Doggett desperatley struggled to carry his recentley purchased items from the canteen,
he had reached the office door several minutes ago but was having stressful problems trying
to get the key into the lock
"Fuck this" he moaned through clenched teeth. It came to him that the only way he would
be able to get inside was to place his large coffee, doughnuts, chocolate bars and bacon
sandwich onto the corridor floor which didn't look at all hygenic. In fact the thought of
placing his beloved food stuffs onto the floor turned his stomach.
"Agent Doggett?" Skinner questioned, Doggett looked to see Skinner bolting down the hall
with an angry expression "Why are you standing outside?"
"I couldn't get in" Doggett explained
"Well agent Doggett maybe you should consider getting into the office before getting your
breakfast in future" he said angered. He snatched the bundle of keys from Doggett's hand and
unlocked the door for him
"Thank you" Doggett said cheerfully walking inside, he placed his snacks onto his desk and cosily
took a seat
"Aren't you at all interested why I am here?" Skinner asked loudly, Doggett realised he had
been discourteous to his assistant director, he stood up "I just wanted to ask if I could
buy one of those doughnuts"
Doggett was shocked, had Skinner really asked for his doughnut? had the man standing before him
really impolitely followed him down from the canteen in order to purchase one of his favourite
doughnuts?
"Er.." Doggett was shocked he didn't know what to say or do
"Well agent Doggett? I know you bought three because I saw you. You know they only have a
small stock of those..." Skinner bitched "Why don't you be mannerly agent Doggett?"
It was at that present moment Doggett cottoned on that Skinner was cacking for a doughnut,
could Skinner have the same doughnut addiction as him?
"Sure" Doggett said unenthusiastically handing Skinner a doughnut
"Thanks agent Doggett" he said leaving the office without even paying for the doughnut. Doggett
contemplated calling him back and demanding the dollar for the doughnut but then he
realised Skinner would hold it against him
"Doggett" Scully said with a smile "Nice to see your in early"
"Morning" Doggett said sitting back in his chair, he was quite shocked to find Scully back
he hadn't anticipated her arrival for at least another week, her absence was due to an
unfortunant accident involving her high heeled shoe.
"Nice to see you back Scully" Doggett said with a grin
"Thanks" Scully said with a superior grin "This place has certainly gone down hill" she
bitched noting the messy desks
"Well er I had a little trouble" Doggett fabricated "I had so much work to do, so little time,
anyway how are you?" he asked
"Fine" she replied taking a seat at her desk
"That's good to hear, heard anything from Mulder?" he nosed,
"No" she replied flatly leaving Doggett realising she didn't want to discuss Mulder's where
abouts, Doggett had grown to wonder why it was such a big secret. Why wouldn't she talk about
Mulder? Why wouldn't she just---
"Hi" a squeeky high pitched voice echoed, breaking Doggett's thoughts. He looked at the door
to see that agent Pitfall had entered with a smile "Morning John" she said rushing over with a
slow pace
"Hey Pitfall" Doggett said wishing the woman would depart. He hated the agent that everybody in
the FBI referred to as obese and annoying. Could she really be as bad as he had thought?
Were the rumours true about her? "John, I wanted to give you this" she said handing him
a small brown paper bag. He smiled and took the bag, inside was a small doughnut. Doggett
instantly recognised the origin to be Dolly Dollar's coffee shop on M Street. He was
astounded at the gift, they were his second favourite doughnuts
"Thanks" he said with joy
"I knew you'd like it" Pitfall said obviously flirting, Scully began giggling noting that
Doggett hadn't realised Pitfall had some kind of attraction to him
"Well you know how a man likes his doughnuts" Doggett said with a smile
"As much as a woman loves her man" Pitfall flirted further still going unnoticed by Doggett
"Pitfall don't you have somewhere you have to be?" Scully asked on an effort to rid her from
the office
"I do" she said "I'll be seeing you later John" she said with a loving stare
"Maybe" Doggett said stuffing the doughnut that Pitfall had bought him
"Talk about obvious" Scully bitched with a smile "She practically threw herself at you"
"Pardon?" Doggett asked
"Pitfall" she said "Talk about flirt"
"Are we on the same wavelength here? What are you talking about?" Doggett queried, this
left Scully with the assumption Doggett was stupid, could he not see Pitfall's flirtatious
behavior?
"Never mind" Scully said with a sigh "Skinner has us on background checks"
"Pardon?" he asked
"Jesus christ if you say pardon one more time.." Scully yelled, realising she had
raised her voice unappropriatley she stopped talking "Background checks" she repeated.
Doggett shifted uncomfortably in his chair, Scully had returned to her usual ways. Shouting,
being moody and bitchy. He wished Mulder was back, before Mulder returned he wondered what
Scully had seen in him, rumours were told that Mulder was a boring old fart. He didn't do
anything practicle, he just sat there discussing UFO's all day. He now knew this wasn't true
and he had missed Mulder's company. Since becoming aqquainted with the 'spooky' agent he had
changed his ways. He occassionally went drinking instead of nearly everynight, his idea
of fun was now sitting in with the TV instead of drinking and eating on the town.
