Existence
.
..
SOUNDTRACK:
Pierrot the Clown- Placebo
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...
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"I want to bleed...bleed so hard that my very existence is stained crimson..."
~ Myself
...
...
..
A story by: WhereBrokenHeartsLie
All Rights Reserved
2012.
AUTHOR NOTE:
WARNING: This story contains dark themes and sexual content, along with the use of abusive language. You have been warned.
Please read and review. And let me know if you like it.
Thank you!
WBHL
you..
-me
.
..
...
you, you, you, you...
.
.
obsessions..
-you..
-me..
.
..
...
...
you
.
.
Like a murmur of the turquoise sea-
soft,
..
..
unyielding...
.
eternal..
..
.
Like a caress of the tender night...
gentle,
..
..
incredible..
.
strong..
...
Like an onslaught of crimson drops...
blood,
..
.
that we have spilt-
..
and if I don't stop you..
.
No one will..
.
.
And yet, you make me feel complete-
each time
..
.
you fill me
..
.
I become whole once more..
.
..
But I must stop you-
or die..
..
because my heart already burns-
.
and my body already yearns..
..
.
but this must stop-
I..
need light..
..
.
I will crumble in the dark-
but..
you are the dark..
and I am lgiht..
I will not survive..
..
.
this dark surrounds me
...
and now-
you
.
..
...
and
-I
...
..
.
are
.
alone
He was like a shadow on the wall. Like a whispering cloak of darkness over the flames of her light. Like a winged angel who gathered her into the night. Like a saviour who restored the last of her sanity to her insane mind. Like a ghost of the things she wanted and the things she could never have. Like a clone of the man she loved and yet, could never reach. Like a passing fancy which would fade into the folds of her crowded heart. Like a cloud drifting across the sky with it's soft, grey tufts glittering in the rays of the fading sun. He was the hope that kept her alive in the darkest hours of her nightmares. He was the roots, holding her down to the ground where all civilisation lay oblivious to them. He was everything to her. He was nothing to her. He brought her a world where she had never been and one she would never belong to. She was no longer a child. He took her beyond the boundaries of innocence and from then, the monster took all of her. She couldn't bear a night without him. She couldn't bear the aching solitude which curdled in the empty room. She couldn't bear separation.
She was too broken for that.
She was too low for that.
She was needy.
And since he gave her body the pleasure she craved and the so-called 'love' she desired, that was all that mattered to her. It didn't strike her that she gave her enemy the most profound weakness of hers. No. She was blind. And needy.
She-at some point- fell in love with him.
But the words remained like dry grains of sands in her throat whenever he appeared like a passing mist in the smoky room.
She let them drown in her sorrow, weighing her down with misery and guilt. She let them reside in the deepest chambers of hear bleeding heart, fearful of what he might do. What he may say.
She wanted to keep him at any cost- even if it meant destroying her own spirit.
She would wander around the town of Konoha like a ghost during the day after her Hospital duties were done. She would look at the houses with dead, emerald eyes. She would search the air for the faintest sign of movement. She would look up at the sky, as if wishing the clouds would break and bring her relief in one form- rain. She would hum under her breath, the way her one true love had done before he left. She would look hard for the onyx eyes that glimmered with faint humour, she would try hard to see the strong, white jaw and those velvet, blue-midnight locks that fell across his face like shadows. But she didn't see any of that.
She saw some other man.
The one who slid through the glass window of her bedroom as nimbly as a thief and as quietly as the breeze.
The one who filled her completely each night as their bodies intertwined tightly, sweating, rocking and lustful.
The one who left her broken on the floor, on the bed, against the wall each night, after they had done what they did each time
She didn't see Sasuke, anymore.
She saw Sasori.
She saw his hazel-brown eyes, with the tiny gold flecks glinting like molten heat when they met hers in the darkness.
She saw his crimson-sawdust hair and felt their silken touch between her yearning fingers.
She saw his strong, curved jaw, perfect nose and golden skin.
She saw his lips; rough, sinuous, moist and tipped with desire that flooded each time they touched hers.
