Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it is not mine. Everything else is my plot or you just forgot about some characters that aren't mine.

Warnings: Abusive Durselys, Suicide thoughts/attempts, OOCness, semi-canon book PS/SS-GoF, AU around OotP and AU around main concepts. Not Severitius challenge, just the father thing remains. Don't like, don't read.

Chapter 1: Dwindling Hope

Fifth year at Hogwarts was coming to end. Students wander freely down the halls. They had nothing on their minds but freedom. Freedom from homework. Freedom from Umbridge. Freedom from Inquisitorial Squad. In general, freedom from stress. All but for one student, and of course that was Harry Potter.

There was no freedom from homework, as he knew he had to prepare for that damn prophecy.

There was no freedom Umbridge, as the "I must not tell lies" can concur to that.

There was no freedom from Inquisitorial Squad, they were nothing compared to the Death Eaters.

And freedom stress? Never.

Parents dead. Fellow student dead. Now Sirius adds to the growing list.

Harry could never understand why he had to be the one to deal with all this. Why was he chosen for the prophecy? As if the fact that everyone and anyone that could love him had died wasn't enough. Call him selfish, but all he wanted was a break. Maybe this moment of watching the sun set on the lake was all he would get. Although the tranquility was only for so long. What was the point of life when it will end so soon.

Yes, life.

He would admit he has toyed with the idea of the point of life. Especially before Hogwarts, when all he had was the Durselys and no hint of an escape. He couldn't give a precise age when it started. Harry always knew about death. How could he not? With his aunt and uncle always blaming how death, and sometimes Harry himself, cause them to take in their orphan nephew. Although it took a few years to learn exactly how one can accomplish death.

But then an escape was shown. And it wasn't the Hogwarts letter.

It was letter from his own mother.

A woman who at that point he never seen or never knew about anything of her. At the age 8, he got his first piece of physical evidence (besides Harry himself of course) that his mom lived. Even at 15 he still remember when he first read that letter and all the hope it gave.

*Flashback*

Little Harry dried his tears falling from his face, his own fist stuffed in his mouth to stop the snuffling of crying so his uncle wouldn't hear him from his cupboard. It was Halloween and the Durselys had better things to do. As he turned to hopefully sleep of another place on his shabby mattress, was a letter.

He never received mail before. Even on Valentines at school, the kids were too scared of him to give him one. Or more like scared of Dudley. Still when the teachers gave pity on him, Dudley or Uncle Vernon always took it away from him before he could even read it.

But now there was a clean cream envelope with "Harry Potter" titled perfect penmanship sitting right on his bed.

It took a few moments before his legs registered to move and pick it up. Pain on his arms from earlier punishment forgotten. All that matter was that letter.

Grabbing it as if it would disappear if rushed, Harry carefully opened the seal and take out the letter.

He adjusted his cheap glasses, wiped the last bit of tears from his face and began to read.

To my Harry,

My son.

With just five letters Harry collapsed to his bed. It was from his parent. He quickly read to the bottom to see who. It was his mother.

His breaths at this point were ragged and difficult. He slowly calmed himself down and began to read again.

My son. My only boy. I hope you shall never read this. That you will be safe and let us watch you grow up and become a fine man that I know you will be. But life can't always be what we hope. And at times as of now, any life can end in a moment's notice. So if you read this, than mine and your father's life is taken.

First off, we love you.

No matter where we are we love you. I love you. You are my love and my life, even you being at the age of one as I write this. You are what gives me life, my Harry.

Now, to the reason why you read this and I not tell you in person. Or at least how. I don't know how exactly I died but it will most likely come from a horrible man that threatens our world. Yes, our world, the world of magic.

'Magic? What? It does not exist' thought Harry.

Hopefully this will not be a surprise to you as your life with your godfather

'Okay, too weird... I don't have a godfather…do I?' Harry shook his head. He would save his questions till the end and just read.

but again, life isn't what we hope to be. So if by a slim chance you don't, yes magic is real. But I do truly hope you live at least within our world. You are loved dearly by many.

I won't go into the exact procedure how but in case of our death a letter is sent exactly 7 years after our death. Which hopefully makes you at minimum age of 11 and meaning entering Hogwarts or already.

'Hogwarts…no finish letter first' Harry patronized himself.

This will give you a chance to meet your father, as he said he will mostly like teach Potions there at one point.

'WHAT? No, read.'

Your father is Severus Snape. Not James Potter. Well, sorta of.

