They'll look after her."
"Why are you worrying about it? Hitomi's an adult . . .give or take a few years. She can take care of herself; she still has her family and friends. It's not like everything's going to fall apart if we're gone." Amano said finally, trying to calm her.
Yukari looked up at Amano, sighing. "But what about that whole incident three years ago? She disappeared from the face of the Earth for so long! When Hitomi came back she was never the same, and she's never talked about it once! She's so distant, Amano, and so sad all the time . . ." Amano reached out and pulled Yukari to him, wrapping her in a comforting embrace.
"Yukari . . .you're not superwoman. Things change when you get into the real world."
Yukari wept silently, hugging the dark-haired man tightly, "She's always been happy. Middle School, High School . . .everywhere . . .but now . . ."
"It's like she locking everything inside."
Yukari sighed, whimpering an agreement, letting her weight lean on Amano. "Don't worry, Yukari . . .everything turns for the better in the end."
The distressed female, limp in Amano's arms, jolted up from her position because of a far-off ding, suddenly realizing why they were even up this late in the first place. "Amano . . .did the doorbell just ring?"
"Yeah. She's here."
************************************************************************
"Have you ever wished for something, but you didn't know specifically what it was?"
"No . . .why on Earth would I do that?"
"Don't you ever lose yourself?"
"Everyone loses sight of themselves somewhere on their road."
"I think I lost mine too early."
"What? Your mind?"
"No. My mind's still here, intact, logical. It's all there."
"You lost your heart, then."
"Yes. Maybe . . ."
"Did you lose someone you loved?"
"No. I've never experienced love."
"Then how come you're so heartbroken?"
"Can you keep a secret?"
"Yes."
"I don't know."
************************************************************************
"I can't see any stars."
It was late. Very late. Everything was quiet, peaceful. Hitomi lay on a bench in the shadowed park, like a homeless wretch. She silently stared at the glittering diamonds, trying to remember . . .trying to forget.
She should get home. It's getting late.
But home's so far away. And life would never be the same anyway. Maybe she could stay here forever, lying on the bench and staring at the stars. People wouldn't mind. They'd pass her cautiously, trying not to make eye contact. And then she'd disappear.
Amano and Yukari are leaving for America, Hitomi thought. Amano's going to take up a job there, and Yukari wants to finish college at an American University. That's why they invited her over. That's why Yukari had put forth so much effort to make a good dinner for them.
"We'll come and visit a lot" "I'll call all the time." "We'll fly in for the holidays." "It'll be like we never left"
Hitomi pulled up one leg, squeezing it to her chest, trying to fight the burning in the back of her throat down. "Does Yukari really believe that nothing will change?" She asked herself, quickly losing her sense of reality as she stared into the cherry tress in front of her. "No matter what the case . . .people fade from each other."
Hitomi hid her face behind her legs, trying to hide herself from the empty world around her. "Yukari . . .Amano . . ." They were the last people she saw all those years ago . . .before the 'incident'. Before she changed. They knew her, they way she used to be. They were the only people whose opinion mattered. The only people she loved as much as her family.
So how could she not stop rivers of salt down her cheeks?
In her sorrow, a small, hoarse giggle escaped from Hitomi's throat, and she closed her hand tight on the tears that fell there. "At least . . ." she laughed louder, "I know what I'm crying about this time . . ."
************************************************************************
So, are you all confused yet? ^____^ I hope so! I'm so excited, I've never written an Escaflowne fanfic before. I hoped you guys liked the first chapter! Believe me, this is not the end!!!!!
Love and Hope,
Cev
************************************************************************
Could you hear the rumble? Everywhere, it seemed like everything was tearing away and crashing into the earth. So much destruction, the stench of death . . .
But nothing could touch me. I was safe in his warmth.
What? Who's he? There's no one here, it's all so soft . . .and white . . .
It's not white. It's red. Red like blood.
Like death.
Like sorrow.
Like wine.
But I don't like wine. No, wait, I do. The dark, red wine. The kind you loose yourself in. The kind that makes you drunk with bliss. The kind that sees your soul.
Wine can't see your soul.
OH, yes it can, his can . . .
Two, ethereal pools . . .
Don't worry, because he's strong, and he's protecting you, and he's carrying you. He'll keep you safe from the debris.
So then why am I falling? And why is there someone screaming? Wait . . ..is that me?
***********************************************************************
Hitomi lifted her heavy lids, trying to listen to who, or what, was screaming. Right before her, but so far away, on the little table beside her bed, the white phone kept on screaming, hurting her ears.
When did phones get so loud and annoying? She thought. She lazily picked up the pillow beside her, hid her head, and turned away from the dreadful electronic. With each wail, the girl was coming to her senses. She sat up, staring at the blank wall in front of her. Someone's trying to call her. Someone wants to talk to her. In a rush of movement, the phone, unplugged from the wall, lay dead on the tile floor, it's ringing cut short.
In a dazed state, Hitomi dragged herself to her small, clean bathroom, staring at herself, and noticed that the bags under her eyes were heavy, and the crusty sleep in the crevices were being washed away by leaden, incomprehensible tears.
Hitomi pressed her face into the nearest absorbent material, trying to wipe away the tears that didn't have an originator. The towel not being of much use, she stripped and slammed the door to the shower, hoping that the water would bear away her unnamed grief.
Every tear a human shred had a reason from being released, didn't it? All sorrow was the result of some circumstance, right?
But her tears didn't account for anything.
They were just there, greeting her every morning, and her days seemed destined to be weighted down by a lingering despondency.
As if something deep inside her that she couldn't reach was so sad. Something that broke her heart a million ways.
But she had no idea what it was.
***************I'll Cry Instead*****************************************
by Cev
Chapter One: Devil in Her Heart
********************************************************************
"The sky is really blue today."
