A/N: WOOHOOO!
Fox: My first south park fic! (grins broadly)
Zeo: Finally you wouldn't just shut up about this story would you?
Fox: Hell no ass!
Zeo: What did you call me?
Leo: (sighs loudly) LZfOx1379 does not own SouthPark, those lovable little boys belong to Trey and Matt, though LZfOx1379 owns this plot!
Fox: WARNING! There will be excessive swearing cause DUH Cartman! Also there will be alot of kissing, groping, grinding,licking and biting and whatever else i can think of. BUT! until then I will be forced to keep this clean for the sake of my rating so far. SO WAIT PEOPLE!
Zeo: There will be some confusion at the begging of the story due to randomness by Cartman but its all part of the story
(Fan Fare plays)
LET'S GO!
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BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
16 year-old Eric Cartman rolled over in his bed and gently turned the snooze button on his alarm clock and sat up in bed.
Cartman looked up and prayed Dear God, I just want to thank you for making my life long dream come true for me, and I will never EVER say your name in vain unless it is totally necessary, or if it involves Stan and Kyle…I hate those guys amen. He got out of bed, humming a happy tune before making his bed and laying out his clothes for school.
He opened his door, looked one way, than another before waddling down the hall into the bathroom. He disrobed and hopped inside, quickly washing his hair and body and jumped out and grabbed a towel.
Smiling broadly he waddled back into his room and grabbed his clothes and trademark coat and hat and walked down the stairs to the kitchen. Making himself a healthy breakfast, he poured coffee into his mom's coffee cup and slowly chewed his food.
"Eric, sweetie, what are you doing up this early? And what's that smell? Did…did you make me coffee?"
Cartman looked up and smiled sweetly at his mother.
"Why yes mother, I did, to thank you for helping me through the hardships of last night." Eric replied, batting his eyes.
His mother collapsed to her knees and grabbed Eric into a bear hug.
"Oh, my baby!" She cried stroking Carman's hair, "It's ok, I know how hard this was on you, but, you can take all the time you need. You don't need to go to school if you don't want to."
Eric froze and cursed softly.
"But, Moooooooooooooooom,"he whined stomping his feetloudly, "I want to go to schooool."
Mrs. Cartman sighed and nodded her head and cleaned up the table, while Eric smirked and hopped down from the chair, grabbed his backpack and went out the door.
New fallen snow covered South Park in a protective blanket. Cartman trudged through the snow happily and smiled into the sun. He decided to take the car today instead of going to the bus stop. There was no way in hell was he going to sit on a bus full of assholes.
Struggling through the foot of snow, he climbed into his SUV and turned on the ignition. Slowly pulling back, Eric struggled to get the heat in the car working.
"God damn piece of crap….my mom can't even afford to get something that wor—"
KWUMPF!
"AW SHI--!" Cartman roared, opening his door to find his mailbox under his tires. Struggling not to scream in frustration, Cartman pulled out into the street and raced to school. Pulling into the parking lot there was only two people he wanted to see today.
Getting out of his car, he walked over towards the football field where he saw Stan and Kenny throwing the football.
Kenny was wearing his trade mark orange parka, which now was considered the hottest thing ever. Kenny was pretty much the only person that could fuck anyone he damned well please. Male or female, didn't bother the blonde. But, Kenny was now amazing spoken for, and Cartman was waiting for that to die.
Stan was wearing his brown coat, along with his childhood blue and red pom-pom hat. Stan was on the football team in South Park High and was quarterback. He became super popular but, he still had time fore his friends. Not to mention one super bitchy girlfriend. Wendy was still the super-protective-step-away-from-my-boyfriend bitch. How Stan put up with her was beyond Cartman. Even though he does think she's hot, but he would never admit that.
You could possibly say that Cartman was alittle, BARELY jelous of the fact that his frie-- aquaintances if you will, where skinnier than he was. Not better looking, just skinnier. He was just big-boned.
He smirked to himself and walked down towards them. Kenny was the first to notice him.
"Hey fatass what are you doing at school so early? Wanting to get the first spot in the line for lunch?"
Kenny and Stan laughed loudly and Cartman scowled, but he quickly changed it to a smile.
"Well how would you know what food tastes like, you poor piece of shi-?"Kenny threw the ball at him,"F---YOUKenny!Besides, that's not the reason why I'm here; I got some news for you two."
Kenny rolled his eyes and Stan scoffed loudly, "What ever fatass, besides we only snag food from Kyle, his mom might be a bitch but, she makes awesome food. And what news that you have could ever be possibly important?"
Cartman rocked on his heels, relishing in the moment. He couldn't wait to see the look on their faces.
"Well" he drawled, "Did any of you guys hear about the car accident late last night? Hmmmm?"
Kenny and Stan looked at each other in confusion and then back at Cartman. They shook their heads no and waited for him to continue. Cartman struggled to fight down a happy grin and put on a solemn face.
"I found out last night" He continued "Two cars collided on an intersection. One car skidded on the ice and rammed into the driver side of a Blue Jeep license plate SPJ16."
Stan and Kenny let out loud gasps, recognizing the car and who it belonged to.
"They say that the person in the blue Jeep was a 16 year-old boy, who is now in critical condition, while the person in the black Truck got out of the accident without a scratch."
Stan's face paled noticeably, and Kenny's parka hood fell off revealing pale blonde hair and blue eyes filled with tears.
"I haven't gotten to the last part." This was the best part in Cartman's position.
Both looked at Cartman with fear, waiting for the final blow.
"They think that he might die, but if he doesn't, they say that he won't have a life left, his memory is completely gone."
Dead silence.
"In other words Kyle has amnesia."
All that was heard was the soft thud of the football leaving Stan's hands and into the snow.
Inside his mind, Eric Cartman felt the skies open up, the sun shine down, and angels start singing. Doing a happy dance in his mind, he smiled at the shocked look on the other's faces. This was going to be a hella-cool week.
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A/N: MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
Fox: Ok. I finished my first SP fic YAYNESS! Please somebody tell me if it was good or not.
Zeo: please read and review!
Fox: OH! And please tell what couple I should make this be cause I don't know which one I should do. Thanks!
Leo: If you review I'll give you sugar!
Ja Ne!