"Why does Skinner have us on background checks?" Doggett asked realising he had been
daydreaming
"Because of my condition" she said in a firm tone, she picked up a small brown file from
a pile and began to search on her computer
"Condition?" Doggett asked
"I twisted my ankle" she said with anger
"Oh, right" he said confused, surely she was ok to work now. She had injured her ankle ages
ago and was now back at work, surely the accident would not disallow her from doing any
physical activities, surely she could now at least investigate a case "Anything there for me?"
"No but there's an entire shelf full down the hall" she said printing some files, Doggett
looked saddened as he left the office. His life had re-turned to it's usual way, Scully being
bitchy leaving him in a job where he began to feel gloomy and depressed. He marched down
the hall where he caught sight of Agent Pitfall sifting through some files in a cabiner "Hi"
he said with a little wave
"John!" she said seeming shocked "Erm how are you?" she asked blushing
"Same as I was twenty minutes ago" he joked with a cheesy grin
"Oh stop it!" she said gently hitting him, Doggett felt the pain surge up his arm as her
large whack invaded it "Your so funny" she laughed
"What brings you down here?" he asked
"A case" she said "Listen, John" she said walking closer "You busy tonight?"
"No, just a usual night in" he said grabbing a bundle of background checks
"Maybe we could go out, just you and me?" she asked suggestively
"You mean out for a drink?" he asked getting excited by the prospect, he did wish that
perhaps Scrag was asking but Scrag had been moved to another department due to recent
circumstances involving a prank pulled on Skinner
"Yes, just a friendly drink" she said glaring at him dreamily
"Oh sure" he said with a smile "Shintsos Night club" he said with a wink
"Ohhh" Pitfall said with a airy, gracious tone before floating down the corridor. Inside the
office Doggett found Scully attempting to carry a large, heavy box across the office. He
immeadatley dropped the paperwork he was holding and dashed to her aid, he grabbed the
other side of the box and smile
"Let go" she ordered with anger "I was carrying it alright"
"Scully.." he said firmly
"Let go" she shrieked, Doggett let go finding her odd behaviour discourteus
"If you...arghh" she suddenly shrieked as she found the box departing her grip, she
tried to grab it but her high heeled shoe bent causing her ankle to angle to the left, her
body glided to the floor causing a ginormous cofuffle
"Scully" he screamed running over to inspect the damage "Are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine" she said embarrased and in pain, she pulled herself up and attempted to
replenish her suit into it's previously tidy manner
"Is your ankle ok?" he asked worriedly
"YES!" she yelled
"Er, are you sure?"
"YES" she yelled "I am not an invalid"
"Nobody said you were, you slipped I was just seeing if you were alright" he said in defense
to her rudeness
"I didn't slip, by foot bent" she snapped leaving Doggett no option but to laugh, he imagined
her little red shoe bending, unable to shake the vision from his mind he had to hide his
face from her, a large smirk erupted as he span around to retrieve his paperwork from the
floor. A giggle emerged from his mouth as he tried to act normal "Are you laughing?" Scully
suddenly asked
"No" he lied with a gulp, he tried hard to forget about Scully's mishap
"Oh it must be a squeeky little rat or something" she said picking the box up off the floor,
she bent over and was amazed when a fart she had been concealing all morning made it's way
into the atmosphere, it sounded much like a thud and she was sure Doggett would have heard it.
She quickly extended her body into a standing position and placed the box on her desk,
she had a plan. She would continue to act as normal, that way Doggett wouldn't suspect anything.
As she turned around she was greeted with Doggett's face, complete with a smile
"What?" she asked almost pushing him out of the way
"I heard a fart" he said trying to hint
"Well you probably had your face to near you butt" she bitched, taking her reading glasses
from their position on Doggett's desk
"Oh come on, you don't have to.."
"Sshh" she snapped
"Tit for tat, you farted" he bitched, suddenly a shocking experience occurred, Scully stopped
and turned around. Her face red and angry
"Did you say?" she asked "Tit"
"It's a phrase" he defended "Meaning dollars to doughnuts, pound to a penny, tit for tat" he
replied
Scully realised she had over reacted, she carried on with her journey to her desk where
she made herself cosy, Doggett decided he would not grill her about her disordly deed, instead
he would ask her advice about his night out with Agent Pitfall "Scully" he said hestitantly
"Yes" she said in an unenthusiastic tone she guessed he was going to interrogate her more about
her little accident
"Can I ask some advice?" he asked with a worried face
"If it's those little gas problems you keep suffering with" she blurted out "I am not a very
listeneing person at this moment"
"No" he said shocked "It's about Pitfall", Scully glanced up in shock. Was he going to confess
he was dating her
"It's just she asked me out as friends" he said with embarrassment
"And?" she asked
"Well do you think she really meant being friends or do you think she made that excuse?" he
asked taking a seat beside her
"Well judging by her flirting earlier I would say it was an excuse Doggett" she replied noticing
Doggett wasn't very good with women
"Oh thanks" he said in shock, he knew he would now have to go and break off the date with
Pitfall just in case she got the wrong idea
"Are you going still?" she nosed
"NO" he almost yelled
PITFALL AND SKITZ'S OFFICE
"Oh John" Pitfall screeched noticing him lingering by the office door "You here to see me?"
