Alfred F. Jones, better known as the United States of America, was digging on his land one day, searching for remnants of North America's original inhabitants. He seemed to harbour a strange fascination with the Native people of what he now called his home. On this particular day, the sun was beating down on his bare back as he dug diligently. He had a substantial pile of dirt off to his left and the hole that he was digging was nearly two metres deep. He wiped his sweaty brow, trying to cool his heated face. He looked up into the blazing sun. Why do I have to be digging in Florida? It's so hot.
He sighed and rolled his shoulders, preparing to resume his digging. He looked back into the hole when a strange light caught his eye. Was that gold? Oh, he did so love gold. He grinned expectantly and dived into the hole, pouncing on the golden light which had crossed his vision. There, in the very bottom of the pit, he could see it.
The corner of something. Encouraged, he dug excitedly with his hands, happy to have finally found something. Especially somethingso shiny. He threw the dirt excitedly behind him, his hands flying wildly through it. It did not take him long to uncover the golden object. He heaved it up eagerly. It was heavy. He looked at it closely. A Book? Dammit. I hate books. Alfred frowned, disappointed. He looked at the book appraisingly. It was very thick and heavy. It was covered in dirt and the cover was illegible in its current state. What the hell am I supposed to do with a book? Alfred thought, still feeling a bit let down. I know! I'll give it to Iggy! He likes books, right?
Suddenly eager, he climbed expertly out of his pit and ran toward his house. He quickly pulled on a superhero T-shirt and arranged the first flight to England.
...
"You found a book in your backyard, so you brought it here?"
"Exactly."
Arthur sighed at his former colony's idiocy. "Fine. Give me the book."
Alfred grinned widely and pulled the book out of his rucksack. "Here," he said, holding the large object out.
The smaller man's eyes widened. "America, that book is huge!"
"Well dah, Iggy!" the self-proclaimed hero replied, rolling his eyes. He dropped the golden book into Arthur's waiting arms, which immediately fell as he dropped the heavy object. "Iggy, you're so weak."
"Stuff it, you git!" He decided that sitting on the floor was good enough for him, since he did not want to try lifting the book again. So he sat cross-legged in front of the filthy object. "America, why did you not bother to clean it?" All he got in response was a shrug. "Go wash it!" he ordered the man.
"Gotcha!" Alfred saluted and swooped down to pick up the gold and ran off to Arthur's "kitchen" to rinse it off in the sink. Arthur waited impatiently while the other happily rinsed the book in his kitchen. Soon enough, Alfred came bounding back into the office, still not having read the title.
"Alright, set it down," Arthur sighed, gesturing to the desk. The tall man did as instructed and the two leaned over to read the cover. "A History of the Universe," the Brit read aloud.
"What's a universe? Is it on my map?" Alfred looked genuinely confused and Arthur felt the overwhelming urge to facepalm.
"You are a true idiot, aren't you?" He shook his head. "Never mind. Let me open it." He pulled open the now shiny front cover of the book and looked at the title page. Why does a golden book have a title page? He read the name of the author and editor. He squinted, and read them again. Rubbed his eyes. Read again.
"Woah, Iggy! That's crazy!"
"It does say that right?" Alfred nodded, a huge grin on his face. "Of course this was in your country. You Americans are ridiculous." He sighed and looked back at the page.
Author: God
Co-author: Superman
Editor: Chuck Norris
Alfred laughed his Hero-Laugh at the true patriotism of the book he had never known existed. "I love this book!"
"And it's the only one you will ever even care about," Arthur mumbled miserably.
Alfred laughed again. He pulled it open to the last page. (Hey, why would he wait to see the end of the story when he could just skip to the end?) "Dude, Iggy. Isn't this yours?"
"What?" Arthur said, perking up a bit.
"Look," Alfred pointed at the page. It said only one thing. 42.
Hey people! Sorry for not posting since... Thursday. I was busy wallowing in self-pity. But I'm back now! With crack! Anyway, check out my profile and answer my poll, please. And review. IF you've never read Belgian Chocolate, you should check it out. Yes, yes.