It is hard for me to explain how and why but you deserve for me try the best to. But you must understand I love James dearly. However, Severus was my first love and in a moment of rush we had you.

But he did not know.

I was only a month pregnant and married to Sev, right out of Hogwarts, when the unthinkable happened. It started with a huge fight between us and eventually lead us living separate. Eventually your father took up the Dark Mark.

'A what…no…not now.'

I am not going to justify why or how, for that is his story, but Severus is a good man.

However, I would not let my son be raised by one of them. So I left Sev. It was not one of my highest moments but I went into the arms of my best friend; James Potter. I told him everything. He was the only one who knew of our marriage and my pregnancy. James tried at first for me to go and talk to Severus but I wouldn't listen. Eventually we came up with a plan.

We would freeze my pregnancy for a month by some complicated charms, than we would wed and then re-start the pregnancy making everyone believe you were James'.

Of course, Severus was beyond furious at this. There were a few moments I wanted to explain to him why and how but it was too late. He left for good and I never saw him again.

I cried for hours, and James held and comforted me. He was a mix between a brother, a best friend and a husband. I did not love him like I did Sev, but I did love James. And that was enough.

Once you were born we agreed for you take a Blood Adoption Potion to have both James' and Severus' traits, and people would only see James in it. I am not sure how strong James' traits are but the potion might wear down with time.

No matter genetically or not, James is in all ways that count your father. He loves you just as if you are his own, and you are his own.

Severus would and will too, once he learns the truth.

Which is why I have another letter for you to give to him. But be patient, my son. He has most likely turn into a hard man, but give him time. He will explain the rest.

I love you. So much.

Be brave. Be strong.

Love your mother,

Lily Potter.

PS- I ask you not tell anyone about this before Severus, let him be the first to learn. He has that right.

*End Flashback*

And that was it.

A letter from his mother.

It took him for a few hours to process it all. Harry had tons of questions but he could not ask any to his aunt. He shuddered at thought of not only asking a question but bringing up his parents. However, he would wait to he is 11 or whenever he got to that Hogwarts place to meet his father.

There was his hope.

A year after the letter, Harry was cleaning out the attic when he found about 20 textbooks. They were not your ones such as Science or Math but of Potions, Charms and Transfiguration. He of coursed heard the words "potion" and "charm" from his mother letter that he knew by heart. Opening up the books he found writing in the columns very similar to his mothers. They were her school books.

Once the precious items were safely in his cupboard he began to read and study them. Especially Potions since it was his father's subject. And he loved everything about it.

He loved science and cooking as already and this combine both. It was amazing! Harry saw this as his passion.

The books that seem for beginners were hard to grasp at first but he eventually got it. After year 4 though he had to stop. It got way too complicated without a teacher, another reason why he was excited for Hogwarts.

Now, Harry chuckles at his young naive of potions and education. He stilled loved knowledge but quickly learned he could not show it.

*Flashback*

Hogwarts was amazing. It was beyond amazing. Harry could not believe how much he already fell in love with this place. Gaining his first friend, sorted into Gryffindor, seeing his father, all in a day.

He kept to his mother's request and told no one about his true parentage. He played dumb with Hagrid about magic and Hogwarts. But how he learned how they actually died and his fame, well that was a true shock. Something he wished wasn't true. Why should he be in fame for his parents' death? Well at least now, he had chance to meet his father.

He decided to tell him after Potions class and give him the letter.

~skip to Potion class~ (most of it is taken from PS/SS, which I don't own but is slight different)

Potions lessons took place down in one of the dungeons. It was colder here than up in the main castle, and would have been quite creepy enough without the pickled animals floating in glass jars all around the walls.

However, Harry thought it was a comfort. It was an escape from all the noise Hogwarts brings. Just like his cupboard for the Durselys' house.

His father, like Flitwick, started the class by taking the roll call, and like Flitwick, he paused at Harry's name.

"Ah, Yes," he said softly, "Harry Potter. Our new — celebrity."

Draco Malfoy and his friends Crabbe and Goyle sniggered behind their hands. Snape finished calling the names and looked up at the class. His eyes were black like Hagrid's, but they had none of Hagrid's warmth.

They were cold and empty and made you think of dark tunnels.

His mother did warn him that his father came into a hard man.

"You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potionmaking," he began. He spoke in barely more than a whisper, but they caught every word — like Professor McGonagall, Snape had the gift of keeping a class silent without effort.

"As there is little foolish wand-waving here, many of you will hardly believe this is magic. I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses… I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death — if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach."

