Conversation of a hanyou and miko

by theLilyLady

This is my take of a conversation between our favourite hanyou and miko. No tears, no angst, no dramas, no dead miko appearances, and no wolf demons or skirmishes with hot...ahem, evil stepbrothers. Just Inuyasha and Kagome. And a hell of a lot of talking

"I wonder where they ran to."

"Who gives a fuck?"

"How long are they going to run for anyway?"

"Guessing from the murderous look on Sango's face, Miroku could be running all night."

"Well then, it's a good thing Shippou and Kirara went after them eh?"

"Why?"

"So Kirara can calm Sango down whilst Shippou pieces together what's left of Miroku!"

"Keh. That's true."

"Inuyasha?"

"Hmmmm…"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Didn't you already?"

"Be serious."

"I AM being serious. See? Look! Serious face."

"Not amused."

"Just ask the bloody question Kagome."

"Right. So. Have you ever…ever …"

"Ever what."

"Uh…have you ever done it before?"

"What do you mean it?"

"You know, what Miroku was telling us about before he felt up Sango and ran off screeching."

"Keh! Like I was even listening. What do you think I am, some kind of hentai?"

"Oh no…it's nothing like that…"

"What, you mean to say it wasn't at all disgusting and perverted?"

"Uh…it was a little disturbing the way he described it. But the rest sounded kinda nice. I wouldn't mind doing it someday."

"Keh. I never trust anything that monk says. And neither should you."

"But…"

"What."

"No, nothing…just forget about it."

"Spit it out wench."

"I was just wondering if it was possible…"

"Hmmm, you were?"

"Miroku says that anybody can do it. That it's most fun when on your back and most meaningful when done with somebody that you like."

"Hmmmmm…"

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Hmmmmmmm…."

"Inuyasha-Baka, your eyes are shut and you're drooling!"

"I do not drool. And quit poking me, woman. You're so annoying!"

"Then stay awake when I speak to you! Really, you have the attention span of a 3 year old!"

"That's only because you're so boring!"

"Boring! How dare you call me boring! SIT!"

"FUCK! Bloody hell…what was that for?"

"Bored now Dog boy?"

"Don't call me that!"

"Don't call you what...DOG BOY?"

"ARGH!"

"Did you just snarl at me?"

"No…"

"SIT!"

"I realllllyyyy hate you right now…"

"No you don't."

"Yes. I do."

"No, you don't."

"You'd think that I know my own feelings Kagome. After all, I am the one feeling all the BRUISES you just gave me!"

"Oh shut up. They heal as quickly as I give them to you so what are you complaining about, you whiner."

"My healing abilities aren't the issue here! It's YOU, you horrid bitch, who –"

"SIT!"

"WHAT DID I DO?"

"You called me a bitch."

"So what? I call you that most of the time anyway!"

"Well, I guess I just didn't feel like letting that one slip."

"So what, you just physically abuse me when it suits you?"

"Pretty much."

"You…you SADIST!"

"What, me?"

"Yes you! You're a sadist! A narcissist, an abuser! A heartless, brutal, yielder of pain and destruction!"

"Aren't you getting a little carried away?"

"You –Don't sit on me woman! I'm hurting!"

"But I don't want to sit on the cold hard ground. And your back's really cushy."

"I'm…I'm NOT CUSHY!"

"Kinda bouncy too. Heheh…"

"KAGOME!"

"Hmmmm?"

"Get off me."

"Why."

"Because. I am NOT your couch."

"No you're not. You're even more comfortable than my couch!"

"You–"

"Yeah, and you smell much nicer too."

"…"

"You see, Souta got really sick one day. It was a tummy upset or something. So anyway, he really had to throw up, but he didn't make it to the bathroom on time. So there he was sitting on the couch and then he turned around and…"

"Ok! OK! Enough. You don't have to paint me bloody picture Kagome."

"Oh…but I haven't got to the best part yet! My friends were over, and Yuri was sitting right next to Souta, so she sort of ended up getting sprayed all over with bits of –"

"STOP!"

"Inuyasha? Are you ok? You're looking a bit green."

"I wonder why…"

"Gomen…I didn't know you would react like this…wow, you're really sensitive huh?"

"NO! It's not that. It's just the heavy load of lard that's squeezing every bit of breath out of me right now."

"Care to repeat that?"

"Uh...not really."

"SI – huh? Inuyasha! Let go of my leg this instant!"

"NO. If I get sat, you're going down with me!"

