A/N: This is a prize for DarkSarcasm1 on deviantART for winning the DA-Ranger Group's AMV contest.
"Gentlemen, may have your attention please?"
The Pub Thugs all gathered round. From his vantage point, Eugene could see that not a single one was unaccounted for. Each held samples of their work. Only Hookhand carried an axe, which he proceeded to throw at the accordion player, for once to stop him from grinding out some old bar shanty. The poor man dropped his instrument and looked ready to void himself.
"Eh- thank you," Eugene said. He recovered nicely with a charming smoulder-like grin, having momentarily forgotten that he was dealing with toothless thugs, not swooning young women. Oh well, he'd work with it. "Now, we've all been working very hard this past week, and the big day is finally upon us. Rapunzel will be here in about ten minutes. Don't forget that she doesn't know anything about this. She thinks it's just a quiet night with a few friends having a drink in honor of her birthday and-"
"We already know all that!" shouted Gunther. Several jeers backed him up, and Eugene sent a palpable glare his way that barely affected him.
"You've told us a hundred times today!" shouted someone else. It was times like this Eugene regretted not memorizing all their names. Rapunzel kept telling him how rude and informal it was to just refer to them all collectively as 'Snuggly Duckling thugs' when these were some of their (her) best friends.
Eugene sighed, trying hard to ignore the pressure behind his skull that was quickly becoming out and out pain.
"Alright, let's just go over everything one more time," he said. On the podium was a long and flat piece of tree bark that served as a makeshift clipboard. Eugene avoided touching it- last time it gave him four splinters that Hookhand insisted on removing himself. He still had nightmares about that one. "First up, decorations. Gunther, Big Nose, Helene, where are we on that?"
"Everything's all set up," said Big Nose. His new girlfriend, Helene, made a quick show of the balloons, banners and streamers all in as many different colors as they could find. The painter in Rapunzel would be thrilled, even if certain shades clashed badly with others and that didn't help the throbbing in Eugene's head at all.
"Alright, looking good," he checked it off the clipboard, wincing at a stray bit of wood that came close to pinching him. "Tor, you got the floral arrangement I asked for?"
"Don't insult me," said the would-be florist. From behind his back (and how he hid it there Eugene would never know), he pulled a massive mess of poinsettias, tulips, roses and a bunch of other flowers Eugene didn't know the names of. Together they formed an, admittedly kind of creepy, model of Rapunzel's head. At the bottom, several purple flowers had been arranged to spell HAPPY BIRTHDAY in all capital letters.
"Okay," said Eugene, and another box was checked off. "Fang, you're on entertainment. What do you have for us?"
As always, the thug was ducked beneath his little puppet stage. From down below came a little rag doll version of Rapunzel on his right hand and a rag doll Eugene on the left.
"Oh, my darling beloved Eugene!" said 'Rapunzel' in the shrillest, most mangled attempt at the real Rapunzel's voice as Fang could manage. He manipulated the puppet to bring a hand to its head, as if in a swoon. "How I love thee so! Let me express my love in the form of a song."
"Oh, Rapunzel," said 'Eugene.' "When you sing it is like a choir of angels all in one person! I am completely enteranced by you, my true love Rapunzel."
Fang took a long, exaggerated breath.
"Okay!" Eugene shouted before the thug could actually try to sing. "That's… that's really good Fang, thanks." 'Well, at least he got my nose right on that puppet,' he thought to himself. Then he cleared his throat to continue. "Okay, now-"
An interruption came in the form of the mime thug- another one whose name constantly escaped him. The mime waved like a child, his hand then stopping as if hitting something solid. The mime began his usual 'box' routine while Eugene looked helplessly at Hookhand.
"Ulf wanted to help out with entertainment," he said, shrugging. "You pretty much ignored him when you were handing out assignments.
He went back to practicing his scales on the piano while the mime came up beside Eugene. His hand over his eyes, he feigned dramatic crying that left Eugene wondering if there was possibly a way to knock him out with the nearest frying pan and make it look like an accident.
"Right, great," he said when nothing came to him. He edged away from the mime, who was at least smart enough to take a hint and go bother Big Nose and Helene with his 'walking down stairs' thing. "So, with all that out of the way, let's get to the piece de resistance. Attila, bring it out here!"
