Doggett smiled with delight as he slumped onto the sofa. He was so happy and contented
at the fact that he was about to watch his most favourite film ever, Titanic. It had to be the
twentieth time he had partaken in the viewing of the blockbuster but he loved it so much that
each time he watched it, the more he enjoyed it. His particularly favourite part was when
Jack tells Rose to climb onto the railings and she says "I'm flying Jack".
Suddenly a knock at the door caused him to switch off the TV with speed, had he been spotted
watching the girlie film? Had he left a gap in the curtain allowing a nosy person to spy on him?
He rushed to the front door and yanked it open to be greeted with the view of Scully looking
as depressed as ever,
"Scully?" He asked
"Mind if I come in?" She asked as she invited herself in
"No of course not" He said in an angered manner, why couldn't he just have a cosy night infront
of the tv?
"Doggett this place is a mess" She bitched as she admired the old clothes, shoes, magazines and
crumbs incrusted on the carpet.
"Well I didn't have time to tidy up today" He lied, really he just couldn't be bothered.
Scully removed a pair of sweaty socks from the sofa and took a seat,
"So what brings you here?" Doggett asked with a sigh as he sat down
"It's Skinner" She replied, "He's at my house again taking over the TV...I had to get out so I
asked him to babysit William for me" She blurted out with stress, "I had nowhere to go so..."
She didn't bother to finish her sentence, she could hardly tell him that she had only popped
around because everyone else was out of town and he had been her last resort.
"Well maybe its time you said something Scully, how could you let him push you out of your
own home?" Doggett asked, "I'm surprised he isn't down Shnitso's anyway" He added in reference
to Skinner's returned mid-life crisis and the fact that he had been partying at the bar alot
lately.
"How can I?" Scully asked, "I would feel dreadful turfing him out on the street"
"Why? He does have a home to go to Scully"
"I know but-"
"But nothing" Doggett said abruptly, "You have to tell him or it will just get worse"
Scully sighed, for once Doggett was actually right, it was the best piece of advice he had ever
given all the time she had known him.
"I can't...would you have a talk to him for me?" She asked
"What?" Doggett asked with surprise, "Me?"
"Yes well you have been getting on better with him since well, you know...his problem returned"
She said
"But he will still go crazy" Doggett said. Scully's face fell with sadness, her chin almost
touched the floor and Doggett found her expression to resemble that of a saggy pancake. A pang
of guilt suddenly swept over him, would it be so bad to have a talk with Skinner? Maybe he would
take the news okay due to his 'condition' and he did seem to be a lot more tolerant lately.
"Okay, okay I'll speak to him" He decided with a sigh
"You will!" She bellowed as a large smile engulfed her face, "Great!" She added as she quickly
rose to her feet, "No time like the present" She said as she looked at her watch. If Doggett
could get Skinner out before eight it would give her just enough time to prepare for Buffy
and Angel.
"Now?" Doggett asked with surprise, "I'll speak to him tomorrow"
"Please!" She cacked with a scream, Doggett looked at her with shock. Was it his mind playing
tricks on him or was she actually cacking before his eyes?
"Fine" He sighed
"Thankyou Doggett, you don't known how much this means to me!"
"I think I do" He said with depression as he grabbed his shoes from their position on the floor
where he had kicked them off when he came home from work.
SCULLY'S APARTMENT
Scully pushed her key into the lock with speed and rushed into the apartment. Doggett
followed to see Skinner slouching on the sofa with William in his baby chair on the floor. He
was rocking the chair with his foot whith a smile on his face.
Doggett wondered why Blues Clues was on the TV when William was asleep in his chair, was
Skinner actually enjoing the viewing of the childrens programme?
"Oh hello there agent Scully" Skinner smiled when he acknowledged the presence of the agents,
"Agent Doggett what brings you to our shores?"
Our shores? Doggett wondered, as in his and Scully's shores? Was he actually implying that it was
his and Scully's house?
"Oh just came to see William" He smiled as he looked at the cute sleeping baby
"Well he's asleep" Skinner said as he returned his attention to the TV.
Doggett looked at Scully to find her missing from his side. He guessed that was his cue to have
'the talk' with Skinner.
He quickly made his way over to the sofa and took a seat only to recieve a shake of the head
and a tutting noise from Skinner for accidently nudging him,
"So sir has William been behaving himself?" Doggett asked
"Yes"
"Good, er...so why didn't you go to Shnitso's tonight?"
Skinner turned to give him a frosty glare,
"Because I didn't want to go agent Doggett" He said.
"Oh right, so do you come here often?" Doggett asked not meaning it to sound much like a chat-up
line
"Yes I do" Skinner replied bluntly
"Don't you have a TV at home sir?"
"Yes agent Doggett...is this leading somewhere?" He asked with suspicion.
Doggett almost said 'no' in defence but what would he say then? How would he tell him about his
constant intrusions on Scully's privacy if he had said 'no'?
"Y...yes" He stuttered
"Really, well would you just spit it out agent Doggett?"
"Er...well...don't you think that you might...you know be intruding on Scully sometimes?" He
blurted out.
Skinner sat in silence unable to accept what he had just heard, had Doggett accused HIM of being
somekind of intruder?
"I hope you can explain yourself agent Doggett!" He said with anger as his face began to turn
a bright shade of red.
"Er...well...I just think that Scully would like to-"
"What! What would agent Scully like to do huh?"
"Er..." He found himself unable to speak with fear and found his body begin to tremble. Skinner
looked so mean, why was he suddenly so nasty again? He had mellowed down recently when he
became under the influence of his crisis again. He found himself so scared that he wanted to run,
but run where? He would have to face him in work the next day anyway.
"Scully!" He found himself hollering
"Agent Doggett you have severly crossed the line here!" Skinner shouted
Scully rushed into the room with speed due to Doggett's frantic call. She walked in to see him
perched on the edge of the sofa like a little boy while Skinner stared at him with a red face.
She put two and two together and guessed Doggett had informed him about his intrusions.
"Er...whats going on?" She asked trying to sound all innocent
"Agent Doggett here thinks I'm an intruder" Skinner said
"Oh...right" She replied
"Scully you should say something" Doggett said through a shaken and scared tone. He found himself
passing the buck to Scully as he could no longer take the pressure.
"What?" She asked, had he actually told Skinner it was her who thought him to be an intruder?
"Agent Scully?" Skinner asked as the anger dissapeared from his aura, "Did you put agent Doggett
up to this?"
Scully found herself unable to answer, how could Doggett do such a thing? How could he tell him
the truth? That she had put him up to it.
"Er...well I didn't actually say you were an intruder but...but..."
Skinner suddenly jumped up from the sofa and grabbed his coat,
"I know when my presence is no longer wanted" He said sadly.
"Skinner...wait I do want you here just...just..." Scully found herself struggling with her words
"Just not every night?" Doggett asked wondering if those were the words she was looking for.
"Oh so you think I'm here every night?" Skinner asked as his voice again sounded angered and
menacing.