"Hitomi?"
"It's not foggy from the city or anything . . .it's just blue."
"Hitomi . . .what are you talking about?"
"What?" Hitomi blinked a few times, and turned her head from the window, looking at the girl in front of her. "Yukari?"
"Hey, are you alright?" The brunette asked.
"Yes, of course." Hitomi answered, as if Yukari's question was the stupidest thing to ask at the moment.
"You were mumbling. Something about blue?"
"No."
Yukari gave her friend a questioning stare, but Hitomi glared back, and the exasperated young woman gave her rejected attention to the coffee mug in front of her. "Oh, by the way," she said, after a moment passed, "I called you this morning, the phone kept ringing and ringing until I got that 'this phone number has been disconnected' recording. What happened?"
Hitomi choked a bit on her coffee, suddenly remembering her hasty solution to the irritating phone in the morning. "That was you?"
"Yeah . . ."
"I must have . . .uh . . .knocked it off or something." Hitomi concluded, leaning back, sipping on her hot drink.
"Sure." Yukari raised her brows at her friend, shaking her head. "Anyway, I have to get to the shop, or else Rachael will behead me. This really sucks. I still have that paper for English due. Have you got it done?"
"Yeah, I finished it last night." Hitomi answered. "Anyway, I'll see you later. I have to start, too."
Yukari picked up her belongings, and just as she was about to step out of the café, she turned to Hitomi. "Come to my apartment tonight, ok? There's something I need to tell you."
"Can't you tell me now?" Hitomi asked, turning around in the booth to watch the uneasy woman.
"No, it has to wait." And with that, Yukari closed the door.
"What was that about?" A voice behind Hitomi asked.
She finished off the rest of her coffee, and stood up, taking the cup to the bar. "I don't know, George. Something's up." Hitomi said sadly, walking around the bar to stand by the light-hearted man.
"Hey, pip up dear, got to have cheery waitresses today." George said, starting to wipe off the counters.
"Okay." Hitomi smiled as big and happily as she could, and reached for her apron.
************************************************************************
"So what are you going to do?" Amano looked out into the glittering black night, trying to settle his mind, and this issue.
"I have no idea . . ." Yukari sighed, pacing circles in their apartment, "There's always Aida and Hiruki. They'll look after her."
"Why are you worrying about it? Hitomi's an adult . . .give or take a few years. She can take care of herself; she still has her family and friends. It's not like everything's going to fall apart if we're gone." Amano said finally, trying to calm her.
Yukari looked up at Amano, sighing. "But what about that whole incident three years ago? She disappeared from the face of the Earth for so long! When Hitomi came back she was never the same, and she's never talked about it once! She's so distant, Amano, and so sad all the time . . ." Amano reached out and pulled Yukari to him, wrapping her in a comforting embrace.
"Yukari . . .you're not superwoman. Things change when you get into the real world."
Yukari wept silently, hugging the dark-haired man tightly, "She's always been happy. Middle School, High School . . .everywhere . . .but now . . ."
"It's like she locking everything inside."
Yukari sighed, whimpering an agreement, letting her weight lean on Amano. "Don't worry, Yukari . . .everything turns for the better in the end."
The distressed female, limp in Amano's arms, jolted up from her position because of a far-off ding, suddenly realizing why they were even up this late in the first place. "Amano . . .did the doorbell just ring?"
"Yeah. She's here."
************************************************************************
"Have you ever wished for something, but you didn't know specifically what it was?"
"No . . .why on Earth would I do that?"
"Don't you ever lose yourself?"
"Everyone loses sight of themselves somewhere on their road."
"I think I lost mine too early."
"What? Your mind?"
"No. My mind's still here, intact, logical. It's all there."
"You lost your heart, then."
"Yes. Maybe . . ."
"Did you lose someone you loved?"
"No. I've never experienced love."
"Then how come you're so heartbroken?"
"Can you keep a secret?"
"Yes."
"I don't know."
************************************************************************
"I can't see any stars."
It was late. Very late. Everything was quiet, peaceful. Hitomi lay on a bench in the shadowed park, like a homeless wretch. She silently stared at the glittering diamonds, trying to remember . . .trying to forget.
She should get home. It's getting late.
But home's so far away. And life would never be the same anyway. Maybe she could stay here forever, lying on the bench and staring at the stars. People wouldn't mind. They'd pass her cautiously, trying not to make eye contact. And then she'd disappear.
Amano and Yukari are leaving for America, Hitomi thought. Amano's going to take up a job there, and Yukari wants to finish college at an American University. That's why they invited her over. That's why Yukari had put forth so much effort to make a good dinner for them.
"We'll come and visit a lot" "I'll call all the time." "We'll fly in for the holidays." "It'll be like we never left"
Hitomi pulled up one leg, squeezing it to her chest, trying to fight the burning in the back of her throat down. "Does Yukari really believe that nothing will change?" She asked herself, quickly losing her sense of reality as she stared into the cherry tress in front of her. "No matter what the case . . .people fade from each other."
Hitomi hid her face behind her legs, trying to hide herself from the empty world around her. "Yukari . . .Amano . . ." They were the last people she saw all those years ago . . .before the 'incident'. Before she changed. They knew her, they way she used to be. They were the only people whose opinion mattered. The only people she loved as much as her family.
So how could she not stop rivers of salt down her cheeks?
In her sorrow, a small, hoarse giggle escaped from Hitomi's throat, and she closed her hand tight on the tears that fell there. "At least . . ." she laughed louder, "I know what I'm crying about this time . . ."
************************************************************************
So, are you all confused yet? ^____^ I hope so! I'm so excited, I've never written an Escaflowne fanfic before. I hoped you guys liked the first chapter! Believe me, this is not the end!!!!!
Love and Hope,
Cev