"Tani!" Jason yelled.
"Mmm?" I asked not looking up from the sketch pad propped on my knees. For once, the weather was nice in La Push and my best friend Jason and I were taking advantage of it by spending our time outside.
"Tani look!"
"Just a second." I said in frustration trying to get the shading in the eyes right. I never could seem to manage it, I knew them so well, but still... Something was missing.
He made an irritated noise and dropped from a branch of the tree I'd been leaning against and crossed his arms over his chest. Though he was only six, he was already tall for his age and was looking down at me with a strange expression, as if he wasn't sure if he was annoyed or disappointed.
"You were supposed to be watching me." He said moodily.
"I was." I muttered distracted, adding more detail to the jawline.
"No you weren't." he complained. "You were drawing. You're always drawing."
"And you're always climbing trees."
"But you said you'd watch." He said dejectedly kicking a rock and watching it skitter into the creek that cut through the woods. "Do you ever stop?"
"Stop what?"
"Drawing!"
"I have to eat." I pointed out.
"Yeah and you draw then too." He said grumpily, flopping onto the grass and staring up at the clouds in a defeated way.
I looked at him feeling a little guilty. He'd been so excited to hang out today now that we had some decent weather, he liked being outdoors and I hadn't been paying him much attention. People often got frustrated with me because of this, but being my best friend, Jason got the worst of it.
"You're always so distracted." He said quietly but his expression changed when he glanced at the sketch book.
"Is that me?" he asked sitting up grinning and looking down at the paper.
I nodded looking up at him feeling a little upset. Even sitting he was much taller than me, and from this angle I could see it was all wrong. I could never draw him well enough.
He didn't agree apparently.
"It's good." He said inspecting the sketch.
"You think so?" I asked uncertainly.
"Yeah." He said holding the sketch next to his face and grinning to compare. "Don't you?"
The honest answer was no, he looked so much better in real life. There was something about his dark eyes that glittered in a way I just couldn't seem to capture on paper even if they had been burned into my mind. The same with his confident smile, or the way his black hair just seemed to fall exactly in the right place. Jason was one of those people you just knew was going to grow up to be extremely good looking. Our parents always talked about it.
"I dunno," I said shrugging and he handed me back the sketch book.
"You know as much as I love being your model." He said laying back down looking much happier as he placed his arms behind his head and I resisted the temptation to roll my eyes. "But do you ever think you could draw me doing something cooler?"
"Like what?" I asked frowning.
"I dunno," he said shrugging but grinning all the same. "Shooting lasers out of my eyes or something like that."
"You're such a boy." I muttered and he laughed watching the leaves sway above us.
"You know you won't be able to draw all day at school right?"
"I know." I said frowning.
"You excited for your first day?"
"Of school?"
"Yeah."
"I dunno." I said honestly. Jason was a year older than me and had already started school on the reservation. I had to admit I was a little nervous.
"What's wrong?" he asked sitting up and looking me with concern.
"What if I can't make friends?" I asked frowning. I didn't know anyone my age. The only person I really spent time with was Jason and I'd known him since before I could walk.
I expected him to laugh, but he didn't. Jason never had this sort of problem, everyone loved him. Whenever our parents took us to the play ground he always was running around the boys while I sat and drawing by myself. He never had any problem finding friends.
"You'll be fine." He said confidently.
"But what if I'm not?"
"You will be." He said with a grin. "Besides we'll have lunch and recess together, and if anyone's mean to you just tell me and I'll push them off the monkey bars for you."
He tugged one of my braids and I grinned.
"Alright. Thanks Jason."
"No problem Tan." He said returning the smile and pulling me down so I was laying next to him. "You know I'll always be there for you."
"Promise?" I asked quietly. I was looking up at the sky but from the corner of my eye I could see his head was turned towards me.
"Is that even a question?" he asked quietly. I felt his hand meet mine and he gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Of course. You're the most important person in the world to me."
I smiled.
"Nothing is going to change that."
"Tani?"
I jerked awake and looked around wildly to hear my alarm blaring and see to I'd fallen asleep on my sketch book. I was still holding my pencil and my headphones were next to me blasting music.
