A/N Don't own
How I Met My Neighbor
In hind sight, it wasn't the best idea I had ever come up with. But, I had done it. I ,Uzumaki Naruto paid the severest price of all for procrastinating. It had been weeks since I had gathered all the clothes that dwelled about my apartment and washed them. To be fair, I could live in the same pair of jeans a few weeks since I kept them relatively clean. The only time clean clothes were put on were when the smell was noticeable or a date was about to happen. Well, I had a date that night. I had exactly two and a half hours to wash and dry something and if I have to go down there I may as well get a few done.
I scurried around my apartment grabbing everything I could and threw it in my laundry sack. It was cheaper and lighter than a hamper. I rushed carefully down the icy stairs to come to a laundry room void of all people, but all the washing machines were going.
I proceeded to make that horrible idea that I aforementioned. I chose a random washing machine and stopped it. I pulled the mass of black clothing out, noticing some custom embrodering, and set it on the machine next to it and shoved my clothes in there pouring a bit of soap in there and started it. I then rushed upstairs to clean up the bachelor pad, shower, shave and then rush back downstairs to dry the clothes.
Well, the apartment was clean, the blonde hottie was clean and shaven. Now, to go and get some clothes in the dryer.
And I, Uzumaki Naruto had officially "met" my match. Lying innocently atop of the washing machine I had stolen was a neatly written note.
"To the Moron who probably doesn't understand large words,
Since you felt the need to remove my clothing and leave them out soaking wet and obviously not finished, I decided to return the favor. However, you can obviously see that they are not inside the laundry room, but are however outside in the dirt. By the time you find them, they will probably have developed ice. Have fun. If you have any problems with this, go fuck yourself.
- Your Neighbor"
Needless to say. I missed my date while looking for my frozen clothes. Which apparently that asshole had seperated and put outside in various and hard to reach places. Infact, I had to give up on half of them because it got so cold and find the rest in the morning. That jackass had apparently put all my boxers on the door step of the raging feminist of the complex. I decided to just go out and buy new pairs rather than risk getting to close to her door to pick up material she would deem offensive.
I was quite annoyed by this, and it was apparently obvious based on my obsession of going down to the laundry room daily looking for the clothes that were in that washing machine. I may have started this, but I would make sure that jackass knew I wasn't going to take that lying down. I checked every single washing machine, every day, every couple of hours. I, for the most part, worked from home. I could afford this luxury of stalking the laundry room. And then one beautiful day it happened. I found that bundle of black clothing. I ran back up into his apartment and grabbed a plastic tub he had bought and went unnoticed back downstairs to the laundry room. Scanning to make sure no one was there, I pulled the black clothes out, taking note of the brands and their custom work. Expensive. Therefore, this final blow would be the winning move.
Twisting each piece of clothing to get the extra water out, I tossed each article of clothing into the tub and paused momentarily, as if giving these clothes a silent funeral, before dumping bottles of bleach in there and added a few random packets of dye hoping to damage the clothes beyond repair. I promptly left the scene of the crime with a smirk, only wishing he could see that asshole find his beloved clothes. The added touch of writing "Suck it" on the tub sufficed enough as a reply to the note.
A few weeks of silence passed, before the retalition appeared. Upon pulling my beloved clothes out of the dryer, my face visibly paled. Tons of glitter. EVERYWHERE. Every piece of clothing was covered in it. Upon closer inspection is was obvious glue had been added to the mix causing complete chaos. Looking at the dryer filter Naruto could see that jackass put a lot of glitter in there.
"Fine. War it is bastard."
It took some time to find the new clothes, but with paitence and endurance, anything is possible. Finding a new ball of expensive and custom stitching in the clothes were the tell tale signs he got new clothes. Such a shame. Pulling out the weapon of choice, craft scissors, I cut up the left leg on all the pants, the t-shirts became strips, and boxers had the elastic bands cut off and the socks lost their ankles. Placing the clothes back and the scissors in my back pocket I left with a very small victory smile. However, I knew it was too soon to celebrate. The possibility of an attack was very real.
