He's knocked on the door 4 times. He's thinking about walking away and leaving her alone. It was a little after nine anyway so he thought she was just asleep. It'd been 3 weeks since the trial. They grilled her on the stand, saying some crap about her wanting it or being obsessed with him. They hassled her so hard, she broke down in tears on the stand. He'd never seen that side of the hard shelled partner he'd worked with for nearly 3 years.

He was about to give up and walk away when he hears the chain on the inside of her apartment rattle. The door slowly opens halfway and he sees her dark eyes.

"Liv?"

"What is it, Nick?"

His skin shivers at the sound of her voice. She's changed so much emotionally and physically. She stands in front of him wearing a pair of sweatpants and sweatshirt. Her voice sounds so weak and strained. Her eyes have dark circles under them and bags. He wasn't too sure but it even looked like she'd lost weight. This is not the Badass Benson he knew.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing. We're worried about you."

"I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

He glances into her apartment. It is so dark and cold looking. To him, it looked like one of those horror scenes before a strange creature jumps out and scares the crap out of you.

"Olivia, his ass is going to rot in prison for what he did to you."

"Him going to prison isn't going to change what happened, what he did to me."

"He'll never be able to hurt you again."

"Don't give me that crap." She replies coldly.

"Isn't that what you tell victims?"

She opens the door all the way. "I am not a victim. Don't ever call me that."

"Ok, I'm sorry," He looks into her apartment. "It's dark in there."

"I know."

"Don't you want some light?"

"No. If there's light, there are shadows. If there's no light there are no shadows."

"You can't live in darkness."

"Why can't I? When I go into the light, all I see is rape and torture. In the dark all I see is obscurity."

"Obscurity? Liv, you can't stay bottled up."

"I'm not bottled up. I've accepted that it happened," She sighs. "It was bound to happen at some point anyway."

He goes to place his hands on her shoulder but she inches away quickly. He stares back at her. "Don't say that. Things like this are never bound to happen."

She scoffs sadly. "Look at me Nick, look at me. I've been doing this job for 14 years and I've had my fair share of close calls and free passes. I guess this time karma bit me back."

"You never ask for this to happen."

"You don't have to ask for what you deserve."

"Stop it Olivia. No one deserves this. No matter what anyone says, this is not humane."

"This world isn't humane, Nick. I just have to accept that it's my fault."

"It's not your fault," He says softly not wanting to disturb any of her neighbors in the hallway. "Don't blame yourself."

"I'm a veteran cop. You'd think that I'd have enough damn sense to draw my gun the second I knew something was wrong."

"It's still not your fault. Maybe drawing your gun wasn't your first instinct."

"We wouldn't be having this conversation if it was, now would we?"

He sighs. "You should get some sleep. You look tired."

"I'm not tired," She admits, clearly lying.

"Your eyes look tired. Just get some sleep," He argues.

"I said I'm not tired."

"Then relax."

She rolls her eyes. "Like I can relax."

"I'll stop by in the morning."

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

He shrugs.

"Why?" She questions.

"Because I care about my partner."

She looks into his eyes and sees the seriousness. "Bye Nick," She says closing the door a little.

"Night Liv."

He stares at her empty desk in front of him. It's been like that for 3 weeks and he wasn't getting anymore used to it. He missed her smile and laugh that would get him past all the horrors he sees on this job.

He feels a hand grab his shoulder.

"Hey Nick."

He sighs. "Hey Amanda."

She looks at him, then the direction of his eyes. "How she doing?"

"Not good. Her curtains are drawn and her apartment is pitch black for heaven's sake."

"How was she this morning?"

He sighs again and shakes his head. "She attacked me."

"Attacked you?"

He nods. "I went there. She opened the door. She stared at me like I was going to kill her Amanda. She thought I was him. She looked so afraid, so helpless. She started hitting me and hitting me."

"She's taking it hard."

"And there's not a damn thing I can do about it."

"You can give her time."

"What the hell is that going to do?" He turns and faces her, revealing the nail scratch on the side of his face. "She's falling apart in front of my eyes. She's trying so hard to stay strong but I see it on her eyes, she's giving up Amanda."

"Do you know how stubborn she is, she's not going to give up."

"You didn't see her. That look in her eye was-scary, almost dead like."

"Maybe she needs someone to lean on. Someone she trusts."

"Like who?"

"Her partner."

She curls up on the couch, staring into the night. Her stomach is screaming at her to eat, but she's too tired to move or eat. She pulls the blanket to her chin and feels the tears that she rarely sheds run down her face. She attempts to close her eyes for only a second only to immediately open them back. She sees him staring at her with crazy eyes holding a cigarette over her body every time she shuts her eyes.