AN: This story is angsty. It's inspired by my own yearning for T/M stories about season 4, and this Nickelback song. I WISH I could host it for you all to hear, but I can't figure out how, so here are the lyrics. It's a beautiful song:
"Far Away"
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

CHORUS
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

CHORUS

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go

ahem Anyway. This story will follow our hero and heroine through Day 4, hour by hour. Please enjoy. Oh, and I don't own anything related to 24, except my fantasies.

6:59 pm

"Do you know her?" Heller asked from far away. His voice reached Tony like the foggy echo of a voice in a dream.

No, make that a nightmare.

She walked in like she owned the place.

Or rather, the minuscule but annoyingly objective far corners of his brain whispered, like she runs the place. Which she does. Not you. Never again. Never again. Never again.

"I used to be married to her."

The following takes place between 7:00 pm and 8:00 pm

The mind tends to fixate on the small, the inane, during times of great stress. It's a defense mechanism: if one is not focusing on the source of one's pain, the pain is slightly lessened. So instead of processing the fact that his ex-wife, the love of his life, whom he had not seen in six months, was suddenly not only present, but his immediate superior, Tony concentrated on a tiny detail, a technicality, really. Something that didn't matter in the long run, but allowed anger to override fear, sorrow, and regret.

She had to have known.

There wasn't any surprise on her face when she saw him. The mask was up instead- the one she had worn whenever she needed to avoid showing emotion. Only now it was harder, thicker, and even more impenetrable. So she had to have known. While Tony was at CTU, daring to hope he might be getting his life back, someone had called her and told her. She'd had hours to prepare, and he hadn't had more than 20 seconds to school his features before facing her. Hell, she'd probably been monitoring his actions from a laptop on the way here.

That really pissed Tony off. That someone had warned her, but no one had thought to call him and say oh, hey, by the way, your estranged soul-mate who hates your guts and has every right to is on her way over. Heads up. No, no one had bothered. If he'd thought about it logically, he would have realized that no one here knew, and even if someone at Division was aware of Michelle's past, they had no reason to suspect Tony would be back at CTU today.

But she had known. And she could have told someone to call over and let Tony know directly. Could have given him a chance to get the hell outta Dodge, metaphorically speaking. Only she hadn't. She'd kept the knowledge to herself, and retained an edge, an advantage.

She probably thought I'd back down as soon as I saw her, Tony thought, watching Heller introduce the new acting Director to the CTU staff. She's waiting for me to make a mistake, so she can pounce and prove that I'm a washed-up drunk. Yesterday she would've been right, but today? I won't give her the satisfaction.

I may still be in love with her, but she doesn't have to know it.

He heard himself spout off a brief update on the McLennan-Forrester situation. Michelle watched him coldly. She asked a question; he answered. It was all brief and impersonal. But he allowed himself the barest hint of a glare as he looked up at her. He noticed the changes in spite of himself: straight hair, more makeup, more businesslike suit. Clearly, he wasn't the only one who had changed. As soon as she dismissed the meeting he fled the scene, his feet carrying him away even as his ego protested that he stay and face her.

"Tony," Michelle said, walking up behind him. "I need the access codes for CTU and Division."

He handed her the card, a bit thrown off by the simplicity of the request. He'd been expecting a lecture, a request that he leave, or at least a derisive tone. She's still a professional, he thought ruefully as she walked briskly past him.

Then he heard himself speaking again, as if the part of his mind that wanted to grasp any time he had with her, no matter how painful it was, was also in control of his mouth. "What do you want me to do?" He asked, afraid to hear the answer. If she sent him home…if this day had been for nothing…God, he didn't even want to think about what he would be going back to.

"Division's sending over a supplemental list of terrorists who've supposedly had contact with Habib Marwan," Michelle said. "I want you to check any names that have been flagged by other agencies, including overseas."

Tony clenched his jaw in frustration. She knew what he had once done here, hell what he'd done here today, and she was giving him grunt work? "Given what's happening now…doesn't seem like the best use of my time."

"It has to be done. And I'd like you to do it," she bit off, turning to leave.

"Michelle…Jack and Paul have information that is vital to helping us end this crisis. I should be helping to find them." She ignored him. "Michelle!" He grabbed her arm to hold her back, but he didn't have to. She whipped around to face him, and for the first time he saw a flash of emotion cross her face: anger. So much anger, but something else as well…surely it couldn't be pain?

No, he told himself, not pain. She left me.

"The last time I saw you, you couldn't stay sober long enough to keep a job," she fired, straight to his gut.