"Tani, are you still asleep?"
I groaned as I heard my door open and my cousin Nona stepped into the room. She was already dressed her long black hair pulled into a high pony tail and her light brown eyes staring at me in a mixture of amusement and exasperation as she spotted my sketch book.
"Why am I not surprised?" she asked grinning. "We're you drawing all night?"
I tried to say something, but it came out as a yawn and something that sounded like.
"Yurmph."
"Right," she said amused. "Well hurry up, we're leaving for a school soon."
"Ok." I muttered letting my head fall back on my arms.
She laughed and I heard the door close.
I allowed myself another couple of seconds of laziness before I sat up, slid out of bed, and onto my feet feeling nervous. Finally, after two years of living in California, I was going back to school on the reservation. I'd be entering the high school here as a junior and while a week ago I'd sworn up and down that this was what I wanted, now… Now I wasn't so sure.
I hadn't seen him in so long. Was this really a good idea?
I tried to put this from my mind as I braided my hair and glanced at my reflection in the mirror that hung on my door.
I looked nothing like my cousin. My hair was dark like hers, but that was really the only thing we had in common. Where she was all tall and gorgeous, I was short, and distinctly forgettable. There was only one thing that might have been considered remarkable about my appearance. I had green eyes. No one else in my family had them or knew where they came from, but even then they were hidden behind black square glasses that were fashionable in California, but I was starting to think would be considered dorky on the reservation.
"Well, too late to worry about that now." I muttered to myself then continued to get ready.
I glanced outside, saw the weather was dismal and changed.
I'd just grabbed my jacket and school things, and was about to meet Nona who was calling from the front door, when I glanced at my bed and spotted my sketch book.
I hesitated, my eyes drifting over my latest sketch.
The dark wolf glared at me from the page, it's eyes glittering in the way that had frustrated me so often me when I was younger. It's gaze intense, protective, and somehow familiar…
I shook my head. How often had I drawn it over the last few years?
I walked over and grabbed the sketch book, shoving it in my bag knowing it would feel wrong going to school without it.
"Tani!" Nona shouted.
"Coming!" I called back shouldering my bag and running into the hall.
"Took you long enough." She said rolling her eyes grabbing her keys from the ring next to the door and I took the bagel she handed me.
"Sorry." I said biting into the bagel.
"Well let's get going." She said as we pulled up our hoods and stepped into the familiar drizzle that seemed to reside permanently over La Push.
I let Nona talk as we drove to school, suggesting clubs I should get involved with and people I should try to be friends with. She didn't seem to mind that I didn't answer, Nona would have talked to wall if she thought it would listen. Instead, I watched the mossy landscape pass wondering if at some point today I'd have time to draw any of it.
I knew most people wouldn't understand why I would give up living in California to move back to La Push and if I was honest, I wasn't exactly sure why I'd done it myself. All I knew was that despite my reasons for leaving, from the day I'd left I'd wanted to come back. Don't get me wrong, California was great. The beaches were amazing and the sunlight was something we could only dream about here, but still, something about it was missing. I wasn't sure what it was but I'd felt it the moment I'd come back to the reservation. Something about this place just felt right. It felt like home.
We pulled into the lot in front of the school and I looked at the building that served as the only school on the reservation. It was smaller than I remembered, and people were running towards it trying to avoid the rain.
"You ready?" Nona asked me brightly and I nodded.
We stepped out of the car and made our way with the crowd to the building.
"Think you'll be ok finding your classes on your own?" she asked waving to a couple her friends as we stepped into the entrance hall. "I've got a meeting with the student council before class but I can be late if you need help."
Nona was extremely popular and involved in practically every association the school had to offer. It wasn't surprising she was so well known, she was pretty and one of the nicest people anyone would meet. Even when we were younger and no one was that interested in me she always made time for us to hang out. She treated me more like a sister than a cousin and I could tell she was worried about leaving me on my own on my first day.
"I'll be fine." I assured her. "You can go ahead."
"Alright." She said a little uncertainly. "I'll see you later. Let me know if you need anything, ok?"
