Take Me Away

by HalfBloodAlchemist-09

Arthur has a jealousy problem with Ford's "clubbing" habits, and decides to give him a taste of his own medicine. Title based on the song by 4-Strings, because it was the song i listened to on loop whilst I wrote this.

TAKE ME AWAY

Author: HalfBloodAlchemist

Pairing: Ford/Arthur slashyness ^_^

Rating: R ((tee hee))

Status: Finished

Feedback: just leave your comments, or if you wanna leave a more indepth review/comment thingy, my email is

Series: One shot

Disclaimer: I GET NO GLORY!!! Ford and Arthur belong to Douglas Adams, may he rest in peace.

The stars were shining brightly… or at least as brightly as they could in the immense void of deep space. Seeing as how there wasn't much to compare the shining brilliance of the stars to, it made one's perception of "brightly" a little less than reliable. The ship The Heart of Gold sped lazily through the vast space of the current galaxy the inhabitants of said spaceship had chosen to travel to; zipping along on its "nowhere" route through infinity. The man at the helm of the ship stared out happily into the inky blackness with both heads, two hands on the wheel and the third wiping an emotional tear away from his right-most eye. "Ah…. Dudes. This is the life!!" he said, reaching out to grab the precariously perched martini glass from the ship's dashboard. Lifting his pinky delicately, he brought the glass to his lips, elegantly sloshing its contents onto the control panel, and eliciting a romantic squawk from his female partner.

"ZAPHOD, YOU ZARKING TWIT!!!" Trillian raged, sopping up the alcohol from the whimpering control panel. If one were to ask how a control panel could whimper without the use of any sort of vocal cords, that said person could be guaranteed a long and drawn out explanation about the infinite possibilities of technology in the far reaches of the universe that had yet to meet up with the skepticism of reality. But seeing as how this has nothing to do with the story at this point, it would be best to just skirt the issue altogether, and settle on the fact that the control panel was indeed whimpering, and Trillian was making a complete spectacle of the situation, mothering the electronics excessively. The ex-President of the Galaxy rolled all four eyes, and continued to stare out of the window into the idealistic glow of billions of stars.

They twinkled back, as if inviting a romantic moment amongst the passengers of The Heart of Gold, until a certain human walked onto the main deck and spoiled their fun. He huffed into the room, annoyance plastered across his face that could have been mistaken for constipation if you tilted your head and squinted just right. He huffed himself into a chair, and with a very final "Hmph!" crossed his arms over his chest and made very good use of his time by pouting at the floor. Now it should be understood that Zaphod and Trillian had had plenty of practice ignoring Marvin whenever he made an entrance similar to the human's, so it was really quite pointless for all of his excessive work on making himself look as pathetic as possible. But nonetheless, he continued his sulking, until Trillian, being the kind hearted woman she was, turned an acknowledged him. "Arthur?? What seems to be the trouble, mate??" she said, overly perky. Arthur just shrugged his shoulders, entertaining himself by unraveling the tassel on his dressing gown. Trillian, not to be deterred, took a step forward. "Hey… you ok??" she asked, wishing that he would just tell her so that she could go back to ignoring him. Zaphod was not so polite. "Hey baby, if Ape man doesn't wanna talk, then just let him alone!" he snapped, not looking over at them. Trillian rolled her eyes, and sat down next to Arthur. "Come on mate, you're giving Marvin a run for his money."

"And a fat lot of that do I get." Another sulky voice spat from the doorway sarcastically, ambling onto the deck. "Really now, if the ape descendant is quite finished, I believe I'm the only one on this ship that's required to sulk. But since he seems to be doing such a fine job of it, I suppose I'll just sit in this corner and rust." the android finished, plopping onto the floor with a metallic clang. Trillian winced. "Really, Marvin, what is the problem THIS time??" she spat, turning to face him. The android simply shrugged his shoulders, and stared mournfully at the floor. "Oh nothing, just feeling absolutely useless, as always. I mean really all I ever get to do on this ship is the menial work, and then nothing else. There is no point to any of this… Life! Don't talk to me about life…" he finished, shutting down his system, leaving the three humanoids in the quiet again. Arthur finally looked up, glaring at the wall past the general direction of Trillian's head. "Oh I'm perfectly alright! Just fan-bloody-tastic. Couldn't ask for anything more…." He grumbled, scooting down in the chair and doing a very poor job of hiding his face from the other two. Zaphod snorted. "Well you heard the Monkey, he said everything is fine. Now get over here baby…" he said, holding his third arm out to Trillian, and waggling his eyebrow, second from the left.

Trillian ignored him, and turned back to Arthur. "What's wrong?? Why are you so down?" Arthur made to answer her, but the source of his anguish suddenly waltzed into the room, shirtless and smelling fantastically of booze, sex, and some alien cologne that clogged the air with its stench. Ford Prefect, still outright plastered from the previous night's escapade to that club, went to the ship's bar, and grabbed a bottle of Jyn'n'Tonnix, and took a hearty swig from the bottle. He then proceeded to dance purposefully past Trillian and Arthur, giving them a wink that said it all: he had gotten lucky that night. By the time he had exited the room, Arthur had had enough time to grab the nearest pillow and launch it at his friend's retreating form, and tear the end of the tassel from his dressing gown, his face contorting into one of complete and utter fury. Jealousy bloomed across his face in a violent red hue, and he stared at the doorway that had swallowed up Ford. Trillian looked between Arthur and the doorway, puzzling over this. It took her exactly forty two seconds to realize what sort of situation this was. "Arthur…??" she asked, tentatively, knowing exactly what her human companion's problem was.