"No...no, I was just asking Scully if that's what she-"
"Don't give me bullshit agent Doggett, I know exactly what you meant!" He said as he stormed
over to the door.
"But I didn't-" Before he had the chance to finish the assistant director had vanished out into
the hall slamming the door behind him and waking William in the process.
"Now look what you've done!" Scully screeched as she rushed to attend to her baby,
"Me?" Doggett asked with surprise
"Get out of my home!" She found herself shouting
"What? Why?" He asked amonsgt all the confusion, why was she chucking him out for doing exactly
what she asked him to do? Before he had a chance to question her further he saw her marching
toward him with speed with William bundled under her arm, "Okay okay, I'm going!" He said
defensively before rushing out of her home.
THE NEXT MORNING: FBI HEADQUATERS
Doggett walked down the hall with sadness, he was depressed due to the fact that he had
made two enemies in one night. He clutched his bag of doughnuts tightly as he stepped into the
lift, he found himself face to face with agent Chopstix. He realised that it had been a long
while since the two agents had last aquainted themselves with eachother,
"Hi" He smiled
"Oh hi Doggett" Chopstix said with a cheerful wave, "Hows things?"
"Okay I guess" He lied, "Still working with Scrag?"
"Yep, but not lately, I've been a bit busy with the band and all" He replied.
Band? What band? Doggett didn't remember ever hearing of a band,
"The band?" He found himself asking with interest
"Yeah, you haven't heard?"
"No"
"Oh me, Willmore and Chow have started up our own band" Chopstix informed, "We've been prepairing
for a gig on Friday night"
"Willmore and Chow formed a band with you?" Doggett asked with disbelief and jealousy.
"Yep, only problem is we need someone to shake a tambourine for our songs. Willmore tried to do
it but he couldn't sing at the same time so-"
"You need someone to play tambourine?" Doggett asked suddenly perking up from his downtrodden
mood, "I play tambourine really well" He lied, really he had never came into contact with such
an instrument in all his life.
"You can shake a tambourine?"
"Yeah well theres nothing to it, just shake it to the rythm right?" He smiled, hoping he would
be accepted into the 'band'.
"Well I suppose nobody else is gonna come and audition...and we really need someone for Friday
night so I'll run it past the guys" Chopstix decided.
Doggett suddenly felt himself propelled back to a memory of when he, Chopstix and Chow had
formed a band for the annual talent contest and sang 'teenage dirtbag'. He found himself
smiling at the memory and quickly faced Chopstix,
"Great" He smiled trying not to sound too excited, he didn't want to make a bad impression.
Suddenly the lift came to a halt,
"Well catch you later the dog" Chopstox smiled as the doors glided open
"Yeah" Doggett said feeling rather angry for being refered to as 'the dog' the new nickname that
he rather disliked. Chopstix departed the lift and it travelled down to the basement floor where
Doggett stepped out and made his way to his and Scully's office.
He felt so happy about the prospect of being in a band that he forgot all about his incident with
Scully the night before. He strolled into the office with a pleasant smile on his face only to
be greeted with the view of Scully and Skinner perched either side of her desk with a cup of
coffee to hand. The position they usually sat in when they were bitching about someone. But who?
Doggett wondered and then suddenly remembered the night before and the fact that he was neither
of their favourite person at the moment.
He didn't know wether to feel angry that they had spent the morning bitching about him or
relieved that they had got the incident off their chest.
"Look what the cat dragged in" Skinner said in a bitchy and sarcastic manner
"Morning" Doggett smiled in an attempt to suck up. The two agents ignored his pleasant greeting
and instead stared at him coldly looking almost twisted and evil.
He felt embarrassed, should he say something? Or just walk over to his desk as he would on a
usual morning? He quickly decided on the latter and rushed over to his desk and took a seat.
He looked back to see them both still staring as if waiting for him to say something, but what?
He turned his attention to his computer and switched it on in an attempt to stop them from
staring. He quickly slid a disk into the hard-drive and found a file Mulder had made a while
before he had departed to Rhode Island. The file named, 'polish-head' contained only an amusing
story about Skinner, he quickly removed the disk from the computer so as to stop Skinner from
seeing it.
Doggett suddenly heard the sounds of his doughnut bag rustling, he found himself intinctively
shooting his hand out without looking to feel something cold and hard. With confusion he turned
his head to see that he had clasped his hand around Skinner's cold boney hand, he found his
eyes travelling up to see Skinner's face lingering just infront of his. Doggett jumped with
fright, how had he got there so silently?
Skinner's face looked more twisted than ever, Doggett found a large fart quickly disperse from
his arse due to the fright he suddenly felt. He would have usually found the squealchy, rumbly
and potent atrocity amusing but not in this case.
"AGENT DOGGETT!" Skinner bellowed, "How dare you grab my hand and pass wind in my company!"
"Er...er...sorry...I-"
"Get your hand off!" He said and Doggett quickly removed his hand only to see Skinner grab the
doughnuts. Was he actually taking his doughnuts?
"I think you owe me these" Skinner said as he quickly rushed back to the chair on the opposit
side of Scully's desk. Doggett couldn't believe what had happened, he had actually stolen his
lunch. Was Skinner actually cacking for the dough products?
Scully grabbed a can of body spray from her drawer and sprayed it around the office to rid the
atmosphere of the stinky gas diverted from Doggett's arse.
"Y-you can't do that!" Doggett found himself exclaiming with cackiness, "I bought those!"
Skinner removed a pink-iced doughnut from the bag and took a large, greedy bite.
Doggett found himself in a situation he couldn't deal with, Scully was ignoring him and Skinner
was being nasty and stealing from him. Who would he turn to in such a crisis?
"Well it can be a form of apology can't it?" Skinner said
"Apology for what?" Doggett asked, "Doing something Scully asked me to?" He blabbed
"Don't bother trying to pull that one agent Doggett. Agent Scully here told me all about how
you've been saying she shouldn't let me in and that I'm an intruder" Skinner said.
Doggett couldn't believe his ears,
"What?" He asked, "I never said no such thing!" He looked to Scully to find her guiltily looking
to the floor. She had lied about him to save her own back.
"How could you Scully?" He asked in a tragic tone,
"Don't bother trying to put agent Scully on a guilt trip agent Doggett" Skinner warned as he
took another bite from the doughnut.
Doggett folded his arms and pouted his lips as he began to sulk like a child.
Scully looked over at Doggett, she now felt terrible for blaming it all on him and telling
Skinner that Doggett had said all the things she had said. She realised that the only way to
repay him was to buy him a hefty meal at his favourite burger joint.
Suddenly the door to the office burst open to reveal Chow,
"Doggy!" He screeched, "You're in!"
Doggett looked up from his sulk with confusion before suddenly remembering the band,
"I'm in?!" He asked as a large smile now fulfilled his face, he found himself standing from the
chair with speed. Suddenly nothing mattered anymore, who cared that Scully had lied and bitched?
Who cared that he had upset Skinner? And who cared that he had even stolen his doughnuts?
This was Doggett's moment of happiness and nothing was going to spoil it.