She saw him, naked and perspiring, above her aching body, giving her what she asked for and yet not what she really wanted.
She saw him; eyes averted, face cold, body rigid as he turned to leave
Her heart ripped itself into tiny pieces each night and mended with the thought that maybe, maybe he would confess his love or something and they could have a perfect ending.
Except..
They couldn't..
Because he was the enemy; the monster who belonged to the Akatsuki; the boy who did not die when she tried to kill him; the man who became a human after his return; the enemy who planned to destroy her village.
Nothing was perfect.
Nothing about them was perfect.
Sakura Haruno never met perfection.
And then, that one fateful, their worlds collided and all the walls they had built up around themselves..
came crumbling down...
Is it enough?
Is this enough for you?
Is my body enough?
Every time, I touch you-
you whimper,
Is it enough?
Every time, I kiss you-
you arch into me,
Is it enough?
Every time, I taste you-
you cry out,
Is it enough?
Every time, I enter you,
you scream my name,
and
the fire bursts in to flames...
but
it is enough?
..
.
is this enough?
...
..
is lust enough?
are we enough?
..
.
I die a little every time,
you look into my eyes-
and
I feel myself yearn..
for something more-
..
than just your milky skin..
your breathy gasps..
your whimpery kisses...
more than your body..
I...
the monster-
wants your heart..
and soul..
and your mind..
Sasori glanced up at the velvet sky littered with sparkling stars that seemed to mock him. He didn't know why exactly- but he got the gist. They mocked him because he was a monster. Because he had no love but they did. Because he was cold and heartless and sadistic and cruel and unforgiving and stupid and malicious and above all of the pile of shit..
He was..
human.
It wasn't his choice to be this weak or this pathetic. It was Pein's and now he has to sleep in the bed made by his fucking leader who he could care less about. He only owed Pein one thing. His life. He didn't want to be a fucking human being; he wanted to be a puppet because it felt good to be numb and lifeless. Because he wouldn't have to feel much. Because he wouldn't have to crave pleasure like he did. Because he wouldn't feel cheated by not having love.
He hated Sakura Haruno, too.
He had been searching the darkness of Konoha's night once when he saw a pink-haired kuniochi standing amidst the shadowed trees watching him with emerald eyes and a confused-blank look on her face. He stood silently there before her, then, and gave nothing away. She had grown; her chest had filled out perfectly well and her waist narrowed, tapering into broad, seductive hips. She had been wearing a black uniform which fit her snugly in all the right places and her pink hair were hidden in a black hood which was joined to her cat-suit-like uniform. Her boots had been part of it too, enhancing the slim figure of her long legs and he had felt something stir in him like a pheonix waking from the ashes of his end. He had watched, a little fascinated, as she closed the distance between them swiftly, her emerald eyes coming alive with fear, anger and hatred. She looked like a monster, too and for a moment, he had been consoled. There was hope for him. Yes, he wasn't the only one.
He had been brought out of his reverie by the feel of a cool, unforgiving metal blade against his throat. She had stood barely an inch away from him, eyes blazing, chest heaving and anger burning.
"What do you do here, puppet? Don't you know this is dangerous for you? You could die..." she had whispered coldly, inching closer to him as if to intimidate him.
If anything, she had merely amused him beyond any means possible. He had felt something close to smirk ride up his cheeks and he noticed how her emerald eyes lightened with the slightest touch of ghostly fear.
"What do you do here, Sakura?" he had drawled seductively, pushing her back until she hit the bark of a large tree and his body was flush, tightly packed against hers. "Don't you know that this is dangerous for you?" he has whispered in her ear.
She had actually gasped.
And that had begun their deal.
Sex.
That was a year ago. His plan, now, was going according to plan and Pein approved completely of it. The Akatsuki would soon arrive, in the darkest house of the young night to finish Konoha, once and for all. He had been using the kuniochi. He didn't she was so gullible. So naive. So pathetic. So needy. So stupid. So foolish. He didn't know what possessed her when she agreed to let him fuck her whenever he pleased. Of course, he knew that it had to be a secret from the villagers and the kuniochi's friends but still... he did wonder why she did it.
