4 pm
She sat next to the bed and held his hand. Willing him to wake up. "The doctor said it's up to you now, darlin'. You have to wake up. Please. For me." She stroked the inside of his wrist. "I'm sorry I got it all wrong, but hey, I'm a good time party girl, and I thought you were a good time party boy and we could have fun with no strings. I never meant to mess with your head. I never meant it to be more than good times. So I'm sorry I hurt you. But that's all I have to give. You said it yourself once, that there needs to be some private life, some distance between you and the job. Well I thought we could be in the moment and in the job, I never realised you were taking it all that seriously." She looked up at his face. So still, eyes closed. The only other sound the beep of the machine that he was attached to, announcing that he was, in fact, alive. She never thought she would take some comfort from the constant beep of a machine, but if it meant knowing that he was still alive, there was still a chance.
6 pm
She stood outside the room and watched them together. Stevie chattering on, clinging to his hand, talking nineteen to the dozen about all sorts of rubbish. She knew it wasn't what was said, it was the sound of the voice that would draw him back. She pushed open the swing doors, and Stevie looked up, "Guv?"
"How is he?"
"No change so far, but..." Stevie trailed off, she didn't want to cry now. But later when she was home, she would cry for both him and her.
"I'll stay with him for a while, you've been here for hours."
Stevie nodded and retrieved her bag. Bent over to drop a quick kiss on his forehead. "Bye darlin'."
She took the seat that Stevie had vacated, and took hold of his hand, turning it in both of hers, she planted a kiss in the palm. "Jo told me I should be talking to you, that we never closed the book and that it was hurting you more as time passed. Well, it's hurting me too. We never ended, we just fell apart didn't we? You made mistakes. Well so did I, and I'm truly sorry that I did. That I pushed you away, dumped you, like an unwanted dog on the motorway as Jo so delicately phrased it. Because now I can see that there was a great deal of harm in what happened, that it was all too fast, too rushed and there was always a shadow hanging over us." She smiled ruefully and still is. "And that I allowed that shadow to come between us. I shouldn't have done that. Perhaps if I hadn't been so convinced you were going to run a mile, perhaps I had pushed you so far into a corner the only thing left for you to do was to run away? But I didn't come to dig up the past again, I wanted to try to heal the future. But that future has to have you in it. You have to be there or all of this is for nothing." Her voice trembled, tears began to gather and fall, "you're strong and fit, you can beat this, the doctor said it was up to you, well I know you've got the guts to fight this, to come back to us... just do it, please. Please. For me. Or not for me, for Jo, because she loves you, or someone... is it Stevie?...I've known for a while that there was someone, but you've kept so quiet about it that I wasn't sure... then something went wrong... didn't it? Something went so wrong, that it made you careless" She was leaning over him, willing him to wake up, "I can't kiss you, mostly because of the tube in your throat, but also because I'm not here to turn back time, I want to close that chapter, and I want us to do it together."
8.30 pm
She stood outside the door and watched Sam. She had come round earlier and heard Stevie begging him and pleading with him, now it was Sam's turn. And she wondered what force of nature it was that meant that women had to salve their consciences with the opportunity to unburden themselves. We all do it. Even me. Perhaps if I hadn't snapped at you when you were trying to talk to me this morning, perhaps things might have turned out slightly differently. Did I make you careless? Or was the thought of this collar making you reckless? Well, you can't give up on me now. Because I won't let you. You saved my life. You persisted when others would have given up, or not bothered in the first place. Afterwards, all I wanted to do was hug you, but even then, you tried to play it down, maintain that distance, even though I could see that you felt differently, then I put my arms round your neck and pulled you into a hug, and it all changed. When I stepped back, I could see it in your eyes, you nearly lost it then, but I couldn't let you crumble, you might have resented me for it later. And I was right, even though you are cocky, and devious, and occasionally downright manipulative, and the demon that drives you makes you do and say things that make me and the rest of CID absolutely mad, you're one of the best friends I've ever had. My honorary little brother. Well I'm not giving you up, certainly not like this.
