The Road to Ruin

by Mia-Zeklos

"When Alec had first woken up from the pain piercing through him in the middle of the night, he'd somehow managed not to alert anyone to what was happening. He'd just tried to catch his breath and to send whatever comfort he could through the bond - he had no doubt that it was coming from Jace - before getting back into his bed."

Notes: This piece relies mostly on parabatai lore that we have very little information about, so I explored it in my own way and will probably continue to do so in the future. I hope you enjoy it and feedback is welcome!

When Alec had first woken up from the pain piercing through him in the middle of the night, he'd somehow managed not to alert anyone to what was happening. He'd just tried to catch his breath and to send whatever comfort he could through the bond - he had no doubt that it was coming from Jace - before getting back into his bed. He'd spent the rest of the night willing away the desire to get up and get the whole Institute on alert and had listened for any other signals coming from his parabatai's direction, but there had been nothing.

He hadn't told anyone about it. What would be the point? The people who cared about Jace's well being at all were worried enough for him as it was, and everyone - both in the Institute and in the Clave as a whole - considered him a traitor. He wouldn't even find sympathy there, let alone help.

He got away with it for a few more nights until his luck ran out about a week later. He'd been tired enough to fall into a deep, dreamless sleep and was suddenly startled by his own screams and his parabatai rune burning with a fire far stronger than any demon sting could ever cause. He could vaguely register that someone had come into the room - several someones, actually - and then a voice was saying, 'someone call Maryse'. He wanted to tell them to leave him alone; that he'd deal with it on his own, but he was still too confused and too concerned for Jace - if he was feeling this, how much worse could it be on the other end? - to actually do anything about it.

The pain stopped just as abruptly as it had last time and Alec felt himself drifting off again, only to feel someone shaking him a few minutes later. He tried to fight them off - every touch against his heated skin felt like needles piercing through him and the contact was almost unbearable.

"Alec. Alec!" It was Maryse, he registered after a moment or two, and Alec opened his eyes to look at her. He hadn't seen her this worried in a long time; her eyes were wide open and she seemed even more shaken than he felt.

"It's nothing. I'm fine." He knew that he wasn't very convincing, but he couldn't bring himself to try harder. "It'll pass."

The Shadowhunter by the door - the one who'd brought his mother here, most likely - left the room and closed the door, clearly realising that they needed space. Alec wasn't fooled - by morning, the news of what had happened would have reached every corner of the Institute and Victor Aldertree would know all about it. At least Alec couldn't be blamed for this; everyone knew what happened to parabatai who were held apart for too long, especially if one of them was in trouble.

"He's hurting you." His mother's voice was even, but Alec knew her well enough to detect a mixture of fear and determination in it. "Valentine." She spat out the name and her eyes were glistening and for a moment Alec was sure she'd start crying. "He's hurting you through the bond."

"No, he's hurting him," Alec said, his fingers wandering to his rune. He could still feel the warmth of it through his shirt, but nothing else. "We have to do something. This has been happening every night for a week."

"And you didn't tell me?" As strange as it was, Alec felt himself relax. Berating he could deal with; it was better than sudden outbursts of motherly love. "I should call the Silent Brothers."

"They can't help me with this." Alec had a solution ready and braced himself before saying it. "You should call Magnus. His magic is more powerful than the Silent Brothers's," he added hastily when her eyes darkened with something too close to anger for his liking. "He'll know how to numb the pain."

He almost felt bad for exploiting the fact that she was clearly worried, but it was worth it; anything that could help Jace was worth much more than that.

As it turned out, Magnus wasn't able to help much either. A parabatai bond was a fragile thing and there were rarely two pairs of parabatai that were exactly the same, so meddling with it was never advisable for anyone who wasn't part of the bond itself. Warlock magic could only get so far and most of the spells he'd used had been intended to lessen the pain somewhat even on Jace's end. Alec was grateful for it but he still felt that he could do more. He wasn't sure what, but he'd resolved to find something.

There was a rune for what he wanted - or at least, a rune that was close enough to work. It had taken a while until Alec had stumbled upon it in the Grey book - it was old and he and Jace had never had a reason to look for something like that until now.