"LET GO!"

"NO!"

"You can't just lie there with my leg in your hands! What if somebody comes and sees us like this?"

"Yeah, like who?"

"Sango and Miroku? Shippou? KIRARA!"

"Keh. Who gives a shit what they think."

"I do! Oh whatever. You don't care do you? You just don't want to get sat again."

"Damn right!"

"In fact, just for your own egotistical means, you would even use me and not even spare a thought as to how it might affect me!"

"Calm down Kagome–you're getting too excited."

"Don't 'calm down Kagome' me. I AM PISSED OFF WITH YOU!"

"Quit screaming into my ears damnit! Remember my hypersensitive hearing? You want to make me deaf?"

"Don't tempt me."

"Whatever. Just stop over-reacting. I would never use you. Keh, as if I could. You wouldn't fall for it anyway. You're way too smart."

"Damn right!"

"Haha. Seems like I'm starting to rub off on you…"

"Inuyasha?"

"What."

"Gomen."

"Huh? What for?"

"For making your ears hurt before."

"Keh. Forget it."

"Are your ears ok?"

"Just peachy."

"That's good. Uh Inuyasha?"

"What."

"Could you by any chance…let go of my leg now?"

"Not in your life."

"Hmph… still a selfish bastard"

"What?"

"Huh?"

"What did you just mutter under your breath?"

"Nothing…I didn't say anything."

"I heard you Kagome. You just said I was a selfish bastard."

"Well, if the shoe fits!"

"Huh?"

"Oh nevermind…"

"Kagome?"

"What."

"About before…about that thing Miroku was talking about…"

"Yes?"

"I…uh…I wouldn't mind…doing it. But only if…only if uh…"

"If what?"

"Only if you do it with me."

"Oh. Ok then."

"Huh?"

"Ok Inuyasha, I will do it with you."

"Wow…uh… I mean yeah. Sure…whatever."

"Inuyasha! Is that a blush I see?"

"WHAT? No! NO!"

"OHHHH, Inu-ya-sha is blushhiiinnngg!"

"SHUT UP!"

"See! Your face has gone as red as a to-ma-to!"

"No it hasn't!"

"You're such a bad liar."

"That's because I don't make a habit of telling lies, unlike SOME PEOPLE."

"And just who are you referring to by that?"

"I'll leave it up to you and your vivid imagination."

"Right now, I'm imagining a deep Inu-shaped hole in the ground…"

"I've still got your leg!"

"Coward."

"I prefer to see it as my survival instinct kicking in."

"Dress it up any way you want. Once a coward, always a coward."

"Excuse me? Who's the one who always runs screeching and falls on her ass every time we battle?"

"What! I was trying to get out of your way! And I only fall to the ground when some bad tempered hanyou PUSHES ME!"

"Hey! That was to save your scrawny neck bitch!"

"Well, you could at least warn me before you do it!"

"Oh yeah, sure. Next time I'll just waltz over ask for your permission to protect you from that demon that wants to eat you alive! Keh! I should just let you get eaten, then maybe you'd be more grateful!"

"It's not like I don't appreciate what you do for me Inuyasha, but sometimes it really wouldn't hurt to let me in on one of your half-crazed strategies. At least then I wouldn't have to worry so much about you baka!"

"Why should you worry? I'm always the one who has to watch out for you, protect you, SAVE YOU! You always get yourself in trouble!"

"Only because I'm worried that you'll do something stupid and break your fat neck!"

"Ingrate!"

"Inconsiderate asshole!"

"Annoying, tight-arsed bitch!"

"Big-mouthed, big-haired, big-egocentric baka! SI–"

"Uh-uh-ah! I've still got your leg."

"GRRRRRR!"

"Did you just…growl at me?"

"So what if I did?"

"Wow. I am really rubbing off on you."

"Keh!"

"Hey! That's my sound. Don't use it without my permission!"

"Try and stop me."

"Is that an invitation?"

"It's a direct challenge Inuyasha. Take that!"

"What? Wait! –Haha–! No tickling! –hahaHA–! No! Stop it! KAGOME! I mean –haha– it, STOP! "

"Who's a scary hanyou now huh?"

"Just you –haha– wait, you –hahHAhAHA– bitch!"

"Oh I am just quivering with fear right now."

"GOTCHA!"

"Ouch Inuyasha! That hurt!"

"Heheh, I'd say I'm sorry but I'm not."