"Yeah" Doggett replied feeling a tightening sensation erupt in his stomach, he was due
to experience a stressful situation "I wanted to say that I can't make the night out" he
said with sadness as her face turned into a frown"
"Why?" she asked with depression
"I er need to go and see my great Aunt Midge" he replied feeling foolish
"Midge?" she asked with a giggle "Oh never mind family comes first John. We can always make
it another time"
"Great" he said giving her a smile.
NEXT DAY
Doggett awoke to a large knocking at the door in a desperate struggle to answer the door
he tripped over a laundry basket he had left beside the bed. He flew across the room landing
beside his 70's records collection, he jumped up and ran downstairs. He opened the door
with speed to be greeted by Pitfall
"John!" she screamed "I wanted to see you"
"Why?" Doggett asked
"It's Saturday and I was bored" she said pushing past him to get inside "So what are your plans?"
"Erm I am going to erm my aunt Daisy's" he lied
"Your a real family man aren't you?" Pitfall asked with a flirty giggle "Oh I love this" she
said picking up a video of Mighty Joe Young
"Look Pitfall if you dont mind I--"
"Titantic" she yelled "Leonardo is such a bomb"
"I have to go out soon" he shouted in an attempt to rid her from his home
"Oh" Pitfall said in her depressed tone, Doggett guessed she was doing it to make him feel
guilty but why should he? It was 9am on a Saturday morning he usually didn't get up till
1pm
"Look I'll see you Monday" he said opening the door
"Oh" she said leaving the house "Bye" she said as the door slammed in her large face
DOGGETT'S FAVOURITE COFFEE BAR
After feeling guilty about his lying to Pitfall Doggett decided he would drown his sorrows
at the local coffee bar, he needed a doughnut fix and he needed one badly. He pushed open
the door and entered to find his favourite stool unoccupied
"Hey Ted" Doggett said
"Hey there John, you depressed?" Ted asked noting the downtrodden glance upon his favourite
customers face
"Yeh women trouble" Doggett said "Give me a large doughnut"
"Wow must be bad?" Ted questioned "You don't usually have a large doughnut on a Saturday man"
"Well this chick is really following me" Doggett explained "She woke me up this morning, almost
broke the door down" Doggett said
"Well at least you got 'em beating the doors down to get to you. I haven't had a chick for ages"
Ted said handing Doggett a doughnut
"Well this chick is not like a chick" Doggett said seriously, he felt something tap him. He
span around in shock to see Pitfall's large ugly face "Er....Pitfall" Doggett said in shock
"John, is this where you had to go in such a rush?" Pitfall questioned with sorrow
"Er no" Doggett lied "I am just having some breakfast before I leave to go to my aunt Daisy's"
he lied further
"I could come with you, it would be good to introduce me to the family now" Pitfall stated
with a firm grin
"Why?" Doggett asked
"If we're getting together we need to be aqquainted with one anothers family John" Pitfall
almost yelled with rage
"We're not getting together" Doggett protested standing up, he backed away from the crazy
woman, she walked toward him with rage
"John I thought you loved me" Pitfall said
"No" Doggett blurted out "I didn't say that"
"I must be mistaken then" Pitfall said
"Yes very mistaken, I am not interested in being anything more than friends or even colleagues"
"Oh, ok John" Pitfall squealed departing casually like the previous crazyness she had
experienced had not even happened, Ted was even surprised at the madness portrayed by the
ugly fat woman
"Wow" Ted managed to say
"I was scared" Doggett admitted
"With that chick harrassing you, I'm not surprised dude" Ted exclaimed pouring Doggett a
coffee "Here dude get that down you, calm your nerves"
LATER
Doggett had plucked up enough courage to leave the coffee shop, glancing down at his watch
he noticed it was 1:00pm, what could he do? Should he risk going home? What if Pitfall turned
up at his front door like this morning? She could be in a nuttier rage than ever?
"JOHN" Pitfall's large screech shouted, had she been following him?
"Er Pitfall" Doggett said alarmed
"I was waiting for you to come out here" she said "Are your plans cancelled for Daisy?"
"No" Doggett said "I just got delayed a little I am er heading to the train station" he lied
trying to make a quick get away
"Wait" Pitfall belowed "I can walk you there"
"No it's fine" Doggett said cacky
"No I want to" she demanded
"NOOOOOOO" he yelled, he began to run as fast as he could. He needed to get away from her, she
was annoying him. Everywhere he went she wasnt far behind it was like she was stalking him, in
fact she was. He managed to get to the end of the street, hiding behind a dumpster he saw
her walk past with tears streaming down her face and a saddended look
SCULLY'S APARTMENT
"Doggett?" Scully questioned with confusion when she opened the door to see his sad face
"Hi" Doggett replied with a downtrodden expression "Can I come in?"