I nodded and she jogged over to her friends who made their way down the hall in the direction of the teacher's lounge where I guessed the meeting would be held.
I walked through the halls, lined with class doors and gray lockers, surprised to find I'd even missed the rainy weather. I smiled with the familiarity of it.
No one really recognized me as I passed through the halls, but I wasn't surprised. I'd never exactly been a social butterfly so I was a little startled when I'd heard my name shouted over the crowd.
"Tani!"
I turned to see a tall boy rushing towards me, grinning as he tackled me into a hug.
"Alex! You're crushing me!" I gasped and he laughed as he let me go.
"When did you get back?" he asked excitedly.
"Just this weekend." I muttered rubbing my ribs and looking up at my best friend.
"You're living with Nona now right?" he asked trying to sound casual but it didn't fool me. It was obvious that the years that had passed had brought no change in his crush on my cousin. Not that she'd ever known, or he was planning to tell her.
"Yeah, she helped me move." I said grinning.
Even in these last few years when I hadn't seen her as much, she always willing to drop everything to be there when I needed her. So the moment I asked if I could stay with her and her parents while mine went to New Mexico on sabbatical she immediately sorted everything out. She was even the one to reregister me at the school on the reservation.
"Jeez, when did you get so… tall?" I asked suddenly realizing just how far up I had to look to see him.
"I know." He said looking pleased. "I've shot up like crazy over the summer, I grew three inches just last month."
Clearly he was pleased about this, but the smile I gave him was slightly forced. Our friendship had been founded on the bond we'd formed when we were little and we were the two smallest people of our age on the reservation. Now I was still tiny, and he'd not only passed the better side of average height, but was on the border of being considered very tall. I had to admit, I wasn't exactly thrilled about the change.
"Is that natural?" I asked frowning and he shrugged. His height might have been a wake up call and his dark hair was longer than I'd remembered, reaching down to his chin now, but the cheerful face was exactly as I remembered it. Although, it was possible he might have gotten just a tad bit more attractive.
"I dunno but I hope it keeps up." he said looking proud. "At this rate I'll be as tall as the Quileute Crew by Halloween. Then no one can call me short stack ever again."
"The Quileute Crew?" I asked trying not to laugh. "What?"
In answer, he nodded down the hall to where four well-built boys walked in a group, towering over the rest of the students in the hall. They were each over six feet tall but despite their height, moved with a certain confidence and grace about them. Somehow they managed to display a sense of individual power while at the same time, move together in what was almost unnatural synchronicity. Each of them had short dark hair, and rugged good looks that seemed so similar they could have been brothers. They might have been hard to tell apart, but my stomach clenched when I recognized the tallest, most attractive of the four.
The reason I'd been forced to leave La Push in the first place.
"Jason's still popular I see." I said quietly as I caught several girls looking at him with undisguised longing. His friends, although they looked more like lackeys with the way they were walking one step behind him, were all laughing at something he'd said. Clearly, he was the one in charge.
"Popular." Alex let out a hollow laugh. "Are you kidding? Tani he owns this school. Practically owns the council too."
"What do you mean?" I asked raising an eyebrow.
"Don't you remember the stories about gangs in La Push?" he asked and I nodded my eyes not leaving Jason who, like the rest of the school, hadn't seemed to notice me.
Every time it seemed like trouble threatened the reservation, there would always be at least one group of guys, though there had been a girl once, who brought it upon themselves to create a weird little cult of 'Protectors' as they called it, to 'guard' the tribe. They were always tall and strong like the ones in front of me, and no one dared mess with them. Even if you didn't like them, you couldn't help but respect them and it wasn't just their intimidating physical presence. There was something different about them, something that screamed authority and there was no one in that group in which that authority was more pronounced than Jason.
"So he's the new cult leader?" I asked.
"Yeah."