The helmeted thug pushed open the swinging kitchen door on cue, and rolled out a cart topped with a cake so big that the top just about got knocked off by the door frame. Rapunzel's birthday cake was revealed in all its sugary glory. Pink frosting coated it from top to bottom, with purple icing forming flowers and birds and even a tiny Pascal near the top. The chameleon would be happy to see that. Nineteen candles topped off the monstrosity, all woven around the purple HAPPY NINETEENTH BIRTHDAY RAPUNZEL that Attila had miraculously managed to fit neatly on the top layer without making a mess. Out of all the thugs, he was the truly gifted one. Eugene would stand by that.
As the shock wore off, appreciative gasps and watering mouths became the norm, as all the thugs dreamed of getting a taste. Eugene couldn't say he didn't relate, but self-control was key. This was Rapunzel's cake, not theirs. No matter how appetizing it looked, they had to wait for her. This birthday- the first Rapunzel would spent away from that witch who had stolen her childhood- had to be special. Nothing at all could go wrong. Eugene would give up his smolder before he let that happen. To distract, he turned to the man who broke his back for ten hours baking this thing. He for sure deserved his kudos.
"Well, Attila, you really outdid yourself, buddy." Eugene gave him a playful elbow in his barrel chest. "I know that you're used to cupcakes and this was a big job for you, but I knew that in the end, you would come thro- what is that?"
Eugene scrunched up his eyes, pushing past Attila and a few other thugs to get a closer look at the cake. As tall as it was, he had an easy time checking, and it was with great shock and disbelief that he found he had been right. What he thought he had seen was very much a reality.
"You misspelled her name!" he shouted.
Attila tilted his head to one side. He was a man of few words, or really no words at all, but luckily for him, he had Hookhand around to be his voice.
"Where'd he do that?" he asked.
Eugene gave him a 'well duh' sort of look, jabbing a thumb at the offending cake. "Would you look at this?"
Hookhand did, but he needed a moment to see what had taken Eugene no time at all.
"Happy Birthday… Rupunzel," he read aloud, and then to Eugene's great surprise, shrugged his shoulders. "Well, that's an easy fix, right Attila?"
In response, Attila held up a tube of purple icing, squeezing out a small line. If they thought that was going to appease their party planner, they were sorely mistaken.
"But that's not the point!" Eugene cried, hands clawing at his perfect hair. "Geez, guys! We have to watch for things like this! One little mistake and the entire party could wind up a total disaster."
Over at one of the tables, Gunther leaned over to Vladimir.
"What has his panties in a bunch?"
Vladimir just grunted and went back to taking inventory of his gold and white unicorns.
"Would you calm down, Rider," said Hookhand. "You know Rapunzel, she loves everything. A little mistake like this isn't going to bother her."
"It bothers me!" Eugene snapped. "It bothers me on her behalf, because this party needs to be special. She's never had a birthday party you know."
"I never had a birthday party," said Tor.
"Me neither," said Bruiser.
A murmur of agreement came over the thugs in waves, and Eugene was most certainly not going to acknowledge that or his own place among the birthday party-less crowd.
"Alright," he said loudly. "Fine, maybe we're going about this wrong."
"Or maybe you're just some kind of birthday-zilla," muttered Killer.
"It's not even his party, it's mine," said Fang through the Rapunzel puppet, much to the discomfort of everyone in the near vicinity.
"Let's just get this cake fixed and get all the presents together- you can put them over there," he said to the thug in charge of collecting them. Most of the boxes were wrapped in some kind of animal skin and didn't look aesthetically pleasing at all, but as always, it was the thought that counted (that and the fact that Eugene had personally approved every single gift beforehand to make sure Rapunzel didn't accidentally receive something life-threatening). "And most importantly, let's not lose sight of our ultimate goal here: to make Rapunzel the happiest lost princess who ever lived on her special day. Are you with me?"
"YES!" shouted the pub thugs.
"YEAH!" shouted the present bearing thug. He threw his arms up in the air, conveniently forgetting that he still had all the presents in hand.