She pushed open the door, and walked in. Sam looked up. "Jo... I..."
"I know." Jo looked down at her. "Any change?"
"No... not really." Sam's lower lip trembled. And Jo sighed inwardly with some irritation. Weeping was not going to bring him back. They'd been flinging the hearts and flowers for hours now, with absolutely no response. Time for something a bit more radical.
Sam got up to go, leaving him with Jo. Which was for the best. Jo and Stuart had a bond between them that no one else fully understood and very few people even realised existed. If anyone could get him to wake up, it would be Jo.
She looked back as she left, Jo was already in the chair, and had taken hold of his hand. The door was slightly ajar and Sam heard her speak.
"Stu. This is stupid. The doctor tells me that it's up to you, so in the best romantic fiction style, Stevie and Sam have been dispensing hearts and flowers for the last five hours. Ever since they fished you out of the river and rushed you in here. And it's not working."
She paused. Squeezed his hand. "So this is me. You know me, you know everything about me, we've spent hours in cars, in other people's front rooms, back rooms, and even an attic, we've pounded on hundreds of doors, we've agreed and disagreed and argued, we've been closer than any two people on the planet, so you know I'm just going to tell it to you straight. We need you. I need you, and I am not going to let you go. And since you never know when to stop, what's stopping you now? You know I'm going to sit here and nag you until you do. I don't do hearts and flowers, you know I don't. So I'm going to do the thing that drives you mad, I'm going to nag you until you wake up and stop me."
Voice... that voice...Jo, nagging me... what about...god my head hurts, just wish she'd stop...something's stopping me swallowing...OH GOD
His hand gripped hers, and his eyes flew open. Jo's finger convulsed on the bell, "Stu, calm down... come on hun, calm down..." the panicked message in his eyes was clear, he needed rid of the tube in his throat, the next few moments were a confused blur as running feet announced the arrival of the nurse, and the doctor in rapid succession.
"DS Turner, relax... I'm going to take the tube out now..." the doctor detached the oxygen and gently removed the tube from Stuart's throat, he gasped for breath, then a stricken look came over his face and he almost threw himself over the edge of the bed, Jo caught him and held his head as his body purged itself of what seemed to be half the Thames.
When he was done, she helped him ease back into bed, and sat on the mattress next to him. "And what was so difficult about that then?"
"What." his voice was hoarse and grumpy.
"Five hours we've been waiting for you to rejoin the land of the living!"
"Five hours?! Did you get..."
"Did we nick him? Yes." she smiled "Trust you, five hours of hearts and flowers and the only thing you can think about is did we make the collar."
He swallowed a couple of times, and she picked up the beaker of water, holding it so he could take a drink. "Don't fuss..." he grouched hoarsely.
"Don't be so grumpy. I'm entitled to fuss."
"Where are my clothes?" his voice didn't even sound like his own.
"Oh no you don't." She was on her feet. She stood over him, "I will get them to cuff you to the bed."
"Please..." he groaned, he didn't care how beat up he was feeling, he just wanted out of hospital.
She looked at him, his voice was barely there, his throat was obviously very sore, he'd just regurgitated half the Thames, he'd been on a machine for most of the afternoon and early evening ever since they'd pulled him out of the river more than half drowned, now all he wanted to do was get out of there. Well she could relate to that, and she knew he would find a way, because short of chaining him to the bed, if he was fully conscious he was getting out of there, even if he was dressed in just a hospital gown.
"If... the doctor thinks you're fit to go, you can come home with me." She had brought a bag with her, with some clothes for him. Not that she was going to admit to that until she was certain that he would be alright to leave, because if the doctor thought otherwise, she would cuff him to the bed herself.
Stuart didn't care what the doctor thought, all he really wanted was to go home with Jo, curl up on her enormous, comfortable sofa and forget everything for a few hours. His head hurt, his throat hurt and he felt run over by a steam roller, but tlc from his best friend was better than anything he could get in hospital.