"Whatever, winning by pure brutal strength, that's low. Now get off me you bully."

"Hmmmmm, no."

"Inuyasha! GETOFF ME!"

"You know, I've always liked being on top."

"Wha…you…WHAT?"

"This is as nature intended it."

"THIS IS WRONG! JUST WRONG! Inuyasha, if you don't get off me right now, I am going to…I'm going to hurt you!"

"Just how do you intend to do that? Scream me to oblivion? Sit me? I don't think so! Not if you want to be squashed underneath me."

"Get your bony ass off me you big stupid hanyou. You're too fat. I can't breathe."

"Aww Ka-go-me, you're hurting my feelings! You called me fat!"

"HUH, as if you have any feelings to begin with."

"You're so mean! Boohoohoo. If I weren't so comfortable right now I'd run weeping into the forest to lick the wounds opened from your sharp tongue."

"Pfft…"

"You know, one day the wind will change and your face is going to get stuck like that. With your little pink tongue sticking out of your mouth. Not that it'll make any difference to your ugly mug though…"

"I'm going to soooo kill you when I get free Inuyasha."

"Oh I'm so scared of the helpless girl I've got caught between my thighs."

"Ewwwww. somehow, that sounded so wrong…"

"Yeah, so it did…"

"So what now."

"What do you mean?"

"What are we gonna do now? Unless you're gonna stop being a stubborn ass and let me up, there's nothing else we can really do whilst I'm lying here on my back like this."

"I can think of a few things…"

"Hmm? What did you just say?"

"Oh…er…nothing…"

"Well, I guess we could do it."

"What are you talking about…oh it!"

"Um…you might want to er…lie down first."

"Oh. Right."

"Inuyasha! You don't have to keep holding me so tight! I'm not going to run away!"

"There's no way I'm going to chance you getting up while we're doing this woman, so just lie still and stop struggling!"

"But it's uncomfortable like this!"

"Alright! Alright. How about if I put my arm here. Is that ok?"

"Only if you move that leg of yours over there."

"Fine!"

"Good!"

"Are you comfortable now?"

"I'm ok."

"Sheesh. What a fussy bitch."

"Is it too much to ask for basic comfort?"

"Who cares about things like that at a time like this?"

"We could be on our backs for quite some time Inuyasha."

"How long exactly…"

"I dunno. All night I guess…"

"That long?"

"Well if doing it all night long is much too tiring for you, then feel free leave at anytime. I'm not forcing you to do this with me you know, I'm perfectly capable of doing it by myself. HA, it'll probably be even more enjoyable if I did do it myself, without you complaining and whinging in my ear– "

"It's fine."

"Say what? I couldn't quite hear you since you're muttering again."

"I SAID. It's fine...I…I want to do this with you Kagome."

"Ok then…are you comfortable?"

"Sorta. Are you sure this is the only position?"

"Well, I guess we could try some other ones…"

"Whatever, lets just do it like this first."

"You're so lazy Inuyasha."

"Don't preach at me Miss hypocrite. You're the one who's always sitting on her arse doing nothing. Heheh, maybe that's why it's so flabby..."

"WHAT?"

"Oh shit."

"DID YOU JUST CALL MY BUTT FLABBY?"

"No."

"YOU BAKA! BASTARD! STUPID! IDIOT! ASSHOLE! SHIT-FACED DOG –mpff!"

"There, now would you just shut up and relax?"

"Inuyasha? Did you just…"

"Don't read too much into it bitch. I was just trying to get you to shut up."

"But you didn't have to do that! It's all tingly now…"

"Yeah well, that generally happens."

"I don't like this feeling, it's starting to hurt!"

"Quit whining Kagome! Sheesh! I only pinched your fucking nose."

"Only pinched! ONLY– How about I 'only pinch' your stupid ears?"

"Don't touch me, Kagome, no don't– OW!"

"See how it hurts?"

"I don't see how you fucking wrenching off my ears has anything to do with it. Now I'm in pain…again!"

"Don't be such a baby Inuyasha. I swear you sulk more than anybody else I know."

"I do not."

"You're pouting."

"AM NOT."

"Don't yell at me Inuyasha!"

"You started it!"

"Did not!"

"DID TOO!"

"Fine, since I started it, I'm going to finish it. End of discussion."

"Are we ever going to get round to doing this or not?"

"Whatever."

"Hey, this was your idea!"

"Hmmm, really? I seem to recall a certain hanyou asking me to do this with him, not the other way round."