Was it enough?
Really, most women clung. Why didn't she? Why didn't she feel something? It actually hurt him a little to realize that she was similar to him. She shut herself inside whenever they had sex. Lately, he had forgotten to do that. He had forgotten to erase his mind of all things but the pleasure he was receiving. Lately, he had been obsessed with her face and how her eye colour changed with each emotion she felt. Lately, he felt something blossom in the thing, the muscle they called 'heart'. He also remembered this one time when he had fucked her and her eyes had deepened into turquoise-blue-emerald and her pink lashes had been moist with pearly drops that he later assumed to be tears. The look in her eyes then, had taken his breath away. And for the first time since his birth- or, creation, Sasori felt something real and alive inside of him.
And instantly, he had pulled himself out of her and dressed himself immaculately. He didn't turn back for so much as a glance and he glided out of the window into the endless night.
He hadn't gone back since.
That had been a week ago.
Tonight, he would have to go, though.
It was necessary.
He held the knife in his slender, golden fingers and twirled it around, letting the blade catch the liquid silver moonlight. It glinted and shined like a sign of malice and notorious forboding. The people of Konoha should be prepared.
Tonight would be his last night with the pink-haired girl. He had led her to Death and he might as well hand her into his arms with a smile or something.
He didn't understand why..
his heart, suddenly..
felt as if it had..
broken...
"Sasuke, don't love Konoha. Please, don't leave me,"
"Tch, leave me alone,"
"You don't know what this will do to me...to Naruto...to all of us,"
"Leave me, now"
"I can't and you know that,"
"Stop fucking trying to care for me! Stop pretending! You don't care...you never did..."
"Sasuk-
"Fuck off, NOW,"
"But-
"I swear to God, you bitch, if you don't leave, I'll kill you,"
Pause.
He whirled around to see...
that she..
was not..
there.
...
..
.
Do you need-
love?
Does the lust-
ever die?
Does the blood ever-
sicken you?
Does the hurt-
subside?
Does the heart-
break?
Can you breathe-
when each breath leads to your demise?
Can you see-
when each new horror imprints your mind?
Can you feel-
when your heart burns into ashes?
Can you hear-
when you've turned deaf to sanity?
Can you understand-
when you've never understood?
Can you love-
when you know nothing about feeling?
Can you forgive-
when you are the sinner?
Can you reach-
beyond all the pain..
..
and
..
.
find her..
when all you are is..
..
..
.
dead
He walked in the shadows, afraid of the light because it could expose his tainted, marred soul.
The village looked exactly the same as it had when he had left.
It felt the same, too and smelt of the same Ramen and cherry blossoms.
Cherry Blossom.
The two words carved deep wounds, wounds deeper than his perfect, white skin and his stoic, closed-off face.
Would she remember him?
Would she... forgive him?
His sword was tucked into it's sheath at his hips and his pace was leisurely though his onyx eyes seeped with worry and urgency because he bore bad news. But he couldn't walk fast enough, because with each step, he neared his impending doom.
His long raven-spiky hair flew around him, tickling his milky neck and sweeping across his high forehead, making him look incredibly gorgeous in the veils of the mystical night.
The clouds above drifted and a draft of liquid silver fell onto his head.
He looked like a fallen angel.
His heart pumped hard, desperately and his steps became faster because the sense of what he had heard finally hit him. He quickened until he was running.
His long legs carried him forward towards the Hokage's office, but something stopped him. Some urge to see the woman who loved him so dearly, some need to look into her emerald eyes and tell her that he was a fool, a monster and he need mending.
Because he was broken and torn and bleeding and weary and cold and hateful.
Because he bore the news that could potentially mean the death of the village of Konoha.
He turned.
Softly.
Nimbly.
Agile.
Quietly.
Coolly.
Towards Haruno Sakura's house.
The night was young and forbidding as he rushed into it with full zeal and heartache, jumping from roof to roof with agility that only years of practice could provide to even the best of ninjas.
