Though the Heart Dies, Love Outlives Death

He didn't ever think about it before in his life, that Kala might one day become old. He had seen other gorillas in their troop pass away before when he was a child, but he had never quite understood what it had meant. He had seen old gorillas with waning muscle mass and reduced movements, and he remembered how the troop had always slowed down to accommodate them, and one day he would notice they had disappeared. He'd asked his mother where they'd gone on those couple of occasions, and each time, he had seen a deep sadness in her eyes, and he, just a wee child, hadn't quite understood why. He'd made her promise she would never go away forever, and she had reassured that she would not leave him anytime soon—or at least not for a very long time.

And now, two years since first meeting Jane, he began to notice things about his mother that brought back some of those childhood memories, ones he'd thought he'd long forgotten. And this time they were no longer shrouded in mystery, the mist clearing to reveal what had really happened to those old gorillas he had long forgotten since childhood. The way their movements had slowed down, how they didn't walk as fast as they used to, and how they had eventually lost their appetites and not long after, they "went away forever".

He recalled all of it now, over a decade and a half later, and he shivered inside to think of it—and so did the child in him from so long ago, the child who had thought his mother would never leave him. Whose mother had promised she would not leave him for a long time.

And it hit him now—she had never promised that she wouldn't leave him forever—nay, just a "long time". A long time, but certainly not forever.

At first, Tarzan had not noticed anything different, only that the group was just a little bit slower. But he had put that down to accommodating for Jane's pregnancy—yet, she was keeping up with him easily. Maybe, he tried to convince himself, it was for the slower infants in the group who were always with them, though he knew the mothers always carried them on their backs or in their arms. But deep down he always knew why: it was to accommodate the slowing pace of a couple aging gorillas, one of them being his own mother.

Whenever the troop had settled in for the night in another nesting site, he would quietly go to Kala—as well as the other gorilla—ask if they needed them to stay a few days extra. Kala herself didn't complain ever, and she would always assure that she just needed to sleep a little longer, and that she didn't need them to stay for an extra night or two. She could still keep up with them after all, and a night's rest always brought new refreshment and energy at dawn. For a time, she was right, she didn't need extra nights of rest at the same nest site, she still woke up as refreshed as the other gorillas and the Porters.

Inevitably, she needed those extra nights, just as their other elder gorilla did these days. Even Jane noticed her energy flagged quicker throughout the day than before, and how Kala and the other elder in their troop would wake up a little later than the other gorillas did. Just a little bit more sleep, that's all she needed, and she would join the others. It was also Jane who noticed that she was beginning to eat less plant food throughout the day than the other gorillas were consuming. And Tarzan saw this worried her almost as much as it did for him, that it meant the inevitable was coming—how soon, he did not want to speculate. When they talked together in private away from the other gorillas and their new Silverback leader—a recently mature male from the same group—Kala's health seemed to come up more often these days. At first, Tarzan was reluctant to discuss it, but with Jane's encouragement, he soon found himself confessing how worried he was these days for his adoptive mother. He knew he would have to face it sooner or later with Jane's insistence, knowing that apes' lives were—according to the Porters, anyhow—many years shorter than an average human's lifespan. It didn't mean he had to like it, and to his surprise, it greatly angered him to know he couldn't stop what was happening to Kala, who had always loved him no matter what. Whenever he had needed her, she was always there for him. And it angered him to think one day she wouldn't be—couldn't be there for him. Not for a long time—nay, forever.

"It's normal," Jane assured him one evening, "Anger is a normal part of grieving."

"It's too soon, Jane."

A tentative hand had landed on his arm, Jane's fingers sliding down to curl around his.

"Oh, Tarzan…it's always too soon."

He was pretty sure he hurt her fingers when he'd grasped her hand, clinging on for dear life to all the love and support she poured out for him.

"I'll miss her too," she whispered, "And so will daddy. We love her too."