That past night had been quite entertaining for all present… which didn't include Arthur Dent in the slightest. Whilst everyone else had made their way off of the ship and into the club, Arthur stayed on board, staring up sullenly at the ceiling, and wondering if he should try to train that bloody Nutro-Matic again, and see if he could stomach whatever bile it spewed forth, claiming proudly that it was tea. In retrospect, everyone else was having such a jive time and had been for a couple hours by then, so why shouldn't he at least try and get something decent for himself, he reasoned. He almost had himself convinced to actually exerting the effort, when he heard a familiar voice outside of his room. He listened intently for a minute before getting up to investigate the goings-on.

Waving his hand in front of the door panel, it slid open with an orgasmic sigh, and he peeked out to see who was causing the annoyance. Arthur saw his friend standing outside of his doorway, looking down at the Guide in his hands. The screen lit up brightly, illuminating his pale, freckled face and ginger red curls in a brilliant blue glow that rivaled the intensity of his blue eyes. Arthur stared, transfixed at the sight, and wishing that he had the bloody balls to actually step outside of his room and speak to him. It had been the first time in a long time that he had an actual chance to speak to the Betelgeusian alone, and he was blowing it, sky high!!

Ford didn't even notice the little soap box drama happening a mere ten feet from him, still scrutinizing over the Guide's screen. Finally satisfied with whatever it was he was looking at, he put it back into his ever-present satchel, and walked briskly past Arthur's room. He didn't even notice Arthur, partially because he was preoccupied, and partially because the human had ducked back into his room at the first sign of Ford's approach. Arthur leaned against his wall, physically beating himself in the forehead with his hand. "Good Lord, Dent!!! You're such a bloody coward!!" he hissed at himself, wishing that he could get the courage he needed to open up to Ford. Arthur sighed, and made his way over to his bed again, mulling over his situation. Ford had been his friend for several years back when the Earth still spun on its axis. Arthur remembered the first time he met him as if it were yesterday. The Betelgeusian, who claimed to be an out-of-work actor from Guildford, had accidentally made a spectacle of himself at a bar that Arthur had gone to with a few blokes, raving drunkenly about some sort of guide that he was writing, and trying to talk some poor sap into a conversation that included explicit sexual positions of Janxytoks, and the uses of copious amounts of lubricant. That said bloke had had quite enough, and decided to express his distaste through foul language and a broken nose on Ford's part.

Arthur, seeing the poor redhead in distress, had come to his aid, claiming that he was his third cousin twice removed from his mother's side, and that he was just on holiday. Arthur talked the assailant out of murdering the poor chap, blaming his ill behavior on a few too many ales. He guided the drunken man out of the pub, and sat him down on the curb outside, examining him. He was considerably shorter than Arthur, and his mop of curly red hair flamed in the setting sun, a mere shade brighter than the blood oozing out of his busted nose. His electric blue eyes watered from the damage, and he constantly touched it, as if assessing the injury.

"Hey, don't touch it!" Arthur warned, leaning closer. He examined the nose closely, seeing where the break was. "Aye it's a pretty clean break… I think I can reset it." Arthur muttered, hating to have to do this. He loathed blood, but the man looked to be in some pain, so he threw his disgust out of the window, and knelt in front of him. "Just… hold still. This might hurt…" he said, reaching out. Placing his fingers on either side of the redhead's nose, he gritted his teeth and pinched, twisting the cartilage back into place with a sickening pop.

"HOLY ZARQUON!!!" he yelped, shoving Arthur back, and clasping his hands over his nose, trying to hide the tears in his eyes. Arthur looked up at him from his current position on his backside, and noted with some satisfaction that the nose was back in place and the blood flow had stopped. "Sorry mate!! I had to do it, otherwise it could have stayed like that!" he countered, seeing the temper flaring in the man's blue eyes. The redhead, still smarting from the treatment, reached into his satchel, and pulled out a small flask, drinking deeply from it. When he had his fill, he looked back up at Arthur and gave him a grin that was far too wide for his face. Arthur fought the need to cover his neck, flinching at that smile. "Umm…. Mate?? Where are you staying at??" Arthur finally asked the manically grinning man in front of him, not really wanting to get too close to him. He still didn't even know what his name was.