The following week, Naruto went down to get this clothes out of the washing machine with a simple post it stuck to the front caused imminent panic. Innocently, it said "Not here." Immediately running outside and around the complex, panic rose in Naruto. Where did that jackass put his clothes?! After spending a few hours looking and eventually giving up, drastic plans began to formulate in his head. It wasn't until a few days later everyone recieved a notice that someone had left clothing in a washing machine and they had begun to smell. Upon further investigation, I found my clothes. In a different washing machine.
Simple, but very effective.
The whole scenario inspired my next move. Simple and clean pay back. Hoping onto the computer and two day shipping, I ordered my next weapon. Besides, I felt bad making the guy buy whole new wardrobes after every incident. It made finding his clothes all the harder. A Couple of week passed before I found clothes I was about 80% sure belonged to that jackass. They weren't nearly as nice and fancy, but no other washing machine housed this much black clothing at all. And I had spent enough time snooping through everyone else's stuff to just know. I pulled out the vials of pure concentrated liquid stench, and threw them in the dryer with his clothes. Almost puking from the sheer rancidness, I held my breathe and ran out of there vowing to handwash my clothes in my own apartment until that rank cleared out.
A few weeks passed before anyone could go in that laundry room without being on the verge of dying. I made a vow to never do that again. It hurt everyone in the complex. I actually smiled a bit when he threw his clothes in the washing machine and tossed some soap in there with it. None of the painstaking handwashing and air drying within the apartment.
About an hour later, I found all of my amazing clothes in the swimming pool. With the water being freezing and what not, I walked down to get the net and get all of my belongings out of the pool and got yelled at by management thinking I did that to myself.
Which consequently led to a warning of eviction if any more pranks took place within the complex. I hung my head in defeat, knowing that I would not be able to have the last freaking say unless I was moving out. The sheer injustice. The defeat.
In another part of the complex, a young man with dark hair, dark eyes and pale skin sat inside his apartment reading the same notice. However, he didn't care if he got evicted. He could afford to move into another place. He was going to keep this going until he got evicted. He spent a lot of money replacing his clothes and never once complained to management. True, had he not thrown the clothes in the pool, their little exchange would have not been endangered, but he wanted to see who it was. That way the pranking could evolve from their clothes onto other belongings. Let the games begin.
Sasuke Uchiha, looked out his window waiting for a particular blonde and tanned neighbor to go down to put his clothes in the washing machine. He casually went out wearing grey sweatpants and a a navy blue thermal. He did own other colors than black, but he actually seperated his clothes. He walked down pretending to be busy as his blonde neighbor talked to another tenant before casually walking up next to him and swiping the mans apartment keys. Walking out of the laundry room he made a mad dash to his car and drove down to the nearest place that could copy a key and made himself a set of blonde dumbass keys. He made it back in time to see the guy frantically looking everywhere for his keys. Sasuke smirked. He walked to the front office and turned the keys in stating he found them and went back to his own apartment. He held his set of keys in his hand with a victorious smirk. He grew up with an evil bastard of an older brother. This dumbass was going to pay.
It took awhile, but he waited for his perfect moment. He waited until he saw his nemesis pack an overnight duffel bag. He practically squealed with joy. He packed his own duffel bag, which he was refering too as the "Fuck you package" and waited until dark to creep over and open the blonde man's apartment. He knew the locks would get changed after this, so he had to go all out on this one, and it would take a few trips to finish it.
After an immensely awesome over-nighter, hosted by the one and only Kiba, I returned to my apartment ready to get to work. I stuck my key in the key hole unlocking the front door and turned the knob, and opened the door to what I'm sure was not my apartment.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" I shouted with wide eyes. I dropped my duffel bag and looked around the place. Nothing was broken, but there was toilet paper everywhere. Mass amounts of glitter and confetti thrown about the place. Silly string had been sprayed everywhere. I walked into the apartment very slowly. The evil genius behind this masterpiece had covered every square inch of this place in something. His computer and tv were absolutely covered in what looked like layers of tape and something else. Naruto opened his bedroom door only to get hit with a bucket and get covered in water sendme straight to the floor and onto a layer of glitter and stickers that had carefully been places upside down. WHO HAD TIME TO DO THAT! I got up and walked toward's the bathroom only to trip and hit the floor and turn to see wire attached just high enough to trip over. I glared death at the damn thing. I opened my bathroom foor aggressively, and got covered in flour. I shut my eyes and slowly inhaled and exhaled. Opening my angry blue eyes, I looked in the mirror seeing a message written on it in that immaculate handwriting, "Wave the white flag if you admit defeat. It's in your dresser."