"Whats going on?" Skinner's grumpy face asked as it suddenly filled Doggett's view causing
his happy mood to evaporate.
"He's in our new band" Chow explained, Skinner turned to face the frumpy agent and Doggett
quickly made a motion to Chow, he used his fingers as if to zip his lips. The last thing he
wanted was for Skinner to hear about the band,
"Oh er..." Chow watched as Doggett made strange movements with his hands and lips behind
Skinner.
Doggett wondered if Chow was dumb, why was he just standing there with a puzzled face? He zipped
his lips harder as if to tell Chow not to blab.
"What the hell are you doing agent Doggett?" Skinner asked with anger
"Oh" Doggett hadn't realised the assistant director had turned to face him and seen his little
show.
"Well?"
"Er...I was just er...trying to get something out of my teeth" He lied.
"Really? Well I get distinct impression that theres something going on and I'm not supposed to
know about it!" Skinner said.
"You must be so excited Doggy!" Chow said with happiness, "We have a brand new tambourine just
waiting to be used"
"A tambourine?" Skinner asked, "New band?" He added as he tried to piece together the past few
seconds of conversation, "You're in a band agent Doggett?"
Doggett sighed with unhappiness,
"Yes" He said
"What band?"
"The Tic-tacs" Chow smiled, "Along with me, Willmore and Chopstix"
Big mouth, Doggett thought with anger.
"Really well I wouldn't mind a position in this new band" Skinner said
"Well our position has been given to Doggy sir" Chow said, "We now have a four piece band"
"Well make it a five piece band, I'm sure you could find me a position"
"Well sir there really is no more to do, we have Willmore our singer, Chopstix on drums and
me playing guitar" Chow smiled, "And Doggy of course on tambourine"
Skinner thought hard,
"Well how about a backing singer?" He asked
"Oh well... I hadn't really thought about that sir"
"Well there you go, you're now looking at your new backing singer so I suggest you go and tell
the other tic-tacs to get themselves together for rehearsals in my office at four" Skinner
demanded.
Doggett realised that Skinner was shitting himself in a cackful state to be a part of this
band and now he had spoilt it for Doggett.
"Yes sir" Chow said as he quickly rushed from the office, Doggett found himself slumping back
into his chair and poking his lip into a sulking state. Why did everything get ruined? He had
really wanted to be in the band but now Skinner was going to spoil it all for him,
"How comes you never told of this band?" Scully asked with suspicion
"Oh so I'm not getting the silent treatment now?" Doggett bitched
"Oh come on, don't be so childish lets let by-gones be by-gones" She smiled as she now found
herself cacking for a position in the new band. She had always wanted to be in a band,
"Yeah whatever" Doggett sighed not wishing to continue with their conversation,
"How about lunch at Mizzies?" She asked, "My shout"
Doggett found himself cack big time, did she just mention his most favourite burger bar in the
whole intire world? And that he wouldn't have to spend a cent?
MIZZIES BURGER BAR
Doggett gulped down the remains of his 'spider shake' a concoction of kiddies ice-cream
mixed together to form some kind of milkshake intented for the consumption of small children.
He sucked hard from the twirly green straw before placing the drink, in a cup with a large
picture of spiderman on it back on the table.
"He's going to ruin everything" Doggett exclaimed, "He's just joining the band to get at me"
"Oh don't be so paranoid Doggett, I'm sure that he really does want to be a part of it" Scully
said reassuringly. She was just hoping that she could be too, she would do anything to be in a
band especially with Willmore her dream guy. Doggett sighed heavily,
"Maybe I should just quit" He decided
"No!" Scully cacked, "I mean no because you were in the band first" She needed Doggett to be in
the band so that he could talk the others around into giving her a position. First she had to
talk him around,
"Yeah I suppose so" He agreed, "I was in the band before him but he is a terrible singer and we
have to perform on Friday night" He bellowed like a spoilt child.
"Friday night?" Scully asked,
"Yes"
"Oh...well...you know I could keep Skinner in check for you guys, you know make sure that his
head doesn't get too big to fit through the door" She said
"Really how?" Doggett asked with interest leaning closer to hear her plan.
"Well if I could become a part of the tic-tacs I could make sure everyone gets to do their own
thing and Skinner doesn't take over" She said with hope in the fact that he might just say yes.
Scully found herself crossing her fingers under the table,
Doggett wondered if this was the whole reason she had stopped her silent treatment and bought
him his favourite meal. Was it all part of her plan to get in with the band? Doggett quickly
shook the idea from his mind, afterall she wouldn't stoop that low.
"I'll see what the others think" He said with a smile
Scully found herself almost bursting with excitement but managed to contain it.
"And besides" She said, "Skinner will probably play our songs on Skinman Fm"
Doggett suddenly realised that she was right, maybe the other guys wouldn't blame him for
Skinner's sudden appearance in the Tic-tacs if they realised it could get them some cred.
4 PM SKINNER'S OFFICE
Doggett grabbed ahold of the tambourine from Skinner's desk and turned to face the rest
of the band. Willmore stood infront of the microphone, Chow and Chopstix had switched positions
so Chow was now on drums and Chopstix on guitar. Scully and Skinner stood together infront of
a microphone waiting to do their backing singing,
"Well lets see how we sound" Doggett said as he admired the sad line-up of the excuse for a
musical band. He quickly jumped in between Chopstix and Willmore with his tambourine at the
ready.
"1-2-3-4" Willmore counted and a loud obnoxious sound of clanging and noise fulfilled the room.
Chow banged hard on the drums unaware that he couldn't even play along with Chopstix's noise
on the guitar.
Doggett couldn't believe the sound coming from the agents but shook his tambourine along to the
'rythm' anyway.
"She grew up with the children of the stars" Willmore sang through his nice singing voice along
to 'Lullaby' by Shawn Mullins, "In the hollywood hills and the beaulevard, her parents threw
big parties, everyone was there, they hung out with folks like Dennis Hopper, Bob seager and
Sonny and Cher" He took a deep breath "She feels safe now theres a bar on Fairfax..."
Doggett couldn't believe what he was hearing, the music was absolutely dreadful. The only good
thing was Willmore's voice, suddenly it came to the chorus. Scully and Skinner suddenly
bellowed through the microphone,
"EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALRIGHT, ROCKABYE, ROCKABYE EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALRIGHT..."
They screetched at an unbelieveable tone almost deafening everyone. Willmore flinched as the
atrocious sound sang out around the room, he then realised it was his time to sing,
"She still lives with her mum outside the city-"
"Okay, okay thats it, that is enough!" Doggett demanded as he waved his arms and the tambourine
around. The sound suddenly came to a halt and the room fell silent,
"What the hell did you do that for?" Skinner asked with anger, "We were doing really well"
"Yeah except you weren't shaking the tambourine at the right times" Scully agreed.
"What?" Doggett asked with surprise, "The right times? The whole song wasn't even at the 'right'
time, it was absolutely terrible, nobody can play these instruments...how did you ever think you
could form a band?" Doggett asked as he turned his attention to Chopstix.