"Oh… just wherever." The shorter man slurred, standing up. For some unforeseen reasons, he suddenly decided to make friends with the ground, plastering his cheek into the cobblestones, and flailing. Arthur leaned over him, staring at him. "Mate… you're drunk." The prone figure sighed. "Photon, you humans really make it a bleeding habit to state the painfully obvious!!" he groaned, pushing himself up onto shaky feet. Arthur reached out, and grabbed his shoulders, steadying him. "Come on mate, you can't even stand upright." he stated painfully again, guiding the man down the street. "You really should sleep it off. Come on, my house isn't far from here." The redhead, leaning heavily on Arthur's shoulder, smiled that crazy grin at him again. "Ford Prefect, at your service!" he hiccupped, leaning his head on Arthur's shoulder. Arthur smiled despite himself, and shook Ford's hand. "Dent. Arthur Dent."

Arthur mused over his memories, forgetting that Trillian was still sitting in front of him. He looked up and started as if seeing here there for the first time. "Trill, don't worry about it." he said finally, turning away. Trillian rolled her eyes. "Really Arthur, if you didn't want someone to talk to, you wouldn't be in here pouting right now." she gave Zaphod a venomous look when she heard him protest, and turned back to Arthur. "I think I know what your problem is anyway… you're jealous of that bloke Ford shagged last night. I can tell… you're tearing bloody hell out of that pillow." she said, indicating the shreds of cloth in Arthur's hands. He looked down surprised, and sighed. "You know I almost confronted him last night… but it's kind of hard to, when the person you secretly like makes a fantastic amount of noise with his one-night-stand in the room next door!!" Arthur grumbled. Trillian looked up at the doorway again, and thought for a moment. "So he doesn't know that you like him…." She said quietly. Arthur simply shrugged, and continued to make cotton balls with the pillow's innards. "If he does, he sure isn't telling me!"

Another forty two seconds passed, and Trillian got a plan. A pretty devious little plan, that made her grin nearly as wide as Ford's. Arthur didn't even bother hiding the fact that the shreds of pillow suddenly became a shield, as he stared at her. "Bloody Hell, Trill what's wrong with you now???" She shrugged, and stood up. "He's TRYING to make you jealous!! Don't you see? This is his evil plot!!" Arthur stared at her, not quite comprehending her meaning. Zaphod, now fully interested in the scheming, made his way over and listened intently, watching Trillian's arse waltz past him as she paced. "He's trying to make you jealous, Arthur. That's why he's being so open about it. He wants to see how well he's got you wrapped around his finger. Well…" she said, sitting down next to Arthur again, "… we won't let him have that satisfaction. In fact… let's fight fire with fire!"

Zaphod raised his hand tentatively. "Umm… I did a little bit of research on you humans, and don't you fight fire with water??" he asked, quite seriously. Trillian looked at him, raising her eyebrows. "Zaph, it's an expression. Meaning, if he's going to play this game on Arthur, then Arthur should play right back!" Zaphod contemplated her words for a minute, and then broke into a grin when enlightenment struck. Arthur sat up straighter, now fully interested in what she had to say. "So… do what he's doing." He said, slowly. Trillian nodded. "I think you should wait a little bit before making your first move, but as soon as the time's right, we fight back!!" Seeing the suddenly nervous look on Arthur's face, she patted his shoulder. "Don't worry, Zaphod and I will help you. Zaphod, you deck Arthur out and help him get some sort of "froody" attitude. I'll plan this out… believe me you will need my help with this."

The next night, Zaphod and Trillian ran over the plan with Arthur, just before heading into the club the ex-President had so skillfully located. Arthur, now dressed in something from Zaphod's closet that still only had one neck hole and two armholes, looked at himself in the mirror. He admitted to himself that he looked rather dashing in it, if not a little too froody. "I don't know Trill… do you think this is really going to work??" he said, nervously. Trillian smiled. "Oh I guarantee it will! Now when we get in there, I want you to just kind of be off by yourself, and wait for Ford to start flaunting people around you. When he does, then start to makes some moves on others, and just go about the night as usual. If Ford is really just trying to get you jealous, then this should irk the shit out of him!" she laughed, rather manically. Arthur flinched. "But… how do I know if he really likes me back?? What if this is completely one sided?" Zaphod nodded. "He DOES have a point…" he said, actually serious for once in his life. Trillian stopped laughing, and thought about this. "Well… we can only try."

A few minutes later, Arthur found himself in the middle of a heavy and rather horny crowd of the club. Tentacles and bodies rubbed up against each other in a gyrating mass in the middle of the dance floor. Spying Ford almost instantly, Arthur got another jealous fit, seeing him sitting on the lap of some green/blue humanoid, sharing shots at the bar. He bit his lip furiously, but took a deep breath and strutted over to the bar. He sat down only a few stools away from Ford, and ordered a drink, still eyeing the muscled green thingy with contempt.

Ford saw Arthur right away, and grinned, nuzzling closer to the alien he was sitting on. He delicately sipped from his shot glass and stared at Arthur from the corner of his eye. Arthur actually looked rather debonair, and Ford knew it. Just to spite the human whom he knew was seething up a storm Ford exuded a few extra pheromones, and grinned when he noticed almost an immediate reaction from Arthur. Ford continued to flirt with the green one for a moment, before turning his head, and getting the shock of his life. Arthur was suddenly not alone. It appeared that a few other patrons in the bar had noticed the attractive human, and finding humans to be quite exotic, had congregated around him, flirting. Arthur stopped staring at Ford, and threw on his most striking smile, flirting right back. Ford narrowed his eyes at the sight, suddenly ignoring the humanoid under him. He stared at him, chewing on his lip. He didn't like that at all…. Arthur was supposed to be jealous of HIM, photon!!

