A/N: Alright, here we are. I finally got to reading COHF and totally feel in love with Helen and Aline. So, since there is a serious lacking of fanfiction for this beautiful couple, I took matter into my own hands. This fic kept me up all night, but I am very proud of it. I hope you all like it. Please review and tell me what you think!
Also, I am considering writing a full story focusing on these two lovelies. It'll be COHF but from the POVs of Aline and Helen. Tell me what you think, and whether or not you would be interested.
Enjoy :)
How To Mend A Broken Heart
i. With Understanding and Forgiveness
"I am so sorry about this, Helen," Jia Penhallow says as Helen returns with her suitcase after saying a final goodbye to her family. "Truly, I am."
Helen nods, wiping the tears from her cheeks and moving to stand by Aline, taking the other girl's hand automatically. "It's okay," she says, voice thick. She clears her throat, sniffing in the manner of someone who has just cried an awful lot, which makes Aline's heart contract. Helen glances up at the Consul. "It's okay," she repeats, slightly more convincing this time around. Her face is paler than usual, the grief easily shown through her paper thin smile. Helen looks ill, face wet, hands shaking, and it makes Aline utterly sad and undeniably angry.
Aline moves closer to her until their sides are touching, ready to hold Helen -who leans her head toffee girlfriend's shoulder- off if she falls. Jia's dark eyes soften as she watches the two with sadness. She looks as if she wants to say something, maybe try to comfort the two, but Aline watches as her mother opens her mouth and no words come out, like a fish out of water.
Helen seems to notice it too, because she pulls her head up to smile bitterly. "It's okay," she murmurs for a third time, then shakes her head, looking as if she's going to cry. "No. No, it really isn't, but..." she trails of with a sigh, squeezing Aline's hand for comfort and courage. "No, it's not okay," she states firmly, standing tall and strong, but the thickness of her voice gives her away.
"It's not going to be okay, not ever. Not until I am able to take care of my family like I need to. But that isn't your fault, nor is it my fault. This was a harsh decision brought on by fear, fear that has been well earned, by my opinion. I understand it, I understand that fear, I have felt it myself...And yes, I am not at fault, but I am still being sent away. I am being sent away, but it is my siblings who are truly paying, and that's the thing that makes me sad. That's what isn't okay."
Helen takes a deep, shuddering breath as she finishes her small speech. A small, strangled sob escapes from the back of Aline's throat before she can quiet it, moving towards her girlfriend again. Helen opens her arms and takes the crying girl into her embrace, who buries her face in her neck as Helen continues to look at Jia.
Jia nods, watching the two girls with brightness in her dark eyes. "You are a strong woman, Helen Blackthorn," she says truthfully. "And I would be proud for you to be in the Penhallow family."
Helen smiles a watery smile. "Thank you."
ii. Laugh. And cry.
Helen looks down at the letter in her hand with a smile so genuine that it makes Aline smile from her place on the bed next to her.
"What's it say?" she ebony-haired girl questions as Helen laughs -she laughs, a sound that has been so scarce in the past few months on Wrangel.
"Dru," Helen begins, the chuckles again and glances up from the letter to look at Aline. "Dru tried to make herself a sandwich one night, and then several minutes later Julian caught her with peanut butter and jelly all through her hair," Helen pauses again, beaming at the thought of her youngest sister with messy hands and messy hair. "It took him and Emma almost an hour to wash it all out, even then they had to cut the bits that were too sticky and tangled."
Aline nods, a small smirk on her face. "Yes. She's a cutie pie, that Drusilla."
Helen grows quiet. "I could've helped her make that sandwich. I used to, when..."
Aline shushes her, hand going to Helen's face. "I know. But it isn't your fault that you aren't there."
Helen nods in agreement, blue-green eyes far away, the letter still clutched between her fingers. "She's going to forget me," she murmurs.
Her voice is so quiet that Aline has to look up from her book with a confused, "What?"
"She's going to forget me," Helen states again, louder this time. She turns, eyes focusing on Aline. There is a forced smile on her face, a pulling of lips and showing of teeth, but the sadness in her eyes gives her way. "Dru. She's going to forget me. She probably already has."
Aline furrows her brows. "Of course she hasn't," she assures. "Dru loves you, Helen, you're her sister. It's only been a few months anyway. She doesn't forget you. She won't."
Helen shakes her head, and her mouth twitches, like glass cracking. "Yes she will. She is young, a child. Children forget. Drusilla, Tavvy, they will both forget me. The twins may even not be able to recall what I look like after I while..."
Aline places her book down in front of her and crawls over so she is looking Helen directly in her beautiful eyes. "You listen to me, Helen Blackthorn," she says firmly. "Those children are not going to forget you, they will never forget you. Do you hear?"
Helen shakes her head. "But it's okay," she says. "It doesn't matter anyway," she continues and begins to laugh again. Suddenly, her laughs turns to cries and it's like a dam breaking as Helen dissolves into sobs right before Aline's eyes.
