Note: Wow...last night I watched episodes 28- 36 and...sheesh My whole aspect on the show and Ed has changed abruptly. Heh so I wrote this before I learned all that new junk through those episodes. So heres the timeline the story will be: Ed knows nothing, he only knows that hommunculi are after him and want him to make the stone and he only knows about Envy, Gluttony, and Lust and he knows nothing about HoenheimAlso don't get confused Ed doesn't love his brother (as inElricest)its nothing but brotherly love and a strong bond of friendship.Oh and this is Ed's point of view (since I never said his name anywhere)

Yup problem solved I'll ignore my newfound knowledge on the show xP

Italic thoughts

Lost Hope

Chapter 1 Worthless

He couldn't speak, he couldn't move, his mind wouldn't even allow him to think straight. All around his senses were darkness, putrid ebony darkness that made his heart pound in anxiety. All he smelled was the brutal scent of blood that made his stomach turn and all he heard was the splatter of rain drops falling from the heavens. He didn't want to be here, not all alone in this evil darkness, alone..all alone, his mission failed and dying with that sense of guilt, that lost hope the fear of death. But what did he have? What was there now to live for in this cruel world anyways?

Al

At the very brush of the name flittering against his consciousness he dug his nails into the crisp earth driving them deep and shifted forward in a howl of agony. The earth around seemed to lurch beneath him. The damp ground was a stained crimson, a mixture of water and blood laying in puddles. He flicked dampened, tainted locks of hair from his pale face, his eyes focusing upon a million shattered pieces of metal across the earth. He dug his hands grasping onto the small pieces of metal scraps littering the ground, not even noticing the fresh cuts the sharp edges dug. In a panicked frenzy the teens hands scrambled through the mess looking for a piece that would catch his eye.

In his pain filled dash he couldn't even focus upon what he was looking for, but just looked for something that would stick out in his mind, something that was missing. Something that would answer his jumbled thoughts and unspoken questions

One thought kept ringing through his head as he searched Al..Al..Al...AL.. He called out desperately "Alphonse!" But following the words was a brutal cough that made his head pound and chest stab with pain. A trickle of blood ran from his mouth and he fell over in a collapsed heap with a sob.

In a weak effort he balled his fist together feeling flesh and metal colliding, and hearing the small crunch as the metal crumbled in his hand sharp pieces digging into his tender hands and cutting, sending fresh blood falling.

His whole focus was on the numbing pain that made his lungs want to scream out instead of a silent inward protest. With each shallow breath came a new wave of pain from his cranium. Both mentally and physically he was in turmoil

Al..Al how could I..I am so sorry.

He tried to whisper but nothing came out of his mumbling lips. New tears streaked across his pale face as he thought through the blaze of agony of his brother. His once youthful handsome face was now stained with blood, tears, and dirt. The throbbing of his head that seemed to swallow up his sanity disrupting his thinking sending all memories and thoughts into a blur of color.

The boy could feel the small amount of energy draining from his form every moment leaking out with his life's blood across the ground and all he could think of now was Al

Alphonse

Brother

I failed you

We are dead

Your body I destroyed

I committed that terrible sin

you I dragged into the military with me

All for selfish reasons I destroyed your body

and now

Al

Alphonse

Brother

I failed you

We...are dead.

Why does this world have to be so cruel? First father left making mother, oh dear mother weaken from heart break. She turned on a happy face towards me, always praising, smiling, hiding her feelings and crying all alone. About that bastard, she shed all those tears for him and even died waiting for him. I can't even call him father. That man had left, left her and his children to die, rot. All for his own hidden motives and selfish reasons.

Trisha was the only solace we had. She kept us strong through the hardest of times. Then she too was torn from our grasp tearing open old wounds of loneliness and lost hope. Only Al and I remained, our family annihilated. We were nothing now but orphans. I at first thought all was hopeless and to let the evil world swallow me up whole. But then a solution had sprung into my young foolish mind as I stared at her grave. I could not, would not move on, I could not forget her nor live without her! I had decided. Oh so selfishly I decided that we would see her once more. See that smiling face, feel her warm embrace, listen to her praise of my alchemy. We would bring her back

But that plan had failed... after all that work, determination, it was all for nothing and I had dragged my innocent brother into the mess. What's an arm and leg compared to a whole body? Alphonse is always so optimistic so much kinder then I could ever be. Due to my own selfish reasons I made Al like this. He must hate me, I'd hate me. And now he's dead..Gone! Just like mother..all my family is gone all because I couldn't move on.

I am no genius. I am nothing but a worthless dog, a worthless dog of the military.

I have the next two chapters all typed up edited and ready to post but I'd like some feedback first... due to my kindness I'll probably post the next chapter sometime today anyway