There was no one he could really call to assist him with this. Usually it was Jace himself who drew his runes and the last time he hadn't been around, it had been Hodge who'd helped with the parabatai tracking, but neither of them was here now and Alec didn't want to give Isabelle and Clary false hopes. It was clear that he couldn't trust his mother with something related to Jace just now, and if he asked his father for help, he'd just end up telling her anyway. He was on his own.

He wasn't sure if Valentine was purposefully straining the bond because he knew that it would weaken Jace even more and if that was the case, he couldn't risk anything showing up on Jace's skin. It was fine; as far as he could tell, the rune was one-sided and was only to be used for about an hour at a time before it lost its power.

Alec's stele burnt its trail over his skin, drawing intricate patterns around the parabatai rune and Alec felt a surge of magic coursing through him, beyond his body and into the depths of his mind until his room disappeared completely.

When Alec felt something again, it was pain - pain in his wrists, in the stiffness of his legs, in his lower back, in the back of his neck as if his head was too heavy for him to handle. And his eyes; his eyes were stinging as he tried to open them but he hadn't slept in so long, he couldn't sleep, anyone could come in, but that was the point. He wasn't allowed to sleep, his father had said, he had to work on being able to stay awake as long as possible-

Alec?

Just as easily as he'd sank into it, Alec was pushed away from Jace's mind until he was just a presence on the back of his head. He could see now why the rune he'd used had been so well-hidden - it was too easy to get lost in it completely.

What the hell are you doing?

He wasn't sure how Jace had been able to tell that it was him - had he ended up in Alec's mind as well? Did the connection go both ways now that he'd opened it? He didn't have the time to ask.

I want to help.

You can't help me. Silence; Jace's eyes surveying the empty room. The pain hadn't stopped, but now that he was distracted, it wasn't as persistent, Alec could tell. No one can.

I can at least try.

He'll know. He'll be able to tell. There was the sound of footsteps in the distance and Alec could almost feel the way Jace's heart started beating much faster. Not Valentine, Alec thought; he was the one Jace was afraid would discover this somehow, but whoever was coming was just here to do the dirty work. They're coming.

I know. Alec tried to clear his own mind enough to be able to do something, anything, that could make what was coming hurt less. I know. Let me help you.

The door opened and Jace closed his eyes.

o.O.o

Alec had thrown up as soon as he'd realised that he was back in his own room, too disoriented and lost to do anything but lean over the edge of his bed. His body was cold and stiff and blood rushed in his head so quickly that he could feel his face burning. He couldn't know what had happened to it while he'd been away, but it felt like coming back to life; like all his systems had just kicked back into action. He resisted the urge to throw up again. If this was what would happen every time, he'd have to be much more careful with locking the door.

He hadn't made a conscious decision that there would be a next time, but he'd decided it already nevertheless; now that he'd seen what Jace was really going through, he knew that there was no way that he'd leave him on his own. He didn't know how much his presence had helped, but he'd done his best to help his parabatai detach himself from what was happening and it felt like it had worked - his own body didn't feel as exhausted as it had every night since Jace had been taken away.

So when the time came the next evening, he did it again. He got better at it, gradually, and the rune got used to him - he was able to stay longer and on one rather memorable occasion he did the same thing he'd done the first time - synchronised himself completely with Jace's body so that he could be the one to take as much of the pain as possible. Jace would still be the one feeling the aftermath of his torture later anyway, but there wasn't much any of them could do about that. Jace had protested at first, had told him how badly this could affect hm, but he'd been so exhausted that he hadn't put up much of a fight. Alec had started visiting during the day, too, in the rare moments when Jace was left on his own. They talked about nothing in particular and Alec could feel their bond slowly repairing itself, building back to what it had been before the tracking rune and before they'd been separated.

As a result, his own body wasn't feeling too well. Isabelle had been the first to tell him that he looked really pale and to ask if he was eating enough and I know that we have to find him, Alec, but we can't do that if you can barely stand up. He'd waved her off, just as he did with every other concerned question that went his way, but he knew that she was right. With everything that was happening in the Institute, he couldn't let himself lose even more control over the situation than he already had.

