If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.
- Emily Dickinson
Episode 1: How do you know that you are loved?
Jason Peter Todd, currently alive but legally deceased, arose with a sense of anticipation. He wasn't quite sure what that meant, but in his line of business feelings could not be ignored.
Something was different about today. Something was going to happen.
He shook his head and listened to his stomach instead, which was angrily growling at him to eat something.
"Alright, alright," he grumbled to his stomach.
He lazily made his way to the kitchen, opening cupboard by cupboard in search of something to eat that wasn't microwaveable. He settled upon pancakes, taking some pre-made batter and pouring it into a pan. He turned on the stove.
Jason enjoyed these days, these tiny bright parts in his life where crime was at a basic standstill and his worries were normal ones- buying groceries, cooking food, hitting on the chick next door.
Simple things, but simple in their lives was hard to come by.
The pancake turned golden-brown and he scoured around for his favourite plate, frowning when he couldn't find it. Semi-panicking, he kneeled down and started rummaging the lower cupboards, searching for a little flash of red and yellow.
"Looking for this?"
Jason whirled around, breathing out a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Dick. I-" He froze. "Dick?!"
Dick grinned. "Hey, little wing. I must say I'm touched you kept this. I gave it to you, what, a decade ago?"
Jason snatched the plate out of his hands, running his fingers over the giant 'R' stamped on it. And no, he didn't keep it out of some misguided attempt at holding on to his past life. It was simply a sturdy, well-made plate. That was all.
"You- you're in my house," he spluttered.
Dick casually stepped past him, taking a spatula and lifting the pancake.
"Hey," Jason protested. "That is my pancake! And this is my house!"
"Yeah, and that would've been your burnt pancake if I didn't take it off the stove."
"You shut up! And give me that!" He lunged for the spatula, but Dick sidestepped him in a graceful twirl.
"C'mon, Jaybird. I'm just trying to help you," Dick said innocently.
Jason growled. "I don't need your help."
"I'll just put it on your plate-"
"Dick, I swear-"
"Just let me-"
"Dick!"
Jason aimed a wild punch at his face, not expecting to connect. But his fist smashed into Dick's perfect teeth, and he flailed wildly as he crashed onto Jason's floor. The pancake hit the ground with a weak flop.
"Oooh... sorry, little bro," Dick said lightly. Jason could feel his lust for murder rising. "Look, this is perfect! I wanted to take you out anyway. C'mon, I know the perfect place!"
Jason folded his arms and glared across the table.
Dick hummed brightly, cheerily flipping through the menu. Jason had yet to pick his up- he feared he would rip it to shreds before he could actually read it.
If looks could kill, Dick would be deader than Jason ever was.
"Oooh, they serve waffles! You love waffles, don't you?"
Jason kept glaring.
"And ice cream! Let's get waffles and ice cream, and we can share it like a loving couple-"
"Dick."
"Yes?"
Jason took a deep breath. "What... the hell were you doing in my house?!"
Dick waved his hand, as if it were everyday that he broke into people's houses and murdered their breakfast. Oh, who was he kidding- it was Dick, he probably did do that everyday.
"I wanted to see my favourite resurrected brother, that's all."
"You mean your only resurrected brother."
"The world's so crazy these days, one of us is bound to get the Lazarus treatment too."
"Right." Jason flicked a piece of dirt across the table. "So, besides seeing me, why else did you come?"
"What? That's not enough for you? You think I have hidden intentions?"
"Everyone has hidden intentions," Jason muttered under his breath.
Dick gave him a strange smile. "Well... my apartment back at the 'Haven's been blown up. I was wondering if..."
"...You want to stay with me?"
"Yeah. I mean, it'd be so much fun hanging out together! Just me and you, like the old days."
"But it was never me and you," Jason pointed out. "Speaking of which, why not just go to Bruce? A manor's much nicer than my apartment, I'd bet."
"Oh but Jay, I wanted to be with you!"
"Don't 'Jay' me, Dick. My house is smelly, and dirty, and-"
"-Absolutely wonderful! Bruce and I have always had different tastes. Yours is much closer to mine."
Jason frowned. Usually, Dick would beeline straight for his beloved mentor/father/guardian or whatever, so what was different now?"
"Oh. Oh, I get it," Jason snapped.
Dick blanched. "What? What do you get?"
"You're just sticking with me because you want you want me to attend that annual family meeting, don't you?"
"What?" Dick's face was a mask of perfect confusion. "I didn't even think of that. Oh but are you coming anyway? I heard there's-"
"Nope, nope, I caught you out," Jason smirked triumphantly. "You can't trick me that easily. I am not going to that thing, and you are not staying in my house. End of story."
"But-"
"You can eat the waffles by yourself, Golden Boy. I'll return to my house, alone."
He grinned as he walked out of the store, missing the gleam of determination that passed through Dick's eyes.
When dealing with Dick, Jason forgot one thing.
His goddamn, impenetrable stubbornness.
His walk home had been completely uneventful, despite the strange guilty feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. But he ignored it, like all the rest of his feelings he didn't want, and shoved deep inside the hole he called the 'I don't give a hole.'
Opening his door, he failed to see the mop of dark hair sitting at his dining table.