"That was six months ago," he protested hoarsely. It was a cheap shot. Surely she knew everything he'd done today. Surely she knew he wouldn't ever, under any circumstances, jeopardize the job.

And then, like a flash, he remembered. Saunders.

"This is what I need you to do. If you don't like it, you can resign."

Her expression said it all: she fully expected him to walk away. The Tony Almeida she knew wouldn't deign to do an entry-level analyst's job. He was cocky and rash and he thought everybody should answer to him, never the other way around. She looked him straight in the eye and dared him to prove her right, and he knew what he had to do.

He looked back and swallowed his pride. "I'm gonna need a security clearance."

"I'll make sure you get a level three."

There went his mouth again. He scoffed. "A level three. I used to have a six."

"Right now," she said, mask firmly back in place, "all you need is a three." She disappeared into the conference room, leaving Tony standing in the hall. He allowed himself a second to wallow before reminding himself that it was his own fault he was here. He'd allowed himself to sink so low that now he had to work his way up from the very bottom, and he had only himself to thank.

But even if seeing Michelle was painful, even if it hurt to look at her and see how little she now thought of him, she made him feel more alive than he had in months. Even shooting terrorists and dodging bullets in the field with Jack couldn't compare to talking with Michelle. If this is what it took to be a part of the world again, fine. He'd do it, and dare anybody to say he wasn't doing his best.

Michelle strode into the conference room. Outwardly confident, she was reeling inside. She'd told Bill she could handle working with Tony, and she honestly thought she had, but now she wasn't so sure. Seeing him again brought it all back- the good times, yes, but the pain was much more recent, and that was all she felt when she looked in his eyes, still dark and deep and beautiful despite being shuttered to her now. It took a lot of hurt to ruin three years of bliss.

Her strategy had formulated itself as soon as she'd walked back into CTU. It was simple and direct: hurt him before he hurts you. Push him away just like he pushed you before. Show him that you're tough now, that nothing he says can touch you, that you're over him. She set her files down near the thin blonde woman waiting for her.

"Is there a problem between you and Agent Almeida?" Audrey asked, all business. The Department of Defense liaison was sitting at the table, working intently at her laptop.

Michelle eyed her discreetly. "Not at all," she lied.

"It's just that Secretary Heller is very sensitive to personal conflicts on the job," Audrey said, sounding like she was reciting something out of a manual. "I know your history, I know that you guys were married, and that he sacrificed his career to save your life. But if this is going to be a problem—"

"His being here will NOT affect my work. I won't let it.," Michelle interrupted. It was true: Tony would not affect her work. If anything, the extra adrenaline would be an asset. Her state of mind, however, was another matter, one that was none of this woman's business. "Now, if Secretary Heller wants to speak to me about it, I'll be more than glad to."

The two women regarded each other with two very different expressions. Audrey's was that of a teacher reluctantly reprimanding a favored student: a little curious, a little caring, but mostly halfhearted sternness. Michelle was stiffly irritated. She was completely closed off to Audrey, and to everyone else, betraying nothing more than displeasure at having wasted thirty seconds.

Later…

Asking Tony to play a more active role in the investigation was the last thing Michelle wanted to do. The more involved he was, the more directly he would have to work with her, and she felt the best way to handle her feelings was to keep him as far away as possible. But with Sarah Gavin gone, she and Curtis needed the extra help. And unlike some people, Michelle knew when to put her personal preferences aside and just do the job. National security was more important than punishing Tony.

But she addressed him as 'Agent Almeida' anyway. Just to maintain as much distance as she could.

"You'll be working with agents Stiles and Manning for the rest of the day," she said, avoiding his eyes. That way lay trouble.

Tony honestly meant to stay out of things. To follow directions, to do what he was told, and generally play the part Michelle had so vindictively assigned him: lowly peon. He knew calling him over to help had stung her pride- he could see it in her face and he heard it in her voice when she angrily summoned "Agent Almeida" to her station. But Jack's life was on the line now. If they just kept to the perimeter of the blacked out area like Curtis was recommending, they'd never reach Jack in time.

"I think that's a mistake," he said. "We should consolidate our teams. Be ready to meet strength with strength." He looked back and forth between Michelle and Curtis, knowing he was up against a wall. Neither of them trusted him, and both had made it perfectly clear that they resented his presence.

"And where would you place them?" Curtis asked.

