Author's Note: After several people urging me to write more in the TOS Universe I am now doing so. I love TOS. Here is my offering. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: If I owned, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now.
First Encounters
The first woman he ever loved aside from his mother was Nyota Uhura. He could use the excuse that "love" was not in the Vulcan vocabulary- that such emotion was illogical- but just because something was illogical that did not render it false.
That was a bit of knowledge he had gleaned early in life from his mother. Who, despite all her heartbreak at his and his father's expense, still loved them both. It was illogical, yes. But it was true.
As he reflected over past events, he realized it had begun with her arrival on the Enterprise. He remembered that day well.
She was part of the new crew, set to take over from Captain Pike. He was set to be first officer- the job of Captain had been offered, but he found that he had no desire for command. And so the position had gone to his new Captain, the young James T. Kirk. Pike had said they would make a good team. Kirk was energetic and bold- a brilliant strategist. While Spock's own cool logic and even-tempered yet indomitable nature would act as a system of checks and balances. And now, here they were- waiting side-by-side to greet the person presently materializing on the transporter.
The swirl of bright lights quickly coalesced into a figure- a very feminine one, and Spock found himself looking into big, bright honey-brown eyes. He was transfixed.
She was beautiful. And she was young. He had not expected this. Nyota Uhura was proficient in 83-percent of federation languages. She had extensive knowledge in communications engineering, had published numerous papers on inter-species relations and first-contact exploratory studies.
The woman in front of him could not have been more than 25, at the most. Uncharacteristically, and before his own mind could even begin processing his actions, he stepped up to help her off the transporter, extending his hand.
She smiled up at him and as she moved forward, she missed a step and fell- right into his arms- and he looked down at her, and she at him with a shy smile, and he felt a stirring in his heart. At the time, he believed himself to be experiencing a technical malfunction with his internal regulator, and quickly helped her stand straight. She looked quite abashed, yet he knew his own face revealed nothing.
He turned to the Captain, hands clasped behind his back. "Captain Kirk, this is our Chief Communications Officer, Lieutenant Nyota Uhura". This time, Kirk stepped forward, taking her hand and giving it a firm shake.
"Lieutenant, welcome aboard the Enterprise."
From that first day, he found that he paid more attention to the Lieutenant than was necessary. He was drawn to her- it was not something he could explain. The way she smiled. Her easy-going charm. Her brilliant mind and her beautiful voice. But it was more than that. She was like a nova. Her burning intensity made him distinctly uncomfortable-yet he found he could not bring himself to refuse her gentle touches on his person- never lingering for long and never made in an intimate fashion. He found she touched everyone the same way. Nor could he resist granting her any request she made of him…And he became increasingly aware of her- not as a fellow officer, but as a female- a member of the opposite sex…
There was one such occasion that he began to realize the depth of his emotional attachment to her…
She had let out an exasperated sigh. It was her fifth in the same span of time. The ship was quiet. Kirk had beamed down to some planet for a routine checkup of the science team stationed there. Dr. McCoy had gone with him, leaving Spock in charge, as usual. It had been a calm day, and the crew went about their tasks with practiced ease. The Vulcan was presently reading through the last set of reports he had been given when he noticed an anomaly.
"Lieutenant Uhura- your last report contained an error in the frequency column."
He followed her movements with his eyes as she sauntered up to his chair- a light swish of her hips- and he found himself admiring the aesthetics of the place where her small waist rounded out… She knelt down on the side of the chair and rested her arms on the arm of it, looking up at him- those eyes. Big and brown, they focused on his own, and Spock felt- not like she was seeing him- the physical him…but the other him- the one he hid from the world…
"Why don't you tell me I'm a fascinating young lady, or ask me if I've ever been in love?"
Spock shifted uncharacteristically, pulling at his collar and clearing his throat. She always managed to do this to him. No other woman- human or Vulcan, for that matter- did this. He felt his temperature rise, but he did not answer. He had no words to tell her just how accurate her own self-assessment was…
She continued…
"Tell, me, how does Vulcan look on a lazy evening when the moon is full?"
"Ms. Uhura, Vulcan has no moon." The instant the words left his mouth and he saw the expression on her face- he felt his stomach drop.
Suddenly they were interrupted by Kirk's voice from the surface. A man had just died…
Spock's ambivalent reaction had caught her off guard.
She replied with anger. "You're not going to do anything? A man just died down there!"
"My demonstration of concern will not change what has happened. The transporter room is well manned and they will call if they need assistance.
It did not take him long to realize this was the wrong reply.
She did not speak to him again casually for weeks afterward. He found that he missed her inclusion of him in bridge conversations- though he had felt distinctly uncomfortable when she had done so before.
She was respectful, always dignified towards him, but there was now a decidedly lacking sense of warmth radiating from her when it came to him.
He needed a way to rectify the situation.
And soon, he had his opening.
He had finished his evening meditations, and after a call from Captain Kirk, he had decided to meet his superior officer in the recreation room for a game of chess.
The crew was on light duty, patrolling in a stable section of the quadrant. There was not much of a threat here.