Naruto walked over to his dresser yanking the drawer open looking down in draw seeing all of his clothes wrapped like christmas gifts. In one of the drawers he found a neatly folded white flag.
"I'm going to murder this asshole." Naruto exhaled slowly. Apparently, All of his food, pots, pans and anything in a drawer had been gift wrapped and some of them housed even more glitter. Naruto grabbed that white flag and set it on his living room floor with a sharpie. He wrote a message, walked outside and placed it out by the swimming pool and went back in to begin cleaning that massive, yet glorious work of a prank. He went to where his trash bags were and found that douche bag had kindly bought a few boxes of trash bags for him. After cleaning up a bit, showering, carefully drying off and putting on an outfit void of glitter and everything else.
During his cleaning, he saw that insufferable pain in the ass put all different sizes of marble and bouncy balls under his fitted sheet, covered his bed sheets with a really nasty smelling air freshner, that apparently he had sprayed on in heavy amounts. His hair dryer had baby powder shoved into it, which thankfully missed him when he turned it on.
He walked down the steps and got in his car driving down to a specific bar, ordered a beer and sat down watching the game playing above the bar. About 45 minutes passed before he noticed someone sit down next to him and he slowly turned his head seeing a man with beautiful pale skin, black hair styled curiously, dark yet amused eyes and lips curved into the smallest of satisfied smirks.
"Naruto Uzumaki." Naruto stated with a small nod.
"Sasuke Uchiha." The man returned.
"You are a worthy opponent Sasuke." Naruto admitted tightlipped.
"You weren't so bad yourself." Sasuke commented offhandedly motioning for a beer and took a slow drink. "You could have just stood and waved the actual flag instead of inviting me out for a drink."
"I wanted to meet the jackass that is going to cause me weeks of cleaning up his extensively thorough mess. You are committed to the craft, I'm going to give you that."
"Hn."
"Do I need to change my locks now or can you just give me the keys you made copies of?" Naruto asked with a small glare.
Sasuke reached into his pocket and dropped a set of keys on the bar top before looking up to watch the game.
"If I made more money, no truce would have been called. Your apartment would have gotten wrecked."
"Well, as a gesture of good faith, so long as you do not ruin my apartment, you my spend the night on my couch. However, if you do anything to my apartment, there will be consequences." Sasuke said in a threatening tone. They drove back seperately and Naruto did crash on his couch only because his apartment was in shambles. The following morning, Sasuke offered to help clean up his apartment which Naruto accepted and they walked back over to start cleaning it all up.
About halfway through the ordeal, Naruto ordered some food and they ate quietly before resuming their tasks. It took 4 whole days to clean the entire apartment.
"I feel like I am forgetting something." Sasuke pondered out loud.
Naruto glared ever so slightly at him. "What." He said looking around frantically.
"Oh, before I wrapped up your t.v. I ordered a ton of porn!" Sasuke said looking at the 42in tv with raised eyebrows sitting now unwrapped on the tv stand.
"YOU DID WHAT UCHIHA!" NAruto scrambled to get his cell phone and call his cable company immediately. He smirked before walking out of Naruto's apartment and back over to his.
Naruto came out into the living room seeing his neighbor now vanished. Sasuke had ordered porn, but only a few films which weren't expensive and the company did remove the charges. Naruto shook his head and sat down on his couch.
"Payback will be a bitch Uchiha. I only called a truce to be friends and spend a lifetime pranking you from now on." Naruto whispered to himself with a smile.