Trillian, seeing the effects of Arthur's suddenly suave behavior, made her way over to the bar, and grinned cheekily at the sight. "Well, Ford it finally looks like Arthur got his groove on." She said, purposefully irking the Betelgeusian on. Ford growled softly in the back of his throat, and got off the humanoid. Plopping down on a separate barstool, he demanded another drink, and continued to watch Arthur get all the attention. Trillian sat down next to him, and nudged him. "Hey, you look awfully pissed. What's wrong with you??" When Ford didn't answer, Trillian silently congratulated herself for a job well done. Pretending to notice his anger for the first time, Trillian looked between him and Arthur, surprised. "Ford… what's wrong?? Aren't you happy that Arthur is finally getting some attention??"

Ford growled again. "Why for Zarquon's sake would you think that I am mad??" he ground out through his teeth, still staring at Arthur. By this time, a few patrons had dragged Arthur onto the dance floor, and were making a grand old time of grinding up against him. Arthur was all smiles down, and he turned to Ford and Trillian, winking back at them. Trillian laughed, and Ford's growl deepened in pitch. He slammed his drink down into his gullet, and then pointed at his glass again, indicating a fill-up. Trillian watched with an amused smile as the blue-green humanoid that Ford had been using to get to Arthur suddenly got up and went out to the dance floor, joining Arthur and his group. Ford's shoulders hunched up and he glared into his drink.

"Ford… are you JEALOUS of Arthur??" Trillian ventured, pretending to be a simple, caring friend, when in actuality her ego was doing a two-step jig in her mind. Ford rounded on her, snarling. "NO I AM NOT ZARKING JEALOUS!!!" he slammed his glass down on the bar, and stormed out of the club, muttering to himself. In truth, it is obvious, that Ford was quite jealous at this point. His plans to get Arthur to come crawling to him were shattered. Ford had liked Arthur since day one of their friendship, but his hitchhiker's ego wouldn't allow him the satisfaction of actually admitting it. So he settled on little jabs here and there and the occasional fling with a stranger, making it painfully obvious to the human that Ford was getting lucky, and "guess what, Human, it's not you!!" If he could get Arthur to come to him first, he reasoned, than he could have Arthur all to himself, and still retain his froody appeal.

But now, it looked like Arthur had given up on Ford altogether, and moved on, which irked the Betelgeusian beyond reason. His possessive nature screamed and raged in his head, and a constant, deep growl rumbled in his chest. Betelgeusians are extremely possessive of those whom they want to share a relationship with, and do almost anything in the universe to keep them all to themselves. Ford stormed through the ship's doors, and stalked past Marvin who was busy talking about his depressing life to the lamp. The lamp decided that Marvin's life was indeed quite depressing, and spontaneously exploded, leaving a small pile of rubble in its wake. Marvin looked up at the seething Betelgeusian, and sighed. "I suppose you wouldn't want to talk about it…" he muttered.

"ZARK OFF!!" Ford snapped, stalking to his room. The door opened with a delighted sigh, and allowed Ford to stalk through. Ford kicked the door on his way through, detesting the fact that even the zarking DOORS were more pleased than he was. He flopped onto his bed, and pulled out the Guide and went to his bookmarked entry that he had been looking at the night Arthur watched him from his own doorway. "How to make Human's jealous, aka Winning the Affection of a Human." he read over, pursing his lips. He had done everything right in order to make Arthur jealous and go to him. So why didn't the human want him anymore??

Back in the club, Zaphod and Trillian were enjoying a few drinks, meaning that Zaphod was getting himself completely smashed and Trillian was bitching at him again. It's all good, Zaphod thought to himself, downing another drink, the drunken make-up sex will make this all worthwhile. At this time, Arthur had finally been able to pry himself from the crowd, looking sweaty and rather pleased with himself. "Trill, I shouldn't have doubted you. This is going great!!" he laughed, sitting next to the smug woman. Arthur turned to see if Ford was still watching him enviously, but noticed that he was gone. "Trill, where did Ford go??" he asked turning back to her. She simply shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno… I suppose sulking in his room. Why??" she asked, grabbing a drink from the barkeep and handing it to Arthur. He looked quizzically at her. "Perhaps I should go see him…" he muttered, taking a drink. Trillian looked like she had been slapped. "Are you zarking crazy??? This plan is going perfect!! You don't want him to think he won by crawling to him!!" she said, smacking Arthur's shoulder. Zaphod looked up. "Hey baby, watch the clothes!!" he slurred, burying himself in his drink again. Arthur rubbed his smarting arm. "Trill, I don't know. Maybe I should just talk to him…"