Most of the younger generations, like me, thought they were crazy even if we'd never say it to their faces. It was clear they were just buying into the Elder's brainwashing about tribal pride, but the council took them seriously. Not only took them seriously, but they seemed to think these fanatics were heroes that could do nothing wrong, but these groups had been few and far between over the last couple of years. Ever since Jacob Black, the last gang leader with any real authority, had gone off with his apparent soul mate Renesmee Cullen, the gangs had just sort of stopped. Perhaps it had been the blow that someone like Jacob had left the reservation that caused them to die out for a while. It had been quite the scandal at the time, after all, the Elders had never liked the Cullens, though I had no idea why.
"I didn't think he'd get involved with all that." I said frowning. Jason had never really been all that into the traditional tribe stuff, no more than the rest of us anyways. "All they ever talk about is protecting our land, and our people. From what exactly? I'd like to know who's threatening us."
"They're not so bad." Alex said in such a tone that I looked away from Jason and up at him.
"Don't tell me you want to join them?"
"What? No!" he said quickly but avoided my gaze. "Of course not. It's just. Well, they're not really doing anything wrong are they?"
I raised an eyebrow.
"Not that I want to be one of them." He added quickly.
"Good." I said. "Because we've got enough egomaniac tough guys in this place with Jason and his friends running around. You don't need to help."
I didn't mean to be so rude to him, especially not on our first day back, but seeing Jason after all this time wasn't exactly pleasant. But then again, I never thought clearly when it came to him.
He'd been my neighbor growing up. He lived in the house next to mine but after his parents had died, and he'd spent his child hood terrorizing me.
I had no idea what made Jason hate me so much, when we were kids we were best friends and I'd really liked him. I thought I'd felt a sort of connection when we were introduced and he was one of the few people who'd ever expressed any interest in the quiet, spacy Mason girl. I had no idea what it was, but spending time with him had been so easy and I had to admit I liked the fact he was always wanting to have play dates, but as we got older things sort of fell apart
He got angry when ever any other boy tried to play with me and after the death of his parents was then he started making fun of me for my height. Apparently, the fact that he was a year older than me didn't matter, anyone smaller than him on the playground was fair game to be pushed around. He'd gotten everyone to tease me, call me names, and threatened people who'd talked to me until they decided it would be easier just to ignore me rather than deal with the kid with anger issues. Nobody was allowed to hang out with me except for him, and of course, I didn't want to talk to him so he only got worse. People were so afraid of Jason that eventually the only friend I'd had was Alex, who for some reason he never bothered. He'd take and break my things, lock me in the supply closet in our elementary school, and find new ways to scare me every week.
But that was kid stuff, by the end of middle school, when he was a freshman, Jason was a full on terror. He'd managed to push me off the rocks on First Beach causing me to break my arm, give me a concussion in gym during dodge ball in seventh grade, and worst of all, two weeks before I was supposed to start high school, he had left me stranded in the woods in the middle of the night.
That night had been the worst of my life. I was convinced I was going to die I'd been lost for three days, and that was when I'd seen it. The monster that haunted my nightmares. When they'd finally found me they'd said I was just in shock but I knew what I'd seen. The elders had forbidden anyone to talk about it, but that didn't stop them. Soon, everyone on the reservation was talking about the girl who'd lost it and was screaming about monsters in the forest.
By that point I couldn't take it any more. I didn't want to leave but my parents didn't give me a choice, so we moved to California where I attended an art school until the end of my sophomore year when my parents decided to go on sabbatical to New Mexico and I begged them to let me live with my cousin Nona on the reservation.
I wasn't sure why I'd agreed to go with him that night, looking back, it was probably the stupidest thing I've ever done, but that was what I hated most about Jason. It wasn't all the terrible things he'd done to me, though there were plenty. It was the fact that no matter what he did, if he ever apologized, I'd always trust him again. I wasn't sure what it was, maybe he was good at pretending to be sincere, but whenever he'd come around I'd always felt like there was something more. I wanted to be around him, it just felt right. When I sat down and thought about it, though I tried not to, I wasn't sure who I was angrier with. Jason, or myself. It just didn't make sense. Why did I always fall for his tricks? What was wrong with me?
"I'm sure he won't be as bad." Alex muttered. "He's changed a lot you know, gotten more mature. Ever since he started that group-"
But I didn't hear the rest of his sentence because I heard a laugh and something big and solid had collided with me from behind me.