Tony nodded towards the schematics on the computer screen. "At the McLennan-Forrester building. Jack won't be far from there." He saw Michelle's skepticism and elaborated. "Look, he knows we won't be able to find him without help. He's gonna help us by starting a firefight; I know the way he thinks. Now, the hostiles will have to break radio silence when they attack. When they do, we can follow the signal straight to where he is."

"He's gonna engage an entire team of commandos," Curtis observed with disbelief. Clearly, Tony thought, they guy did not know Jack very well.

"It's the most efficient way to be found and he's gonna expect us to be ready for it."

"Stick with the original plan. Cover the perimeter," Michelle ordered, walking away without another look at him.

Anger and irritation rose in Tony's throat. It was one thing to treat him like shit in private, but now she was ignoring his professional opinion. Not to mention the years of experience he had working with Jack that she and Curtis couldn't come close to matching or understanding. "Michelle," he started to protest, but she cut him off again.

"If we send all our teams to one location and you're wrong, Jack and Paul won't survive an attack." She looked away and her face softened infinitesimally. Tony wondered if anyone else would have noticed it. "But if we cover the perimeter we may have a chance to save them. Do it," she told Curtis, and walked away.

Well, all right, Tony thought. The fact that she'd bothered to defend her decision to him said something, but he wasn't sure what. So did the look on her face. It was obvious that she cared about Jack's safety, but she wanted to cover all her bases and maximize their chances of success. She was going by the book, and normally it would have been the right decision. But Tony had field experience and personal insight into Jack's mind that Michelle did not. The only reason she was disregarding his advice now was that she didn't want him to be right.

The one person that he knew would come through for him…Tony…Tony saved our lives…the one person he knew would come through….Tony would come through…Audrey's words echoed in Michelle's head long after their conversation was finished. She'd meant to apologize to the woman, not to inspire a defense of Tony's abilities, but that's what she'd gotten. For a woman who'd only known him a few hours, Audrey already had a remarkable grasp of his character.

Funny, it was the same he'd had before things had gotten bad. Before prison, before Saunders. If Tony really had saved Jack's and Audrey's lives today…if he really had risked himself to help a friend…could he be on his way back? And oh, God, Michelle thought, realizing for the first time what it must have cost Tony to walk back into CTU today. Surely, if he was willing to come back here, where he'd lost so much…surely that meant he was trying to get over it, to put his life back together?

Then came the kicker: "And business aside," Audrey said in a low voice on her way past Michelle, "he still cares about you."

What if he'd come back here, tried to turn himself around, tried to again become the man he'd once been, only to find himself shot down by her? What if he went home in a few hours and drank himself into a stupor because she'd refused to give him a chance to prove to himself and everyone else that he was still capable of serving his country?

Michelle had enough guilt already where Tony's life was concerned. It had been over a year since his arrest, and she still hadn't rid herself of it. She couldn't handle any more. She knew what she had to do.

"I got those perimeter teams you asked for ready to go," he said tiredly when she approached his desk.

"Thanks," she responded awkwardly. "Tony, look, I just wanted you to know that just because I overruled you a few minutes ago doesn't mean that I don't value your input…" Even to her ears it sounded stiff and formal. God, when had she lost the ability to talk to this man in a civilized fashion?

Tony laughed shortly. The sound hurt Michelle more than anything he'd yet said had- once a sign that he was in a lighthearted, playful mood, his laugh was now derisive and cynical. "Don't patronize me, Michelle," he said and turned away.

Couldn't he see she was trying to make amends here? Not for the past. That couldn't ever be done, she thought. But for today; for the past hour. "I'm not," she called to his back.

"Look," she gathered a deep breath. This was going to hurt. "You ran CTU for two years. Anything that you have to say, I will consider seriously." Could he hear her meaning? Just because I decided against one of your suggestions doesn't mean they all don't have merit. Please, Tony, don't lose everything you've gained today.

How dare she?

How dare she condescend to him like that?

It was one thing to turn down a suggestion. That was a professional decision. He knew why she'd made it, and so did she, but no one else did and it would hold up under the closest protocol scrutiny. But to come over here and tell him that she thought his opinions were important? As if he were some fragile-ego-ed kid, fresh out of college, liable to go and cry in the bathroom if the boss didn't like his suggestions?

For the first time since she'd walked in he didn't bother to try to hide his feelings. He let his derision for her little speech show in his expression, his body language, and his voice. "Don't worry. I'm gonna tell you what I think whether you want to hear it or not. Alright?"

"Good"

He thought he heard a tremor in her voice, but by the time he looked up she was gone.

Later…

When Edgar announced that they were picking up radio usage in a concentrated area of the blackout, Tony tried not to feel the glimmer of satisfaction that crept through his system.

