The FFVII Lady Association Conference
By PomeloPomace
One quiet night, Aeris, Tifa, Yuffie, Scarlet, Elena, Shera and Lucrecia were together in a room.
Aeris was walking back and forth between one and another table to investigate the flower vases placed on them as if they were the most interesting things on the surface of the Planet.
Tifa was sitting on the reddish-brown leather couch, mindlessly switching the TV channels – none of which interested her - with the remote. A half-empty can of coca-cola in her other hand.
Yuffie was lying on the carpeted floor, doing nothing in particular. A scattered deck of playing cards lay just beside and around her.
Scarlet occupied herself with putting her shiny red lipstick on, wiping it out and putting it on over and over again, not minding much if it was a waste since she could always ask Rufus to buy her a new one.
Elena, snuggling onto a pink pillow – obviously belonged to Aeris - was trying to go to sleep but she didn't have much luck because the coffee she had had earlier proved to be regrettably strong that she couldn't close her eyes at all.
Shera was silently watching Scarlet putting her lipstick on and off, having nothing else to do since Cid wasn't around to boss and cuss. Not to mention she had already made the tea.
Lucrecia languidly sipped her Earl Grey and let her thought wandered – mostly toward her beloved baby that she didn't get to hold. All in all, she was very close to switch to full-fledge angst mode anytime.
To put it simple and clear, all of them were awfully bored.
"I'm sooooooo bored." Yuffie drawled, stretching her limbs, causing the cards to become more un-tidily tattered. Her voice snapped the others out of their trances.
Tifa turned the TV off and took a sip from her half-empty can before voicing the same opinion. "So am I."
"I can't go to sleep." Said Elena, rocking back and forth while still hugging the pillow. "I've tried, though."
Aeris stopped pacing and sighed. She then turned back to rejoin the group, taking a seat beside Lucrecia. "Anyone has any idea of what to do?"
Lucrecia put down her cup of tea, instead resting her hands in her laps. She sighed, shaking her head. "I don't know."
Scarlet looked up and on seeing the two brown haired women sitting opposite of her, she commented "You two look kind of alike. Are you sure you two aren't related?"
Aeris and Lucrecia blinked innocently and simultaneously shook their brown head.
Scarlet raised her eyebrows. "And here I was just guessing."
"Umm…" Shera decided to speak up. "If they are really related, doesn't this mean Aeris is also related to Sephiroth?"
Yuffie's eyes widened. "Which means she's also related to Vinny?"
"Vincent's Sephiroth's father?" Tifa asked, not believing what she had heard. "How did you know? But come to think of it, they kind of look alike…"
"No. The father's Hojo." Confirmed Lucrecia when all heads snapped toward her in question. "I'm sure of it."
"This is so confusing." Said Elena. "Unless you say Vincent and Hojo are…related. Eww." She scrunched up her nose in disgust at the idea.
"Impossible." Concluded Aeris. "I think it's just a coincidence that I look like Lucrecia."
"Come to think of it, Shera also looks like you two." Offered Tifa, thoughtfully.
Shera, meanwhile, shook her head no. "It's all coincidental."
"Weird. This is just too weird." Said Elena.
"I think we should blame it on the game character designer." Came the brilliant opinion from one smart Scarlet.
All the girls in the room nodded in agreement. "You're right."
Out of the corner of everyone's eyes. Lucrecia breathed her sigh of relief.
"So…talk about the boys, who do you think is the hottest?" Scarlet went on, her brain starting to click. "My place's on Rufus. And I really mean it, both ways."
Tifa snorted. "That's suiting coming from you."
Scarlet smirked. "At least I know it's true, what I've said."
Sensing the not-so-friendly atmosphere coming about, Shera quickly interrupted. "I think Cid is the hottest."
"Cid? Oh gawd, you've to be kidding me!" Laughed Yuffie. "That old man! Vinny is a whole lot hotter!"
Shera blushed.
"Vincent is as old as Hojo, Yuffie." Said Tifa. "I think…I'm going for Cloud." She hesitantly added.
"Nah, Vinny doesn't look it, so it's fine to say he's hot." Yuffie persisted.
Tifa rolled her eyes. Then turned to Aeris for back up. "What about you, Aeris?"
"Well, I…" Smiled the flower girl sheepishly. "I think it's Zack."
Tifa stared at her. "Betrayer."
Aeris smiled apologetically. "Sorry, Tifa but the question is who's the hottest and I think Cloud is more of cute."
"But I think Tseng is very good-looking" Elena cut in, finally letting go of the pillow.
"Tseng?" Scarlet raised her eyebrows. "Yeah. Even though I already have Rufus, I've to say Tseng's quite an attraction."
It was Elena's turn to blush.
"However," Scarlet continued. "Out of the men I never had a chance with; I think Sephiroth is the sexiest stuff."
"My baby?" Lucrecia looked up, her eyes shining. "Of course, my baby is the hottest!"
"You haven't even met him." Yuffie pointed out.
"I dream of him!" Lucrecia insisted, standing up. "I know he'd grow up to be one incredibly handsome man!"
"Calm down, Lucrecia. We didn't say that he isn't hot." Coaxed Aeris, pulling the woman to sit down. "Actually, I think he's very pretty."
"Yeah. Sephiroth, sexy stuff. Too bad he's gay." Scarlet sighed.
"What?" Exclaimed Lucrecia.
Tifa's eyes widened in horror. She turned to Aeris. "That's why he stabbed you in the stomach. Oh my god! I should have known!" Tifa abruptly stood up. "I shouldn't have let Cloud get down to have a 1 to 1 battle with him! Gods, who know what happened down there!"
Yuffie put a hand on Tifa's shoulder. "I'm sorry that your man's gay, Tifa."
"Vincent's gay with Cid." Said Elena. "Reno said he saw them making out behind the rocket in Rocket Town. That's his and Rude's favorite spot too, just to let you know."
"WHAT?" Exclaimed Yuffie and Shera.
"And Tseng is gay with Rufus." Said Aeris. "Tseng told me himself. He was drunk that time, though."
"Whaaat?" Exclaimed Elena and Scarlet.
"What about Zack? Wasn't he gay with either Cloud or Sephiroth?" asked Yuffie.
"Or maybe both." Added Tifa, sourly.
Aeris grinned. "That's why he's currently dead."
"WHAAAAT?" Everyone stared at her, dumbstruck.
Aeris shrugged. "I bribed some soldiers to shoot him."
Realization drew on the others' faces. "That's why Sephiroth killed you."
"…"
"…"
"Damn, they're all gay."
"Well, at least Hojo isn't."
"…"
"…"
"Wait. How come Hojo who is straight fathered a sexy gay man?"
"…"
"…Lucrecia?"
Lucrecia went very red in the face and she muttered something under her breath.
"What? We can't hear you."
"…"
"Louder, please."
"…"
"Louder, please."
"I SAID I RAPED A GAY MAN, ALRIGHT!" She yelled loudly, smoke coming out of her ears.
Yuffie squealed in delight.
"Oh, so Vinny's really Sephiroth's father! I just know it! I just!"
The others were still very shock to say a word.
Once again, it had become a very quiet night.
THE END