"Keh."

"Lets just begin."

"That's what I was saying."

"Inuyasha?"

"What?"

"Shut up."

"Huh? Why? What are you doing just lying there? Hurry up and do it already!"

"I am! I just can't find– hey! Why am I doing all the work? You could help too!"

"Huh, or not. Well, just wake me up if and when you're ready to show me something interesting."

"Don't sleep! You're supposed to be an active participant in this!"

"But it's boring!"

"That's because you're not doing anything! You've got to help me with this! Not sit there like a living, useless lump. It's no fun that way!"

"But I don't know what to do!"

"Weren't you listening when Miroku was explaining?"

"Of course not!"

"You're such a baka."

"I am not! For your information you're the first person I've ever done this with, so excuse me if I'm not as comfortable with it as you are!"

"…"

"Now can we get on with it already?"

"Gomen Inuyasha. I didn't know that this was your first time."

"Keh."

"If it helps, this is my first time too… So let's do this together, ok?"

"Together. Alright."

So together, the hanyou and girl proceeded to create their own patterns in the sky using the stars in the heavens as their canvas. During the course of the night, 48 different constellations were birthed, a relationship deepened, and one certain monk (somewhere really really far away) severely beaten up by a furious boomerang wielding female. As for our lovely fire cat and sweet fox demon…well, they both got tired chasing after said monk and angry female, choosing instead to curl up together under a tree and drift off into blissful sleep.

THE END

"Well, that was a rather stupid ending."

"I thought it was rather nice."

"Keh, you would."

"What? At least it didn't end with you or me dying, or me falling in love with Sesshoumaru or prancing off with Hojo, or getting kidnapped by Kouga –"

"Or me running off to find Kikiyo, or Sango magically having the hots for me –"

"EXACTLY! THAT'S WHY I SAID IT WAS A GOOD ENDING!"

"Alright! You don't have to bloody yell woman!"

"Keh!"

"Hey! What did I say about making my sound?"

"Dunno. Can't remember. Wasn't really listening…"

"There's a penalty for mimicking me."

"Ohhhhh, I'm so afraid of the big bad scary hanyou."

"Well, you should be, cause I can do this!"

"Mppff! INUYASHA!"

"What?"

"You! You…you kissed me! On the lips!"

"So what?"

"But…wha…"

"You liked it right?"

"Yes...uh, I mean…"

"So what's the problem?"

"Uh…none I guess…"

"Good, then that's settled. Come here."

"Hmmmmmmmmm."

"Kagome."

"Hmmmmmmmm?"

"Stop making that damn noise. It's distracting."

"I can't even kiss without you giving me your two cents worth! What is it with you?"

"It's just…you're driving me nuts with that bloody humming."

"Oh, you mean when I do something like…"

"mmmppfffff!"

"Hmmmmmm, something like this Inuyasha?"

"You…are so…evil."

"Keh. I learnt it from you."

"Ah-Ha! You did it again."

"What are you going to do about it, tough guy? Punish me again?"

"You bet."

"Hmmmmmmm…Immuyuashua?"

"No. No talking…talking bad. Kissing good."

"Bud I juz…Stop! Just wait. I just wanted to ask you: why are your hands still on my leg?"

"Because…I like to…touch you?"

"Huh. Still a coward I see….mppffff!"

"Haha! I've found the perfect way to shut you up."

"Asshole."

"Bitch."

"Bastard."

"Enough talk. Kiss me."

"Uh…Immuyuashua?"

"WHAT NOW?"

"You were right."

"Ya ya, whatever…wait, I was?"

"Yes. This is a much better ending."

"Keh. Told you so."

"Oh shut up."

"I love you Kagome."

"I love you too Inuyasha."

"Damn. We sound so fucking sappy…"

"Not to mention corny."

"And so unlike ourselves…"

"But if it means that we get to make out..."

"Then I for one am all for it!"

"You horny dog…"

"You love it."

"Yes…that is true…"

"Can this story just end already? Man, it goes on forever."

"Don't be so impatient Inuyasha. I'm sure it's going to end soon."

"Whatever. There are just other things we could be doing right now rather than this."

"Oh? Things such as what…"

"Well Kagome, if this story wasn't rated a T, I would happily tell you. But since it isn't and this story seems to have no end in sight–"

"AND THEY BOTH LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER. THE END!"

"Wow. You think that worked?"

"Who cares? Now start talking!"

"I like it when you play rough Kagome…"