Old scars and an innocent catalyst
Hello, My name is Stephen Honaker; I wrote a fanfic a long time ago and never was able to finish because my work got deleted, I got super sad and just gave up on my passion and craft for a while but I decided to go again I mean this fandom has very little toxic if any, I love that. Not to mention I was going through some heavy stuff at the time. I hope you like my fanfic. I will not be writing villains within the romance of this story. Yes terra and raven are going to be attempting to woo Beast boy but they are mature and at this point friends. Also If I write in slade scenes to fill the drama with action he'll be Deathstroke because calling him Slade is like the penguin going by Oswald, it's just weird. I will also clarify his motivation at some point as to why robin is his object of obsession; If I go in it will be all in. Also, I am calling the titan's by their name in a home setting because they are family and should be close to each other as such, aliases is a professional thing, you don't do that to your psuedo-brother. Just in case you don't know. Victor stone-cyborg, Koriand'r- Starfire Rachel Roth-Raven (heard that is a misconception but never found out if true so I am assuming it is just a rumor) Garfield Logan-beast boy. Anyway hope you enjoy! P.S. the text i my story did have italics and bold to emphasize communication but I could not retain that so I cam up with an alternative to it. It's not as straight forward but I just separated each dialogue so it's impossible to confuse them. It also look's surprisingly neater too. I used to have another account but technical difficulties made it a burning ship. So I had to abandon it after losing my password now it is under my Gmail. Now this is my current account. It will remain as such.
Usually the smell of tofu, the corny jokes that would make anyone cringe and the off beat tune of Garfield's whistling would fill up the room, but the genuine joy of the green bean was ever absent today. The vibrant green eyes were baggy and void of life. It had been like this on and off for a month. Beast boy would smile and talk to his friends making them think he had a life of his own; that he had moved on. There would be a bright and vibrant week in everyone's future and than the jokes would cease. In it's wake were the eyes of pain, the look that say's that he can't find a grip to hold on his once ever present optimism. While Garfield went to his room to "think". The other titan's gathered to brainstorm how to get him back to normal once again.
Robin looked to the rest of the group and said to them them"listen guy's gar has had it rough. He is a lot more fragile than he likes to appear and that might be the source of some of his pain, I know how bad it is to ask for support, sometimes it feels like your drowning and you don't want to burden others with the chore of resuscitation. Gar may tell you it's all Terra but it's not she is a wound in his heart; sure. But that is not his issue she is just a wound, but she ripped out every scar along the way. Now we are stuck with a broken man trying to accept the fact that one more rejection does not confirm or validate his own self-loathing"
Everybody turned to him surprised and Rachel spoke to him in a croaked whisper"Garfield is sad and his past is depressing; I don't think he is depressed. He is too bad an actor to pull off a mask...he has to be"
Victor than chimed in " My little bro, nah".
Koriand'r had heard enough and spoke up in a very regretful tone "No, Dick is telling the truth. I hate this, I hate it so much but he is right. This is actually pretty normal for him, For a long time he has to talked to me and Dick at night. He is far more caring and understanding than you think. Every mistake, Every time he sees himself as less, he cracks a joke" She turned to Rachel "He speaks a lot of you, Not in a bad way per se, but he looks up to you and you seem to also depress him. He sees a shadow and he feels lost in it, according to him he will never account to anything and should have left the team ages ago. Last week you saw him in his room with a black eye and hogtied. He was not having night terrors he went to the roof to...to...k-k-kill himself. The reason was simple, we thought he attacked you that night; when he became the beast. he thought he did too. We found evidence of the contrary and felt horrible. We tried to make him feel better about it but he just bottled it up until it consumed him. He finished a late night conversation with robin, and beast boy said do you guy's still trust me. I don't feel right. So what if I saved her. I could control it that time, but I don't know if I can the next time. He told robin he wanted to take a walk and he let him go."
Dick finished by explaining the rest of the night "I saw him go the wrong direction and we both gasped as we realized he b-lined for the roof, Kori all but pushed me off the bed, when I got there I saw him say his last regrets and I never let him finish I used my tools to quickly knock him out. He woke up crying. He just kept screaming "If I die, raven is saved, If I die, you. My friends get to live". I swear to all of you the false bravado I put on while trying to convince him to trust us enough to live for us rivaled any interrogation working under batman or working alone I barely manage to croak "You couldn't get us even if you wanted too". I made a subtle effort to always pair him with someone and truth be told I still do. I don't know what to do anymore...I..I thought I fixed him. But now the old Gar might as well be dead. Please help me because I can't stand the fake laugh, the false smile and the half assed attempt to prove to me that he can stand waking up and going to bed at night."
Victor hugged him like a brother and said in a half joking mannerism "Please, like hell we'd give you the pleasure of bring him back to life alone, he is stuck with us whether he likes it or not. But we are all tired and can finish this conversation and training tomorrow" They all separated and went back to their respective rooms. Garfield either unaware of the gossip in his name or too apathetic to care and just kept staring blankly at a picture of his mom and dad.
Kori and Dick spent an hour and a half crying in each other's arm's and kept explaining to the other that they would not let Gar; their Gar dissapear. This one was temporary and they would see to that.
Victor sat alone in his bed talking to himself "I am his brother, knowing this all of this is my job. I failed him." He went to sleep in a generally melancholic mood.
