This story is hardly based on Lord of the Rings, but I hope you find
it funny none the less. It is a result of not getting enough sleep. I
would like to thank my sister, Sarah, for helping me come up with this
stupid idea, and I thank Annie, my bestest friend, ^_^ for helping me with
names and some other interesting ideas. I also thank my muse for being so
incredibly crazy. So, without further adieu, I present to you, Fruit of
the Loop.
Oh, one last thing, here are a list of the LOTR characters and their
equivalent in the first chapter (as you may not be able to distinguish this
yourself). I will provide a list at the beginning of each chapter if any
new characters are introduced.
Frodo-Rollo Sam-Spam Pippin-Mr.Pibb Merry-Moshi (four hobbits going grocery shopping) Aragorn-Asparagus Man (an employee that works in produce) And the brief appearance of Arwen
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Are we there yet??" Mr. Pibb whined.
"No, Mr.Pibb, not yet," Rollo replied. He knew this was going to happen.
A few seconds later, "How 'bout now?"
"No."
"Now?"
"Nope."
"Now??!"
"NO!!!"
. "Now?"
"If you ask one more time, I'm turning this wagon around and we aren't going to get any fruit loops!!!"
"Well, soo-rry, Mr. Grumpy," Mr. Pibb said, slumping back in his seat and staring at the passing traffic, (thoroughly bored I might add).
Rollo drove on for what seemed like forever (equivalent to a few minutes); when, suddenly, Wiz-Mart came into view.
"We're here, we're here!!" Moshi cried, "Mr. Pibb, we've arrived!"
"Yaaaay!!!!" Mr. Pibb shouted as he jumped up and nearly jumped right out of the wagon into oncoming traffic. Fortunately, Spam grabbed his arm just in time to stop him.
"You shouldn't do that Mr. Pibb," Spam said intelligently, "those wagons are speeding by at nearly 10 miles an hour. Just wait and we'll be parked soon enough.
Mr. Pibb reluctantly sat back down saying, "Oh, all right. Rollo, can we stop by and visit Asparagus Man."
"No! The only thing we are here to do is buy fruit loops. Besides, you aren't even supposed to know him yet, that's later in this chapter."
"Oh. right." Mr. Pibb said a little dejectedly. At least Rollo brought him along this time and didn't lock him in the broom closet as usual.
In a few more minutes (equivalent to forever), the wagon was parked and the four hobbits were headed into the store.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Rollo and his three friends enter the store and are overwhelmed by the immense size of it. "How are we going to find the fruit loops in a big place like this, Rollo?" Moshi asked.
"I don't know Moshi, I don't know," Rollo replied.
Directly to their right was the produce department. "I suppose we could ask that man next to the asparagus. He's got on a yellow Wiz-mart uniform on," Spam said, spotting the man with his keen eyes.
"Where Spam? I can't see him." Rollo said, looking in the direction Spam had pointed out.
"Right there, talking with that woman with the long, wavy brown hair and pointy ears."
"Oh, I see now." Rollo said, "Let's go talk to him." He said to Spam and Moshi, but suddenly stopped, "Where's Mr. Pibb?"
Spam spots Mr. Pibb atop a big pile of watermelons. "There he is Mr. Rollo."
"Mr. Pibb, you should get down from there," Rollo said, taking a few steps towards him, "its very dange."
All of a sudden, Mr. Pibb slips and all of the watermelons come tumbling down, right on top of Rollo!
"Mr. Pibb!!" Spam cried out, shocked, "We should have locked you in the broom closet like usual. Look at all the trouble you've caused.
"Oh, so you're in on that too?" Mr. Pibb asked.
"Shut up and help me try to move these watermelons. Moshi, go get someone to help us; these are very big watermelons, much too big for hobbits. Hurry before Mr. Rollo is crushed to death."
Moshi ran over to the strong looking man next to the asparagus. "Excuse me mister," he said, but the man, who was talking to a very pretty lady with pointy ears, did not hear a word he said. "Excuse me," he tried again, a little louder and tugging at the mans sleeve.
"Not right now boy, I'm having an important conversation," the man said before he went back to telling the woman how beautiful her eyes were and how wonderfully silky her hair was.
Moshi was getting very angry and finally shouted out, "STOP FLIRTING AND PLEASE HELP ME!!!"
This seemed to get the mans attention and he looked down at the hobbit, frowning. "Well, what do you want boy?"
"First of all, I'm not a boy, I'm a hobbit. Me and my friends," he pointed to Spam and Mr. Pibb, "really need your help."
"Why do you need my help? You made the mess, you clean it up. Besides, why would I bother with three hobbits when I have a beautiful elf to converse with?" He was about to turn back to the woman when Moshi shouted again.
"But that's just it. There are FOUR of us!"
The man did some quick mathematical calculations in is head and realized he could only see three hobbits. He came to a conclusion, "One of you must be missing."
"Yes, but.." Moshi tried to say."