They seemed to fall in slow motion, in time with Eugene's jaw. One by one, the weighty boxes slammed into bunches of balloons- sending them all over the place. One took out the punch bowl and cupcakes while another knocked down the piñata, which exploded on contact with the ground, sending bits of candy everywhere. Banners and streamers were either badly damaged or torn away completely. Even Fang's puppet stage wasn't safe. A larger box came down on the center, creating a gaping hole that left poor Fang screaming and weeping. Eugene had no choice but to bear witness to the unfolding chaos, as days of hard work crumbled all around him. The final tragedy came in the form of one final, massive gift landing smack in the middle of the cake. With an ugly squelch, icing and ice cream flew everywhere, a good portion of it sprayed right in Eugene's face. He inhaled sugar and exhaled pain.
The whole room had gone deadly silent, the only sounds coming from those who had also gotten smeared with cake and where licking it off themselves, and the thug who had caused the whole mess, as he fearfully edged towards the door and then bolting out as fast as he could.
"Okay…" Eugene said in a dead sort of voice. "I don't think this could get any worse."
The pitter-pattering of feet on wood drew his attention to the window, where at first he saw nothing, and then a tiny green chameleon appeared as if from thin air. He waved at Eugene, seemingly ignorant of the mess.
"Pascal…" Eugene slurred, and then it hit him. "Pascal! No, you can't be here. If you're here, that means-"
"I'm HERE!"
Rapunzel threw open the door. In her new powder blue dress with her hair cleaned and primped, she was as utterly adorable as ever, and her innate brightness that always filled Eugene with warmth and joy, today left him hollow and regretful. She would be miserable in just another moment, and there was nothing he could do to fix it.
Indeed, her smile faded as she took in the broken scene. The ruined decorations, the dented gifts, the destroyed cake; Eugene couldn't even look at it anymore, or her.
"I- what is this?" she asked.
Pascal sat on her shoulder, just as curious as his owner. All together the pub thugs shared glances. Several moments of quiet followed, and then-
"SURPRISE!"
The whole lot of them jumped up, cheering and throwing confetti amid both Eugene and Rapunzel's intense shock. She would recover first, letting out a gasp and entering the fray.
"You all threw a surprise party? For me?"
"Well yeah, who else?" said Hookhand.
"We wanted you to have a great Birthday, Rapunzel," said Big Nose. "Sorry about the little mess."
"We had some issues getting everything ready," said Helene.
"Oh, don't worry about that," said Rapunzel. "Just the fact that you all did this in the first place is the best gift you could have given me. But where's Eugene?"
"Oh him?" said Hookhand. With his hook, he picked Eugene up by the belt, holding his limp body in the air before throwing him at her feet. Eugene kept his balance well enough to avoid knocking into her, but his landing was still as ungraceful as one could hope to be. "He's just taking a break. He planned this whole thing you know."
At that, Eugene's heart froze solid. Rapunzel's eyes on him didn't help at all.
"R-Rapunzel, I'm so-"
She ran at him, grabbed him around the waist and squeezed for all he was worth, and she was shockingly strong for such a tiny thing. Eugene was liable to have bruises later on.
"Oh Eugene, this is wonderful! Thank you so much for doing this for me," she said joyfully.
"You mean you're not mad?" he gasped out.
"Mad?" she was so surprised by this that she let go, and Eugene gulped in air. "Why would I be mad, I- is that the cake?"
She pointed at the messy cake, half of which had already been partially consumed by that goat that always seemed to be around for no reason.
"Like we said," Hookhand said, walking up to them with a big glob of cake on a plate, "a few issues."
He offered the cake to Rapunzel, who graciously accepted. One bite and Eugene found himself in yet another tackle hug. This time he was more prepared.
"You're the best, Eugene," she said, happily nuzzling into his chest. "I love you."
He looked out at the thugs, all of them dancing to the cheery piano tune Hookhand was belting out. Some of them fought over cake, other over the scattered candy, but in all of them, there was an air of happiness to be found that he never would have expected. Maybe it was just because he had the most incredible girl in the world in his arms, and she always made everything better.
"I love you too, Blondie," he said and placed a kiss on the top of her head. "Happy birthday."