"Er...well....I know I'm not exactly Jimi Hendrix but I can work on it" He replied
"And you?" Doggett asked now facing Chow
"Well...I could do with a few lessons but-"
"But nothing, we have to play on Friday night and we aren't even ready" Doggett said
"Yeah I agree" Willmore butted in, "We are really bad"
Scully couldn't believe Willmore was siding with Doggett, how could he do that? Was her singing
really that bad?
"Yeah I guess we are pretty terrible" Chow suddenly agreed.
"Well if you don't like it, you know where the door is" Skinner said
"What? But this is our band" Willmore protested,
"And this is my office and I am now officially taking over the Tic-tacs so if you aren't happy
then leave" Skinner said ignoring Willmore's protests.
"But you can't do that!" Chow exclaimed
"No thats fine, you can have the Tic-tacs and play at George's on Friday" Doggett said, "Come
on guys we can make our own band" He said as he placed the tambourine on the floor.
"Yeah" Willmore said childishly, "Come on, whose with us?"
Chopstix looked to the floor while Scully had a silent cack-fit that her precious Willmore was
actually walking out on her.
"I am" Chow said as he tossed the drumsticks on the floor like a fat kid and menouvered over
to join Willmore and Doggett.
"So you are just going to leave?" Scully asked
"Yep" Doggett replied as the three agents left the room.
"Now what?" Chow asked as they sat in Doggett and Scully's office, "They have all our
instruments"
"Well none of us can play them anyway" Doggett sighed, "So they wouldn't be of any help"
"Maybe we should just forget the whole thing, we can't have a band without instruments and
we play on...oh yeah 'they' play on Friday...we don't even have a place at George's" Willmore
sighed with depression.
"So? How hard can it be? I'll book us a place" Doggett said as he rose from his position at
his desk, "We will have a band and it will be better than the Tic-tacs" He said triumphantly,
"We don't need instruments, do the backstreet boys have instruments? Do n-sync have instruments?
No and neither do we"
"Are you saying we should be some kind of boy-band?" Willmore asked
"Yes, it will be perfect and we won't have to worry about instruments and we can make up our
own dance moves" Doggett said joyously.
"Will we sing or myme?" Chow queried
"Lets sing" Willmore said excitedly
"So we have a deal?" Doggett asked
"Sure do Doggy" Chow smiled
"It's Doggett!" He corrected, "We shall be...the sidestreet guys"
"Yeah kinda like the backstreet boys with a twist" Willmore smiled.
LATER
Scully made her way down the stairs to her and Doggett's office. The Tic-tacs had managed
to find replacements for Doggett, Willmore and Chow in the form of Agent's Potzanpanz, Shue
and Whoopi. They had just finished their rehearsal session and she had thought them to be
quite good...apart from Skinner's tragic singing and she was so happy that she had been the
one to take Willmore's place as lead singer.
She rushed down the hall and to their office where she suddenly heard the sounds of what
seemed to be a recognisable song from her teenage years, 'schools out' by Alice Cooper. But it
didn't sound like Alice Cooper's voice at all. She found herself falling to her knees to peek
through the keyhole and she couldn't accept the sight that beheld her eyes. Doggett, Willmore
and Chow where standing in a line doing some kind of jumping dance while moving their arms
in a simultaneous manner that looked like it came straight from an N-sync video.
"...School's out for summer..." The three agents sang and done a weird arm movement to the
small beat between the next line, "Scools out for ever..."
She had to admit that they looked particularly horrific, especially with Chow prancing around
and making his blubber wobble around like a hippo on a bad day.
They couldn't possibly be thinking of doing their show at George's Bar on Friday night, they
would totally show themselves up.
"Agent Scully, whats going on?" A voice asked from behind causing her to jump,
"Oh hi sir" She said as she spotted Skinner giving her an odd look as if to ask why she was
kneeling on the floor spying into her own office.
"They have a band" She said,
"You mean agent Doggett has formed another band?" He asked in anger before storming over to the
door to see for himself.
"Yes but I don't think we have anything to worry about" She said with a little giggle.
Skinner pushed the door open and dashed into the office with speed only to see the three agents
doing some kind of twisty dance to an Alice Cooper song.
"Agent Doggett what the hell is going on?" He asked
Doggett, Willmore and Chow suddenly stopped in their tracks,
"Oh...er...hi sir" Doggett said with embarrassment
"I see you are trying to compete with us"
"No...just er doing a bit of excersise" He lied
"You can't fool me agent Doggett, you can 'try' to compete if you wish but you will never beat
the Rhubarbs" Skinner said menacingly.
"Er...the rhubarbs?" Willmore questioned
"Our new name" Scully smiled in a flirty manner to her dream guy.
FRIDAY NIGHT: GEORGE'S BAR
Scully climbed out of the car along with Skinner. She was so excited about singing in
her very own band, the rest of the rhubarbs had got there earlier to prepare.
"I can't wait!" She said to Skinner as they menouvered up to the doors
"Yes I just hope those losers don't show, they'll give us all a bad name" Skinner moaned.
They walked inside only to see Doggett, Willmore and Chow standing on the stage,
"Good evening everyone" Willmore smiled, "We're the sidestreet guys" He added only to hear
a few clapping sounds and some laughter.
"I don't believe that stupid agent!" Skinner bellowed with anger in reference to Doggett.
Doggett got into position between Willmore and Chow and they awaited the start of the song
to blare from the speakers.
"Hey Doggy, you're on my foot" Chow whispered, Doggett gave him a dirty look along with a tut
as he moved his foot away. Suddenly the music started and they three agents began their dance,
they menouvered around the stage and flung their arms around.
Scully couldn't believe what she was seeing, the whole entire bar fell about laughing at their
'act'.
"Hey thats your partner isn't it?" A voice asked from beside her, she turned to see agent
Krab laughing hysterically,
"Er...no" She lied as she quickly moved away.
Doggett had never felt so happy in all his life, he had never dreamed he would actually be in
his very own band doing their very own dance moves.
Suddenly he felt his little foot bend to one side during their 'robot' routine, his leg
accompanied the strange movement and he suddenly found himself coliding with the hard floor in
an unusual manner, but it didn't end there he found himself knocking Chow over in the process
causing him to fall off the stage and land on a table with a hefty noise.
The music suddenly came to a stop and the bar fell silent,
"Doggett!" Willmore whispered through embarrassment,
"Ouch" Chow muttered as he layed sprawled out on the table.
Doggett found the embarrassment too much to take, how could he stand up and face everyone?
What would he do? What would he say?
"Get up!" Willmore demanded in a hushed tone.
Doggett found a plan slip into his mind, he would jump up with speed and rush off the stage and
out of the exit doors to the right.
He quickly got to a sitting position and attempted to stand but the worst thing that could have
possibly happened, did. A large, disgusting, terdy fart emerged from his arse sounding much
like a foghorn on a boat. His face grew a bright shade of red as laughter hollered around the
room. How would he ever get over this? He asked himself.