"Wow Jay, took the scenic route?"
Jason clutched at his chest as he had a mini heart-attack. "What the- Get out! Dick, I said you're not supposed to be in here!"
"Well, I thought I could change your mind."
"You can't!"
"Really? Well, I'm not going to-"
Jason picked him up by his collar and threw him out of the door.
"Stay," he commanded angrily, before slamming the door in Dick's face.
Jason sighed, flicking through the channels with impatience. Nothing good was on.
"I suggest the Discovery Channel," a voice chimed. "There's this awesome series with the-"
"DICK!" The door opened, and out he flew once again.
"STAY OUT OF MY HOUSE!"
He sighed as he mopped the floor. The worst thing about living alone, he had decided long ago, was dealing with the chores. But he'd take that any day above an invasion of privacy, he thought as he glanced around suspiciously.
The house was quiet. Too quiet.
Jason shook his head. No, there was no way Dick was coming in again. He had done a thorough sweep of the house, and all the weak points had been barred and reinforced. No more annoying brothers for the rest of the day- and hopefully, the rest of his life.
He put in his favourite album into the stereo and proceeded to mop in time to it, doing his own little dance. He'd loved to do this since he was a kid. It'd just help to remind him that sometimes, happiness could be found even in the strangest of places-
"Hey, can I join too?"
Jason turned around slowly, and there was Dick, holding a broom and smiling at him. Smiling.
"Uh, Jay?" The smile disappeared. "Why are you looking at me like that-"
There was a crash as the first Robin was sent tumbling through a window, landing in the thorny shrubs below.
"AND STAY OUT!"
Jason sighed, letting the water drip down his head and over his body.
It had been a long day. A terrible, horrible long day.
He turned the heat up and imagined burning every worry he had off his skin. It felt nice.
Turning the tap off, he reached out for a towel and frowned when he realised he'd forgotten it.
Damn, he thought. Second time this week he'd have to run around naked.
"Do you need this?"
A hand appeared holding a towel. Jason stared at it. He pulled back the curtain, then stared at the man currently sitting on his toilet.
"What the- What the hell?!" he squealed, grabbing the towel and wrapping it around his naked form. "This- oh my god, this is so wrong."
"You didn't lock the door," Dick pointed out. "I know you always forget the towel, so I was just helping you."
"Helping me? How do you know I always forget- oh, never mind. Please get out of here before I murder you!"
"So, I was thinking, we could use an inflatable bed and I could sleep in your room-"
"Oh my god! Please get out of my toilet, I am literally naked right now! Can't we discuss this outside?"
Dick gave him a curious glance. "You'd rather be naked outside?"
"No! Jesus, I mean- just give me my clothes and close your eyes!"
Dick handed him his small bundle of clothes, and Jason snatched them as quickly as he could. His face burned with heat.
"You... my god, Dick. Seriously. This is really far, even for you."
"Well you weren't listening to me-"
"Yes, I was-"
"Well you said no-"
"Exactly! I said no! And you kept on going, even though I kept saying no!"
Jason pulled on his pants, expecting another dismissive response. But none came.
"Alright, Dick, you can open your eyes now," he snapped irritably. "...Dick?"
Dick was still sitting on the toilet, but his knees were pulled up to his chin. He squeezed them tightly.
"...I'm sorry."
Jason blinked. "What?"
"I just wanted to spend time with you," he continued, voice subdued. "I wanted to make things better. But nothing ever gets better. I just make things worse."
"Where is this coming from?" This wasn't like him. No, in all the many years that Jason had known him, he'd never acted like this.
"You said no. I should've stopped... you said no. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."
"Whoa, are you crying?" Jason stepped out of the shower, unsure what to do. "Look, it wasn't that bad. I mean I have stalkers all the time. And I'm a stubborn jerk sometimes too, so I totally get it!"
"No you don't!" A little anger leaked into his voice. "I just wanted you to know I love you and now you hate me!"
"I don't hate you!"
"But you don't love me, do you?" Dick sighed angrily. "What's wrong with this family? How is anyone supposed to know you love them if you never say it?!"
Jason flinched. It was true; no-one but Dick really ever said those words. But it wasn't about saying it, was it? It wasn't about making it obvious.
There were different ways to say I love you. And maybe it wasn't on the surface, and maybe it was hard to see, but it was definitely there if you knew how to look.
"C'mon," he said finally.
Dick looked up at him. "Where- where are we going?"
"To set up your inflatable bed." He sighed. "Unless you want the couch, of course."
"You- really?"
"It's only for a few weeks, until you're back on your feet again. And you'd better move before I change my mind."
Jason turned around, but he could almost hear the smile stretch across Dick's face. A moment later he found himself hugged by Dick from behind.
"Dick..." he moaned, though without malice.
Dick flicked him in the forehead. "Just admit you enjoy it," he grinned back.
It was going to be an interesting few weeks.
Hiya, I'm back! As you may have noticed, this story seems to bear the trademark conventions of a story set in my All The Little Birds Universe. I'm not exactly sure where this'd slot in in that continuity, but that's how I wrote it anyway.
Hope you enjoyed, and don't forget to like/review/follow if you did!