He felt alive.
Sasuke Uchiha felt brilliantly, fuckingly alive.
His senses were heightened and he heard all sounds; small creaks, loud slamming doors, giggles, moans, wails, sobs, crickets buzzing, food cooking and world turning in to slumber.
His eyes were bright and fierce; like searing charcoal as they searched the darkness before them with practice and found the window they had been looking for. He saw everything so clearly, it was strange.
He didn't know what possessed him because, first he should have gone to the Hokage. The village was in danger.
But...
he wanted to see her first with his own eyes after so long and feel her soft skin with his rough fingers and look into her soul as if to pull out all of her secrets.
He reached his destination.
Softly,
gently,
quietly,
noiselessly,
he stepped inside, gliding in through the window, his body bursting with life. And...exuberance.
He would tell her, this very fucking night, in his own way..
that he loved her.
..
..
It took only one breathy moan to bring him back , hurtling to reality.
And what he saw there, before him, made him want to vomit.
thump. thump. thump. thump. thump.
-goes my heart.
thump. thump. thump. thump. thump.
-goes my blood,
being pumped to each fibre of me that you touch with your fingers..
thump. thump. thump. thump. thump.
-goes my deluded brain,
synchronized with the rhythm of our bodies,
thump. thump. thump. thump. thump.
-goes my life,
little,
short,
stupid,
and forgotten,
my life thumps lifelessly on the ground,
as you,
drain it from me..
...
..
.
thump. thump. thump. thump. thump.
you and me-
just-
us two..together..
you..
and me..
you, you, you...
and me..
just-
thump. thump. thump. thump. thump.
.
He held her up against the wall, slender hands tangled in her strawberry hair and mouth latched onto a taut, pink rosebud. She arched into his hard, lean body, her breath coming out as withering gasps through her parted lips. Desire thronged to the pool of her stomach and the fire burned on her skin like she had been coated in gasoline. He flicked his tongue over her hardened peak and felt her shudder, before she cried out loudly and dug her nails into the strong, broad canvas of his shoulders. He was sure-if not certain, that there would be red marks there to show for her desire tomorrow. His hardened length pressed against her wet core and the friction caused between them was unbearable- too unbearable for her but she could not move. She was rooted to the spot between the smooth expanse of the wall and the hot, hard, yearning body of an Akatsuki member. He held her tightly, so that she would not move because this control was hard on him, too. His manhood felt taut and tight and hot and searing all at once when her core brushed against it. He bit back a moan. He could submit himself to pleasure. Not with her, anyway. He didn't feel...he didn't feel..anything...Oh God
Fuck, he felt everything. He felt each fibre of his being pull tight with delirious need and each muscle of her soft, lithe, curvacious body tense with anticipation.
Her fingers dug harder into his shoulders and the sharp sting of pain that her nails caused made him bite her nipple.
"S-Shit," she gasped, arching further into him and worsening their sticky situation by brushing her hot, weeping core against his slowly-going-mad member.
His hand untangled from her long hair, his nose taking in her fresh, womanly, Sakura-like scent before his fingers cupped her left breast. Slowly, he squeezed it experimentally. She mewled. He increased the pressure and kept on sucking on her right breast's nipple, earning several onslaughts of colourful words and encouragement. He squeezed, massaged and weighed her mound, letting the fire settle across her sensitive skin like a cloak of heat. His thumb and his index finger reached up expertly and tweaked her left nipple, applying just enough pressure to make her feel pleasure and pain at the same time. She whimpered and her dark, smoldering jade eyes met his through the darkness as if she looked for an answer. If she wanted an answer, what was the question?
Pink eyelashes fluttered to a close as he gave her rosebud another lick.
Then, retracting his hand, he blew hot, minty air over her left nipple and his sinful tongue darted out and licked the hard, pebbled peak.
The look of intense pleasure on her beautiful face made his body ache in a way he had never thought possible.
"Please..please...Oh...Sasori..." she begged hoarsely, trying to thrust her hips against his in vain because he pressed her back into the smooth wall with no effort.