THE END
at the fact that he was about to watch his most favourite film ever, Titanic. It had to be the
twentieth time he had partaken in the viewing of the blockbuster but he loved it so much that
each time he watched it, the more he enjoyed it. His particularly favourite part was when
Jack tells Rose to climb onto the railings and she says "I'm flying Jack".
Suddenly a knock at the door caused him to switch off the TV with speed, had he been spotted
watching the girlie film? Had he left a gap in the curtain allowing a nosy person to spy on him?
He rushed to the front door and yanked it open to be greeted with the view of Scully looking
as depressed as ever,
"Scully?" He asked
"Mind if I come in?" She asked as she invited herself in
"No of course not" He said in an angered manner, why couldn't he just have a cosy night infront
of the tv?
"Doggett this place is a mess" She bitched as she admired the old clothes, shoes, magazines and
crumbs incrusted on the carpet.
"Well I didn't have time to tidy up today" He lied, really he just couldn't be bothered.
Scully removed a pair of sweaty socks from the sofa and took a seat,
"So what brings you here?" Doggett asked with a sigh as he sat down
"It's Skinner" She replied, "He's at my house again taking over the TV...I had to get out so I
asked him to babysit William for me" She blurted out with stress, "I had nowhere to go so..."
She didn't bother to finish her sentence, she could hardly tell him that she had only popped
around because everyone else was out of town and he had been her last resort.
"Well maybe its time you said something Scully, how could you let him push you out of your
own home?" Doggett asked, "I'm surprised he isn't down Shnitso's anyway" He added in reference
to Skinner's returned mid-life crisis and the fact that he had been partying at the bar alot
lately.
"How can I?" Scully asked, "I would feel dreadful turfing him out on the street"
"Why? He does have a home to go to Scully"
"I know but-"
"But nothing" Doggett said abruptly, "You have to tell him or it will just get worse"
Scully sighed, for once Doggett was actually right, it was the best piece of advice he had ever
given all the time she had known him.
"I can't...would you have a talk to him for me?" She asked
"What?" Doggett asked with surprise, "Me?"
"Yes well you have been getting on better with him since well, you know...his problem returned"
She said
"But he will still go crazy" Doggett said. Scully's face fell with sadness, her chin almost
touched the floor and Doggett found her expression to resemble that of a saggy pancake. A pang
of guilt suddenly swept over him, would it be so bad to have a talk with Skinner? Maybe he would
take the news okay due to his 'condition' and he did seem to be a lot more tolerant lately.
"Okay, okay I'll speak to him" He decided with a sigh
"You will!" She bellowed as a large smile engulfed her face, "Great!" She added as she quickly
rose to her feet, "No time like the present" She said as she looked at her watch. If Doggett
could get Skinner out before eight it would give her just enough time to prepare for Buffy
and Angel.
"Now?" Doggett asked with surprise, "I'll speak to him tomorrow"
"Please!" She cacked with a scream, Doggett looked at her with shock. Was it his mind playing
tricks on him or was she actually cacking before his eyes?
"Fine" He sighed
"Thankyou Doggett, you don't known how much this means to me!"
"I think I do" He said with depression as he grabbed his shoes from their position on the floor
where he had kicked them off when he came home from work.
SCULLY'S APARTMENT
Scully pushed her key into the lock with speed and rushed into the apartment. Doggett
followed to see Skinner slouching on the sofa with William in his baby chair on the floor. He
was rocking the chair with his foot whith a smile on his face.
Doggett wondered why Blues Clues was on the TV when William was asleep in his chair, was
Skinner actually enjoing the viewing of the childrens programme?
"Oh hello there agent Scully" Skinner smiled when he acknowledged the presence of the agents,
"Agent Doggett what brings you to our shores?"
Our shores? Doggett wondered, as in his and Scully's shores? Was he actually implying that it was
his and Scully's house?
"Oh just came to see William" He smiled as he looked at the cute sleeping baby
"Well he's asleep" Skinner said as he returned his attention to the TV.
Doggett looked at Scully to find her missing from his side. He guessed that was his cue to have
'the talk' with Skinner.
He quickly made his way over to the sofa and took a seat only to recieve a shake of the head
and a tutting noise from Skinner for accidently nudging him,
"So sir has William been behaving himself?" Doggett asked
"Yes"
"Good, er...so why didn't you go to Shnitso's tonight?"
Skinner turned to give him a frosty glare,
"Because I didn't want to go agent Doggett" He said.
"Oh right, so do you come here often?" Doggett asked not meaning it to sound much like a chat-up
line
"Yes I do" Skinner replied bluntly
"Don't you have a TV at home sir?"
"Yes agent Doggett...is this leading somewhere?" He asked with suspicion.
Doggett almost said 'no' in defence but what would he say then? How would he tell him about his
constant intrusions on Scully's privacy if he had said 'no'?
"Y...yes" He stuttered
"Really, well would you just spit it out agent Doggett?"
"Er...well...don't you think that you might...you know be intruding on Scully sometimes?" He
blurted out.
Skinner sat in silence unable to accept what he had just heard, had Doggett accused HIM of being
somekind of intruder?
"I hope you can explain yourself agent Doggett!" He said with anger as his face began to turn
a bright shade of red.
"Er...well...I just think that Scully would like to-"
"What! What would agent Scully like to do huh?"
"Er..." He found himself unable to speak with fear and found his body begin to tremble. Skinner
looked so mean, why was he suddenly so nasty again? He had mellowed down recently when he
became under the influence of his crisis again. He found himself so scared that he wanted to run,
but run where? He would have to face him in work the next day anyway.
"Scully!" He found himself hollering
"Agent Doggett you have severly crossed the line here!" Skinner shouted
Scully rushed into the room with speed due to Doggett's frantic call. She walked in to see him
perched on the edge of the sofa like a little boy while Skinner stared at him with a red face.
She put two and two together and guessed Doggett had informed him about his intrusions.
"Er...whats going on?" She asked trying to sound all innocent
"Agent Doggett here thinks I'm an intruder" Skinner said
"Oh...right" She replied
"Scully you should say something" Doggett said through a shaken and scared tone. He found himself
passing the buck to Scully as he could no longer take the pressure.
"What?" She asked, had he actually told Skinner it was her who thought him to be an intruder?
"Agent Scully?" Skinner asked as the anger dissapeared from his aura, "Did you put agent Doggett
up to this?"
Scully found herself unable to answer, how could Doggett do such a thing? How could he tell him
the truth? That she had put him up to it.
"Er...well I didn't actually say you were an intruder but...but..."
Skinner suddenly jumped up from the sofa and grabbed his coat,
"I know when my presence is no longer wanted" He said sadly.
"Skinner...wait I do want you here just...just..." Scully found herself struggling with her words
"Just not every night?" Doggett asked wondering if those were the words she was looking for.
"Oh so you think I'm here every night?" Skinner asked as his voice again sounded angered and
menacing.