Upon entering, he had found the room alive with activity and people in various stages of entertainment. Some were dancing. Others played cards. Still more engaged in simple conversation. And on the side of the room, a small stage had been erected for performances.
It was there he first heard her voice. It was full and rich- so melodic yet full of emotion and he again felt that now-familiar stir in his heart as her smooth contralto flowed through him. He recognized the tune immediately- the Ave Maria…
He left the rec room and returned a short while later- his own lyre in hand. She had now moved to the second movement. He made his way to the side of the stage, and looking up, he saw he had indeed caught her eye. She smiled and nodded in response to his unanswered question, and so he began to play…the sound of an-all-too-human voice and Vulcan harp interweaving and circling and wrapping in observers in the now-still room…
It was from that performance that she had asked if he would teach her how to play, and he obliged. They would meet in the rec room once a week- neither venturing into the other's personal quarters for mutual respect of space. And to avoid the appearance of anything that may be interpreted as untoward. After all, Spock had thought. It is merely two colleagues collaborating. Nothing more. At least…that was the truth he told himself- ignoring his mounting emotions in her presence.
He had an inkling of when her feelings for him began to change, and he thought that maybe, just maybe…they could be something more…
"Humm…hmmm…..hmmm...hmmmm….hmmmmm"
He stopped playing and shot a look at the melodic hummer. A bright smile greeted his stern expression and he found he could not hold it for long.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Spock."
Rolling her eyes as she grinned at her companion, he found that his own sly smile had eased across his normally placid features.
She was bending over a table- the already short-skirt of her uniform inching higher and giving him a most excellent view of well-toned legs…that turned into muscular thighs and curved into a most gracious…
He swiveled around in his chair, flexing his fingers against the lyre and smirking at her. She eyed him- and he noted those eyes were focused on his hands as they gently strummed the instrument…she closed her eyes- inhaled…and opened them…her own sly smile matching his as she began to move towards him…again humming…
"Oh on the Starship Enterprise, there's someone who's in Satan's guise-
Whose devil ears and devil's eyes…Could rip your heart from you!
At first his look could hypnotize…and then his touch would barbarize…And rip your heart from you!
And that's why female astronauts, oh very female astronauts, Wait terrified and overwrought…
To find what he will do….
Girls in space be wary! Be wary, be wary! Oh! Girls in space be wary…we know not what he'll do"
He was Vulcan. Not blind. Nor dim…and just as surely as her eyes once again met his…and he felt the gentle touch of her hand on his shoulder…he wanted to immediately take her…
But he could not. It would not be fitting of an officer of either of their ranks…
And so, he could do nothing but let it go…
It was several weeks after the encounter in the rec room that he found himself leaving the bridge to return to his quarters. Since then, he had taken special care to reign in his growing attraction to the Lieutenant. Their lyre lessons had continued, though he had exuded a strictly professional air so stifling as to ensure she would not misinterpret his actions as anything but.
Now as he entered the turbo lift, he found he was not alone…
The doors closed. And he looked down into those same eyes that seemed to always see clear through him to his soul.
He felt his breath catch, but he did not break eye contact. And neither did she. When she spoke, her voice was low, and questioning.
She had inadvertently moved closer to him and the fact that she was now inside his personal sphere and he was so close he could smell her- began to wage war with the emotions he was struggling to control.
"Mr. Spock…have I done something to offend you?"
The eyes remained on him.
"No, Ms. Uhura. You have performed admirably."
Silence. Long, tense. And laced with unspoken words between them…what was he to say?
Slowly, the eyes lowered back down, and she moved away from him. The distance made his body go cold- even from the brief warmth of her nearness moments ago.
"Alright, Mr. Spock. I accept that. Also, I believe that we should discontinue our lessons. I know that Vulcans don't lie- but I do not believe that you are incapable of subterfuge. I have made you uncomfortable. And I apologize, sir."
He did not know why, but her words and her tone unnerved him and he moved towards her quickly. One hand hitting the STOP button on the lift, and sealing them between levels.
Soon he towered over her small frame- and reaching out- he grabbed her, pulling her close against his body.
With his other hand he reached for her face, cupping her chin gently yet firmly- raising her face to his.
"Ms. Uhura- you unnerve me. I do not find you simply beautiful- to me, you are perfect."
It was that night, secluded now in his quarters, that he first made love to her.
It was not his first time. Nor hers. But it was theirs, together. And he had ignored his inner voice that told him it could not last.
***
He could not give her the passion she craved. He could not be with her publicly. He loved her privately, but he knew- and she knew- it was not enough. He could not say it.
He could not bring himself to acknowledge the thing that was "them". He took her body nightly. But he could not let her into his mind. He was pushing her away from him slowly- while at the same time trying so desperately to hold on to her…and she knew it.
She was not a weak woman. She was not an overtly emotional woman. She was a woman of substance- one who was intimately aware of who and what she was. And she knew…
And he knew…
And it was over between them after Omicron Ceti III. Her name was Leila. Leila Kalomi.