I dropped my books and just as I was about to hit the floor I was caught by a pair of warm, strong arms.
"Sorry about that." Said an amused voice and I froze. It might have been years, but I knew that voice. I'd recognize it anywhere. "You're so short I didn't see you."
"It's fine." I said struggling to break his grip, if I didn't look at him maybe this would all just blow over, he'd go away…
"Hold on a second." He said still laughing. "Are you sure you're-"
But he cut himself off and I winced.
"Tani?" he asked softly as if he couldn't believe it.
"Let me go Jason." I said still not looking at him.
"Tani wait," he said as I continued to struggle, but he seemed not to even notice. "I want to talk to you."
"I don't want to talk." I said shaking my head knowing what would happen if I did. I'd forgive him and I didn't want to.
"I just want-"
"Just let me go." I said very aware that we were attracting several people's attention around the hall.
To my surprise, he did. Not expecting it, I lurched forward and for the second time in seconds I found myself hurtling towards the ground.
Jason caught me again and this time I was forced to look at him.
"Look I know you probably don't want to see me but I just…" he started but his eyes met mine his voice died.
They were exactly as I remembered them, dark, intense, and they were looking at me as if I was the only thing that mattered in the world. I felt as if the breath had been stolen out of my lungs.
"Uh oh." One of his friends muttered while a second one swore.
I swayed, confused, but Jason easily held me steady.
"Are you alright?" he asked and I was surprised to hear his voice was frantic, with deep, genuine concern.
"I'm fine." I said shaking my head trying to break his grip on me. "Let go of me."
"Do you need to go to the nurse?" he asked doing as I asked, but catching me again when I took an unsteady step.
"No." I said trying to sort my thoughts. "If anyone should go to the nurse it's you. You're burning up."
His skin, where it had contacted mine, felt as if he had a fever.
"I'll be fine." He said and I realized he hadn't looked away from me the entire time, not even at his friends, or to check and see if anyone was coming down the halls. I was used to his undivided attention, I'd always had it when we were kids no matter our relationship but he'd never looked at me like this. Like I was the only thing that mattered to him.
"Why are you staring at me like that?" I asked my head still spinning.
His answer was to pick me up in his arms and start walking straight towards what I assumed was the nurse's office. I was hit with an overwhelming sense of familiarity in his arms, something about it felt right, safe, as if I were home back with my parents when I was a little girl. For the first time in months, I didn't feel like a part of me, the part that had disappeared when I'd left the reservation, was missing. For the first time in a two years, I felt complete. It was so strong he'd made it half way down the hall before I'd remembered who was holding me.
"What are you doing?" I asked him in panic. "Put me down."
Again I was amazed to see he'd done exactly as I asked.
"You should see the nurse." He said. "You look like you're about to faint."
"I'll be fine."
"But-" he started.
"No." I said finally getting angry. I couldn't let myself get involved with him. Not again. "Leave me alone."
"I-Tani." He looked desperate, not at all his confident self. He couldn't even seem to finish his sentences.
I glanced at him but felt it my glare soften into a disbelieving stare as he obviously struggled with something he was clearly unable to say. He stood there, just staring at me, as if he couldn't look away.
"What is wrong with you?" I asked uncertainly.
"I-I have to go." He said quickly and with what looked like an enormous effort, he looked away from me and made his way to the nearest exit his friends hot on his heels.
"You can't just leave school!" I shouted after him but apparently he could. He passed three teachers on his way out, followed by his friends, and none of them said a word. They simply watched, curious as the boys took off running towards the woods.
"He can't just do that," I asked when Alex had caught up to me. "Can he?"
"It's not the first time he has." He said shaking his head. "Tani, what was that all about? Why was he acting so weird?"
"I have no idea." I said quietly. "But what does it matter? I think it's better if we just avoid each other anyways."
"I guess." He said with a shrug sounding unconvinced.
"What?" I asked suspiciously.
"Nothing." He said quickly.
"You know I can tell when you're lying right? What are you thinking?"