"Hey, earthboy." A voice cooed from behind. Trillian and Arthur both turned. Standing behind them was the blue-green humanoid. He cocked his head to the side, and gazed at Arthur lustily. "Great dance tonight… wanna have one more??" he said suggestively, touching Arthur's arm. Arthur nearly melted. The humanoid's eyes were the deepest royal purple he had ever seen, and frankly Arthur found him quite attractive. "But…"

"He'd love to!!" Trillian butted in, shoving Arthur off of his barstool and into the waiting arms of the alien. "Come on Arthur…. You know you want to." she said, winking at him. Arthur looked between the handsome alien that held him, and Trillian. "Fine…" he muttered, letting the alien drag him back onto the dance floor. Once there, Arthur allowed the alien to rub suggestively up against him, as the music changed from upbeat to slow and sensual. Arthur, despite his musings about Ford, suddenly found himself unable to pull away from the alien. "Um… excuse me…"

"Just call me Xyr." The alien whispered, pulling Arthur closer. Arthur stared into his purple eyes again, and squeaked. He tried again, and managed a very dedicated peep, before clearing his throat and trying a third time. "Xyr… I don't know about this…" Arthur gasped, feeling Xyr reach around behind him and cup his buttocks tightly. Xyr simply smiled. "You're too tense… here." He said, reaching into the pocket of his trousers. Arthur noticed that the alien was wearing only a pair of pants that barely covered the Lands of the Unknown, and that the alien was quite buffed to begin with. "Take this…" Xyr cooed, showing Arthur a little pink pill. Arthur stared at it, nervously. "Um… what is it??" he asked. Xyr chuckled, massaging the area of skin behind Arthur's right ear. "Nothing much… it's just going to loosen you up a bit." Arthur's body finally kept to its promise of melting, as Xyr fondled his ear and neck. The human moaned gently, and as soon as his lips parted, Xyr took the opportunity to gently shove the pill into Arthur's mouth. "Now swallow…" Xyr whispered, his mouth dangerously close to Arthur's ear. The human made to swallow and found that Xyr's finger was still in his mouth. He took that as an invitation, and he sucked suggestively on his finger, rolling his tongue over it slowly. Xyr's head fell back as a rumbling moan echoed from his chest.

Almost instantly after he swallowed the pill, Arthur felt the effects ravage his body. His senses intensified, especially his sense of touch. Every move Xyr made on his body sent shockwaves of pleasure to his brain, and he felt his heart start to race. Gasping from the touch, Arthur leaned closer to Xyr, wanting more and more. Xyr leaned forward and sucked on the side of Arthur's neck, drawing blood to the surface of his skin. Arthur gasped again, the slight sting from this love bite sending zaps of pleasure to his groin. Arthur's eyes flew open and he looked around the club amazed. Everywhere he looked he saw bright colors, blending and swirling in his vision, creating a cascade of light that danced across his eyes in a brilliant display. He felt a sensation of flying or falling, and leaned closer to Xyr, unconsciously rubbing his crotch against him. "Oh god…" Arthur moaned again, his hands roaming over Xyr's bare chest, drawing them ever closer. Xyr slipped his leg between Arthur's, riding his hip in time to the music. Arthur felt the alien lean over him and slip his tongue inside his mouth, exploring the pink flesh enthusiastically. The human sucked his tongue hard, the alien responding by slipping his hand down inside the front of his pants, to fondle him. Arthur groaned loudly into the back of Xyr's throat, feeling his hand wrap around him, and he gently bucked his hips forward into the grasp. He felt Xyr's own erection pressing up against his hip, and he nearly fell over the edge. Suddenly Xyr's ministrations stopped and Arthur looked into the purple orbs with vacant eyes. "Let's go to your room now…." Xyr murmured, dragging the stoned human off of the dance floor.

Back in The Heart Of Gold, Ford sat up on his bed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He had read and reread the article on winning human affection over several times, trying to find where he had gone wrong. "Belgium. I didn't think it would be this hard!" he groaned. Of course some could argue that Ford had known him for years and that the fact that Arthur had shown him signs right and left should have been a big indicator. He looked over the article again, and with a resigned sigh, shut the Guide off and slipped it back into his satchel. Having completed this objective, Ford went back to sulking, flopping back onto the bed with a sigh. "Belgium….. maybe I did blow it." he muttered to himself, staring up at the ceiling.

He had just gotten himself into full out brooding, when he heard some odd sounds coming from the hallway outside of his room. He sat up and listened to it for a moment, trying to make out what the sounds were exactly. He heard giggling, and sighing, and rolled his eyes. "Probably just Trill and Zaphod again…." he muttered, pushing himself lethargically off of the bed. He had just made it to the door to tell them to move it along, when he heard a male's voice groan, and say, "Oh GOD…!!" and another voice mumble something to him about, "earthsex…" Ford stopped, realizing whose voices those were and his eyes narrowed. "Arthur…."