11 pm
He got his wish, and he lay stretched out on Jo's big leather sofa, and cuddled up against her, resting his head on her thigh. Her hand absently stroked his shoulder, and he made a contented noise deep in his throat.
Jo sighed. He almost took it for granted that her sofa would be his refuge, and she let him. She looked down, he'd snuggled up in the duvet, his cheek was resting on her thigh, eyes closed, one arm flung across her knees, he looked comfortable and pleased with himself. Despite the vague suspicion that he was taking advantage again, Jo smiled to herself and gently stroked her fingers through his short black hair, she didn't actually mind.
The doorbell went. Stu made a sleepy noise that sounded grumpy and a lot less contented. Jo gently slid her hand under his head, he made another grouchy noise and she sighed. "Stu, I have to get that, it's late and I don't want to wake the neighbours." She eased the cushion which she had been leaning against under his head, as she slid out and went to answer the door.
"Stevie!" Jo was slightly startled to see the petite blonde standing on her doorstep.
"Jo... I..."
Jo reached out and pulled her friend into the hallway. "You want to see Stu, I suppose."
Stevie nodded, "I..."
Jo sighed, slightly exasperated it's nearly midnight and we've all had a really trying day... couldn't it have waited? "You had better come in. Though I warn you, he's half asleep and a bit grouchy."
Stevie followed Jo to the sitting room, Stu was curled up under a duvet on Jo's couch. He was certainly a healthier colour than he had been some five hours ago, when she was clutching his hand and begging him to come back to them. She knelt down next to him. "Stu?" Silence, his breathing was deep and regular. She looked up at Jo, "he's asleep, perhaps I ought to leave it?"
Jo frowned, she knew he wasn't asleep, but she guessed that he wasn't feeling up to a relationship postmortem. "It might be a better idea. He's worn out." she lied, and felt slightly annoyed about doing so.
"I'd better go then." Stevie bent over and kissed him on the cheek.
Jo ushered her out and went back into the sitting room, Stu had turned over, resting on his back. She cleared her throat and his eyes opened. "That was a bit mean. Stevie's been half out of her mind with worry."
His eyelids drooped a bit, and he grumbled "I know, and I know she was going to blame herself, but it wasn't some kind of death wish, it was purely an accident." He coughed a little. "Can I have a drink?" he whispered, his throat felt like he had gargled with razor blades.
"Okay hun." Jo relented, they'd just fished him out of the Thames, and he'd nearly drowned, the last thing he needed right then was yet another relationship postmortem. She moved through to the kitchen and set about making him a warm sweet tea, not too hot, to ease the pain in his throat. She'd just finished and was carrying the tea through to the sitting room, when the doorbell went again.
Stuart frowned, and made a face, turning onto his side to face the back of the sofa, he pulled the duvet up until only some tufts of black hair showed. Jo knew exactly how he felt. Exasperated, she put his drink down on the coffee table and went to answer the door.
"Sam." Jo's tone was not welcoming. And Sam stood and dithered.
"I... wanted to see Stuart."
"Sam, Stu nearly drowned today, he's exhausted and, frankly, so am I! Can't it wait?" Jo's tone was more reasonable than she was feeling. But Sam felt the full force of the rebuke anyway.
"Yes... of course. I'll come back." She turned away and headed back towards her car.
"Yes... you do that. Pity you didn't think about doing that last year... oh for heaven's sake Jo, get a grip..."
Jo wandered back into the sitting room, Stu was still hiding under the duvet, and she sat down next to him on the couch. "Come on hun. It's okay. They've both gone. You don't have to try and make sense of any of it tonight."
He rolled over and cuddled against her. She slid an arm round him and stroked the back of his neck. "Want some of this tea then." He nodded, eyes still closed, just leaning against her, breathing in her perfume.
She turned around so he could lean against her, and he swallowed some of the tea, feeling grateful that the dry pain in the back of his throat eased a little. He gave her the mug, and leaned back against her. Whatever else happened he could always rely on his best friend.