"Don't worry; I'll use my super-human tracking skills to find out where he is." The man bounded off, crouching close to the ground, he studied the hobbit track forever (equivalent to a few minutes). Suddenly, he jumped up and said, "I conclude that there is a hobbit underneath this pile of watermelons." He began to walk back towards the brown-haired woman.
"I could have told you that." Moshi said under his breath, rolling his eyes. "But, mister!" He ran after the man.
"No need for thanks," he said, "I did it out of the goodness of my heart."
Moshi was very angry now, "BUT WE NEED YOUR HELP TO MOVE THE WATERMELONS SO WE CAN GET HIM OUT!!!!" he shouted.
"No need to shout. Why didn't you just say so in the first place?" The man said, bounding over to the pile of watermelons. He quickly removed the watermelons and picked up Rollo. He shook him vigorously saying, "Are you all right little hobbit?"
"Yes, please stop shaking me!" Rollo shouted.
Te man put him down. "Hobbits are touchy little things," he said, thinking aloud. He thrust a hand in Rollo's face. "How do you do, I'm Asparagus Man."
Rollo shook it and Asparagus Man shook it up and down quickly. "I'm Rollo," the hobbit said, "And this is Spam, Moshi and Mr. Pibb." He pointed to each in turn.
"Nice to meet you all," he said. "Don't I know you?" He asked Mr. Pibb.
"Don't think so," Mr. Pibb said.
Asparagus Man shrugged. "Now, is there anything else I can do for you?" He said, clapping his hands together and smiling.
"Yes, actually," Rollo said, "We were wondering if you could tell us where the fruit loops are."
"Hmmm," Asparagus Man looked very thoughtful. He thought for a few minutes (equivalent to forever), and finally said, "I don't know. And fruit loops are virtually untrackable so I can't help you there." He pondered again. "But I shall com with you to find them. We shall go on," In a very dramatic voice, he finishes with, "The Quest for the Fruit Loops."
"Yaay," Mr. Pibb shouted, jumping up and down and clapping his hands. "We're going on a quest.mission.thing."
"But who's going to clean up all these watermelons?" Spam asked intelligently.
All four hobbits looked at Asparagus Man. "What??!!? I'm not going to clean this mess up, I didn't make it." He frantically looked around. Finally he spotted the pretty lady with the pointy ears. He pointed at her. "You, Crystal, could you do a favor and take care of these watermelons for me?"
"But I'm Arwen!" she said exasperated.
"Whatever, I'm in a bit of a hurry. Going on a quest you know."
"I'll bring you back some candy," he said sweetly and the elf quickly complied.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And so, the four hobbits and their new found friend set out on their quest to find the fruit loops. Who knows what friends, or what foes, lie ahead of them?
So, what do ya think??? Not my usual style, but if you like it, I will most definitely continue. A little hint on the next chapter: we'll next meet Egowafflus, the ice-queen.^_~
Frodo-Rollo Sam-Spam Pippin-Mr.Pibb Merry-Moshi (four hobbits going grocery shopping) Aragorn-Asparagus Man (an employee that works in produce) And the brief appearance of Arwen
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Are we there yet??" Mr. Pibb whined.
"No, Mr.Pibb, not yet," Rollo replied. He knew this was going to happen.
A few seconds later, "How 'bout now?"
"No."
"Now?"
"Nope."
"Now??!"
"NO!!!"
. "Now?"
"If you ask one more time, I'm turning this wagon around and we aren't going to get any fruit loops!!!"
"Well, soo-rry, Mr. Grumpy," Mr. Pibb said, slumping back in his seat and staring at the passing traffic, (thoroughly bored I might add).
Rollo drove on for what seemed like forever (equivalent to a few minutes); when, suddenly, Wiz-Mart came into view.
"We're here, we're here!!" Moshi cried, "Mr. Pibb, we've arrived!"
"Yaaaay!!!!" Mr. Pibb shouted as he jumped up and nearly jumped right out of the wagon into oncoming traffic. Fortunately, Spam grabbed his arm just in time to stop him.
"You shouldn't do that Mr. Pibb," Spam said intelligently, "those wagons are speeding by at nearly 10 miles an hour. Just wait and we'll be parked soon enough.
Mr. Pibb reluctantly sat back down saying, "Oh, all right. Rollo, can we stop by and visit Asparagus Man."
"No! The only thing we are here to do is buy fruit loops. Besides, you aren't even supposed to know him yet, that's later in this chapter."
"Oh. right." Mr. Pibb said a little dejectedly. At least Rollo brought him along this time and didn't lock him in the broom closet as usual.
In a few more minutes (equivalent to forever), the wagon was parked and the four hobbits were headed into the store.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Rollo and his three friends enter the store and are overwhelmed by the immense size of it. "How are we going to find the fruit loops in a big place like this, Rollo?" Moshi asked.
"I don't know Moshi, I don't know," Rollo replied.
Directly to their right was the produce department. "I suppose we could ask that man next to the asparagus. He's got on a yellow Wiz-mart uniform on," Spam said, spotting the man with his keen eyes.