"No...no, I was just asking Scully if that's what she-"
"Don't give me bullshit agent Doggett, I know exactly what you meant!" He said as he stormed
over to the door.
"But I didn't-" Before he had the chance to finish the assistant director had vanished out into
the hall slamming the door behind him and waking William in the process.
"Now look what you've done!" Scully screeched as she rushed to attend to her baby,
"Me?" Doggett asked with surprise
"Get out of my home!" She found herself shouting
"What? Why?" He asked amonsgt all the confusion, why was she chucking him out for doing exactly
what she asked him to do? Before he had a chance to question her further he saw her marching
toward him with speed with William bundled under her arm, "Okay okay, I'm going!" He said
defensively before rushing out of her home.
THE NEXT MORNING: FBI HEADQUATERS
Doggett walked down the hall with sadness, he was depressed due to the fact that he had
made two enemies in one night. He clutched his bag of doughnuts tightly as he stepped into the
lift, he found himself face to face with agent Chopstix. He realised that it had been a long
while since the two agents had last aquainted themselves with eachother,
"Hi" He smiled
"Oh hi Doggett" Chopstix said with a cheerful wave, "Hows things?"
"Okay I guess" He lied, "Still working with Scrag?"
"Yep, but not lately, I've been a bit busy with the band and all" He replied.
Band? What band? Doggett didn't remember ever hearing of a band,
"The band?" He found himself asking with interest
"Yeah, you haven't heard?"
"No"
"Oh me, Willmore and Chow have started up our own band" Chopstix informed, "We've been prepairing
for a gig on Friday night"
"Willmore and Chow formed a band with you?" Doggett asked with disbelief and jealousy.
"Yep, only problem is we need someone to shake a tambourine for our songs. Willmore tried to do
it but he couldn't sing at the same time so-"
"You need someone to play tambourine?" Doggett asked suddenly perking up from his downtrodden
mood, "I play tambourine really well" He lied, really he had never came into contact with such
an instrument in all his life.
"You can shake a tambourine?"
"Yeah well theres nothing to it, just shake it to the rythm right?" He smiled, hoping he would
be accepted into the 'band'.
"Well I suppose nobody else is gonna come and audition...and we really need someone for Friday
night so I'll run it past the guys" Chopstix decided.
Doggett suddenly felt himself propelled back to a memory of when he, Chopstix and Chow had
formed a band for the annual talent contest and sang 'teenage dirtbag'. He found himself
smiling at the memory and quickly faced Chopstix,
"Great" He smiled trying not to sound too excited, he didn't want to make a bad impression.
Suddenly the lift came to a halt,
"Well catch you later the dog" Chopstox smiled as the doors glided open
"Yeah" Doggett said feeling rather angry for being refered to as 'the dog' the new nickname that
he rather disliked. Chopstix departed the lift and it travelled down to the basement floor where
Doggett stepped out and made his way to his and Scully's office.
He felt so happy about the prospect of being in a band that he forgot all about his incident with
Scully the night before. He strolled into the office with a pleasant smile on his face only to
be greeted with the view of Scully and Skinner perched either side of her desk with a cup of
coffee to hand. The position they usually sat in when they were bitching about someone. But who?
Doggett wondered and then suddenly remembered the night before and the fact that he was neither
of their favourite person at the moment.
He didn't know wether to feel angry that they had spent the morning bitching about him or
relieved that they had got the incident off their chest.
"Look what the cat dragged in" Skinner said in a bitchy and sarcastic manner
"Morning" Doggett smiled in an attempt to suck up. The two agents ignored his pleasant greeting
and instead stared at him coldly looking almost twisted and evil.
He felt embarrassed, should he say something? Or just walk over to his desk as he would on a
usual morning? He quickly decided on the latter and rushed over to his desk and took a seat.
He looked back to see them both still staring as if waiting for him to say something, but what?
He turned his attention to his computer and switched it on in an attempt to stop them from
staring. He quickly slid a disk into the hard-drive and found a file Mulder had made a while
before he had departed to Rhode Island. The file named, 'polish-head' contained only an amusing
story about Skinner, he quickly removed the disk from the computer so as to stop Skinner from
seeing it.
Doggett suddenly heard the sounds of his doughnut bag rustling, he found himself intinctively
shooting his hand out without looking to feel something cold and hard. With confusion he turned
his head to see that he had clasped his hand around Skinner's cold boney hand, he found his
eyes travelling up to see Skinner's face lingering just infront of his. Doggett jumped with
fright, how had he got there so silently?
Skinner's face looked more twisted than ever, Doggett found a large fart quickly disperse from
his arse due to the fright he suddenly felt. He would have usually found the squealchy, rumbly
and potent atrocity amusing but not in this case.
"AGENT DOGGETT!" Skinner bellowed, "How dare you grab my hand and pass wind in my company!"
"Er...er...sorry...I-"
"Get your hand off!" He said and Doggett quickly removed his hand only to see Skinner grab the
doughnuts. Was he actually taking his doughnuts?
"I think you owe me these" Skinner said as he quickly rushed back to the chair on the opposit
side of Scully's desk. Doggett couldn't believe what had happened, he had actually stolen his
lunch. Was Skinner actually cacking for the dough products?
Scully grabbed a can of body spray from her drawer and sprayed it around the office to rid the
atmosphere of the stinky gas diverted from Doggett's arse.
"Y-you can't do that!" Doggett found himself exclaiming with cackiness, "I bought those!"
Skinner removed a pink-iced doughnut from the bag and took a large, greedy bite.
Doggett found himself in a situation he couldn't deal with, Scully was ignoring him and Skinner
was being nasty and stealing from him. Who would he turn to in such a crisis?
"Well it can be a form of apology can't it?" Skinner said
"Apology for what?" Doggett asked, "Doing something Scully asked me to?" He blabbed
"Don't bother trying to pull that one agent Doggett. Agent Scully here told me all about how
you've been saying she shouldn't let me in and that I'm an intruder" Skinner said.
Doggett couldn't believe his ears,
"What?" He asked, "I never said no such thing!" He looked to Scully to find her guiltily looking
to the floor. She had lied about him to save her own back.
"How could you Scully?" He asked in a tragic tone,
"Don't bother trying to put agent Scully on a guilt trip agent Doggett" Skinner warned as he
took another bite from the doughnut.
Doggett folded his arms and pouted his lips as he began to sulk like a child.
Scully looked over at Doggett, she now felt terrible for blaming it all on him and telling
Skinner that Doggett had said all the things she had said. She realised that the only way to
repay him was to buy him a hefty meal at his favourite burger joint.
Suddenly the door to the office burst open to reveal Chow,
"Doggy!" He screeched, "You're in!"
Doggett looked up from his sulk with confusion before suddenly remembering the band,
"I'm in?!" He asked as a large smile now fulfilled his face, he found himself standing from the
chair with speed. Suddenly nothing mattered anymore, who cared that Scully had lied and bitched?
Who cared that he had upset Skinner? And who cared that he had even stolen his doughnuts?
This was Doggett's moment of happiness and nothing was going to spoil it.