"Erm yes but.." before Scully answered his question, Doggett barged inside and was even more
depressed when he saw Skinner lounging on the sofa with a packet of cookies
"Agent Doggett" Skinner said half delighted
"Sir" Doggett said joining him on the sofa
"Why are you here?" Skinner asked, rudely
"Well I came to see Scully" Doggett explained
"Agent Doggett, Agent Scully has a baby to take care of" Skinner reminded, Doggett was shocked
by his rudeness a feeling of frustration brewed in his mind. He was so furiated he could have
reached out and punched him at that precise moment, he contained himself.
"Doggett" Scully said returning from the bedroom "Just had to get William asleep"
"Oh" Doggett said giving Skinner a dirty look behind his back
"So? Anything you want?" Scully asked motioning Doggett into the kitchen without Skinner's
notifation
"Oh er yeh" Doggett said following Scully
"I think I am loosing my mind" Scully suddenly blurted out much to Doggett's dismay "He has been
here since last night"
"What?" Doggett asked
"He arrived at 8:00pm last night and he slept on the sofa, he woke me up this morning watching
cartoons" she moaned
"Oh well Scully you need to be firm" Doggett advised, Scully looked depressed as she glanced
down at the floor "Pitfall is stalking me"
"Pitfall?" Scully asked "Just like you to come here and burden me with your problems" she yelled,
almost bursting into tears. Her loud out burst had caused Skinner to enter the room with
shock and anger
"Is he bothering you Agent Scully?" Skinner asked, glancing at Doggett as if he were a piece
of dirt
"No" Scully snapped "Go back in there, might as well" Scully said wiping a tear from her cheek.
When Skinner had gone her tone lowered "I don't care about your problems, I have my own to deal
with" she said sounding like a mad woman, the sudden change in her behaviour would usually
be associated with that of a psycho Doggett concluded, did she have a split personality? Was
Doggett now in the company of two mad nutters? Skinner had been in the occupancy of a mid-life
crisis recentley, Scully had been known the seak therapy for a depressive disorder and now
she was going senile on him, what would he do? He was being stalked by an obsessive fat woman
and now he was in the same apartment as the two people who probably hated him more than anything
at that moment in time
"Erm sorry" he apologised
"I think you should leave, fine somebody else to talk to about you problems like a shrink" she
bitched pushing him into the living room
"What's going on?" Skinner asked
"Nothing" Doggett lied
"I told you she had better things to do Agent Doggett, why don't you bother somebody else
in future like you incompetant friends, Chow and that other idiot you aqaint yourself with?"
Skinner asked with fury
"Why don't you stop hanging around Scully's apartment" Doggett yelled, he needed to get some
anger out. He wasn't going to be treated like this
"AGENT DOGGETT" Skinner yelled, Scully noticed the anger in Skinner's voice, the redness of
his skin...the man was shaking with anger as he approached Doggett, his spectacles were
shaking on his face
"Ahh" Doggett shrieked as Skinner grabbed him by the arm
"Think your tough do you?" Skinner asked "Do you agent?"
"No" Doggett replied "I don't"
"Don't act tough agent Doggett, if you can't fight your own battles"
Doggett was amazed that Scully was just standing there, she opened the door, Skinner swung
Doggett around and tossed him out where he landed by the garbage shoot.
Petrified and amazed he stood up and saw the door slam before his face, he looked like a sulky
kid as he made his way down the stairs
"John?" Pitfall's cacky voice screamed
"Oh no" he said quietly
"John I've been waiting here, why don't we emigrate?"
"What?" Doggett asked backing away quickly
"We could go to Australia, I have family there" Pitfall said walking towards Doggett
"No"
"No? We love eachother. We are meant to be together, I've been watching you for weeks. I know
it was you who played that prank on Skinner, you blamed Agent Reebox but I saw you do it"
Oh no Doggett thought, was she going to blackmail him? Would she tell Skinner about the
innuendo
"Erm....look I did that for a dare" Doggett lied
"John, I think you are amazing. Your ability to cheat Skinner, the way you dress in those
suits, your delicate hair and.."
"Doggett, Pitfall?" Reyes suddenly said blowing smoke into their faces
"Reyes" Doggett squealed "Save me"
"Doggett, don't shit man" Reyes said
"She is stalking me" Doggett explained
"We are meant to be together" Pitfall cried
"Pitfall did you stop you counselling sessions?" Reyes asked, Pitfall looked guiltily at the
floor, was Doggett hearing things? Pitfall and counselling sessions? "Pitfall you should to
and see Jean-Paul, you know Doggett doesn't love you. Remember that you need to get over
him?" Reyes asked
"Sorry John" Pitfall apologised as she left in tears
"She has an obessive disorder, she can get obsessed with people or objects" Reyes explained,
noting Doggett was baffled "She probably stopped her shrink sessions"
"Well I er better be going home" Doggett said remembering the argument he had encountered
in Scully's apartment
"Ain't you here to see Skinner and Scully?" Reyes asked chucking her cigarette end on the
floor
"No, they threw me out" Doggett said sadly
"Oh well" Reyes said leaving him saddended beside the exit door,
The End
he had reached the office door several minutes ago but was having stressful problems trying
to get the key into the lock
"Fuck this" he moaned through clenched teeth. It came to him that the only way he would
be able to get inside was to place his large coffee, doughnuts, chocolate bars and bacon
sandwich onto the corridor floor which didn't look at all hygenic. In fact the thought of
placing his beloved food stuffs onto the floor turned his stomach.
