"Is it a crime to want to live?"
If Go Ha-Jin had to be honest, she did thought of suicide that day by the lake. The soju did nothing to numb the cold betrayal from someone whom she had love and care so deeply for, and she wasn't even talking about that scum of a man. Yet, as she felt herself struggling towards the surface of the lake, all she could think of was all the things she had not fulfilled in this life.
Her life in Goryeo however, could not come at a better time. Stories of second chances had never tug at her heartstrings, so when she woke up in this Hae Soo's body, she thought she might have knocked her head at the bottom of the lake, concussed and got eaten by a giant whale. It was disorientating how she had awoken to a new family, and no one speaks of what a disappointment she was. Unfortunately, this second chance also included living in a regimented area where status speaks louder than words and with spiteful, vicious women. One thousand years later and woman just never change.
Go Ha-Jin, however, had never felt happier.
"No one in this world has an easy life,"
And as she made her way to the river where the gyobang maids gather to do their chores, this sentence could not be more fitting. Then, she had told this to the 4th Prince, Wang So, after he asked if she knew why she was being born. She decided after that conversation, that he was still making her life miserable by asking such difficult question. Go Ha-Jin remembered meeting him for the first time at the royal bath (technically the first was by the roadside, but he threw her down like a bag of potatoes and yes, he is still not forgiven despite his apology). What a long way they had come to have a civilized conversation.
Evidently, the person who coined the phrase 'opposite attracts' clearly knows what he is saying. Who knew that the person whom she had detest the most (and threaten to kill her almost every time they met) would now be the one her heart now earns to see. She thought of how she had grasp on this second chance so badly. Now, she isn't too sure if living would mean anything when it is a hard life ahead.
"I will not leave you."
She had tried. She had tried so, so hard. She was sure she had come to terms with living in Goryeo. Knowing that Lady Oh was hanged in her place was something that she still had not come to terms with. But the sight of Chaeryung, her first friend, dead in front of her, had felt like a vice on a heart, gripping it until her world faded.
Wang So had explained to her of Chaeryung's misdeeds and asked for her understanding. It was too late, she decided. Perhaps, she has been lying to herself all this time; perhaps she had never embraced Goryeo.
"I've been through a great deal and waited a long time. I only did so because I believed I would be happy one day. If I were going to give up like this, I would have given up long ago,"
When she first came to Goryeo, Ha-Jin often reminded herself that she was living on borrowed time, in someone else's body. It didn't matter that this Hae Soo looked like her, they were, apparently, very different in character. But she was Go Ha-Jin, unapologetic for second chances and determined to make the best out of it. After she left the palace, Wang Jung had asked if she was happy. She had said she was without hesitation, because even when everything did not go her way, she had not given up then, and now she had him for company. Jung had laughed then, but she knew he thought otherwise. How could she be happy away from the man she loved the most?
Ha-Jin thought about how she struggled at the lake, thinking of the regrets she had in that life. Yet, as she felt her heart beat slower, she felt a tug at her lips. She thought of Jung's question again, and knew that her answer then had been truthfully. She was happy, and she is still. She thought of how she had loved and been loved. This life, she mused, was for her to serve her purpose.