We're Gonna Start Again…
Chapter One
"But we shouldn't" whispered Josh Massie, not sure if Chris Head understood the full implications of what was to come.
Chris looked into Josh's eyes, as if to silently assure him that he was not only fully aware but has thought and re-thought this, just as Massie had. Josh swallowed hard and bit the inside of his mouth. He knew it was right. It was, wasn't it? It felt right. It felt perfect. He still couldn't ward off the feelings of insecurity he had experienced since he came to this conclusion the first time. The thoughts of the faces of his friends, his family, again infiltrated his mind.
It's so strange, he thought, my friends, people that I love unconditionally may abandon me because of who I was born to be.
If he had any control over it, he would change. He'd had to live with the shame since he could remember and it was eating away at his core every time that he had to lie about who he was.
He often had dreams, no, nightmares about telling his friends, family. They would always shun him and tell him that he was wrong for living this lifestyle. That he could cure himself if only he tried or wished hard enough.
If only they had known that he had tried to cure himself. Countless times.
I'm done pretending, he thought, as he dropped a single match onto the pages he had torn from his journal. They had represented years of lies.
"This is who I am" he said, tears escaping his eyes.
He felt a familiar presence beside him. Head grabbed his hand and squeezed.
"We're in this together" he said.
Josh Massie was staring anew.
Chapter 2
Two days, Josh thought to himself, two days until everyone abandons me. Two days until I shatter everyone's life. Including my own. Two days until the looks, jokes…or worse.
He let his body fall onto the bed in Head's room.
Well this is happening, he thought.
This is me.
He felt his phone buzz in his pocket and reached down to fish it out.
Head was calling.
Josh chuckled at the timing and answered the phone.
"Hello?"
"Massie!"
"Head!"
"I have great news! We'll ask today. Roger, Dos, you and I can go get lunch and then we'll ask."
Josh gulped. Reality was sinking in, again.
This was going to happen.
"Um… alright. Yeah, sure. Sounds… great."
"Okay. I'll text you where to meet us. Oh, and Massie?"
"Yeah?"
"It'll be fine. I promise."
"Alright. I'll see you then."
Josh hung up and stared at the ceiling for a moment, forgetting to breathe. He could feel the muscle in his stomach objecting to his plans. That familiar anxious feeling he had always associated with this.
But this time it was happening.
He stood up, ignoring every instinct in his body that begged him to stay.
He felt that familiar buzz in his pocket.
It was Head.
He read the text, took one last gulp of air and left. It felt like a death sentence. Almost as if he was leaving behind a life.
When he arrived at the café, Roger, Dos and Head were already seated and eating.
They all stood up and hugged before returning to their seats.
Josh was too nervous to eat.
He felt a hand tap his thigh, and looked up to meet Head's gaze.
Head nodded and, silently asking if he was alright. Massie nodded back.
"So", Head started, "we have something to ask you."
"Oh yeah?" Inquired #2.
"Well, I know we should've probably asked before now, but well, Josh and I have sort of been working on something… and well, we want to debut it." Head stated, apprehensively.
"Oh, like a song?" asked Roger.
"Um, yeah."
"So you want to play it for us."
"Well, yeah, but we want to debut it Friday. At the WVS show… after our set."
Josh stared nervously at #2, hoping for the answer to just be no. It would be so much easier it would spare –
"Fuck it, sure!" said #2.
Massie's eyes shot up to his.
Their fate was sealed.
Chapter 3
The next day the anxiety was even worse. Josh hadn't eaten since the morning before.
But he had to pull himself together.
Today was practice, practice, practice for the WVS gig tomorrow. As well as mental preparation for what was to follow. He didn't know if Chris was stupid or just really sure of what was happening. All he knew is that he trusted him.
Josh got to the practice space, and all was sounding well, but Massie's head was obviously elsewhere.
Roger pulled him aside.
"You alright, Brother?" he asked.
"…I mean, yeah… just…nervous about tomorrow is all." He offered.
"Is that all?"
"Oh yeah, man."
"…alright. You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"
"Yeah…yeah."
"Okay, Brother. Let's do Indian Summer one more time."
Roger began to strum, and Josh floated into his head again.
Tomorrow is the day.
The day of truth.
Chapter 4
The day had flown by and WVS were about to take the stage.
They were already on their third song by the time Josh's nerves finally settled and he fell into the comfort of the music they had created together. His adrenaline was kicking in, as if his body was telling him he had no choice. It was going to happen.
After they ended with King of Carrot Flowers, Number 2 stepped to the center microphone.
"And now, beautiful people, we have a special treat for you tonight. Performing something we ourselves have never heard, our very own Josh Massie & Chris Head."
The crowd erupted with applause as Josh stepped to the center microphone and Head took the one to the right.
They locked eyes as Josh began to unbutton his shirt.
Head took the cue and did the same.
Their button-downs came off, revealing t-shirts with an almost foreign word on them.
N –
Nirvana?
NOFX?
NI –
NICKELBACK?
Josh smiled as Head began to play the opening notes to 'Rockstar'.
Massie began to sing.
"I'm through with standing in line to clubs we'll never get in. It's like the bottom of the ninth and we're never gonna win. This life hasn't turned out quite the way I want it to be."
Shocked gasps and confused looks shot from the audience.
"I want a brand new house on an episode of cribs and a bathroom I can play baseball in and a king-size tub big enough for ten plus me."
#2 began to whisper deliriously.
Stowe began to cry.
Roger and Tyler held each other and tried to imagine this wasn't happening.\
"I'll need a credit card that's got no limit and a big black jet with a bedroom in it. Gonna join the mile high club at thirty-seven thousand feet."
People began to collapse the floor, weeping.
"I want a new tour bus full of old guitars. My own star on Hollywood Blvd. Somewhere between Cher and James Dean is fine with me."
"RUN TO THE EXITS" Roger shouted as he grabbed his friends.
"I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame. I'll even cut my hair and change my name."
Mothers grabbed their children and ran, knowing what was to come.
Massie began to tear up.
They had done it. Their secret was out. No more lies. No more pretending.
Massie and Head were in a Nickelback cover band.