"Agent Doggett?" Skinner questioned, Doggett looked to see Skinner bolting down the hall
with an angry expression "Why are you standing outside?"
"I couldn't get in" Doggett explained
"Well agent Doggett maybe you should consider getting into the office before getting your
breakfast in future" he said angered. He snatched the bundle of keys from Doggett's hand and
unlocked the door for him
"Thank you" Doggett said cheerfully walking inside, he placed his snacks onto his desk and cosily
took a seat
"Aren't you at all interested why I am here?" Skinner asked loudly, Doggett realised he had
been discourteous to his assistant director, he stood up "I just wanted to ask if I could
buy one of those doughnuts"
Doggett was shocked, had Skinner really asked for his doughnut? had the man standing before him
really impolitely followed him down from the canteen in order to purchase one of his favourite
doughnuts?
"Er.." Doggett was shocked he didn't know what to say or do
"Well agent Doggett? I know you bought three because I saw you. You know they only have a
small stock of those..." Skinner bitched "Why don't you be mannerly agent Doggett?"
It was at that present moment Doggett cottoned on that Skinner was cacking for a doughnut,
could Skinner have the same doughnut addiction as him?
"Sure" Doggett said unenthusiastically handing Skinner a doughnut
"Thanks agent Doggett" he said leaving the office without even paying for the doughnut. Doggett
contemplated calling him back and demanding the dollar for the doughnut but then he
realised Skinner would hold it against him
"Doggett" Scully said with a smile "Nice to see your in early"
"Morning" Doggett said sitting back in his chair, he was quite shocked to find Scully back
he hadn't anticipated her arrival for at least another week, her absence was due to an
unfortunant accident involving her high heeled shoe.
"Nice to see you back Scully" Doggett said with a grin
"Thanks" Scully said with a superior grin "This place has certainly gone down hill" she
bitched noting the messy desks
"Well er I had a little trouble" Doggett fabricated "I had so much work to do, so little time,
anyway how are you?" he asked
"Fine" she replied taking a seat at her desk
"That's good to hear, heard anything from Mulder?" he nosed,
"No" she replied flatly leaving Doggett realising she didn't want to discuss Mulder's where
abouts, Doggett had grown to wonder why it was such a big secret. Why wouldn't she talk about
Mulder? Why wouldn't she just---
"Hi" a squeeky high pitched voice echoed, breaking Doggett's thoughts. He looked at the door
to see that agent Pitfall had entered with a smile "Morning John" she said rushing over with a
slow pace
"Hey Pitfall" Doggett said wishing the woman would depart. He hated the agent that everybody in
the FBI referred to as obese and annoying. Could she really be as bad as he had thought?
Were the rumours true about her? "John, I wanted to give you this" she said handing him
a small brown paper bag. He smiled and took the bag, inside was a small doughnut. Doggett
instantly recognised the origin to be Dolly Dollar's coffee shop on M Street. He was
astounded at the gift, they were his second favourite doughnuts
"Thanks" he said with joy
"I knew you'd like it" Pitfall said obviously flirting, Scully began giggling noting that
Doggett hadn't realised Pitfall had some kind of attraction to him
"Well you know how a man likes his doughnuts" Doggett said with a smile
"As much as a woman loves her man" Pitfall flirted further still going unnoticed by Doggett
"Pitfall don't you have somewhere you have to be?" Scully asked on an effort to rid her from
the office
"I do" she said "I'll be seeing you later John" she said with a loving stare
"Maybe" Doggett said stuffing the doughnut that Pitfall had bought him
"Talk about obvious" Scully bitched with a smile "She practically threw herself at you"
"Pardon?" Doggett asked
"Pitfall" she said "Talk about flirt"
"Are we on the same wavelength here? What are you talking about?" Doggett queried, this
left Scully with the assumption Doggett was stupid, could he not see Pitfall's flirtatious
behavior?
"Never mind" Scully said with a sigh "Skinner has us on background checks"
"Pardon?" he asked
"Jesus christ if you say pardon one more time.." Scully yelled, realising she had
raised her voice unappropriatley she stopped talking "Background checks" she repeated.
Doggett shifted uncomfortably in his chair, Scully had returned to her usual ways. Shouting,
being moody and bitchy. He wished Mulder was back, before Mulder returned he wondered what
Scully had seen in him, rumours were told that Mulder was a boring old fart. He didn't do
anything practicle, he just sat there discussing UFO's all day. He now knew this wasn't true
and he had missed Mulder's company. Since becoming aqquainted with the 'spooky' agent he had
changed his ways. He occassionally went drinking instead of nearly everynight, his idea
of fun was now sitting in with the TV instead of drinking and eating on the town.
