At Home At Last
Author: Lilylovett
Disclaimer: "One Tree Hill" the TV series © CW and its related entities. All rights reserved. There is no profit, aside from personal satisfaction here.
Rating: K+
Summary: Brooke and Haley share five kisses.
one - bang! you're so vicious baby. bang! you sure know how to control me.
The first time they kiss, they're both drunk this time, but not any more friends than the first time they met.
Being cheerleaders has forced them to spend time together, and eventually, Brooke recruits Haley in a force against Peyton. (Some cat fight between those two is constantly raging. Usually it's about a certain blonde-haired boy.) Even though it's flattering, being under the wing of one of the most popular girls in school, Haley could care less. But when she sees glimpses of the person that Brooke really is, she realizes quickly that she comes to care for the other girl. It's in Haley's nature to care.
So, when Haley finds herself in the dark of someone's bedroom, pressed against Brooke, it doesn't really surprise her. They're at a frat party, Brooke has been the only recognizable face around, and Haley is pretty sure she didn't do very well at keeping track of her liquor. Broke is a bubbly and happy drunk, as far as Haley thought. But now, in this moment, it's different.
There's tension in the air all night, and when Brooke puts her mouth on Haley's she eagerly accepts. An underlying desperation is apparent in Brooke's actions; her pace is heated and both of their bodies are in such a state of arousal, that clothes are already being removed. Haley thought she was straight, but then again, Brooke is fucking gorgeous. Always has been, always will be.
They don't have sex.
Eventually Brooke just breaks apart, murmurs a stream of apologies, and locks herself in the bathroom until some guy from the football team comes in his beaten pick-up to drive them both home. Haley gathers their clothes that had pooled on the floor, puts her own jeans and blouse on in a haze. She's not too upset at what's transpired, but the anxiety, the uncharacteristic frenzy that Brooke Davis had momentarily become, worries her.
two - i want to wipe out all the sad ideas that come to me when i am holding you.
The second time they kiss, it's after Haley's a newly wed, which is kind of weird.
Haley is walking through the halls, languidly toward third period, basking in the thought of her husband and continually glancing at her wedding band. It's a beautiful feeling, and her heart has never felt more full. She is happy.
But when Brooke pulls her into a janitor's closet, she is immediately struck with the inner-turmoil that exudes from the other girl. Brooke has been crying, Haley can tell. And her voice rasps even harsher than usual, only murmuring something about Lucas returning and Peyton missing Jake and that somehow that equates the world ending. Haley hugs her tightly, wanting to share her own positivity and halo from being officially tied to the man she loves.
Brooke buries her head into Haley's neck, promises to make up for this moment with the party later. Haley is once again reminded at how truly unselfish Brooke can be, and that thought warms her heart.
It's this closet that forces them to stay close, and even as the bell rings, Haley doesn't mind skipping Calculus to stay with Brooke. They fall into a silence, with Brooke quiet in thought and Haley wanting to comfort her, but unsure of what to say. The moment turns into minutes, and Haley is starting to feel awkward there, standing in such a small space.
It's Brooke that breaks the silence, though.
"I'm happy for you, tutor girl," And then Brooke's kissing Haley in a chaste sort of way, but there is this moment that Haley knows Brooke is searching for someone else.
Haley isn't even really confused by the kiss, considers it platonic even. She knows that it's related to this angst that is evident in Brooke, though knows better than to directly ask the other girl about it. Being friends with Brooke is hard, sometimes, because she is such a resilient person, often closing herself off except to those very people that hurt her.
Haley doesn't hurt Brooke, she heals her, but even so it makes their conversations more empty with words, and instead, full of unaddressed emotion. That's why Haley can forgive being kissed, because she knows it's the only way Brooke can convey what she's feeling without explaining it.
Later, when Brooke, Peyton, and Lucas throw her and Nathan a reception party she sees the effortless mask that Brooke Davis wears—the art of pretending is one that Brooke has mastered so beautifully, that quietly, Haley thinks it's even more tragic than Peyton's depressing art.
three - and with words unspoken, and silent devotion, i know you know what i mean.
The third time they kiss, it's a dark night and Brooke has sneaked out of her house to be with Haley.
It's the same night that Jimmy Edwards takes his own life, and Haley can't sleep. Admittedly, she's a bit afraid that the sun will never come up after the day that everyone's had. It's like she's having visions where one moment she was in middle school, watching Luke and the other boys, including Jimmy, on the river court. The next, there's a cold barrel pressed against his temple and he's just gone.
Brooke's visit is unpremeditated, but somehow, it's exactly what Haley needs. Though Nathan would probably be first choice in assuaging Haley's restlessness, there's some calming quality about Brooke, too. Haley isn't in love with Brooke, and Brooke isn't in love with Haley. There's no pressure for them to say the right words to each other, and their friendship feels like safety.
They're underneath Haley's comforter, and the room is quiet and finally dark. The warmth of another body has allotted Haley's necessity for the lamp to be on, and after a while they're positioned so that Brooke is spooning her. At first, they were playing these silly word games like Brooke and Peyton once did during their sleepovers in elementary school. It's childish, kind of fun, and for a while Haley is thoroughly distracted from the thought of Jimmy and his revolver.
But of course, it was a traumatic day that will leave a permanent scar on all of their hearts; it floods Haley's mind again, so she stops answering Brooke and tries not to cry. Brooke senses that the girl in her arms has tensed, and so she moves from her place, and is straddling Haley, tickling her, trying to get a rise out of her.
Haley laughs, and so does Brooke.