Aline surges forwards, taking her crying girlfriend into her arms and holding her closely. Helen cries throughout the whole night, tears clouding her bright eyes and sobs racking her delicate body. And Aline tucks her in, and hugs her close, and whispers sweet nothings in Helen's ear but soon she finds that she has begun to cry as well. Her tears are silent, running down her tanned cheeks and landing on Helen's crown of gold hair. Helen cries for her family, Aline does too.
iii. With Detachment and Independence
"It's fine, Aline. I'm fine."
Aline bites her lip, watching as Helen walks way from her. "Listen. I know you need to talk about this, and it's okay, it-"
"No," Helen cuts her off, her voice laced with an unfamiliar venom that causes Aline to wince. "There is nothing to talk about. I. Am. Fine," she states slowly, still not looking at the dark-haired girl.
"Helen," Aline says softly, voice filled with worry. "I understand that this is hard for you, but I'm here, and you need-"
"No," the blonde cuts her off again, voice sharp as she finally stops walking away and whirls around to face Aline. "No!" she snaps. "I don't need this, I don't need to talk about it, to talk about anything. I don't need them, I don't need you, I don't need anything," she spits through her teeth, eyes ablaze. "I am fine here on my own!"
Aline recoils, hurt flashing in her dark eyes. She takes a step away from Helen, shoulders hunched slightly and lip turned down in a way that is very unlike always hopeful Aline.
Helen sees what she has done immediately, regret pooling in the pit of her stomach. "Aline," she whispers, stepping forwards, but the girl in questions has already begun to move away, hugging her coat closer to her small body. "Aline, please."
Helen surges forward, catching up to her girlfriend just as she has slipped back inside. "Aline, I'm sorry," she says, moving in front of the other girl to block her way. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it. Please look at me."
Aline does so, brows furrowed with sadness and worry. Their are a few tears slipping down the sharp arch of her cheeks, and the sight of them make Helen's guilt double. "I'm sorry," she says again, only a whisper as she wipes Aline's tears and pulls her into her embrace.
Aline immediately feels warm again, tucked against Helen, despite the cold winds of the Pacific. She moves her head to look up at Helen, opening her mouth to speak but the other girl just shakes her head.
"I'm so sorry," she repeats. "I'm just so angry, and, and...sad. And I'm trying to be strong, and independent, but..." the half-faerie struggles to find words. "I shouldn't take it out on you. You've been nothing but good to me, and I just love her so much but I don't want to..."
It's Aline doing to shushing now, a hand on either side of Helen's face. "You can be independent and need me too."
Helen nods. "I do," she says, a promise. "I do need you. I need you more than I could even imagine needing anyone. I need you so much."
"I need you too, dear. I need you too."
iv. Love.
"Gosh, I hope the kids are doing okay. Do you think they like Uncle Arthur? I mean, they've really only just meet him and-"
"Helen."
"But poor Jules. He's only just a boy, you know, and now with me gone he's got all this responsibility that he has to take. My poor brother."
"Helen."
"And they others, they've all lost so much. My brothers and sisters. Emma. All so young to have lost so much. Should I have fought harder? Will they be alright without me there, I mean-"
This time Aline cuts Helen off with a kiss to her lips. It's soft, and warm, and Helen smiles into her lips and pushes forwards as to deepen the kiss before Aline pulls away, smirking slightly at Helen's groan of displeasure.
"You mustn't worry so much," she scolds, now straddling Helen, whose hands have gone automatically to her girlfriend's hips as she's done so. "You're going to make yourself sick," Aline says with a sigh.
Helen bits her lip, nodding. "Yes, but I just can't help it," she tells Aline. "They're my siblings, after all, my responsibility," she says, and she looks as if she is about to cry again. "And now I've just left them w-"
She's cut off my a kiss again, well-placed and quick, easily leaving Helen wanting more. The half-faerie turns her head to look at Aline -who was still in her lap, arms laced around her neck- with a playful frown, though the edges of it with thoughtful and pained.
"I love you," states Aline suddenly.
Helen furrows her brows. "I love you too," she says, words falling off her lips easily, as she's said it quite a few times to the girl in front of her. "But I don't see why-"
"I love you," Aline says again, cutting Helen off once more. "I love how you care. I love how you worry. I love they way you furrow your brows and how you smell of pine needles and they way you make my stomach flip when you touch me," she lists simply, smile softly as she does. "And you know who else loves you?"
Helen smiles back, the lines of worry in her forehead softening for a moment. "Who?"
Aline leans in, placing a featherlight kiss to Helen's jaw. "Octavius," she whispers, breath ghosting against Helen's skin. Her lips touch a pale cheek. "Drusilla." A kiss to her pointed ear. "Tiberius." Her forehead. "Livia." A light peck on the tip of her nose. "Jules." Aline's lips moves to hover over Helen's, breath tickling then as she whispers. "And me again." She presses her lips firmly to Helen's, kissing her deeply. Helen responds eagerly, arms wrapping around Aline's waist and pulling the other girl even closer.
"Better?" Aline questions softly minutes later, after they had pulled apart.
Helen nods. "Better."
"Good," says Aline, dipping her head to kiss Helen's neck. "And if you're still worried, I'm sure I can think of a way to distract you."