Ford barged out of his room, in time to see Xyr pin Arthur up against the wall and ravage his body, the earthman crying out in drunken ecstasy. Ford watched horrified as the alien rode Arthur up against the wall, the human mewling and pressing back against him, wanting more, deeper, harder. The Betelgeusian growled deep in his chest and his fingers curled into claws. "HAND OVER THE EARTHMAN, AND NOBODY GETS HURT." He growled, anger flushing his pale face, making his freckles stand out. He stalked over to them, and grabbed Xyr's shoulder, spinning him off of Arthur and onto the floor. Arthur turned around and saw Ford standing over Xyr, looking utterly pissed. He tried to focus his eyes on them, but only managed to make them cross funny. "F-Ford??" he asked, sliding down the wall to the floor. Ford spun around and saw Arthur lying funny on the floor, and he rushed over to him. "Arthur! What's wrong??" he asked, looking into his eyes worriedly. He saw the tell-tale signs in Arthur's eyes, and his own went red from anger. Spinning around on Xyr, Ford marched towards him, and grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him violently. "WHAT THE PHOTON DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!?! Giving him Altarian SexFly!!! HE'S ONLY A HUMAN, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KILL HIM?!?!?" Altarian SexFly, as any noteworthy hitchhiker should know, is the most powerful aphrodisiac in the universe, causing extreme high-like euphoria and an over stimulated sex-drive. Of course many weaker species in the various galaxies have experienced side effects, including mental breakdowns, terminal reproductive organ damage, and death. Seeing as how humans are less developed than most other organisms in the universe, it is safe to consider them a weaker species.

Xyr stared up at Ford with contempt. "Look here now, he wanted this!! And It's not like you should care at all, he's not yours!" he stood up, and glared down at Ford, his own hands curling into fists. Ford didn't back down, pulling his towel out with shaking fists. "He's MY human, so you better back off!!" Arthur heard Ford say this, and his eyes widened. "Yours?!? So NOW you want me, even after you kept trying to rub it in my face that obviously I'm not good enough!!" Arthur got unsteadily to his feet, and glared at Ford. Xyr sneered at Ford, and in return got an elbow to his groin, laying him out flat on the floor. Ford stalked over angrily to Arthur. "I never said you weren't good enough!" Arthur, despite being high, crossed his arms and glowered at the Betelgeuisian. "Oh right of course!! Because EVERYONE shows their interest in someone by making them jealous and flaunting a one-night-stand in front of them like it was a bloody trophy!" he snapped, turning away.

Xyr got back up to his feet and tried to get in the thick of the argument. Ford turned on him, and snarled; "If you want to keep all of your limbs in their proper positions, I suggest you leave now, AND DON'T THINK ABOUT COMING BACK!!" he finished with a roar, chasing the alien out of the ship with his voice. When he saw that Xyr was gone, he turned back to Arthur who was leaning against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. "Arthur, why did you get involved with someone like that??" he asked, taking a step towards him. Arthur looked at him, shocked. "YOU DID THE SAME THING TO ME!!! Every time we stopped so that Zaphod could get drunk off of his ass, you would pick somebody up and bring them back here. And don't think to tell me that you didn't do it just to spite me!!! I could hear you!" he cried, looking away. Ford stared at him, and then looked towards his room, where the Guide sat silent. "Arthur…. I thought that's what I had to do to get you to come to me!! I've ALWAYS liked you!!!"

"Then why didn't you just tell me??" Arthur asked, sitting down weakly on the floor. The drug had begun to take a more serious affect on him, and he felt like he wanted to either: have a mental breakdown, terminally damage his reproductive organs or die. Ford noticed this, and grabbed Arthur's elbow. "Come on. Into my room. We need to get you well, and then we'll discuss this."

Exactly forty two minutes later, Arthur was lying on Ford's bed with a cold pack over his forehead, and the drug purged from his system, which wasn't such a pretty experience. If Arthur were asked what it was like, his most likely response would be to laugh raucously in your face, and walk away. This is a typical response from organisms that have experienced Altarian SexFly withdrawal. If one should meet a person who is suffering from this withdrawal, the preferred response would be to turn tail and flee in the opposite direction. However in the case of Arthur Dent, the party in question did not wish to recount the events of his brief but painful experience, so the reader is left to his/her devices as to imagine how the withdrawal took place.

Arthur stared up at the ceiling, not wanting to look at Ford. He thought over what Ford had told him, mentally cursing this whole situation. Suddenly the bed shifted, and Arthur turned his head to look at the cause. Ford sat on the edge of his bed looking down at the human, sullenly. "Look Arthur… I am sorry. I thought jealousy was the one thing that brought humans together who happened to like each other." Arthur stared up at him. "No… TALKING about it and actually doing something positive brings them together, not screwing around just to make them pissed."

Ford looked down at him. "Well if that's the case, then why did you do the same thing to me, and not talk to ME first???" Arthur went to say something, and closed his mouth. He tried again, and still nothing came out. Ford had a point. He was no better. "Because… because… I wanted you to feel the same way I did. I wanted you to know how it felt." he said finally, looking away. Ford said nothing. Arthur reciprocated. The two of them looked at each other, staring into eyes that shared the same bewilderment. Finally, the Betelgeusian broke the galactic ice, lying down next to Arthur. "Arthur… would you like to talk about it??" he said quietly. Arthur turned his head to look at the form lying next to him. "…. Ford… How long have you liked me??" he asked softly, leaning closer to him. Ford sighed a very small sigh. "I think it was the day we met that I knew I liked you so much. But I had done enough research on human etiquette that I didn't want to say anything. I didn't want you to think I was cracked."