"Whats going on?" Skinner's grumpy face asked as it suddenly filled Doggett's view causing
his happy mood to evaporate.
"He's in our new band" Chow explained, Skinner turned to face the frumpy agent and Doggett
quickly made a motion to Chow, he used his fingers as if to zip his lips. The last thing he
wanted was for Skinner to hear about the band,
"Oh er..." Chow watched as Doggett made strange movements with his hands and lips behind
Skinner.
Doggett wondered if Chow was dumb, why was he just standing there with a puzzled face? He zipped
his lips harder as if to tell Chow not to blab.
"What the hell are you doing agent Doggett?" Skinner asked with anger
"Oh" Doggett hadn't realised the assistant director had turned to face him and seen his little
show.
"Well?"
"Er...I was just er...trying to get something out of my teeth" He lied.
"Really? Well I get distinct impression that theres something going on and I'm not supposed to
know about it!" Skinner said.
"You must be so excited Doggy!" Chow said with happiness, "We have a brand new tambourine just
waiting to be used"
"A tambourine?" Skinner asked, "New band?" He added as he tried to piece together the past few
seconds of conversation, "You're in a band agent Doggett?"
Doggett sighed with unhappiness,
"Yes" He said
"What band?"
"The Tic-tacs" Chow smiled, "Along with me, Willmore and Chopstix"
Big mouth, Doggett thought with anger.
"Really well I wouldn't mind a position in this new band" Skinner said
"Well our position has been given to Doggy sir" Chow said, "We now have a four piece band"
"Well make it a five piece band, I'm sure you could find me a position"
"Well sir there really is no more to do, we have Willmore our singer, Chopstix on drums and
me playing guitar" Chow smiled, "And Doggy of course on tambourine"
Skinner thought hard,
"Well how about a backing singer?" He asked
"Oh well... I hadn't really thought about that sir"
"Well there you go, you're now looking at your new backing singer so I suggest you go and tell
the other tic-tacs to get themselves together for rehearsals in my office at four" Skinner
demanded.
Doggett realised that Skinner was shitting himself in a cackful state to be a part of this
band and now he had spoilt it for Doggett.
"Yes sir" Chow said as he quickly rushed from the office, Doggett found himself slumping back
into his chair and poking his lip into a sulking state. Why did everything get ruined? He had
really wanted to be in the band but now Skinner was going to spoil it all for him,
"How comes you never told of this band?" Scully asked with suspicion
"Oh so I'm not getting the silent treatment now?" Doggett bitched
"Oh come on, don't be so childish lets let by-gones be by-gones" She smiled as she now found
herself cacking for a position in the new band. She had always wanted to be in a band,
"Yeah whatever" Doggett sighed not wishing to continue with their conversation,
"How about lunch at Mizzies?" She asked, "My shout"
Doggett found himself cack big time, did she just mention his most favourite burger bar in the
whole intire world? And that he wouldn't have to spend a cent?
MIZZIES BURGER BAR
Doggett gulped down the remains of his 'spider shake' a concoction of kiddies ice-cream
mixed together to form some kind of milkshake intented for the consumption of small children.
He sucked hard from the twirly green straw before placing the drink, in a cup with a large
picture of spiderman on it back on the table.
"He's going to ruin everything" Doggett exclaimed, "He's just joining the band to get at me"
"Oh don't be so paranoid Doggett, I'm sure that he really does want to be a part of it" Scully
said reassuringly. She was just hoping that she could be too, she would do anything to be in a
band especially with Willmore her dream guy. Doggett sighed heavily,
"Maybe I should just quit" He decided
"No!" Scully cacked, "I mean no because you were in the band first" She needed Doggett to be in
the band so that he could talk the others around into giving her a position. First she had to
talk him around,
"Yeah I suppose so" He agreed, "I was in the band before him but he is a terrible singer and we
have to perform on Friday night" He bellowed like a spoilt child.
"Friday night?" Scully asked,
"Yes"
"Oh...well...you know I could keep Skinner in check for you guys, you know make sure that his
head doesn't get too big to fit through the door" She said
"Really how?" Doggett asked with interest leaning closer to hear her plan.
"Well if I could become a part of the tic-tacs I could make sure everyone gets to do their own
thing and Skinner doesn't take over" She said with hope in the fact that he might just say yes.
Scully found herself crossing her fingers under the table,
Doggett wondered if this was the whole reason she had stopped her silent treatment and bought
him his favourite meal. Was it all part of her plan to get in with the band? Doggett quickly
shook the idea from his mind, afterall she wouldn't stoop that low.
"I'll see what the others think" He said with a smile
Scully found herself almost bursting with excitement but managed to contain it.
"And besides" She said, "Skinner will probably play our songs on Skinman Fm"
Doggett suddenly realised that she was right, maybe the other guys wouldn't blame him for
Skinner's sudden appearance in the Tic-tacs if they realised it could get them some cred.
4 PM SKINNER'S OFFICE
Doggett grabbed ahold of the tambourine from Skinner's desk and turned to face the rest
of the band. Willmore stood infront of the microphone, Chow and Chopstix had switched positions
so Chow was now on drums and Chopstix on guitar. Scully and Skinner stood together infront of
a microphone waiting to do their backing singing,
"Well lets see how we sound" Doggett said as he admired the sad line-up of the excuse for a
musical band. He quickly jumped in between Chopstix and Willmore with his tambourine at the
ready.
"1-2-3-4" Willmore counted and a loud obnoxious sound of clanging and noise fulfilled the room.
Chow banged hard on the drums unaware that he couldn't even play along with Chopstix's noise
on the guitar.
Doggett couldn't believe the sound coming from the agents but shook his tambourine along to the
'rythm' anyway.
"She grew up with the children of the stars" Willmore sang through his nice singing voice along
to 'Lullaby' by Shawn Mullins, "In the hollywood hills and the beaulevard, her parents threw
big parties, everyone was there, they hung out with folks like Dennis Hopper, Bob seager and
Sonny and Cher" He took a deep breath "She feels safe now theres a bar on Fairfax..."
Doggett couldn't believe what he was hearing, the music was absolutely dreadful. The only good
thing was Willmore's voice, suddenly it came to the chorus. Scully and Skinner suddenly
bellowed through the microphone,
"EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALRIGHT, ROCKABYE, ROCKABYE EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALRIGHT..."
They screetched at an unbelieveable tone almost deafening everyone. Willmore flinched as the
atrocious sound sang out around the room, he then realised it was his time to sing,
"She still lives with her mum outside the city-"
"Okay, okay thats it, that is enough!" Doggett demanded as he waved his arms and the tambourine
around. The sound suddenly came to a halt and the room fell silent,
"What the hell did you do that for?" Skinner asked with anger, "We were doing really well"
"Yeah except you weren't shaking the tambourine at the right times" Scully agreed.
"What?" Doggett asked with surprise, "The right times? The whole song wasn't even at the 'right'
time, it was absolutely terrible, nobody can play these instruments...how did you ever think you
could form a band?" Doggett asked as he turned his attention to Chopstix.