"You were right, he's actually drawing them in," Curtis said in disbelief.

Tony caught Michelle looking at him and resisted the urge to say "I Told You So."

The firefight was over quickly. In spite of their location, the ground teams were able to get Jack and Paul out alive. After a brief moment to reassure Audrey that the two men in her life would be all right, Tony climbed the stairs to the office Michelle had commandeered.

"Jack and Paul are OK," he said as soon as she hung up the phone.

She nodded. "What about the information?"

"We don't know that Jack has it yet but even if he does, we don't know that it's gonna bring us any closer to finding Marwan," Tony admitted.

"Well, we know that McLennan-Forrester's involved. That should yield some leads," she offered.

Tony bowed his head in assent. "Well, that's gonna have to be worked up here because McLennan-Forrester's computers were all knocked out by the EMP."

"You wanna head that up?" Michelle was obviously feeling magnanimous after the successful rescue.

"No, you know what, you should probably let Curtis handle that." Tony awkwardly crossed his arms.

"All right, I will," Michelle said. She looked, even through her mask, a little curious. She didn't know why he'd come up to the office.

To tell the truth, Tony didn't know either. He tried to come up with the words to say, to express what he was feeling, but he couldn't. Michelle just looked at him, as if considering. Something prompted her to speak. Maybe it was gratitude that he hadn't drawn attention to her tactical decision in front of everyone that made her words an apology. "I shouldn't have said that before. About your drinking. I was out of line. I'm sorry."

She had been, but no one deserved to be more. Tony shook his head. "You don't owe me an apology." He still hadn't forgiven her for leaving him, but he had treated her badly. He'd been swiftly approaching alcoholism six months ago, and she had every right to throw it in his face if she suspected he was incapable of performing his job. "My life right now," he continued, pausing to gather his words, "let's just say that I've been better. And, uh, quite frankly, seeing you here today has only made things worse."

It was a hard speech to make, and it was all he could do to keep tears from rolling down his face. When they were down in the bullpen he could concentrate on the anger, on the feeling of betrayal he'd gotten when she'd left. He could tell himself that she'd given up on him, that she'd been cold to his need, that she'd treacherously embraced the job and the country that had turned their backs on him.

But up here, alone and face to face, all he could remember was the day before she'd left. He'd had a job interview that day, and she'd come home from work and immediately asked about it. The question hadn't really been necessary: he'd been sitting on the couch with a beer staring blankly at a Peruvian soccer game. But she'd come and sat down next to him and tried to be supportive, stroking his arm and telling him that the next one would go better.

In silence, he'd gotten up and walked away, not for the first time.

A few hours later she'd tried to tell him something about her day…some story about a dumb thing the DOD had started requiring them to do. He'd avoided her eyes and asked her to be quiet. The next morning she'd been gone.

"Look, I'm gonna leave. Get outta your hair and let you do your job, all right?" Six months ago she'd left him to save herself from being dragged down with him. Tony thought he understood that now. But seeing her today, and knowing he could never have her back, only cast into harsher relief everything he'd lost.

His hand was on the door when she called him back. "No," she said without thinking. He couldn't leave. He had to stay- where she could keep an eye on him, she told herself. Where he could work and be useful and have a chance at a new life.

She was lying and she knew it. She carefully recomposed her face.

"We can't afford to lose you. Not today," she said in her best Director voice, hoping he hadn't noticed her lapse into emotion.

"You're sure?"

"Yes," she said, swallowing to keep her voice from shaking. "Yes, I'm sure."

He nodded gently. "All right," he agreed, watching her through the glass and the door closed behind him and he descended the stairs.

Alone at last, Michelle took a deep, steadying breath. What have I done?

You're playing with fire, Dessler. The longer you're with him, the harder it's going to be to leave again.

Author Again: Okay. Updates to this story will probably be far between because they take so long to do. I have to transcribe the dialogue from the show, and I'm not very fast at that. But it's a lot of fun ;) Oh, and if you watch this episode (13), you'll notice that I skipped some Tony/Audrey interaction that I actually really liked, just because this chapter was long enough already. I'm going to concentrate just on the ways Tony and Michelle interact, and what they might have been thinking at that moment. Also, my apologies if some of this was a little incoherent…by the next update, I should have a better idea of exactly where I'm going and coming from. When I do, I'll go back and edit this chapter more. Now go call your radio station and request Nickelback's "Far Away," the most perfect Tony/Michelle song ever written. Seriously. And please review. :)