Authors Note: Was originally going to be for my 'Cage' square on my hc_bingo but I thought this was too much of a stretch. Inspired by DADT finally being dead today, nine months after Obama signed the repeal for it to no longer be a policy. About fucking time, am I right?
Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
I knew I should have not been in love with him; it was not in my programming to fall in love, at least which is the impression I got. I am a born and bred solider, cloned from the best to be the best. No room for love, I was defective. And not for having feelings of a sexual nature, because I tell you, I had those too. What growing teenage man didn't? I was defective because they were feelings that my brothers did not have, or did not show. I participated with my brothers in our little games, Code Five whenever one of us eyed a hot chick, not that we ever saw many so it was a treat whenever that all too familiar voice commed over 'Code Five.' Our Captain, CC-7567, or 'Rex' as he was nicked named, almost put an end to that game when a few too many of our brothers Code Fived the Commander too many times. Rex was protective of that Togruta youngling; we all soon became just as protective. She was our little sister, Jedi Padawan and hire rank or not.
Rex, now that was a man I looked up to and everyone should be able to look up to their Captain, inspire to be just as great as he. My admiration went beyond what was natural, I loved him, and maybe even worse yet, I had sexual desires for my brother, my Captain, another solider with the exact same DNA. I was defective. None of my other brothers were gay. I must have stayed in my tube too long. A good solider would have told the Kaminoans, who I feared, everyone feared, but I knew they would have gotten rid of me as soon I said "Something is wrong with me." So as long as the long necked cloners didn't ask, I would not tell.
I was able to shut off the undying need to touch my Captain when Torrent Company was in battle, always behind our brave General, Anakin Skywalker. We would all follow him to the ends to the Galaxy. Rex would follow him to hell, I swore I wasn't jealous; I had to just remind myself that I was defective, Rex was perfect.
Perfect was an understatement. He was many things: bold, strong, brave, smart…but we all are. His courage made him stand out from the clones. I remember when he was honored for his courage when our Cuy'val Dar presented him with marking Jaig eyes on his helmet in blue. But I wasn't in love with him then, but when he bleached his hair blonde and shaved it close to his head I did feel a little something in my gut. It was shocking how much his honey colored eyes stood out now. The same honey colored eyes we all have. To be honest, we are a damn good looking group. But Rex was different. Only he made my heart stop and my body suit tighter.
I remember when I fell in love with him. We were on Saleucami hunting for the droid General, Grievous. Kenobi was our General this mission, which none of us ever detested to, and not because our voices didn't matter, but because we worked well with him, he was a constant companion of Skywalker's. Hardcase, Jesse, and I followed Captain Rex on speeders to find where Grievous' escape pods landed. Two Commando Droids snipped Rex. Seeing his body so still on the ground made the galaxy collapse around me. I had no time to worry; precious seconds were being wasted as my heart broke. Right then I knew I loved this man.
Thank the Force; he was going to be alright. I should have known it, nothing could bring Rex down. I felt like these conflicting emotions were going to pour out of me at any moment; it must have been why General Kenobi pulled me aside to talk to me privately. Those damn Jedi and their ability to sense anything it seemed, very handy if you ask me, unless it was my personal feelings that they were sensing.
"Is there something wrong, Kix?" he asked, in such a sincere way one could not help but to be honest with the Jedi.
I had decided to keep the conflict to myself. "No sir, not at all, sir."
Kenobi eyed me, a look that went right through me. "Well, I will not pry, but there is nothing wrong with you." He put a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Maybe someday, once this war is over, all of us will be able to act on our feelings without repercussions." He had taken his hand off my shoulder and looked off; his expression was sad and thoughtful. "Jedi and Clones are much the same on a level. Born into a life where we are regarded s superior yet we dedicate ourselves to a life where we are not free to make our own choices. Sadly, where we differ is that I can leave where you are stuck." He let out a heavy sigh and patted me on the shoulder one last time before he walked away.
One of these days I am going to thank Kenobi for helping me feel just as perfect as the rest of my brothers. It'll be the day once I am brave enough to tell Rex how I feel.