Helen grins. "I love you," she breaths, flipping them over so they lay side by side on the bed.
Aline pulls away to look Helen in the eye. "How much?" she asks, lips red from being kissed.
"So much," murmurs Helen, legs tangling with Aline's as she pulls her closer.
"Show me." Aline whispers, and kisses her again.
v. Time
Helen begins to count the days with tally marks on the wall.
It's as if they are in prison, though Aline supposed that for Helen, it's pretty close. As an only child, Aline can't really understand how her girlfriend feels, but she can see it pain in her eyes and the lines on her face. That's enough for her.
"Do you think it'll stop hurting?" asks Helen as she carves the 283rd tally in the wall with the tip of her knife.
Aline doesn't answer right away, carefully running her fingers over the marks. She tried to convince Helen to use a pencil, or something less permanent, but the other girl has insisted. Maybe there was something comforting about having a knife in her hand again. And any little comfort they could have on this island was welcome.
"I mean, not being able to see my family," clarifies Helen after a long pause. "Will it stop hurting? Is there a statue of limitations on these things? Like, I'm only allowed to hurt this much for a year before it stops?" she questions.
Aline sighs, shaking her head. She knows exactly what Helen means, she just isn't sure how to answer. She resists the urge to lie again and tell her that it will be fine, but then again her and Helen never really lied to each other. But Aline doesn't think she can bare to see her lover cry again.
"Is that a no?"
Aline shakes her head again. "No. Not a no," she says softly, moving closer to Helen and brushing a wisp of blonde hair from her face with a soft caress. "I think you will feel better, with time. You will no longer feel your loss in every moment, but..."
"But the hurt never really goes away," finishes Helen, leaning into Aline's touch.
Aline nods. "A heart can heal but it is never to same."
"And you think my heart will heal?"
"Yes," says Aline. "I hope that it will with all of mine. Just give it some time."
Helen nods. Some time. She looks at Aline, bottom lip trembling. "I'll never break your heart. I promise."
Aline smiles softly, but seeing the sorrow in Helen's eyes she knows that it has already happened. She loves Helen, and she knows that Helen loves her as well, but just seeing her girlfriend heartbroken is enough to break her own heart.
"I love you," she whispers, moving to finish the tally that Helen has started. "And you will feel better. Just give it some time."
vi. With hope.
"You're mother sent me a letter."
Aline whirls around, brows furrowed. "Pardon me?" she questions, even though she's fairly sure she heard Helen perfectly fine.
"You're mother," Helen repeats, swinging her legs over the bed and sitting up. "She sent me a letter. It arrived yesterday," she stands and moves to the dresser where Aline is standing, yanking open a drawer and pulling out a slightly crumpled envelope. She glances at her girlfriend, offering the paper to her.
Aline snatches the letter out of Helen's hand and fumbles slightly with the envelope before pulling the folded paper free. She opens it with hesitant curiosity, moving into the light and staring at the handwriting that is clearly her mother's.
"She says that there may be away for me to get off of here. To go back to Los Angeles," Helen states casually, as if she is commenting about the weather and not the thing she has been wishing for since she arrived on this island the year before.
"How?" questions Aline, trying to keep the hope from creeping into her voice before she can be sure. She dark eyes scan the letter quickly, and the slight shake in her hands makes in even harder to do so.
"The Fair Folk have followed by the rules laid out by Jia," says Helen, and Aline can hear the slight tremor in the voice. The hope of seeing her family again, the fear of being let down. "And there has been talk of a new treaty. People have healed, become more understand. Maybe..." she trails off. "Well, your mother says that..."
Aline nods, pulling the letter away from her face and setting it on the night table. "I know," she says to Helen softly, moving to wrap her arms around the other girl.
"Do you think that..." Helen's brows furrow. "Do you think she can do it?"
Aline rests her head on Helen's shoulder. "I think," she begins softly. "That she will try her very best."
She can feel Helen moving against her, and suddenly she's shaking, Aline can feel her chest vibrating, and she pulls back quickly in fear. She glances up at Helen's face, moving to comfort her, but pauses at the fact that the shaking is not from sobs, but from laughter.
She tilts her head to the side in confusion, brows furrowing. "Helen?"
Helen laughs again at the confusion on Aline's face and gives her a smile. "Don't you understand? This is the best news we've gotten in months."
Aline bites her lip. "I know, honey, but you have to know that this isn't for sure..."
Helen nods. "I know," she says. "Oh, I know. But it's a chance. And that's the only thing we have."
Aline smiles, and Helen surges forwards, catching the other girl in her arms. Helen swings her around with a chuckle, and Aline can't help but dissolving into laughter herself. "Home," she says. "Can you imagine? We can go home. Together."
Aline nods. "Together," she echoes, love pooling in her chest as she looks up at the blonde. There is a lightness in Helen's eyes that Aline hasn't seen in a long while. It pulls away the darkness and makes the eyes she fell in love with light again.
Hope. It's hope.
And suddenly Aline doesn't feel quite a broken. She knows that Helen feels it too.