"Er...well....I know I'm not exactly Jimi Hendrix but I can work on it" He replied
"And you?" Doggett asked now facing Chow
"Well...I could do with a few lessons but-"
"But nothing, we have to play on Friday night and we aren't even ready" Doggett said
"Yeah I agree" Willmore butted in, "We are really bad"
Scully couldn't believe Willmore was siding with Doggett, how could he do that? Was her singing
really that bad?
"Yeah I guess we are pretty terrible" Chow suddenly agreed.
"Well if you don't like it, you know where the door is" Skinner said
"What? But this is our band" Willmore protested,
"And this is my office and I am now officially taking over the Tic-tacs so if you aren't happy
then leave" Skinner said ignoring Willmore's protests.
"But you can't do that!" Chow exclaimed
"No thats fine, you can have the Tic-tacs and play at George's on Friday" Doggett said, "Come
on guys we can make our own band" He said as he placed the tambourine on the floor.
"Yeah" Willmore said childishly, "Come on, whose with us?"
Chopstix looked to the floor while Scully had a silent cack-fit that her precious Willmore was
actually walking out on her.
"I am" Chow said as he tossed the drumsticks on the floor like a fat kid and menouvered over
to join Willmore and Doggett.
"So you are just going to leave?" Scully asked
"Yep" Doggett replied as the three agents left the room.
"Now what?" Chow asked as they sat in Doggett and Scully's office, "They have all our
instruments"
"Well none of us can play them anyway" Doggett sighed, "So they wouldn't be of any help"
"Maybe we should just forget the whole thing, we can't have a band without instruments and
we play on...oh yeah 'they' play on Friday...we don't even have a place at George's" Willmore
sighed with depression.
"So? How hard can it be? I'll book us a place" Doggett said as he rose from his position at
his desk, "We will have a band and it will be better than the Tic-tacs" He said triumphantly,
"We don't need instruments, do the backstreet boys have instruments? Do n-sync have instruments?
No and neither do we"
"Are you saying we should be some kind of boy-band?" Willmore asked
"Yes, it will be perfect and we won't have to worry about instruments and we can make up our
own dance moves" Doggett said joyously.
"Will we sing or myme?" Chow queried
"Lets sing" Willmore said excitedly
"So we have a deal?" Doggett asked
"Sure do Doggy" Chow smiled
"It's Doggett!" He corrected, "We shall be...the sidestreet guys"
"Yeah kinda like the backstreet boys with a twist" Willmore smiled.
LATER
Scully made her way down the stairs to her and Doggett's office. The Tic-tacs had managed
to find replacements for Doggett, Willmore and Chow in the form of Agent's Potzanpanz, Shue
and Whoopi. They had just finished their rehearsal session and she had thought them to be
quite good...apart from Skinner's tragic singing and she was so happy that she had been the
one to take Willmore's place as lead singer.
She rushed down the hall and to their office where she suddenly heard the sounds of what
seemed to be a recognisable song from her teenage years, 'schools out' by Alice Cooper. But it
didn't sound like Alice Cooper's voice at all. She found herself falling to her knees to peek
through the keyhole and she couldn't accept the sight that beheld her eyes. Doggett, Willmore
and Chow where standing in a line doing some kind of jumping dance while moving their arms
in a simultaneous manner that looked like it came straight from an N-sync video.
"...School's out for summer..." The three agents sang and done a weird arm movement to the
small beat between the next line, "Scools out for ever..."
She had to admit that they looked particularly horrific, especially with Chow prancing around
and making his blubber wobble around like a hippo on a bad day.
They couldn't possibly be thinking of doing their show at George's Bar on Friday night, they
would totally show themselves up.
"Agent Scully, whats going on?" A voice asked from behind causing her to jump,
"Oh hi sir" She said as she spotted Skinner giving her an odd look as if to ask why she was
kneeling on the floor spying into her own office.
"They have a band" She said,
"You mean agent Doggett has formed another band?" He asked in anger before storming over to the
door to see for himself.
"Yes but I don't think we have anything to worry about" She said with a little giggle.
Skinner pushed the door open and dashed into the office with speed only to see the three agents
doing some kind of twisty dance to an Alice Cooper song.
"Agent Doggett what the hell is going on?" He asked
Doggett, Willmore and Chow suddenly stopped in their tracks,
"Oh...er...hi sir" Doggett said with embarrassment
"I see you are trying to compete with us"
"No...just er doing a bit of excersise" He lied
"You can't fool me agent Doggett, you can 'try' to compete if you wish but you will never beat
the Rhubarbs" Skinner said menacingly.
"Er...the rhubarbs?" Willmore questioned
"Our new name" Scully smiled in a flirty manner to her dream guy.
FRIDAY NIGHT: GEORGE'S BAR
Scully climbed out of the car along with Skinner. She was so excited about singing in
her very own band, the rest of the rhubarbs had got there earlier to prepare.
"I can't wait!" She said to Skinner as they menouvered up to the doors
"Yes I just hope those losers don't show, they'll give us all a bad name" Skinner moaned.
They walked inside only to see Doggett, Willmore and Chow standing on the stage,
"Good evening everyone" Willmore smiled, "We're the sidestreet guys" He added only to hear
a few clapping sounds and some laughter.
"I don't believe that stupid agent!" Skinner bellowed with anger in reference to Doggett.
Doggett got into position between Willmore and Chow and they awaited the start of the song
to blare from the speakers.
"Hey Doggy, you're on my foot" Chow whispered, Doggett gave him a dirty look along with a tut
as he moved his foot away. Suddenly the music started and they three agents began their dance,
they menouvered around the stage and flung their arms around.
Scully couldn't believe what she was seeing, the whole entire bar fell about laughing at their
'act'.
"Hey thats your partner isn't it?" A voice asked from beside her, she turned to see agent
Krab laughing hysterically,
"Er...no" She lied as she quickly moved away.
Doggett had never felt so happy in all his life, he had never dreamed he would actually be in
his very own band doing their very own dance moves.
Suddenly he felt his little foot bend to one side during their 'robot' routine, his leg
accompanied the strange movement and he suddenly found himself coliding with the hard floor in
an unusual manner, but it didn't end there he found himself knocking Chow over in the process
causing him to fall off the stage and land on a table with a hefty noise.
The music suddenly came to a stop and the bar fell silent,
"Doggett!" Willmore whispered through embarrassment,
"Ouch" Chow muttered as he layed sprawled out on the table.
Doggett found the embarrassment too much to take, how could he stand up and face everyone?
What would he do? What would he say?
"Get up!" Willmore demanded in a hushed tone.
Doggett found a plan slip into his mind, he would jump up with speed and rush off the stage and
out of the exit doors to the right.
He quickly got to a sitting position and attempted to stand but the worst thing that could have
possibly happened, did. A large, disgusting, terdy fart emerged from his arse sounding much
like a foghorn on a boat. His face grew a bright shade of red as laughter hollered around the
room. How would he ever get over this? He asked himself.
THE END