Disclaimer: You know the drill, don't own anything, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Trouble In Paradise
Darren (spotting lone soul up ahead): Hey! How's it goin'?
(Insert name here): Good. How are you?
Darren: Fine 'n dandy. You new here?
(Insert name here): Yep. Just died, like, a few minutes ago.
Darren: Wow, touch call. Well, at least you don't have to worry about dying anymore!
(Insert name here): Yeah, that's a relief.
Darren: My name's Darren Shan. What's yours?
(Insert name here): I'm (insert name here). Can you show me around? I don't really know anything about paradise yet.
Darren: Sure, come on! I'll introduce you to some souls I know, too.
(Darren and (insert name here) begin walking-floating-whatever through paradise)
Darren:...And over there are the Teddy Bear trees, if you ever feel the need to hug something-
Mr. Rogers: Hello, Darren!
Darren: Hi, Mr. Rogers! Beautiful day in the neighborhood, isn't it? Anyway, like I was saying, there's the Endless Waterfall, where you can just jump and slide down for however long you want-
Elvis: Darren Shan! How ya doin'?
Darren: Elvis! Hey! Lookin' good!
Elvis: Thank you, thank you very much,
Darren: Now, where were we? Oh, right, and on that bush grows paradise's signiture flower who's scent give's a feeling of extreme calm-Hey, there's the voice of Tony the Tiger!
Voice of Tony the Tiger (I don't know his name): Showing around a new one, Darren?
Darren: Uh-huh,
Voice of Tony the Tiger: That's g-g-r-r-r-eat!
Darren: Do you have to do that every time?
Voice of Tony the Tiger: Yes!
Darren: Whatever.
(Insert name here): Hey, Tony! I like the things you do! Hey Tony-
Darren: Don't start, please.
(Insert name here): Sorry.
(Later on in the tour, Darren and (Insert name here) come across some of Darren's old friends)
Darren: Oh, look, there's some of the people I knew when I was alive. Hey, guys!
Shancus, Larten, Kurda, Arra, Gavner, Sam, Hibernious, and Tommy: Hi, Darren!
(Insert name here): Wait-you knew them, too?
Darren: Wha...?
(Insert name here): These are the people I knew when I was alive!
Darren: Oh, no...
Kurda: (smirking) Busted...
Arra and Gavner: (snicker snicker)
Shancus and Sam (both in Nelson-from-The-Simpsons-voice): Ha-ha!
Hibernious, Larten, and Tommy: (smirk)
(Insert name here): What? What's going on?
Larten: (steps forward and clears throat) You see, young one, your life never really should have turned out this way. What happened was...(goes on to explain all that happened in part 2 of Sons of Destiny)
(Insert name here): WHAT! YOU'RE SAYING THAT MY WHOLE LIFE WAS ALL JUST A FLUKE!
Kurda: Yeah, that's pretty much it.
Darren: Kurda!
Kurda: Well, you bailed out on me, so I'm just returning the favor!
(Insert name here): (whirls on Darren says and says an incredibly rude word) YOU F! DO YOU REALIZE THE PAIN AND TRIALS I HAD TO GO THROUGH! OD YOU!
Darren: (in really tiny voice) ...The same ones I did?
(Insert name here): EXACTLY! YOU LAZY, DISPICABLE, PERSON, DUMPING ALL YOUR WORRIES ON ME! I AM UTTERLY DISGUSTED! (turns bright red in the face then storms off in a huff)
Larten: Do not worry Darren, (insert gender pronoun here) will calm down soon enough. This is paradise after all.
Darren: Yeah, I guess so...
(Long, edgy silence)
Gavner: So who's up for a round of Atari?
Darren, Larten, Hibernius, Shancus, Tommy, Arra, Kurda, and Sam: YEAH!
END