"Why does Skinner have us on background checks?" Doggett asked realising he had been
daydreaming
"Because of my condition" she said in a firm tone, she picked up a small brown file from
a pile and began to search on her computer
"Condition?" Doggett asked
"I twisted my ankle" she said with anger
"Oh, right" he said confused, surely she was ok to work now. She had injured her ankle ages
ago and was now back at work, surely the accident would not disallow her from doing any
physical activities, surely she could now at least investigate a case "Anything there for me?"
"No but there's an entire shelf full down the hall" she said printing some files, Doggett
looked saddened as he left the office. His life had re-turned to it's usual way, Scully being
bitchy leaving him in a job where he began to feel gloomy and depressed. He marched down
the hall where he caught sight of Agent Pitfall sifting through some files in a cabiner "Hi"
he said with a little wave
"John!" she said seeming shocked "Erm how are you?" she asked blushing
"Same as I was twenty minutes ago" he joked with a cheesy grin
"Oh stop it!" she said gently hitting him, Doggett felt the pain surge up his arm as her
large whack invaded it "Your so funny" she laughed
"What brings you down here?" he asked
"A case" she said "Listen, John" she said walking closer "You busy tonight?"
"No, just a usual night in" he said grabbing a bundle of background checks
"Maybe we could go out, just you and me?" she asked suggestively
"You mean out for a drink?" he asked getting excited by the prospect, he did wish that
perhaps Scrag was asking but Scrag had been moved to another department due to recent
circumstances involving a prank pulled on Skinner
"Yes, just a friendly drink" she said glaring at him dreamily
"Oh sure" he said with a smile "Shintsos Night club" he said with a wink
"Ohhh" Pitfall said with a airy, gracious tone before floating down the corridor. Inside the
office Doggett found Scully attempting to carry a large, heavy box across the office. He
immeadatley dropped the paperwork he was holding and dashed to her aid, he grabbed the
other side of the box and smile
"Let go" she ordered with anger "I was carrying it alright"
"Scully.." he said firmly
"Let go" she shrieked, Doggett let go finding her odd behaviour discourteus
"If you...arghh" she suddenly shrieked as she found the box departing her grip, she
tried to grab it but her high heeled shoe bent causing her ankle to angle to the left, her
body glided to the floor causing a ginormous cofuffle
"Scully" he screamed running over to inspect the damage "Are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine" she said embarrased and in pain, she pulled herself up and attempted to
replenish her suit into it's previously tidy manner
"Is your ankle ok?" he asked worriedly
"YES!" she yelled
"Er, are you sure?"
"YES" she yelled "I am not an invalid"
"Nobody said you were, you slipped I was just seeing if you were alright" he said in defense
to her rudeness
"I didn't slip, by foot bent" she snapped leaving Doggett no option but to laugh, he imagined
her little red shoe bending, unable to shake the vision from his mind he had to hide his
face from her, a large smirk erupted as he span around to retrieve his paperwork from the
floor. A giggle emerged from his mouth as he tried to act normal "Are you laughing?" Scully
suddenly asked
"No" he lied with a gulp, he tried hard to forget about Scully's mishap
"Oh it must be a squeeky little rat or something" she said picking the box up off the floor,
she bent over and was amazed when a fart she had been concealing all morning made it's way
into the atmosphere, it sounded much like a thud and she was sure Doggett would have heard it.
She quickly extended her body into a standing position and placed the box on her desk,
she had a plan. She would continue to act as normal, that way Doggett wouldn't suspect anything.
As she turned around she was greeted with Doggett's face, complete with a smile
"What?" she asked almost pushing him out of the way
"I heard a fart" he said trying to hint
"Well you probably had your face to near you butt" she bitched, taking her reading glasses
from their position on Doggett's desk
"Oh come on, you don't have to.."
"Sshh" she snapped
"Tit for tat, you farted" he bitched, suddenly a shocking experience occurred, Scully stopped
and turned around. Her face red and angry
"Did you say?" she asked "Tit"
"It's a phrase" he defended "Meaning dollars to doughnuts, pound to a penny, tit for tat" he
replied
Scully realised she had over reacted, she carried on with her journey to her desk where
she made herself cosy, Doggett decided he would not grill her about her disordly deed, instead
he would ask her advice about his night out with Agent Pitfall "Scully" he said hestitantly
"Yes" she said in an unenthusiastic tone she guessed he was going to interrogate her more about
her little accident
"Can I ask some advice?" he asked with a worried face
"If it's those little gas problems you keep suffering with" she blurted out "I am not a very
listeneing person at this moment"
"No" he said shocked "It's about Pitfall", Scully glanced up in shock. Was he going to confess
he was dating her
"It's just she asked me out as friends" he said with embarrassment
"And?" she asked
"Well do you think she really meant being friends or do you think she made that excuse?" he
asked taking a seat beside her
"Well judging by her flirting earlier I would say it was an excuse Doggett" she replied noticing
Doggett wasn't very good with women
"Oh thanks" he said in shock, he knew he would now have to go and break off the date with
Pitfall just in case she got the wrong idea
"Are you going still?" she nosed
"NO" he almost yelled
PITFALL AND SKITZ'S OFFICE
"Oh John" Pitfall screeched noticing him lingering by the office door "You here to see me?"