His parents had noticed too; Maryse especially, although Alec could at least hope that she interpreted it as him keeping his distance after the several fights they'd had over the effects of the bond on him. He had barely said a word to her ever since she'd practically called Jace a traitor in front of the entire Institute. The only help he could hope for when it came to her was to be left alone.

When the Clave finally made a decision and an open attack on Valentine's army had been the plan they'd ended up with, Alec had gone to bed with the satisfaction that he'd be allowed to do something, finally, and had stopped abruptly once he'd reached for the extension to his parabatai rune again.

The attack would be in a week. He knew he couldn't be of any use if his body wasn't as effective as it could be, and he couldn't achieve that if he kept wandering off to Jace, albeit only with his mind. He'd have to stay right where he was.

So instead of starting his already nightly ritual, Alec stayed right where he was, ignoring the anxiety that had taken over him as best as he could.

o.O.o

By the time Alec found him - still chained up in his cell, just like he had been the first time - the sounds of the battle had apparently reached even Jace's part of the ship, because he didn't even flinch when Alec kicked the door open. He just sank to the ground once his restrains were cut off and Alec had to pull him up because it was clear that his legs couldn't hold him.

"Alec?" Jace's voice was muffled and his lower lip was bleeding as he tried to keep speaking. "The others..."

"They're fine." I hope. There was no way for him to be sure, but they had to get out of here, and they had to do it quickly. He'd been promised a portal by the door of the corridor that had led him down here and it felt selfish, so selfish to leave everyone to their own devices, but it hadn't been a choice he'd had difficulty making. He had to get Jace out, no matter what it cost him. "Keep still."

Jace obeyed faster than he ever had and barely moved as Alec activated as many of his runes as possible. Healing, agility, stamina, strength, everything that would patch him up for the time being until they could get back to the Institute. Alec had killed the guard by the door, but that didn't mean that someone else wouldn't come this way soon, given that Jace was the only person the Institute would try to save here and as such was probably one of Valentine's most prized weapons.

"Do you think you can walk?" Jace hesitated for a moment and then rose on his feet, one hand still gripping Alec's forearm. "Good. Let's go."

The walk back to the portal was slow but uneventful – the attack had been unexpected enough that Jace had been left on his own, barring his guard. The portal was open and it wasn't until Alec had helped Jace through it that he allowed himself to believe that it was over.

o.O.o

Jace had managed to keep himself together until the battle was over. The news had been delivered once everyone had arrived back in the Institute and as far as he was concerned, it had gone much better than it could have. Yes, there were victims; yes, everyone he knew was all right; no, no one could tell where Valentine had gone after he'd fled the ship. Jace had waited until he'd seen for himself that everyone really was okay and then had sort of drifted out of the conversation; even the parts of it that concerned him. He knew that he was going to be questioned tomorrow, and even that had been achieved through a long and rather tense discussion on whether he was in a good enough condition for the investigation to start now. The conclusion they'd come to for the time being was 'no' and he'd been sent off.

When he'd finally gone back to his room and crawled into his bed, his body was aching in ways that no rune could heal. He wasn't in pain anymore, but that didn't make falling asleep any easier. His thoughts were too much of a mess for him to deal with just now and the solution came to him suddenly.

He picked up his phone from the nightstand and called, hearing the faint sound of Alec's phone ringing on the other side of the wall.

"Are you okay?" was the first thing Alec said when he picked up and Jace found himself smiling.

"I'm fine. Sort of," he said and settled further in his bed. "That- that thing you used to do, how does it work?"

"It's complicated," Alec replied after a second of silence. "Why do you want to know?"

"I can't sleep," Jace admitted. "That seemed to help."

"I don't need to do that now that you're so close," Alec said and then, "I can try something else if you want me to."

Before Jace could say anything, he felt a wave of warmth wash over him, stronger than he would have expected. He felt light and somehow less tired even though his eyelids had suddenly grown heavy. "How'd you do that?" he forced himself to ask despite that and Alec must have noticed, because he replied almost immediately.

