A/N: Hi everyone! This was written by Purdy and it was so funny I just had to post it! If you've read 'There's No Place Like Home' you must read this!
There's No Place like Inside a Dog's Body
An isolated tree stands in a long stretch of field on farm. Near the top is a single Cairn terrier, innocently staring off into space.
Trowa: (grumbling) (Goddammit. Why the hell was I given this role? Of all the damn roles. First that damn clown costume and now this. At least in the clown costume I still got to do super cool flips and then was a double agent w/Oz...)
Relena suddenly arrives and slumps against the tree, sighing.
Trowa: Great, guess this is my cue. Better bring out the acting chops. (inhale) (exhale) (clears throat)
Trowa: woof.
Relena looks up, sees dog.
Relena: OHMYGOD, PUPPY! XD
Trowa:(Oh great, she's one of those girls)(sigh).(I hate my life)
Relena: How did you get up there?
Trowa: Woof, woof, woof. (Just come up and get me please. Geez)
Relena: How cute! Are you stuck? I'll get you down.
Trowa: (rolls eyes)
Relena climbs the tree and takes the dog into her arms. They both look at each other.
Trowa: (sigh)(Boring) (sniffs, licks her hand in dog like manner)
Relena: What shall we call you then?
Trowa: (perks up)(Yes! If I can just bark out my name as so, maybe I don'thave to be called that stupid name!)
Trowa: Ruff ruff!(Trowa!)
Relena: (frowns) Nope you'll have to do better than that.
Trowa: Rawaruff!(Trowa!)
Relena: (stares blankly) (shakes head)
Trowa:ROWAFFF! (TROWA, DAMMIT!!! YOU STUPID--) (Relena suddenly scratches behind his ear) (o.o Oh, oh my...) (eyes slowly droop down in pleasure) (wow...)
Relena: (continues to scratch behind his ears) You're such a cute little thing. Im going to call you Toto.
Trowa:(whimpers in pleasure) (Whatever you say. --.--)
Relena: Do you think Mil...I mean Zechs will let me keep you?
Trowa:(Oh great. Now I'm something to be kept. Im not your--.) (Relena suddenly hugs him) o.o
(short moment of silence)
Trowa:...(looks at her. She looks sad.) (I guess you're not so bad) (licks her face. Pause)
Trowa: (lick lick lick lick lick)
Heero, whose reading this off to the side: O.O
Relena: (giggles) (scratches behind his ears again.)
Trowa: (ooh, yes, right there.) (sigh)
~.~.~.~.~.~.
Relenas bedroom. Toto's first night sleeping with her. (Heero, who's still reading, freaking out)
Toto:(Oh, great. Now my names changed.)
Relena lies in bed with Toto beside her. Shes just gotten back to her room after her encounter with Heero. After their kiss.
Relena is still under the covers, her expression blank. She touches her lips.
Toto: (Walks over to her, places paw on her shoulder)
Relena smiles, turns and hugs him.
Toto:(Hmm.)(nestles into the mattress and sheets. Press paw against mattress to test its comfort)(Not bad. Not bad at all.) (nuzzle nuzzle nuzzle nuzzle)
Heero: (going into convulsions)
~.~.~.~.~.~.
Zechs has finally allowed Relena to help with chores, specifically with produce delivery.
Trowa:(Thrilling)
All three are in a cart, making their last delivery. Relena and Toto sit in the back with the last crate.
Relena: Isn't this fun, Toto?
Toto: --.--(As fun as you are interesting)
The cart stops. Both Zechs and Relena get off. An old lady is sitting at the front of the house they have stopped by. Another woman, stern with glasses is also with her. Zechs goes to greet her and her friend. with Relena pulling the cart to the edge. Toto jumps off, padding over to the house.
Toto: (sigh)(I guess its to be expected living on a farm. Its not so bad with it being so peace---HOLY FUCK ITS HER!!!!) O.O
Relena: (looks down at her dog) Toto, what's wrong?
Toto: (whines, whimpers whines) (THAT BITCH IS CRAZY! RUN!)
Relena: ??
Toto:(ARRRGH!) (BOLTS)
Relena: Toto, wait!
Relena chases Toto into a bar. Soon she finds him behind a piano at the back.
Toto: (huddles in the corner, shuddering, whimpering.) o.o
Heero: (smirks)
~.~.~.~.~.~.
The woman is Lady Une. She and Relena do not meet until a few days later. Relena and Toto are in their field once again, lazing under the sun when a bicycle approaches them. Une.
Une makes a grab for Relena to get to Toto. Toto jumps and bites her and escapes by bounding up the very same tree. Threatening both Relena and Toto she finally leaves on her bicycle.
Relena walks up to the tree.
Relena: She's gone, but it seems like Ill have to climb up there and rescue you again.
Toto:(So much for rescuing. I just the did all the work just now.) (Jumps gracefully down the tree, and bounces into her arms)
Relena: (laughs) So that's how you get up into trees. How come you didn't jump down when I first found you?
Toto:(Because I'm a dog. Whos the one who needs a brain in this dumb story again? Geez.)
Relena brushes the fur out of his eyes.
Relena: Little ruffian. (hugs him, petting him lovingly)
Toto: …
Relena: I wont let anybody take you away.
Toto:(...thanks)
Heero: (twitch)
~.~.~.~.~.~.
Dinner time. Relena and Toto walk back to the house. Relena freezes when she sees the bicycle. She rushes into the house.
Toto:(What are you doing?! Dont go in there!)
Noin, Zechs, Une, Heero, Duo, and Wufei are in the dinning room, with the two women at the table.
Zechs: Relena, this is Une, shes here to—
Relena: (lifts Toto into her arms) I know why she's here!
Toto: (Oh, my God, then why are we still here?!) .
Une: We met in the fields Mr. Merquise. The meeting was far from pleasant.
Zechs: Relena, I'm shocked.
Relena: You don't understand! She's here to take Toto away...
Toto:(Then why aren't we running?!?!?!!!!)
Noin: Miss Une is from an animal agency. I know you found Toto Relena but if he belongs with her...
Relena: He belongs here with me!
Toto: …
Une: Im afraid I must insist Mr. Merquise. This dog is known to be aggressive...
Toto:(HELL NO, I'm not! LET ME AT HER!)
Une: As you see (rolls her sleeve to show where Trowa hit ber)
Toto: (oops)o.o;;;
Zechs: I'm sorry Relena.
Toto: (What?!? O.O)
Relena: (gently drops him.) Go!
Toto:(Finally—yah!)
Une: (Grabs him suddenly before he even reaches the door.) Got you at last.
Relena: No!
Une hurries out of the house with Toto and body slams him head first into basket in manner of football player spiking his ball.
Toto:(Dammit, why me?!—HALP!!)
TBC