"W..What? W-What do you want, Sakura?" he asked huskily, his own voice sound terribly strained and hoarse as he whispered against her mounds.
Her soft, small, warm hands came down and cupped his face, pulling him up to his full height, which meant that she was now three inches shorter than the dark-eyed sex God before her.
His eyes were swirling with lust- palpable lust, so palpable that she could almost taste it on her tongue and feel it envelop her in a hot, searing embrace. They were dark now, almost to a point of utter blackness.
As he adjusted a little, now efficiently pulling himself up and pressing her into the wall, she found the oppurtunity to demonstrate her delirious, crazy need. She arched her hips and thrust against him, his hard length pressing the entrance of her wet core.
He growled, "F-Fuck...Ah...Fuck...S-Stop...Now..."
She didn't. Her eyes were shut, the need was burning within her and her sanity hung by a loose thread, so loose that with perhaps few more thrusts, it would snap completely and wholly. She thrust herself against him, feeling the need to let him know that she cared, that she loved him, that she wanted him, that everything she was was because of him, that she was alive because of him.
A loud, breathless moan left her parted lips.
God...
She needed him.
Sasori hissed through clenched teeth and his eyes darkened to an extent whereon they turn into a sadistic, murderous shade of black. He leaned down, eyes on her moist lips and heart on his sleeve, merely an inch away from kissing her.
"Tell me, S-S-Sakura," he whispered hotly against her lips and she gasped when his own body started grinding against hers. "W-What...do you...w-w-w-want?" he rasped, hot air fanning her face.
They were hungry for each other..
Sweating, yearning, wet and clinging to one another as if they couldn't get enough, as if this wasn't enough, as if they need to be closer, nearer, as if this wasn't the moment of perfection.
"Saaa-sori...please," she mewled desperately, pressing her chest against his chiselled torso, her sharp nipples leaving trails of fire across his tense skin.
There was a breathless pause.
Eyes flew open.
Jade met black.
"Make...love...to me," she whispered hoarsely against his lips and her fingers dug impossibly deeper into his taut, aching, burning shoulders.
His hands clumsily went down to her thighs and moved them apart to accomodate himself. Her legs wrapped around his waist as he found himself between her legs, positioned right where he needed to be. A growl escaped his lips.
He leaned even closer and pressed his lips to hers desperately, aching for the something they both wanted and yet could never have seemed to voice with their own tongues. She kissed him back fervently and her body burst into flames. He pushed his tip into her and she gasped loudly, giving him the opportunity to send his wet appendage into the sweet, addicting cavern of her mouth. His tongue swarmed in like a predator and ran over her teeth, around her mouth, over her tongue before beginning a battle for dominance. He emitted a thick, choked sound from the back of throat as she wrapped her tongue around his and her teeth bit down, causing a pleasurable shudder to run through him. They were past everything. They were past the point of no return.
He broke the kiss and he was breathing heavily, almost crazed by the way she made him feel. He took one hand and cupped her chin with his slender fingers to make her look at him forcefully.
He wanted to look into her eyes, into her heart and soul, to know if...if she- He wanted to look into those jade orbs when he entered her.
"Open...your eyes," he rasped breathlessly and gripped her chin tighter.
Smooth eyelids flew open.
Jade was engulfed in burning black.
He leaned forward and breathed her in, for the fucking last time. Something snapped inside him and he didn't know what to name the strange, warm feeling spreading across his chest like a ripple reaching out to the ends of a lake.
"S-Scream...for...me," he whispered hoarsely in her left ear, his breath ghosting around her skin like an autumn breeze..
And with a final thrust, he entered her.
His head dipped lower until his nose nuzzled her soft neck. He guzzled her there, choking and growling with the inexplicable feelings that grew inside him like a plant germinating.
Her neck was craned and her lips were parted with a silent scream, her nails digging deep into his shoulders, drawing blood and the rivulets fell down his back with a strange warmth.
Hands slipped, bodies taut, strange moans, loud gasps and a bone-shattering desperation.
