Sorry about the false start, had to make a last minute check of my facts.
Title: When they're approaching the end again
Author: Loz
E-Mail: loz06(at)yahoo(dot)com
Rating: T
Category: Neil/Andrea…All Neil/Andrea
Series: Story number seventeen. What follows are titles and story ID numbers:
(1) After he's at her door – 2486705 (9) When she wants him back – 2598312
(2) When the mighty fall – 2506192 (10) When they're stuck together – 2611364
(3) While his wife's away – 2525486 (11) When they're back together – 2619492
(4) While they're away – 2543010 (12) Life almost in balance – 2630121
(5) When love's not working – 2543013 (13) Life under pressure – 2666280
(6) Boundaries when broken up – 2562611 (14) Trying to have a life together – 2699235
(7) What happens on the train – 2579012 (15) Outside influences on their lives – 2704730
(8) When they work together – 2595808 (16) When things start falling apart – 2727112
(17) When they're approaching the end again - 2750079
Spoilers: So minor it shouldn't ruffle any feathers.
Archive (if applicable): www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net(slash)(squiggle)loz06
Feedback: The good, the bad and the very ugly it's all appreciated.
Summary: Neil stands up to Philippa and tries to make a new life for himself only to be left with nothing, Phil Hunter plays on Andrea's insecurities and she realises a few truths about Neil she hasn't wanted to admit to herself.
Authors' notes: I've made a New Year's resolution (one of many and bound to break at least one) to be better with leaving reviews, to actually acknowledge I enjoy everyone else's work not just reading, enjoying and being too lazy to leave a review. So if I'm good, you'll see more reviews from me!
Authors' notes 2: O.k. I've also done a bit of shameless self-promotion at that little website thing they provide on this site. Mine's www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net(slash)(squiggle)loz06 (duh!) Anyway I did some quick notes on what I'm doing at the moment (in respect to fan fiction, I wouldn't bore you with the rest of my life.) So if you're interested, if you're not, either way.
Authors' notes 3: This is the last one of these in this series for a little while; going to hibernate a bit (in an Australian summer what a joke!) and do some other things, stand alones. So I'm not disappearing and I won't move away from this series for too long.
Thanks: Never enough thanks can be said by me to (in no particular order) Phoenix Angelwolf, Madz87, Stacey Ellen, Meegan Boulton, Gem6, Fabio, Lornz. Also thanks to all the other (maybe assuming too much here) anonymous people who read. (Hey maybe each story is bad but like a car wreck (you can't help but stare) and everyone has to keep coming back!)
Disclaimers: You have the right to remain silent... Oh no now I'm in trouble... I swear on this stack of virtual bibles I have nothing to do with the show.
When Neil looks up mid morning Wednesday Andrea's there. He's had two days to absorb Philippa's news and he still doesn't know what he feels much less what he wants. He remembers how angry he was about their pregnancy scare and remembers how long she had the news before she told him; right then and there he decides he can't tell her. There's too much at stake to muddy the waters with her thoughts, opinions and pressures. She once asked him where what Neil wants come into it. He decides now. It's a decision he has to make on his own; he can't take into account any personal feelings he might have for Andrea.
Neil can't find anything to say to Andrea and as they stand in silence he hopes she'll say something first.
"Cally slept on Yvonne's bed the entire time she was there." Safe territory and she gets a small smile.
"She'll expect the same from you now." Andrea returns the smile.
"Yvonne believed your story?"
"Dear dad's birthday always works."
"I don't know what's going to happen, I don't…" Neil raises a hand and it falls involuntarily to slap against his thigh. There's pain in his eyes and Andrea cuts him off.
"I love you, I want you and I will fight for you." As if words weren't enough she steps in pressing her lips hard to his, only when he responds does she relax into the kiss. Both hear the door open and close seconds later.
"Who was that?" Wide eyed Andrea looks almost frightened, mostly it is just added anxiety she doesn't need at this point.
"I don't know." Neil says slowly but they don't need to guess as the door opens and closes with a bang.
"Would you excuse us PC Dunbar." Neil knows it's not work related, he's their mystery peeper.
"Anything you've got to say to me you can say in front of PC Dunbar." Neil shifts to cold and calculating.
"That's cute, is that what you call each other when you're off duty?" Andrea can see Phil building to being livid.
"Why don't you just get it all off your chest Phil, say what you want to say." Neil acts as though he's bored having heard and seen the act before.
"How could you do this to Pippa?" Andrea gets a look telling her she's not excluded from his words. "She's kind…"
"Oh do me a favour Phil, don't tell me about my wife." It's painfully clear Neil isn't interested in being lectured by Phil.
"I stood in this office after that Saturday night…" Phil drifts off and shakes his head, "You hypocritical bastard."
