How did this fight even start?
"I hate you, Finn Hudson!"
She's never said that one to me before.
"You are – you, you! – you are…the scum of the earth!"
That was a bit melodramatic.
"Scum!"
It hurt, too.
"Look, I…I don't know what to say. You know I'm not really good with my words…" my response sounded feeble – a new word I half-learned today in English – even to my own ears.
She glared daggers at me, eyes as rough as the coal Mom said I would get for Christmas those times I played my drums too loud. I had never seen her so loud and open – no, that's a lie. Contrary to how she may act, she always belted out in song. I guess I had just never seen her so…angry.
"Then listen with your ears, Finn," A few days ago she said my name like she still loved me, still cared. Now, she just screamed it. It really hurt to hear. "You are a horrible person! How could you do this? To me!"
"I don't…know what you're talking about."
My answer was really dumb. And I totally did know what she was talking about. If you start out cheating, it just won't end. It's like a…a… Sam said it, somethin' about it when he went all GeekSpeak – an ouroboros? I think that's it.
I guess it's karma. Or…reverse-karma, because I got cheated on – twice – and then I become the cheater. Twice. So, in a way, I could blame this all on circumstance, make her believe that. I could blame what happened to me, what she did to me, on this; pin the blame and point it somewhere else, kiss her and make it all right – make her see fireworks.
But my mom raised me to be a better man than that, so I said:
"Sorry."
She whipped her hair, a curl of it sent flying. It caught my eye like it usually does. "Sorry? Sorry?" she shrieked. It made me want to cover my ears, but I didn't.
To make matters worse, she trotted by – pointedly looking away, very focused on her walking – one foot in front of the other. I wanted to do that too. I didn't.
She kept her eyes trained at the ground, never minding as she passed the two of us fighting by. She was too much of a diva for that anyway, and she promised that she wouldn't but in anymore than she did. That said after we had…
Hands started waving in my face, I guess I had zoned off. She noticed. She also noticed where my attention was. Instead of the red-faced, brow-dipped anger I thought would end up smashing my head against the pavement I stood on, all I saw in her – was defeat. Her face went completely blank, it lost all emotion.
And then she revved up and yelled at a higher pitch than I ever heard her go, even when she sang in the auditorium where the acoustics were great. Her face puckered and then a sound worse than Coach Sylvestre's shouts came out of her.
"You think you can play with me – dangle my hopes and dash my dreams – well you can't, Finn. You. Can't. I am so much stronger than you, my self-esteem is higher than what you may think and I am better than this. I am better than you!" she paused, I could tell her fury was mounting – thanks, Mrs. Jacobs – and then she went very calm. It reminded me of a storm, but the thunder and lightning never came out of her small body. She just stayed calm, and in a way – that scared me more. "Here me out, because these are the last words you will ever hear me say to you directly,"
She finally looked up at me, her eyes so dead, like there was nobody home (not even hiding in the attic like I used to do when I pretended to be my dad in Iraq) Her finger pointed at me, as if she could press her words up my mouth and into my head. I wish teachers could do that, but it'd be way too weird.
"You can't have two feet in both worlds. It never worked in Glee and Football, and it…it won't work with me and Quinn. You made your choice, and you know what? I made mine. No. You made my choice the moment you decided to sleep with her. Have fun with Quinn, Finn. I really do wish you the best."
And with that, she turned on her heel and walked off. She didn't storm like the proclaimed – thanks Mr. Schue, for that one – diva she thought she was and would probably be. She didn't scream and kick over books and people. She just walked away.
Those were the last words she ever did say directly to me. And that was the last time I ever 'directly' saw Rachel Berry.
And I was an idiot for cheating. I was an idiot for being an idiot. But I was the biggest idiot, for letting her go and never stopping her. She's better off now, but I'm still a Lima Loser for letting it happen.
A/N: ARE YOU GUYS EXCITED FOR GLEE SEASON PREMIERE STARTING RIGHT NOW! I AM!
And I don't usually write this…bad. But I was trying to incorporate how Finn would think, so there ya have it. Awesome, ok – ima go watch the new episode – GLEEKING OUT!
OMG! I came back to post this, already seeing the first ten minutes - and IT'S ALREADY THE BEST SEASON! EEEEEEEEEEEEEP!