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "You are cracked, Ford. To be quite frank, you are not normal." Ford didn't move, still staring at the human. He waited for Arthur to elaborate, whilst Arthur floundered to redeem his choice of wording. "What I mean is…. You're not human. I suppose I could understand how you could have confused the meaning of jealousy. No, we don't use jealousy to get those we love; it is just a natural reaction we get to seeing those that we care about in the arms of another person or… worse." he said, turning away from Ford for a moment. Ford reached out and cupped Arthur's chin in his hand. "Arthur…. I am sorry. I really care about you…. I really do." He whispered, sending a shiver through Arthur. He turned to face the redhead next to him, and he smiled. "You are forgiven." he cooed, pulling closer to the Betelgeusian. He snuggled up to him, nuzzling under Ford's chin, and grinned to hear the deep rumbling purr that emanated from his chest. It was almost like cuddling with a large bipedal cat with curly red hair and electric blue eyes. "Ford…. Why did you get so defensive of me?"

Ford shrugged, wrapping his arms around Arthur's shoulders. "Well Arthur, Betelgeusians are very possessive. When there is one that we have an emotional and romantic attachment to, we tend to get very defensive of them." Arthur laughed. "I see…. So that is why you nearly killed him." Ford shrugged his shoulders again, and pulled Arthur closer to him, his purring deepening in pitch. Arthur giggled, to which Ford grinned down at him. "What??" the Betelgeusian asked, tilting Arthur's head up towards him. Arthur shook his head slowly. "Nothing… I just like that is all…." Arthur whispered, their lips mere inches apart. Ford shivered, feeling Arthur's warm breath on his face, and his eyes drifted shut. He inched closer to the earthman, the need to make this contact growing stronger with each breath that intermingled with the human's. Arthur, in return, felt gooseflesh prick at his skin with the anticipation, and he snaked his arm around the back of Ford's neck, pulling him closer. This was something Arthur had been waiting to do for years, and now his moment had come; to profess his love to Ford, and now he had the satisfaction of knowing that he was not alone in his feelings.

They closed the gap between each other, their lips brushing in a feather soft kiss that set off sparks behind their eyes. Their grip on each other tightened as if there were the threat of loss if either loosened their grip even in the slightest. Ford's heart equivalent beat a two-step march in his chest, and his breath caught in his throat. Arthur's taste, his aroma clouded his mind with desire and rapture, and he gently tangled his hands in his hair, pulling him into a deeper, more sensual kiss. Arthur whimpered slightly, flicking his tongue out slightly, begging entrance between Ford's soft lips. He leaned forward into the kiss, his tongue roaming free inside the pink flesh of his mouth, the two of them swallowing up each other's breaths in a deep soul kiss neither ever wanted to end. Ford turned slightly, leaning over Arthur on the bed, dominating the kiss. He slung one leg over Arthur's, lying across him heavily; Arthur, in turn, gasped slightly, pressing up against him as the heat of their love made itself known against one another.

Ford pulled Arthur's collar down slightly, moving his light kisses from his lips to the space of flesh between the neck and shoulder, leaving behind tiny nip marks, red and tingling, along the flesh. Arthur mewled, pressing up against him. He reached down and slowly pulled Ford's shirt out of the tops of his pants, and then quickly yanked the stripped jacket off, and pulled the argyle sweater vest over the top of his head, both articles of clothing fluttering to the floor. Not disturbing Ford's ministrations to his neck, he undid the buttons down the front of his shirt, and slipped the soft cloth off of his white shoulders and back, that too fluttering to the floor. Ford, now topless, began to undo Arthur's shirt, and stopped for a moment, looking down confused at the shirt. "Um… Arthur… whose clothes are you wearing???" he asked, not recognizing the outfit. Arthur blushed, looking down at himself. "It's uh… Zaphod's…. I didn't exactly want to go into the club wearing my dressing gown and pajama pants. Didn't feel right." He said, slightly embarrassed. Ford grinned. "Well… I like it when you wear your dressing gown…." He said softly, brushing his lips over Arthur's ear, taking the earlobe in between his teeth and massaging the flesh slightly. "… It's easier to get your clothes off that way." Arthur melted.

"Ford…" he gasped, pressing up further against him, rubbing his hips up against Ford's, their swelling cocks rubbing through the cloth. Ford moved from Arthur's ear to his lips, taking the bottom lip in between his teeth, and sucking, drawing blood to the surface. He then switched between sucking and nibbling, rolling the lip between his teeth in a gentle but firm bite bruising the lip slightly. Arthur panted, a light sheen of sweat building on his brow. He wrapped his arms around Ford's back, pulling him closer, as he gently ground his hips up against him, whimpering. Ford, pushing himself up slightly, worked furiously at the buttons on Arthur's shirt, ripping it off of his back and throwing it over his shoulder. He then moved to his belt, yanking the pants down and off, to join the rest of the accumulating pile next to the bed. But when he went to remove his own pants, Arthur stopped him.