"Yeah" Doggett replied feeling a tightening sensation erupt in his stomach, he was due
to experience a stressful situation "I wanted to say that I can't make the night out" he
said with sadness as her face turned into a frown"
"Why?" she asked with depression
"I er need to go and see my great Aunt Midge" he replied feeling foolish
"Midge?" she asked with a giggle "Oh never mind family comes first John. We can always make
it another time"
"Great" he said giving her a smile.
NEXT DAY
Doggett awoke to a large knocking at the door in a desperate struggle to answer the door
he tripped over a laundry basket he had left beside the bed. He flew across the room landing
beside his 70's records collection, he jumped up and ran downstairs. He opened the door
with speed to be greeted by Pitfall
"John!" she screamed "I wanted to see you"
"Why?" Doggett asked
"It's Saturday and I was bored" she said pushing past him to get inside "So what are your plans?"
"Erm I am going to erm my aunt Daisy's" he lied
"Your a real family man aren't you?" Pitfall asked with a flirty giggle "Oh I love this" she
said picking up a video of Mighty Joe Young
"Look Pitfall if you dont mind I--"
"Titantic" she yelled "Leonardo is such a bomb"
"I have to go out soon" he shouted in an attempt to rid her from his home
"Oh" Pitfall said in her depressed tone, Doggett guessed she was doing it to make him feel
guilty but why should he? It was 9am on a Saturday morning he usually didn't get up till
1pm
"Look I'll see you Monday" he said opening the door
"Oh" she said leaving the house "Bye" she said as the door slammed in her large face
DOGGETT'S FAVOURITE COFFEE BAR
After feeling guilty about his lying to Pitfall Doggett decided he would drown his sorrows
at the local coffee bar, he needed a doughnut fix and he needed one badly. He pushed open
the door and entered to find his favourite stool unoccupied
"Hey Ted" Doggett said
"Hey there John, you depressed?" Ted asked noting the downtrodden glance upon his favourite
customers face
"Yeh women trouble" Doggett said "Give me a large doughnut"
"Wow must be bad?" Ted questioned "You don't usually have a large doughnut on a Saturday man"
"Well this chick is really following me" Doggett explained "She woke me up this morning, almost
broke the door down" Doggett said
"Well at least you got 'em beating the doors down to get to you. I haven't had a chick for ages"
Ted said handing Doggett a doughnut
"Well this chick is not like a chick" Doggett said seriously, he felt something tap him. He
span around in shock to see Pitfall's large ugly face "Er....Pitfall" Doggett said in shock
"John, is this where you had to go in such a rush?" Pitfall questioned with sorrow
"Er no" Doggett lied "I am just having some breakfast before I leave to go to my aunt Daisy's"
he lied further
"I could come with you, it would be good to introduce me to the family now" Pitfall stated
with a firm grin
"Why?" Doggett asked
"If we're getting together we need to be aqquainted with one anothers family John" Pitfall
almost yelled with rage
"We're not getting together" Doggett protested standing up, he backed away from the crazy
woman, she walked toward him with rage
"John I thought you loved me" Pitfall said
"No" Doggett blurted out "I didn't say that"
"I must be mistaken then" Pitfall said
"Yes very mistaken, I am not interested in being anything more than friends or even colleagues"
"Oh, ok John" Pitfall squealed departing casually like the previous crazyness she had
experienced had not even happened, Ted was even surprised at the madness portrayed by the
ugly fat woman
"Wow" Ted managed to say
"I was scared" Doggett admitted
"With that chick harrassing you, I'm not surprised dude" Ted exclaimed pouring Doggett a
coffee "Here dude get that down you, calm your nerves"
LATER
Doggett had plucked up enough courage to leave the coffee shop, glancing down at his watch
he noticed it was 1:00pm, what could he do? Should he risk going home? What if Pitfall turned
up at his front door like this morning? She could be in a nuttier rage than ever?
"JOHN" Pitfall's large screech shouted, had she been following him?
"Er Pitfall" Doggett said alarmed
"I was waiting for you to come out here" she said "Are your plans cancelled for Daisy?"
"No" Doggett said "I just got delayed a little I am er heading to the train station" he lied
trying to make a quick get away
"Wait" Pitfall belowed "I can walk you there"
"No it's fine" Doggett said cacky
"No I want to" she demanded
"NOOOOOOO" he yelled, he began to run as fast as he could. He needed to get away from her, she
was annoying him. Everywhere he went she wasnt far behind it was like she was stalking him, in
fact she was. He managed to get to the end of the street, hiding behind a dumpster he saw
her walk past with tears streaming down her face and a saddended look
SCULLY'S APARTMENT
"Doggett?" Scully questioned with confusion when she opened the door to see his sad face
"Hi" Doggett replied with a downtrodden expression "Can I come in?"
