Author's note: The song you'll see is On My Way Home by Enya.
Eternity
Tired, I'm so tired and weak. I know I'm weak because I can't even get the strength to wake myself up. You know how it is when you're not awake, but not asleep either? The way sounds seem so strange and echo in your mind? That is where I am in terms of consciousness. Awake enough to hear, but not awake enough to respond to anyone.
ChiChi is at my side. I can hear her crying, and feel her rubbing warmth into my hand. Her hands were so soft against my skin, leading me to wonder why I spent my life so far from a gentle touch like this.
Then I become aware of what she is saying. She is trying to say goodbye, and it moves me to tears. Don't ask me why, because I myself don't know. The urge to cry helps me to wake up, and I squeeze her pale hand with as much strength as I can gather(I'm probably weaker than a newborn now. Hmph.). I force my eyes open and look over to see ChiChi looking over at me in shock.
Now, there are a million things I'll never experience: I'll never conquer the world(heh), I'll never see my son grow up, I'll never see what Gohan will become...none of those dreams will come true. Just thinking about it brings my tears up in such a rush, like a hot lump in my chest, and I can't stop them in time.
No! I don't want to die! I...I'm afraid...so afraid. It's like all the fear I ever repressed is coming up in waves, increasing my tears. I want to hide from it, even if it's only for a moment. There is only one place safe enough for me now...I realize this as I look up into ChiChi's dark eyes.
"ChiChi..." I whisper through my veil of tears, "...please hold me..."
ChiChi starts to cry, and I'm sure the tears are because she knows exactly what I'm feeling. Her slim, pale arms are moving to embrace me now, and I feel one hand supporting my head. Warmth moves closer. My cheek is resting on her breasts, and I can hear her heartbeat. Her arms hold me tightly, protecting me, and all of my walls crash down. Every emotion I ever experienced rushes up and escapes with my tears. I can feel weight falling away from my shoulders, just as easily as I take off my weighted cape and turban before a serious fight.
Now I know you're wondering why I fell in love with ChiChi. This moment, right now, is why. Kind of like me, she acts all tough to put up a good front. But deep inside, there's a wonderful woman. Sure, she is annoying and all that, but I can see past it. Just like she sees past my apathetic mask.
I try to return ChiChi's embrace, but I can't even get up the strength to move my arms. She understands and pulls me closer for another moment before helping me to lie down again. Her soft raven hair brushes my face as she pulls the blankets up around my body, and I look up to meet her gaze.
I may never speak again after this, so I have to tell her how I truly feel before I lose the chance. ChiChi is about to move away, so I grab her attention again, "ChiChi..." Then I say the rest in a rush of emotion so powerful that I feel as if I was about to be sucked away, "I love you..."
ChiChi puts a hand up over her mouth and her eyes quickly redden. I watch her lean down, feeling her soft red lips pressing into my forehead and cheek. Her lips move closer to mine, our mouths press together and I wonder if this is what passion feels like. Seriously.
Our kiss deepens until we're nearly tasting down each other's throats. I don't want this moment to end, but I know it must. For a split second, while our lips are mingling, I wonder if this is what it feels like when two people make love. It is probably the closest I'll ever get, this kiss, but I am content with that. She knows how I feel about her.
"I love you too..." She whispers into my ear, and I look up into her dark eyes once again when she straightens.
The urge to sleep comes back to me, and I don't fight it. I can't fight it. So I just close my eyes and lose myself in that half-dreaming state.
Time passes.
Another presence appears beside me, but I don't know who it is until I feel him take my hand and squeeze it fiercely. It hurts, and the pain wakes me again. It's Gohan, looking like he's about ready to burst into a million pieces. Tears are brimming in his eyes.
Breathing is becoming very difficult. Every breath feels like I'm inhaling sand, but not in a painful way. The air just feels too heavy, or perhaps my lungs are just getting too weak. I quickly realize why, and make a decision. If I'm going to go now, then I want to go with some kind of dignity. But I'm too weak to make my clothes materialize...
I try to say something, but my voice doesn't want to work. Good old Gohan leans down when he sees me trying to speak to him, and I say directly into his ear, "Gi..."
Gohan understands, and I try to follow him with my eyes as he heads to the closet, but I can't even turn my head anymore.
Oh Gohan, if only you knew how much you really mean to me right now... You...you changed me in so many ways that I don't know where to begin. And I can't thank you enough...