The word makes Andrea's eyes immediately snap to Neil who doesn't flinch.
"Who are you to lecture me, a child to one woman, married to another, liaisons with women for years all over town, always chasing another bit of skirt – you…you're really going to stand here and call me a hypocrite."
"She doesn't deserve this, she deserves better, better than you." Neil snaps striding angrily to Phil, pushing him with force against the office door. They wrestle arm to arm in pursuit of something that isn't clear to Andrea. The wrestling pits their strength against one another, their faces etched in angry scowls; neither can gain the upper hand.
"I suppose that's you isn't it, the one better than me." Neil goes for another shove, giving Andrea enough time to stand between them. She pushes Neil back without care or concern and still the two men stare each other down, an animal instinct to fight still pumping from their adrenal glands. "You here lecturing me that's hypocritical. You have no idea what Philippa's like, I was driven to Andrea by her, but you don't see that do you?" As the two men breathe heavily from the scuffle Andrea steps aside, the two seemingly calmed down.
"You're in love with her." It's clear that Neil's just realised this.
He lunges again, too quickly for Andrea and this time he doesn't miss, the punch landing under Phil's right eye, he cowers over. Andrea wants to rein Neil in as he stands over Phil but a part of her is frightened.
"You mention this to anyone and I'll make sure your career is over and your life is ten more types of hell than it already is going to be." Phil manages to straighten up and look Neil in the eye but he walks out having had the bravado knocked out of him.
Andrea doesn't comment or glare, she can't look him in the eye, frightened and disgusted at this side of him. She walks out a minute later, Neil having ignored her completely.
That afternoon when she comes back to CID things have simmered, Phil is gone and Neil is hunched over his desk bored into calm by monthly figures.
He looks up for a moment and mumbles close the door, as he buries himself in work again. Andrea does it slowly trying to judge his mood but he's giving away nothing. When she sits down they look across the desk at one another…nothing.
"Should I be worried, was that the real you I saw this morning?" There's no small amount of concern in her voice, her eyes are wide and plead for an explanation.
"No." It's simple and honest with a shake of his head.
"Then what were you thinking? He could have you and your job on a plate." Andrea almost sounds like a parent disappointed in a child's actions, done spontaneously and without thought.
"So you think it's appropriate for him to come in here and lecture us, all hypocrisy aside." The beginnings of a defensive wall go up.
"No, but it was even less appropriate for you to hit him." Andrea knows he knows but doesn't hold back with her lecturing tone.
"He asked for it." The childlike comment surprises her.
"Well remind me to never put a foot wrong with you."
"Don't be like that." It puts Neil on the back foot and needing to chase to get her back.
"It was stupid." Andrea leans forward in her chair. "And you scared me."
Although it wasn't said for effect, Neil's reaction is though she'd added 'this is the final straw and you may lose me over this one.' He stands out of his chair and over to behind the door but Andrea doesn't budge.
"Andrea." His voice is soft and face remorseful and it's enough to push her to join him.
His embrace is tight and swallows her up; she does the same for him.
"I'm sorry." He says chin resting on her shoulder.
"It's o.k." Andrea can feel the tension in his body but he's taking comfort from being next to her. "What is it Neil, there's something else." He's doing his best to disguise it but Andrea can feel it in his frame.
He won't say only shaking his head against her; she decides its best not to push only letting go of him when he does her. His sight immediately drops to the carpet.
"Philippa wants to move into international law." Another fight between spouses Andrea assumes. "She's taking a job in the USA, she's taking Colin with her and she wants a separation." Andrea can't react, it's too much all of a sudden, all the implications cause overload. She knows she can't visibly react anyway, not after the pregnancy scare and because it's not her decision to make nor hers to try and influence his decision.
"Does she know about us?" It's a mutually immediate concern, the last thing Andrea wants is the tale she told Yvonne about an angry wife coming after her coming true. "Did you know before we went away?" If he did it would explain a lot.
"She told me when I got back Sunday night, I don't think she knows about us but she may suspect there's someone." It's obvious he hasn't thought about that question till now.
"What will you do?" Andrea knows it's a question he probably can't answer.
"I don't know." His eyes meet hers and there's pain but also a pleading for her to tell him all the solutions.
"You can't be influenced by me when you decide." Andrea's voice cracks and although Neil doesn't react she knows he appreciates the words.
"I have to…" All of a sudden she feels overwhelmed and has to get out. At the first corridor she comes to she leans against the wall and just breathes, trying to get rid of the indescribable feeling.
She knows she should be happy, she should be overjoyed, the smile on her face not able to be wiped. Neil free to be with her and only her with a former wife separated from them by an ocean. There's the unacknowledged part of her that is happy, ecstatic.
Then there's the tiny insecure part of her that shouts its tiny voice to be heard. 'He's going to choose Philippa.' She'd rather deal with her insecurities than the loudest part.