Rachel was another beast entirely she was debating whether she should enter his mind without permission and see why he is depressed and fix it. She also wanted to comfort him, not that she would openly admit it. And with that this broken family were dead set to pick his pieces up and put them back together.
Garfield was not very strong when it came to emotional stability. He blames himself for his parent's death. He let himself get bit and contracted sakutia. He flew away and left them to die and he flew right into the greedy hand's of his legal guardian Nicholas Galtry. He than spent his life picking up the pieces. People treated him like a monstrous freak, goblin, troll he had heard it all. He gave up running. He figured hey freaks need a group and the doom patrol invited me in; so might as well join the circus. Little did he know that while he loved working for them. It was made abundantly clear that to them he was not reliable or worthy of respect and that hit beast boy hard. He find's a home and can't even manage being a stray right. How pitiful. Eventually he was gone, he left the doom patrol leaving behind his regrettably bad baggage. He spent his time homeless with the only outfit he owned being his easily cleaned uniform. He saw robin; or at least one of them and hid until he was certain he was needed he joined their group without too much distress or push back although his self-esteem was horrible it was not at it's peak, not yet. Beast boy told himself that his only quality was being laughed at, all they see is a green freak do your job tell some jokes get sighed at and they will keep you around. You just have to be amusing. it's all your good for. As time rolled on Raven became more and more critical of his work but he never knew why, he just knew that it hurt. But Beast Boy was strong and he made every effort to brush off his self-loathing but he never could. Raven was top of her game all of the time, even being sent with Dick to train underlings at Young Justice HQ from time to time and he was just a green freak who can turn into animals. He never overly involved himself with anyone but raven. He wanted to get her to like him as a friend, his first real friend who saw him as a real person and not as a lucky person with no skill. Raven always turned him down and to him it was always confirmation that what she said in nevermore were kind gestures and would fade like everyone else. Than he turned into an actual monster. A beast, they stopped him but now he saw himself as hideously as the fractured reflection of the voices that haunt his past. And than he met Terra and she made him feel alive, truly alive. It was perfect, but she betrayed them more than once and every time it broke his heart worse than before. Terra had convinced him that his mask was no longer needed and proceeded to disregard the thought as she melted his optimism and formed an even more concealing mask. Just as he gave up she changed and she attempted to kill Deathstroke. Beast Boy decided to move on until he found Terra at school and he confronted her. He tried to get her on his side but she feigned amnesia and she ultimately told him to move on. This was the peak of his sadness, not because she hurt him or rejected him but because she symbolized something to him, the thought that genuine happiness was possible for him and that he could forget his old demon's and take his mask off. But hearing that she tossed him aside proved something to him. Lying in bed; These thoughts filled him with these dark thoughts "Everyone I care about either leaves me. dies and leaves me, or they get tired and abandon me. this is proof that I mean nothing; at least to myself."
Rachel got up rather early in the morning and decided it was time to make a change so she floated her way to Garfield's room and knocked on his door. He trudged and opened the door with a creak. She could tell that his eyes were flushed and cheeks were pink which she did not mention but made note of. She spoke to him in her usual tone just without any of her usual ice. em"Hey, Gar would you join us for breakfast. Please. I don't know if you are better yet but we just want to enjoy your company. Is that okay". Garfield was skeptical at first because he thought she hated him but he could tell he was sincere which led to next question, why would they want to be my company in the first place. Either way he was glad to be accepted even if it was pity. he went to the table and was served a vegan meal and a vegan drink. Which felt weird as he usually cooked his own but he payed it no mind. He thanked everyone for the food.
robin looked to him and said em"I need you to go to the grocery store with Victor. Here is some extra money for you to stop by the gaming store knock yourselves out". They left almost immediately with Victor trying to think about discussing his "problems" but decided to get food and do it than.
Raven was meditating in nevermore to think of a solution and she hated the conclusion she came up with. She would have to get Terra to at least acknowledge Gar's existence. She had to wrestle with the idea of it. In what was essentially the courtroom within raven's that filed and judged her on her past and present opinions and or actions.
Wisdom spoke up first "She moved on, she found her inner peace, her balance."
a solemn happy said "But she need's to help beast boy find his, he is just so different now and it hurts.
Anger spoke up "What if she betray-"
to be interrupted by intelligence, "No she wouldn't, she had that opportunity when convenient, she chose to turn on her master instead. You are just jealous and you know it."
Raven reached a verdict and said " It doesn't matter, I need to do this". Raven heard all appeals and went with the majority. She decided to vent before heading home and spoke "Come Monday I will talk to the former princess and get her to at least try to fix Gar. I was cold to him on a professional level because I admired my work and feared her father. On a personal level he hurt me a lot. He never talked to me. Not really; and when he did it was all fake and plastic and obvious to everyone, or at least to me and Robin, I tried to open up to him because I liked him a lot, but he always assumed it was a conditional thing like earning my favor. I wanted him to separate work life and home life. But he never did. So I childishly decided to get payback and decided to quip at him at home too. If he was going to make me out to be worse than I was and he was going to avoid me than I would have to would drive him away. Than it would be easier to forget. But now I see a chance and I plan to use it to my advantage. I can't guarantee that he will go out with me but at the very least I want to guarantee a slot to be his platonic friend"