Hands gently pull the blankets off my body, but I can't even shiver from the sudden chill. I can feel Gohan removing my pajama leggings and feel momentarily humiliated; man, I'm glad I can't look down to see that diaper. I can understand it's purpose, but it's still pretty embarrassing. It only lasts a moment, because I soon feel the familiar heavy cloth of my gi leggings, and the chill leaves my toes when my shoes are replaced. Next thing I know, I see Gohan by my side. He is taking my shirt off. I try to help a little at least, but nothing wants to work anymore; all I can do is watch. So I lay back as he slips my shirt over my head. My cape feels like it weighs tons when he slips it over my head, but I can handle it. At least I think so until my turban is slipped on. The weight pulls my head back against the pillow, but there's nothing I can do about it now. Who cares, anyway?
My eyes follow Gohan when he presses a button on the bed to sit me up a little. Without weight on my chest, I can breathe a lot easier...if you can call my pathetic wheezes breathing.
Reality starts to slip, but I'm not going to let it go. Not now. Not until I know Gohan is going to be OK without me.
I barely feel it when Gohan lifts my hand and holds it. "Piccolo...I'm right here. Right here next to you," He says, and I look up into his tear-filled eyes one last time. There is only a little strength left in my body, so I let him know I'll still hear him by squeezing his hand as much as I can. Then I close my eyes, too tired to keep them open, but I also keep my grip on his hand so he knows I'm still alive.
It is darker than it has ever been when I close my eyes. Yet, straight ahead, I can see what appears to be a path of some sort. It inclines upwards like a hill, and I'm sure there's something at the other end. But what?
Before I can think, this path is pulling at me, bringing me closer. I hesitate, afraid.
I have been given
One moment from heaven
"It looks like this body doesn't want you anymore so...kiss it goodbye." Gohan's voice reaches me from far across a distant part of my mind. His voice is everywhere, but right in my ears too. "So take it off like an old pair of clothes and leave it behind. There's so much more you can do with that rare, powerful soul of yours..."
I feel his grip on my hand tighten, but I don't have the strength to keep holding on, and my hand goes limp in his.
It almost feels like I'm falling asleep, this sensation I feel. It's so peaceful, and I no longer care that I can't respond to his words anymore. I know he knows I can still hear him, because there are tears of sorrow on my face. Deep down, I know how much my death is hurting him.
As I am walking
Surrounded by night,
"A rare man like you didn't deserve to live alone the way you did..." I hear Gohan say softly just a few seconds before he kisses me goodbye on my cheek. I wish I could reach over and stroke his hair to tell him everything was alright, but I settle with listening instead. I never listened to him once in my life, really, so I'll listen now. These words mean as much to him as they do for me, even if he is only saying them because he has to. "You're the best friend I've ever had, Piccolo...and you never left my side when I needed your help. So here I am, repaying you by being here when you need me most..."
Gohan...
I take a few steps forward and feel myself drifting up onto the path. It's weird, but above all the sounds I hear around me, my heartbeat seems to be the most prominent. It sounds so weak and slow, almost like its too tired to beat properly. The further onto the path I go, the weaker the sound becomes.
Stars high above me
Make a wish under moonlight.
"You're my hero and you always will be..."
You've always been my hero too.
"...I love you, my friend..."
I love you too, my friend.
"...and I promise you'll never be alone again, because I'll never forget you."
And I promise that my son will love you in the ways I never could, Gohan. I'll never forget you either, kiddo...
I feel Gohan move closer again, his cheek keeping mine warm. He hasn't let go of my hand yet, and I don't think he will for awhile. I can also feel his fingertip on my throat, probably checking to see if I'm still with him. Then I hear him singing, but my mind is slowing down so much that I can't understand the words anymore, but I can feel their meaning.
On my way home
I remember
Only good days.
When Gohan stops singing, I feel two others come closer. Immediately, I can tell one of them is Doramu. His presence is like a throbbing near my heart, and I wish I could smile when I felt his small body being lowered onto my lap. A gentle hand wraps my arm around him, and I feel my hand come to rest on his back. Doramu's small body is pressed to mine until I feel his little heartbeat. One of his hands grasps my cape, and I even hear him coo once.
I'm on my way home
I can remember
Every new day.
Doramu, my son...I love you most of all. Take care of them for me...I know you'll be alright.