She decides to deal with the loudest then and there, to get out, all ties cut with journalism and it becomes one of life's many mistakes learnt from. She knows she can't keep stringing things along hoping the gap between the present and Neil and Philippa splitting will remain, it's here now. She can't live with the ever tightening vice that is her life and she doesn't want to have to deal with Bruce anymore, secret meetings and one-sided phone calls. What scares her more than Neil choosing Philippa is the fact he may never forgive her, she's tired of sneaking and lying to him – keeping it from him, forever is not an option. She's petrified he'll be so upset she'll never see him again and cooler heads won't prevail when it comes to keeping her secret a secret. She knows it's a huge risk she has to take. She wants a life and a future with him.
"You can't take Colin with you; I've just started to improve my relationship with him." Neil stands in the bedroom doorway. Earlier when he arrived home, Colin had told him he was going to the McPhee's, Neil was now glad he was there.
"So I should sacrifice my relationship with him for yours." Philippa unbuttons her suit jacket.
"All his friends are here…" Neil searches for more reasons.
"He'll make new ones." Philippa lets her skirt shimmy to the floor.
"We shouldn't use him as a pawn, whoever gets him wins." Neil tries to be adult and mature.
"Are you saying that's what I'm doing?" He'd have jumped down her throat except it was more of a question than accusation. He always felt he started behind when he argued with Philippa; after all she did it for a living though it didn't mean she necessarily came out the winner when at home.
"In the end he's sixteen, he can make his own decision and he has." Philippa's tone suggests she considers it to be as simple as that.
"Is this really about your career or do you just want to be as far away from me as possible?"
"Maybe you should ask yourself that." Philippa pulls on some casual around home pants. Neil realises he's torn once again, this time three ways. He hadn't thought anymore about the choice of Philippa or Andrea and although he'd wrestled with what he would loose along with Philippa in Brighton, those things seemed distant now she was taking his son with her.
The pendulum has swung back to Andrea and Colin and a great part of him is thinking Andrea might lose out again.
"Well I'm coming." Neil sighs watching her hang up the suit she's just taken off. "I'm not having Colin thousands of miles away."
"Fine," Philippa says showing all the interest of a bored teenager.
"Fine, that's it?" In Neil's pocket his phone rings on a different soft tone…it's the one he especially assigned to Andrea's numbers.
"What you do will soon be no concern of mine," Having done changing Philippa breezes past him out of their bedroom.
"Hello." Neil watches Philippa head downstairs making sure she's out of earshot. He gets no reply on the other end. "Andrea?" The call disconnects. Ten minutes later he's at her door.
Neil knocks though he has a key, surprised to find Andrea in her pyjamas but not to find her looking at him and expecting the worst.
"Can I come in?" He remembers he has things here, things he hasn't visited in a while.
She steps aside letting him pass, inside the TV is on mute, a CD changes in the player, a soulful pop song setting the mood. Only one lamp lights the room.
"You hung up." Neil watches as she points her remote and dissolves the picture on the TV screen.
"I didn't really know what I was going to say and I thought it might not have been a good time…that you were home." Andrea sits on the sofa, legs crossed underneath her.
"It's not home." Neil says more to himself, sitting opposite her.
There's silence as he waits for Andrea to reply but clearly she still doesn't know what to say.
"I've been thinking about my options." He thinks maybe he should have said 'our.'
"You've only known about this for what? It's Friday, less than a week." Andrea is passively incredulous.
"No decision has been made." Neil's quick to reassure.
"Well its easy isn't it? Should I stay or should I go?" Andrea's words have a sing-song touch to them.
"Philippa…" But he's instantly cut off.
"Well it's not really about her either way is it? I'm competing against Colin and as his father I should come off second best." Neil can't deny the truth in her words.
"It's slightly more complex than that." His words don't ring true with her.
"No it's not." Andrea immediately comes back. "What will you do over there?"
"FBI, NYPD, I haven't thought that far ahead."
"Right," Andrea remains unconvinced of the soft nature of his plans.
"Don't be like this." Neil's voice soothes.
"Like what? Upset, resentful, sick and tired? Upset that I'm loosing you again, resentful towards the other people in your life, sick and tired of playing second fiddle to your family and I know this is selfish so don't bother throwing that back at me." For the first time that night Andrea sounds angry.
"You have every right to be angry because up until the information about Colin clicked you thought we were finally free to be together." It's the understanding words that bring her tears.
"How much longer do I have to wait, how much more do I have to fight?"
"Nothing's set in concrete yet." Neil pulls her into him, tears staining the front of his shirt. That night he holds her until she falls asleep but he can't drop off with her, instead he lies awake staring at the ceiling. There's a time before dawn he watches her sleep peacefully before finally nodding off himself.