"Where Spam? I can't see him." Rollo said, looking in the direction Spam had pointed out.
"Right there, talking with that woman with the long, wavy brown hair and pointy ears."
"Oh, I see now." Rollo said, "Let's go talk to him." He said to Spam and Moshi, but suddenly stopped, "Where's Mr. Pibb?"
Spam spots Mr. Pibb atop a big pile of watermelons. "There he is Mr. Rollo."
"Mr. Pibb, you should get down from there," Rollo said, taking a few steps towards him, "its very dange."
All of a sudden, Mr. Pibb slips and all of the watermelons come tumbling down, right on top of Rollo!
"Mr. Pibb!!" Spam cried out, shocked, "We should have locked you in the broom closet like usual. Look at all the trouble you've caused.
"Oh, so you're in on that too?" Mr. Pibb asked.
"Shut up and help me try to move these watermelons. Moshi, go get someone to help us; these are very big watermelons, much too big for hobbits. Hurry before Mr. Rollo is crushed to death."
Moshi ran over to the strong looking man next to the asparagus. "Excuse me mister," he said, but the man, who was talking to a very pretty lady with pointy ears, did not hear a word he said. "Excuse me," he tried again, a little louder and tugging at the mans sleeve.
"Not right now boy, I'm having an important conversation," the man said before he went back to telling the woman how beautiful her eyes were and how wonderfully silky her hair was.
Moshi was getting very angry and finally shouted out, "STOP FLIRTING AND PLEASE HELP ME!!!"
This seemed to get the mans attention and he looked down at the hobbit, frowning. "Well, what do you want boy?"
"First of all, I'm not a boy, I'm a hobbit. Me and my friends," he pointed to Spam and Mr. Pibb, "really need your help."
"Why do you need my help? You made the mess, you clean it up. Besides, why would I bother with three hobbits when I have a beautiful elf to converse with?" He was about to turn back to the woman when Moshi shouted again.
"But that's just it. There are FOUR of us!"
The man did some quick mathematical calculations in is head and realized he could only see three hobbits. He came to a conclusion, "One of you must be missing."
"Yes, but.." Moshi tried to say."
"Don't worry; I'll use my super-human tracking skills to find out where he is." The man bounded off, crouching close to the ground, he studied the hobbit track forever (equivalent to a few minutes). Suddenly, he jumped up and said, "I conclude that there is a hobbit underneath this pile of watermelons." He began to walk back towards the brown-haired woman.
"I could have told you that." Moshi said under his breath, rolling his eyes. "But, mister!" He ran after the man.
"No need for thanks," he said, "I did it out of the goodness of my heart."
Moshi was very angry now, "BUT WE NEED YOUR HELP TO MOVE THE WATERMELONS SO WE CAN GET HIM OUT!!!!" he shouted.
"No need to shout. Why didn't you just say so in the first place?" The man said, bounding over to the pile of watermelons. He quickly removed the watermelons and picked up Rollo. He shook him vigorously saying, "Are you all right little hobbit?"
"Yes, please stop shaking me!" Rollo shouted.
Te man put him down. "Hobbits are touchy little things," he said, thinking aloud. He thrust a hand in Rollo's face. "How do you do, I'm Asparagus Man."
Rollo shook it and Asparagus Man shook it up and down quickly. "I'm Rollo," the hobbit said, "And this is Spam, Moshi and Mr. Pibb." He pointed to each in turn.
"Nice to meet you all," he said. "Don't I know you?" He asked Mr. Pibb.
"Don't think so," Mr. Pibb said.
Asparagus Man shrugged. "Now, is there anything else I can do for you?" He said, clapping his hands together and smiling.
"Yes, actually," Rollo said, "We were wondering if you could tell us where the fruit loops are."
"Hmmm," Asparagus Man looked very thoughtful. He thought for a few minutes (equivalent to forever), and finally said, "I don't know. And fruit loops are virtually untrackable so I can't help you there." He pondered again. "But I shall com with you to find them. We shall go on," In a very dramatic voice, he finishes with, "The Quest for the Fruit Loops."
"Yaay," Mr. Pibb shouted, jumping up and down and clapping his hands. "We're going on a quest.mission.thing."
"But who's going to clean up all these watermelons?" Spam asked intelligently.
All four hobbits looked at Asparagus Man. "What??!!? I'm not going to clean this mess up, I didn't make it." He frantically looked around. Finally he spotted the pretty lady with the pointy ears. He pointed at her. "You, Crystal, could you do a favor and take care of these watermelons for me?"
"But I'm Arwen!" she said exasperated.
"Whatever, I'm in a bit of a hurry. Going on a quest you know."
"I'll bring you back some candy," he said sweetly and the elf quickly complied.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And so, the four hobbits and their new found friend set out on their quest to find the fruit loops. Who knows what friends, or what foes, lie ahead of them?
So, what do ya think??? Not my usual style, but if you like it, I will most definitely continue. A little hint on the next chapter: we'll next meet Egowafflus, the ice-queen.^_~