Because I felt like writing some depressed ass shit.
……….
The funeral was over three days ago, and no one had seen Rodney McKay since. The general consensus was to let him grieve on his own, alone in his memories. Kate had that brilliant idea.
Now, it didn't seem so brilliant. John Sheppard had posted a guard on both the mess, and Rodney's quarters. Depressed or not, the man needed to eat. So, a search team had been assembled, including two of Carson's brightest nurses. Equipped with field kits containing emergency IV's, they set out to explore the city.
But even emergency IV's and search times made of your closest friends aren't enough to bring back the dead. Carson hadn't planned on needing the white sheet, nor the backboard that was stored in the infirmary's closet. He had only planned on needing sugar rations.
When they told John, they did it in his office. There was no need to spread such information over the radios. It was the longest time he had ever spent still, waiting for the news.
Carson didn't say anything, just walked in and shook his head. On his way out the door, he placed a paper on John's new desk, the one Elizabeth used to sit at before a freak jumper accident. Rodney's funeral was exactly one week after Elizabeth's had been; his gravestone was right next to hers. It was fitting.
John didn't need to open the note to know it was found with Rodney. It sat there, collecting other papers on top of it, until finally the Deadelus was able to bring the new desk that had been requisitioned. Stargate command understood, of course, and had it on the next flight. No one could think around that desk, most of all John.
When the papers were moved, the note fluttered to the ground, making more noise than it ought to have been allowed. John pocketed it and moved on with the cleaning, glad to be rid of the constant reminder that Elizabeth was no longer around to be their leader.
Later, in the privacy of his quarters, he opened it.
John… I know that you will be the one to end up with this. Don't waste your time trying to figure out what happened to me. By now, Carson will have done his autopsy. He will have handed over his results to you, the new leader of Atlantis. And I know that by now, you will have buried me and begun to move on.
Those jumpers were my responsibility John. I was the one who was supposed to make sure they were safe. I failed. I cannot be allowed to kill someone else because of a mistake. That day was the end of my life John. I can't stay here any more.
Tell Teyla she was a good friend. Make sure Carson gets the bottle of scotch in my room, it was a birthday gift. Radek can have all the credit he wants about anything that becomes public after you go home.
As for the lemon? I couldn't end it another way John, you know that. No pain… just the black nothingness coming to collect me. I know Elizabeth is waiting on the other side, and that's enough for me.
Thank you John, for being my friend.
Rodney.
John held the note in his hands, the paper crushing around the edges. He wouldn't have expected it from snarky old McKay, the one who was always demeaning others. His time on Atlantis had changed him for the better, and that made it all the harder.
As he walked out the door, John brushed a stray tear from his eye.