"I found it in a book when I was looking for a way to contact you. Turns out we can communicate via emotions if we put our minds to it. Good night, Jace," he added quietly and the line went dead.

Finally content, Jace closed his eyes and fell asleep almost immediately.

o.O.o

The next few days passed in a blur of interrogations and Clave meetings and Jace retelling every painful detail of the time he'd been missing, and Alec had been with him the entire time, either physically or psychically, when Jace asked him to. They'd even made him hold the Mortal sword and he'd had no choice but to comply, no matter how much the idea of saying everything they asked of him without his control terrified him.

The only person in the room who looked just about as tense as he felt was Alec. He was barely moving a muscle and Jace could see that he was taking in every word he said, only relaxing when Jace let go of the sword and was allowed to answer questions without it. He didn't understand the reaction - it was one thing to be worried because of the pressure the Mortal sword usually put on people's minds and another to look nothing short of scared, gripping the handle of his seat so hard that his knuckles had turned white.

It was even more confusing that there was no trace of any of that once they'd left the hall where the interrogation was held. He'd been all business, then, and when Jace looked for him he saw him talking to the new head of the Institute. The conversation was clearly animated, but Victor Aldertree was nodding to whatever Alec was saying and Jace interpreted it as a good sign. He still couldn't get used to the fact that the Lightwoods weren't in charge of the Institute - it had been that way ever since he'd come to the Institute and the change was too sudden for his liking, especially since the circumstances around it were still unclear to him.

"I talked to Victor and he agreed to schedule the next meeting in a week," Alec said once they were finished. There was almost no one around them - most of the other inhabitants of the Institute had already gone back to work.

"First name basis," Jace noticed. "Do you trust him?"

"He trusts me," Alec shrugged. "That's what's important. And I think he's doing a decent job. Keeping everyone on a tight leash, but we are at war." Alec lowered his voice even more and surveyed their surroundings for a moment before leaning closer. "I don't think he actually wants to be here. The Clave thought that he'd be a good leader and he accepted the position, but he told me that he'd like to be an Inquisitor one day and he can't really do that from here, so if he trusts me, we can get the Institute back."

It wasn't a very good plan, but it wasn't hard to see that it was the only possible one, so Jace smiled in encouragement. "We'll get it back. Just you wait."

Alec smiled in return and Jace tried to do what Alec had been doing for a week already; sending a bit of his faith through their bond. Everything's going to work out.

Alec flinched. "We've got to stop doing that."

"I think it's great." Jace said, surprised by the sudden reappearance of the tension from before. "It can be useful in battle."

"Maybe, but what if someone picks up on it?" Alec had stopped walking in the middle of a hallway with no doors to the sides and Jace wondered just how afraid he was of being overheard. "During the questioning... if they'd asked the wrong question, they could have found out about that thing," he pointed in the general direction of his parabatai rune, "and I'm not even sure if it's legal."

"It must have been, if it was in the library."

"That book was so old that I'm pretty sure everyone's forgotten it exists. You're feeling better, right?" Jace nodded. "Then it's probably time to stop."

"How would anyone pick up on it?" Alec looked ready to argue, so Jace pressed further. "Come on, Alec. We're already good, but how can good can we be if we can sync so well? The better we are," he added slyly, "the closer we'll be to getting the Institute back."

Jace didn't need to read Alec's thoughts to know that the initial response would have been something along the lines of, 'you're a manipulative little shit' but what Alec actually said was, "Why can't you just let it go?"

"I can't let go of something that wasn't supposed to end." He thought it sounded reasonable enough and apparently it had, because Alec sighed and shook his head - a sure sign of giving up. "We can perfect it," he added. "We could be amazing."

"Okay," Alec said at last and Jace beamed at him. ""Have it your way."

"Having things my way always pays off in the end," Jace assured him and Alec scoffed, but it wasn't as convincing as usual. I trust you, parabatai.

Jace could see that he wasn't even trying and he wasn't sure what had brought on the change, but he wasn't about to complain about it. He just squeezed Alec's hand quickly. I know.