Despite his inner grief, Tarzan attempted to act completely normal around the other gorillas including Kala. But of course Kala knew him too well to be fooled by the pretence—and indeed, one night, she took him aside, away from the other gorillas and the Porters.

"Don't go," were the first two words, unbidden, out of Tarzan's mouth.

A great sigh came from Kala, the gorilla settling down next to Tarzan, her arm and shoulder in contact with his, providing some comfort and warmth.

"I wish I could stay forever, Tarzan, I really do," she whispered, voice trailing away a little.

Tarzan brought his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them, unspeaking, instead choosing to stare through the silhouettes of vines and thick curtains of leaves.

"I know," he said, "I just didn't think it would come so soon. I'd always believed you'd be here forever."

Kala took one of his hands in hers, curling his fingers down as she brought it over his chest, directly over his heart.

"I'll always be in your heart," she whispered, "Always."

Tarzan couldn't answer that, but even if he had wanted to, he couldn't, for the lump of emotion in his throat. Instead, he sat in utter quiet, as did Kala, a gorilla and an ape-man side by side cocooned in unspoken words that needed no speaking whatsoever. The night drew a web of sleepiness around them, and before they knew it, they had fallen asleep.

She still kept strong as she could over the next several months, though now her movements were much stiffer as she walked behind the troop, but she never complained about any aches or pains. To his alarm, she had become a lot thinner, losing her muscle and much of her old energy to the inevitable arrival of death. He stayed with her as much as he could, leaving her side only when necessary or to be with Jane, who was often at his side anyway. Kala slept even more in her latter days, often waking when the sun was nearly at its highest point in the sky and the others were already settling down for a little late morning siesta. Despite encouragements from Tarzan, the Porters, and a few other gorillas, she barely ate anymore, insisting every time that she wasn't very hungry right now.

Fearing they would lose her if they moved on too soon or frequently, Tarzan ceased moving the troop as much as usual. He hated the thought of losing precious days to unnecessary moving around through the foliage of the jungle. He wanted to preserve as much of the rest of her life as he could, staying nearby in case she needed something or…something too awful to dwell on happened should he happen to be away from her at the wrong time.

He hoped he would be there in her final moments, despite Jane and her father having gently cautioned him that death could come at any time, that it wasn't always at night, when they could pass away in their sleep. Sometimes it could happen in the middle of the day, in broad daylight, the heart taking its last beat, not mattering where the person—or animal—stood or was doing.

And it appeared they were right, for one early afternoon, only a couple hours after midday, Jane, still heavily with child, came quick as she could to Tarzan, who had been playing with some of the younger gorillas elsewhere. Her eyes were wide and round, her mouth working as if trying to say something, but somehow couldn't get the words out. In the end, she could only ask Tarzan that he come with her now, or it might be too late. Tarzan didn't even have time to ask her what it was about, but he had a dreadful feeling he knew what had happened anyway.

They found her lying on her side among a patch of bamboos, barely breathing, lying so still she might as well already have died. Leaving Jane a few steps behind him, he immediately went to his mother, dropping to his knees beside her, laying one hand on where her shoulder would be, and the other grasped one of her own hands. Her fingers did the barest of twitches at the touch, so limp in his hand. Her eyes were open, unfocussed, the light of life already leaving them. He didn't want that the last thing she saw before she died was a patch of bamboo straws. Moving his hand from her shoulder, he carefully placed it under the side of her head, gently moving it so that she might see his face instead of the bamboo nearby.

"Mother…" he whispered, "Can you see me?"

Several moments passed where there was no response, and Tarzan feared she was already lost. But then, at the last moment, a faint spark of life returned to her dark eyes, locking onto his with what Tarzan was sure was with as much love as she could muster at that moment, straight from the depths of her heart. The faintest of smiles lilted in her eyes, her last word full of a mother's undying love.

"Tarzan…"

She breathed one more time and closed her eyes, and Tarzan knew she was truly gone.

Forever.

But Tarzan, even in his grief, remembered what she had once promised him: that she would always be in his heart.

Always.