ChiChi's hand rubs mine. Doramu rests in my lap. Gohan's cheek is pressed to mine. They are all here with me, and I realize that this is what love really is. This moment here, where the three most important people in my life are holding me so close to their hearts. This aching emotion within me is awakening...it was just an ember until now. Now...it's a fire. A fire that I hope will never go out.
Slowly, I release the embrace my soul has upon Doramu's and continue my way along the path.
I move in silence
With each step taken,
I can hear my own heartbeat slowing. The urge to breathe is growing less urgent, and for some reason, I don't feel like I need air anymore. I stop trying to breathe, but my body takes its time before it realizes I'm not using it anymore.
Darkness rises. My fear rises as well when the path disappears, and my heart tries to pound in response just a split second before I find myself thrust into utter silence.
Flash!
The darkness rushes away like the tide, and I find myself standing at the foot of the bed. I can see myself(Vegeta was right, I do look like shit)lying peacefully with Doramu in my lap. I can see ChiChi holding my arm around his small body. I can see Gohan pressing his cheek to mine. I can see Doramu clinging to my cape. And I can feel their love, their sorrow and their hope.
Flash!
Light begins to surround me, its glare outshining everything I see. It becomes so bright that I have to close my eyes in order to shut it out. Before I realize what is happening, I'm being pulled backwards at a speed faster than I've ever known.
Flash!
Snow falling 'round me
Like angels in flight,
Everything stops. I open my eyes to find myself sitting on a white cliff-top. Straight ahead, I see a black and white horizon. The glowing sea below is silver, and very calm. I take a few moments to gaze at it before turning my gaze upwards to the black sky. Holy smokes! I can see the whole universe up there! It's...it's so beautiful...but why is it so familiar? Why do I feel as if I know this place?
My eyes fall upon a bright orange-red star, and my memory clicks. Eternity...
Far in the distance
Is my wish under moonlight.
I step towards the edge of the cliff and look down towards the water below. It reminds me of the cliff I jumped off of as a kid when I was reckless and tried to be cool. That stunt taught me a painful lesson, and I have avoided standing on cliffs hanging over the sea ever since.
But here, right now, I'm not afraid. I don't even remember what fear feels like. And pain...what is pain again? I can't remember...
Fear! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Who needs it around here? I'm free!
On my way home
I remember
Only good days.
I realize now that my journey will never be finished until I take this final leap. One last thrill for good measure, to remind the universe of who I am.
On my way home
I remember all the best days.
Opening my arms, I laugh at the word called fear, bend my knees and leap as hard as I can off the edge. I can hear my own laughter echoing. I'm falling in slow motion, fast-forward and real time simultaneously. Below me, the water beckons with each second as it comes closer.
I'm on my way home
I can remember
Every new day.
With a splash, the water surrounds me and feels so warm and peaceful. I just let myself sink like a rock and continue laughing silently at the pleasure I'm experiencing as the warmth caresses my skin. Bubbles are rising all around me, coming from my skin. Each bubble has an image from my lifetime flashing through it, and the painful ones just pop and fade from my memory. I can feel myself becoming part of the bubbles, rising with them. I can see, hear, feel, smell and taste everything as I sink and rise at the same time.
Turn it up, turn it up
turn it up, up, adieu.
Turn it up, turn it up
turn it up, up, adieu.
Now I'm rising more than I'm sinking, and I know I'm being spiraled up towards the red star I'd first seen in a painting so long ago. Or was it? I don't know anymore...time has no meaning.
On my way home(Turn it up, turn it up, turn it up, up, adieu.)
I remember
Only good days
Just a split second before the last part of me starts to rise towards this red star, I look down into the glow below. I can see Doramu as a grown man with his own son. I can see Gohan falling in love with a dark-haired woman and having a daughter. I can see ChiChi holding her grandchild for the first time and smiling with tears in her eyes.
On my way home(Turn it up, turn it up, turn it up, up, adieu.)
I remember
Only good days...
Yes, they will be alright. I can let them go now...all of their dreams have come true. Just like mine did.
I'm ready to meet my destiny.
And I ascend, becoming part of the universe, and eternity, with love in my heart. There is no end when there is love. I know this because I can see the face of God in the star above me.
At last, my long journey is finally over, and all I feel is peace.
This isn't death.
This is life.