"Erm yes but.." before Scully answered his question, Doggett barged inside and was even more
depressed when he saw Skinner lounging on the sofa with a packet of cookies
"Agent Doggett" Skinner said half delighted
"Sir" Doggett said joining him on the sofa
"Why are you here?" Skinner asked, rudely
"Well I came to see Scully" Doggett explained
"Agent Doggett, Agent Scully has a baby to take care of" Skinner reminded, Doggett was shocked
by his rudeness a feeling of frustration brewed in his mind. He was so furiated he could have
reached out and punched him at that precise moment, he contained himself.
"Doggett" Scully said returning from the bedroom "Just had to get William asleep"
"Oh" Doggett said giving Skinner a dirty look behind his back
"So? Anything you want?" Scully asked motioning Doggett into the kitchen without Skinner's
notifation
"Oh er yeh" Doggett said following Scully
"I think I am loosing my mind" Scully suddenly blurted out much to Doggett's dismay "He has been
here since last night"
"What?" Doggett asked
"He arrived at 8:00pm last night and he slept on the sofa, he woke me up this morning watching
cartoons" she moaned
"Oh well Scully you need to be firm" Doggett advised, Scully looked depressed as she glanced
down at the floor "Pitfall is stalking me"
"Pitfall?" Scully asked "Just like you to come here and burden me with your problems" she yelled,
almost bursting into tears. Her loud out burst had caused Skinner to enter the room with
shock and anger
"Is he bothering you Agent Scully?" Skinner asked, glancing at Doggett as if he were a piece
of dirt
"No" Scully snapped "Go back in there, might as well" Scully said wiping a tear from her cheek.
When Skinner had gone her tone lowered "I don't care about your problems, I have my own to deal
with" she said sounding like a mad woman, the sudden change in her behaviour would usually
be associated with that of a psycho Doggett concluded, did she have a split personality? Was
Doggett now in the company of two mad nutters? Skinner had been in the occupancy of a mid-life
crisis recentley, Scully had been known the seak therapy for a depressive disorder and now
she was going senile on him, what would he do? He was being stalked by an obsessive fat woman
and now he was in the same apartment as the two people who probably hated him more than anything
at that moment in time
"Erm sorry" he apologised
"I think you should leave, fine somebody else to talk to about you problems like a shrink" she
bitched pushing him into the living room
"What's going on?" Skinner asked
"Nothing" Doggett lied
"I told you she had better things to do Agent Doggett, why don't you bother somebody else
in future like you incompetant friends, Chow and that other idiot you aqaint yourself with?"
Skinner asked with fury
"Why don't you stop hanging around Scully's apartment" Doggett yelled, he needed to get some
anger out. He wasn't going to be treated like this
"AGENT DOGGETT" Skinner yelled, Scully noticed the anger in Skinner's voice, the redness of
his skin...the man was shaking with anger as he approached Doggett, his spectacles were
shaking on his face
"Ahh" Doggett shrieked as Skinner grabbed him by the arm
"Think your tough do you?" Skinner asked "Do you agent?"
"No" Doggett replied "I don't"
"Don't act tough agent Doggett, if you can't fight your own battles"
Doggett was amazed that Scully was just standing there, she opened the door, Skinner swung
Doggett around and tossed him out where he landed by the garbage shoot.
Petrified and amazed he stood up and saw the door slam before his face, he looked like a sulky
kid as he made his way down the stairs
"John?" Pitfall's cacky voice screamed
"Oh no" he said quietly
"John I've been waiting here, why don't we emigrate?"
"What?" Doggett asked backing away quickly
"We could go to Australia, I have family there" Pitfall said walking towards Doggett
"No"
"No? We love eachother. We are meant to be together, I've been watching you for weeks. I know
it was you who played that prank on Skinner, you blamed Agent Reebox but I saw you do it"
Oh no Doggett thought, was she going to blackmail him? Would she tell Skinner about the
innuendo
"Erm....look I did that for a dare" Doggett lied
"John, I think you are amazing. Your ability to cheat Skinner, the way you dress in those
suits, your delicate hair and.."
"Doggett, Pitfall?" Reyes suddenly said blowing smoke into their faces
"Reyes" Doggett squealed "Save me"
"Doggett, don't shit man" Reyes said
"She is stalking me" Doggett explained
"We are meant to be together" Pitfall cried
"Pitfall did you stop you counselling sessions?" Reyes asked, Pitfall looked guiltily at the
floor, was Doggett hearing things? Pitfall and counselling sessions? "Pitfall you should to
and see Jean-Paul, you know Doggett doesn't love you. Remember that you need to get over
him?" Reyes asked
"Sorry John" Pitfall apologised as she left in tears
"She has an obessive disorder, she can get obsessed with people or objects" Reyes explained,
noting Doggett was baffled "She probably stopped her shrink sessions"
"Well I er better be going home" Doggett said remembering the argument he had encountered
in Scully's apartment
"Ain't you here to see Skinner and Scully?" Reyes asked chucking her cigarette end on the
floor
"No, they threw me out" Doggett said sadly
"Oh well" Reyes said leaving him saddended beside the exit door,
The End