Harry had to admit this was a good speech. It was harsh but it showed a bit of light of why Potions was so amazing; the ability to create whatever is needed. However it also had the potential to go terribly wrong.

"Potter!" said Snape suddenly. "What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

"Draught of Living Death, sir." instantly fell off Harry's lip, ready to prove himself in front of his father.

Snape looked shocked. As long with the rest of the class. Ron gave him an odd look of doubt, and Hermione couldn't believe he knew the answer too.

"Think fame isn't enough, Potter? Think you can show up in this class and be the top shot by read a chapter in your book? You want to play this game, tell me where would you look "if I told you to find me a bezoar?"

"In nature or to purchase one, sir?" asked Harry honestly. He knew enough of the trouble of a question that could be manipulated so there are possible answers.

"I will have none of your impudence!"

Harry forced himself to keep loo king straight into those cold eyes belonging to his father as he answered "In nature it will be in a stomach of a goat and either at apothecary store to purchase or some in the student's cupboards."

He remember reading it in One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi.

Apparently that was not enough, as Snape continued to drill him, "What is the difference, Potter, between monkshood and wolfsbane?"

"Monkshood and wolfsbane are the same plant, which also goes by the name of aconite," answered Harry. He hope this would give him some praise as it was only briefly in the third year Potions book.

The class was still silent, looking between the professor and Harry. As Snape had an odd twitch in his eye and Harry had an odd mix of hopeful and scared expression on his face.

"Well? Why aren't you all copying that down?" barked Snape.

There was a sudden rummaging for quills and parchment. Over the noise, Snape said, "And 15 points will be taken from Gryffindor House for your cheek, Potter."

Once the bell rang, everyone quickly gathered their bags and headed for the door. Harry slowly packed his bag and signaled Ron to go ahead of him.

Ron just gave him a curious look and shrugged and left.

In his hand was the letter. A small smile creeps onto his face. Now was the moment what he wanted more than anything: a chance of a family.

Harry approach the desk, were his father had his head down, sneering at some papers. He tries to breathe and forget about how Snape treated him earlier. After all, his father did not know the truth and Harry was the son out of his broken marriage.

"P-Professor?" stuttered Harry

His father looked up and glared at him. "What do you want, Potter."

Again, the 'Potter' was mocked.

"I wanted…"

"You wanted to get your points from Gryffindor back?" cut offed Snape "I will again remind you that you and your celebrity status have no bearing here. You are just an arrogant brat, like your father, and it is only first day of class."

"No, it was not that…"

"Get out of my sight, Potter. I have no time for you nor will I ever. I have to bear with you for 5 hours a week for the next 7 years; I in no chance want a minute more to be in your insufferable presence. Now leave!" barked the last part by his father.

Harry scampered off to the hall, grabbing his bag and letter and did not look back.

He kept running into the dungeons until he was in an empty hallway.

He had no class to attend, so he had time to breathe and stop the tears escaping. He was no baby.

But his main reason to be alive for last 3 years vanished. It was gone.

His father wanted nothing to do with him

Yes, Harry might be thought as James Potter's son but Snape should at least the chance to hear him out and not judge him without any knowledge of Harry personally.

Harry would not give up. He will try again.

So Harry stood up, chin held high and promised he would give it all he got.

*End Flashback*

15 year-old Harry at this point had to have a good laugh at this.

But it was a sad laugh.

One that sang of hopelessness and despair.

He did try, and oh he did. But every time, his father shot down any confidence he spent so hard trying to rebuild.

After a while, there was no point. Harry tried for three years, but was all worthless. He no longer thought of Snape as father. James was his only father.

Luckily that year he met Sirius, and his hope stayed alive.

But his parents were dead and now Sirius is dead. A chance relationship with Snape was long dead.

Harry was alone and had no family.

Therefore he had no point of living.

AN: So Hi! First fic, hope you like. Idea came to me when I tried to sleep and couldn't help to write it. Probably not best time since school starts, but oh well.

Yes there was Au parts (but that is point to write our own version of a story), and characters are OOC, not a lot of talking in chapter and any dialog from PS/SS is of course JK Rowling's.

"Be brave. Be strong." Yes, I know is from HP7p2 but I loved that line so much so I am sorta of borrowing it. Sorry!

Can end there as a depressing one-shot, but I have a chapter typed so up to you guys.

No beta, if one wants to be one let me know by a review, otherwise all errors are my own.

Please review, it would be much love but mainly hope you enjoy this beginning of a fic or one-shot!