Just before he moved..
She whispered brokenly, hoarsely, breathlessly, "I love you..."
His body turned rigid, not that he could make out what she was actually saying to him, but he sensed it was important..
And yet..he couldn't understand..
His head remained in the crook of her neck, but he pulled back almost up to a point where his head was the only things touching her opening, before thrusting back into her with full force.
A perfect fit. They were meant to be. Nothing had ever felt so right to him before. So incredibly right when it was nothing but wrong. So incredibly good when it was a sin; a forbidden relationship. So fucking brilliant when...when..he didn't feel..anything for her..
Her heated walls clenched so tightly that he hissed, placing his hands on her hips to manuveur to intense satisfaction. She was so fucking tight and so warm. Like liquid fire burning around his hard, hard member. She milked him for whatever he could possibly be worth.
The primal need to gain pleasure drove him on instead of just coming then and there.
Animalistic sounds were torn from both their mouths when he began to move, pumping into her in desperate frenzy because this was the fucking end.
Their hot, sweating, needy bodies moved in a perfectly synchronous manner.
Sasori grunted, pumping harder and harder into her until all his vision could muster up was a blinding, white light.
This is it.
Sakura screamed his name when her walls squeezed him tightly, convulsing tensely before her juices spilt all over his taut member.
He joined her in euphoria moments later, when his mouth joined hers and his body spasmed with pleasure before giving into her. Her scream echoed in his mouth and he remained there, inside her, mouth pressed hard against her as if he could draw breath from her and not the stifling, sizzling air around them.
This is the end.
Was it enough?
No.
Fuck- this had never been enough. Never. Not from the moment he saw her in the shades of the dark with her emerald orbs glittering like pools of hope. God-it was too late.
No.
Sasori, remember the enemy.
But..
no.
Was it enough?
Sakura wanted to scream in frustration.
She had admitted it to it.
She had said it to him.
And he hadn't heard her.
Oh God- was this enough for her?
Yes.
No.
It was never enough- no, she couldn't live like this. Not anymore.
It wasn't sex anymore.
It was the fucking thing that made her knees weaken when she saw him, the thing that kept her awake in the early hours of the morning, the thing that made her heart shatter into a million pieces..
Love.
It was love.
She broke the kiss and inhaled sharply, wondering what she could do. Everything felt so bad, now. It hurt. It fucking hurt like a dagger being thrust into her body over and over. Why? Why him? Why Sasori?
Sakura's vision cleared and her breath caught.
He was inside her still, hard once more and her body was aching with pleasure but it was the form of a man that made all the oxygen leave her body.
Body intertwined with Sasori, hands on his back and heart thumping savagely, she saw the man she never thought to see again.
The one she thought dead and forgotten.
The one who had watched her make love to the enemy.
Sasuke Uchiha.
taste me-
is it regret? or is it desire?
feel me-
is it pain? or is it happiness?
hear me-
is it heartbreak? or is it joy?
take me-
to the land of hope, to the shores of freedom,
hold me-
in the hours of grief, in the times of ordeal
keep me-
safe from all the terror,
fix me-
until the pieces of me are joined
oh,
and,
you...
please...
.
.
.
.
love me-
..
.
until each breath has left my lungs,
...
..
.
and my eyes have shut,
..
.
and my heart no longer beats..
..
...
all is..
..
.
black.
..
It was in that moment, when jade eyes met betrayed onyx ones from across the distance that words could not measure..and over a man who had replaced the Uchiha,
that..
the world around them,
that Konoha,
burst into dark,
flames...
...
...
...
...
..
.
And then, they all found a different kind of pain..
.
..
.
-finis-
.
AUTHOR NOTE:
Dearest Readers,
I hope you like it.
It is dark, I guess and I like writing lemons. It's tough...writing a hot lemon. Is the lemon good enough? Like..GOOD?
Is it worth it?
And did you like this story?
Please RandR
Each read, and review will be greatly appreciated.
Thank You.
WhereBrokenHeartsLie
25th May 2012