"Allow me…" he said, with a twinkle in his eyes. Ford raised an eyebrow, and watched as Arthur slowly pushed him onto his back, sliding his hands up his torso to his chest. Arthur reached up, his fingers searching lightly over Ford's chest until he found a pert nipple, rolling it between his fingers. Ford gasped, bucking his hips upward. "ARTHUR…!!" The human, not giving it, continued to tweak the nipple slightly, and leaned his head down to the tops of his pants. He gripped the zipper between his teeth, slowly drawing the zipper down, using his free hand to pull the tops of the pants down. Once he had the pants off, he leaned up with his head again, and gripped the tops of his underwear between his teeth, pulling them off as well. He hesitated slightly over his trembling cock to brush at it slightly with his chin, to which Ford cried out, the slight touch nearly driving him crazy. Arthur hummed his approval and looked over the now completely naked Ford, smiling. He leaned his naked body down on him, straddling his waist, and pressing up against his waiting cock, grinning down at Ford. "Well…??" he said, smiling at him. Ford shook his head, pulling Arthur down closer to him, penetrating his mouth with his tongue. Ford purred hard, the vibrations thrumming against Arthur's chest. He reached up to Arthur's mouth, slipping a finger in between his trembling lips. "Come on, human…." He said, staring into his eyes. Arthur sucked hard on Ford's finger, swirling his tongue over it, getting the finger spit-slathered for what he knew was coming next. Ford removed his finger from his mouth, and reached around behind Arthur, gently massaging the tight muscles, before pressing into his entrance. Arthur groaned loudly, pressing back against his hand. He felt the light thrusting of Ford's finger against him, before he stopped momentarily, adding a second finger. Arthur whined slightly, his need growing beyond what Ford's fingers could give.

"Ford…. Please… take me!!" he begged, pressing hard against his hand. Ford nodded, removing his hand after a final tiny thrust of his fingers. He scooted up closer to the headboard, leaning up against it with his back, so that Arthur was sitting more on his lap. He felt the human wrap his arms around him tighter, straddling his waist. He adjusted Arthur into the perfect position, and staring into Arthur's eyes, slid inside of him. Ford's eyes went wide at this sensation, gasping; Arthur's head fell back as a half-choked cry ripped from his chest, the penetration of Ford's erection pulsing inside of him. They sat this way for the longest time, reveling in this heaven-sent sensation, panting. Ford leaned forward, nuzzling his face into the crook of Arthur's neck, breathing in the scent of his desires. Arthur felt the teasing brush of Ford's lips against his neck, and he jumped, unconsciously causing a slight thrusting motion between them. "Oh ZARQUON!!!" Ford cried out, the slight movement of flesh against flesh driving him over the edge. He gripped Arthur's legs tightly, bucking his hips up into Arthur's warmth in an almost frantic motion. "GOD FORD!!!" Arthur nearly screamed, leaning heavily against him.

Ford suddenly flipped Arthur over onto his back, so that he was leaning over him, staring down into his eyes with wild passion. He grabbed a pale leg and threw it over his shoulder, his hands on either side of Arthur's shoulders. The human reached up and locked his hands behind Ford's neck, pulling him down into a deep, rough kiss. Ford struggled to control himself, but the heady scent of his lover's needs overpowered him, and he began to thrust passionately into him, his untamed growl reverberating in their chests. Arthur moaned loudly into the back of Ford's throat with each wild plunge, his will weakening. He knew that he wasn't going to last much longer. "F-Fooord… I.."

Just then, the Betelgeusian shifted his position slightly, brushing up against a spot, oh GOD that sweet spot that sent even the most tamed individuals into spirals of bliss, all inhibitions chewed up and tossed out the window. Arthur threw his head back with a muted scream that grew with each time Ford hit that spot with his thrusts. "…..aaaAHH!! OHGODFORDPLEASEYESOHGODFUCKYESYESFUUCK!!!" Arthur shouted, his orgasm ripping through him, and he clenched tightly, riding up against Ford, his cock throbbing after its release. Ford felt Arthur tighten around him, and he came hard, thrusting uncontrollably in the throes of his orgasm. "ARTHUR!!!" he cried, collapsing onto his chest, panting heavily. The two of them lay tangled up in the afterglow of their lovemaking, sweaty and sticky, breathing heavily together. Arthur looked up at Ford, and laughed to see Ford's pale face flushed, his bright blue eyes wide in shock.

"Arthur…." He murmured, his growl replaced with the deep purring of satisfaction, as he lay down next to him, his arms still wrapped around him. Arthur cuddled up to his lover, smiling. He felt Ford's breathe on his face slow, and he knew that he was beginning to fall asleep. His smile grew even wider when Ford, half asleep, whispered, "Mine… my sriataer..." At this, Arthur felt complete, utterly happy and very much in love. He closed his eyes, and drifted off into sleep, still in the arms of his lover.

Trillian, standing outside of Ford's bedroom door, smiled to herself, and with a satisfied nod, turned away, to join Zaphod in his room. "My work here is done…."

THE END