After a while, though, they've stopped and Brooke is still straddling Haley. There's this look in Brooke's eyes, as if she's remembering something, and it feels natural when Haley is the one to wrap her arms around the girl's neck, and gently guide Brooke on top of her. Their foreheads are nearly touching, and Brooke closes her eyes.
"I couldn't even make sure she stayed safe. I almost fucking lost her, and it was Luke that had to save her," She is whispering and now it's Brooke that's holding back tears. Haley kisses her passionately, understanding that she will never take the place of Peyton, and she isn't trying to, but that this is what Brooke needs. It's wrapped up within Brooke's heart, and Haley is probably the only one that knows.
four - like stars burning holes right through the dark, flicking fire like saltwater into my eyes.
The fourth time they kiss, it feels like it'll be the last time.
Brooke is leaving for L.A. with Peyton, and it's one of the last nights that she'll spend in Tree Hill. Haley can be out for a few hours, but now she has Nathan and Jamie to go home to, so spending time alone with Brooke feels different. But they've made it. High school is over, and their real life is about to begin.
Haley and Brooke are sitting in the empty river court, talking about their lives, their relationships, their memories, and their future. It's a bit chilly for a summer night, and Haley's wrapped up in Brooke's old cheer sweatshirt. Brooke herself is so excited about the future, and its prospects, that she hardly notices the temperature. Their eyes are bright and young, and this moment in particular is a landmark that Haley wishes she could take a snapshot of, preserving it forever.
After a while, they hold hands as they lay in nearby grass and watch the sky. The stars are as infinite as the possibilities of the future, and the sentiment is ridiculously cliché, but Haley says it to Brooke anyways. Brooke just smiles back at her, and it's funny how they were never best friends, but now it sort of feels that way.
Haley tries to point out constellations to Brooke, but gives up after a while, and let's the other girl guide her hand, drawing shapes with the stars. Being with Brooke, unreserved and hopeful, warms Haley's heart.
"Hales, why are you staring at me like that?"
"Just thinking about...our friendship. It's amazing how much we've grown over these years," Haley grins sheepishly.
"Yeah," Brooke seems to contemplate for a moment. "But you're still Tutor Girl."
"I can handle that."
Brooke squeezes Haley's hand in hers, and then leans over to kiss her. It's a slow and sweet sentiment. Haley can taste the cotton they were sharing earlier, and feels fire ignite in her body. They take their time.
The cold night air doesn't bother Haley as much, anymore. She tries not to read into the fact that it's probably different than the other kisses, because it's not really about Peyton. But maybe, vaguely it is. (Everything that Brooke keeps locked inside is either about Lucas, or Lucas with Peyton, and so it's probably for the better that she doesn't ask.)
When they walk home, still holding hands, Haley thinks about how she hopes Jamie will love his Aunt Brooke as much as she does. Brooke is quiet, and when Haley glances over, she can see the worry in her eyes. It's probably about what might happen in L.A. while she's with Peyton, and to divert her attention Haley starts rambling all about the stars, again.
"They're hot. They shine brighter than anything earthly. And they have a massive sense of gravity," Haley stops for a moment. "Stars are brilliant, like you Brooke Davis."
When Brooke hugs her tightly, Haley can still taste the sweetness of their kiss. They're standing at the entrance of Haley's neighborhood. She hears a dog barking, and is enveloped in the scent that is Brooke. Both girls are crying quietly, now.
"I love you, Haley James Scott, y'know that?"
five - but there's still tomorrow, forget the sorrow, and i can be on the last train home.
The fifth time they kiss, it's years later and Haley only remembers the other four in good graces.
Sometimes she wonders if they even happened at all, if maybe they were simply a fantasy she's always had about Brooke. They've e-mailed regularly, phoned each other maybe once a month, and it seemed as if Brooke stopped mentioning Peyton altogether once she went to New York. But when she sees the other girl, after almost half a decade apart, she can still observe that faint look in Brooke's eyes, and it's like they're seventeen again.
Haley and Brooke secretly steal away together for a couple of hours, the first night that Brooke is back in town. The only other person that has seen her is Peyton, and for the first time, Haley doesn't worry about her son the entire time she's out, but more so about the woman before her.
They eat dinner at a quiet restaurant and amicably relay what has occurred in the years since they last saw each other. Brooke is successful and of course still so, so gorgeous—even her exterior has softened, and she has managed to turn her passion into a career. But beneath that, Haley can sense a terrified girl, uncertain of the future. She understands that Brooke is still seeking purpose in her life.
When Brooke parks her car outside of Haley's house, and continues to animatedly chat about wanting to see Jamie (later that week when he's actually awake, of course), Haley can taste the topic they've been avoiding all night. Promptly, she puts her fingers to Brooke's lips, leading them to the inevitable.
"Were you okay? Seeing Peyton?" Haley whispers, almost as if talking about this is taboo. Which it kind of is.
"Yeah, but you know, Hales, it's not...the same, I guess," Brooke sighs and it could have meant almost anything to anyone else, but Haley knows it means that Brooke is finally moving on, and she's happy for her. (Though a bit worried, now that they'll be seeing each other regularly, again.) They're holding hands as Brooke walks Haley to her front door.
When Haley takes time trying to fish out her key from her purse, struggling, Brooke just jingles them in between her index finger and her thumb, teasing the other girl. They laugh as Haley demands them back and accuses Brooke of being "one of those celebrities with kleptomania", it's so light-hearted and Haley is happy to have her friend back in Tree Hill.
Haley kisses Brooke this time, and it's probably the least passionate of all of the other kisses, but her lips are familiar even after so long. The tenderness reminds Haley that home can be found in a person, too.