"Well." He looked uncomfortable. "It's just, I used to think he hated you, but after you moved, he kept coming up to me and Nona talking about you."
"Probably just wanted to know if he could bully me long distance." I muttered darkly.
"I don't think so." He said with an uncharacteristic frown. "I think he felt bad about what happened in the woods. He kept asking us if you'd mentioned it."
"He did?" I asked in shock.
"Yeah. Maybe he was afraid seeing you might bring it up again. It would explain why he looked so upset."
I hadn't thought of this and was distracted by the possibility as we started walking to class. I was so lost in thought I didn't realize Alex had stopped until he was already five feet behind me, looking nervous.
"Alex? What are you-" but I cut myself, the reason for his trepidation becoming apparent as my cousin stepped into the hallway with a few of her popular friends.
She waved cheerfully at me. I smiled back.
The girls gave me intense, but not unkind looks, almost as if they were expecting something. One of the girls had her cell phone out and whispered something to the one next to her, and both girls gave me a significant look.
"Isn't that Rachel and Sarah Cowell?" I asked recognizing two of the pretty girls, they both had shoulder length black hair and the similar features. If memory served me correctly, Rachel was a senior, and Sarah was in our year. Like Nona and I, they were cousins.
Unnoticed by Nona, Rachel relayed the information to the fourth girl, who's hair was pulled into two braids that fell almost to her waist. She too looked at me in wonder after I saw one of the one closest to me, Rachel, clearly mutter one word. Jason.
"Yeah, with Nona and Amanda Call?" he asked and I nodded. Amanda was a new addition to this group, a sophomore.
"Why are they looking at me like that?" I asked looking away uncomfortably. I'd gone from invisible, to suddenly a magnet of attention to people who'd never noticed me before.
"I've no idea." He said honestly his eyes lingering on my cousin but then he turned back to me. "You'd better hope they don't want to be friends though."
"Why?" I asked curiously.
"Because you'd never get away from Jason then. Everyone but Nona there is dating one of the crew. That's usually who they spend most of their time with. You know it's funny." He said. "They look at you the way Jason and his friend look at me sometimes."
"What do you think it means?" I asked.
He shrugged.
"I dunno, but it feels like they're waiting for something."
"What could girls like that have anything to do with me?" I asked. I wasn't tall and beautiful like them in fact, I was so short Jason, who had to be between six five or six six now hadn't even been able to see me as he was walking. Compared to Alex and the rest of them, I looked like a lawn gnome.
"Again I have no idea." He said and I looked up at him, and by up, I meant up.
"Did you get taller?" I asked in alarm and he laughed.
"Tani, it's not possible to grow visibly taller in less than ten minutes." He said amused.
"Are you sure?" I asked but I was grinning.
He put an arm around my shoulder and I was alarmed to feel that although he wasn't as hot as Jason, he was burning up.
"Are you feeling ok?" I asked reaching up to put a hand on his face.
"Yeah, why?" he asked.
"You feel like you're a thousand degrees." I said frowning.
"Yeah my Mom has been saying that recently, but honestly I feel fine." He said grinning. "Actually better than ever. I'm stronger, faster, you know I'm actually getting picked first in gym these days when we play sports."
"That is a first." I muttered and again he laughed but I felt a sense of unease. I didn't know why but looking at this taller, stronger version of my friend was alarming. I'd thought his face was the same when I first saw him, but now that I looked at it, and examined him with careful scrutiny, I realized that it was only his expression when he saw me was the same. He looked much older than seventeen now, his face thinner, his jaw more pronounced. I was stunned to see that he wasn't just a little better looking. He really was attractive. Nothing, except for the lighthearted laugh and the cheerful smile remained of my childhood friend. While I knew it was personality that counted, and his good nature seemed unchanged I couldn't help but think he looked rather like Jason and his friends, even if he wasn't quite as muscular or tall. Yet.
This unsettled me as we walked together towards our first class.
I wanted nothing to do with the La Push gang, but I was unable to shake the feeling that if asked, Alex would join in a heartbeat. Then he'd be off with the popular people and where would that leave me?