One Piece Omake: The Wizard of Odd
Once upon a time, on some cruddy little dirt farm, there lived a poor as dirt family who had a glum, miserable daughter by the name of Diamond.
"I'm pissed because of this! You shitty narrator!" Diamond yelled as she tugged at the pigtails her hair had been forced into.
Hey, I tell the story pal!...Anyway, Diamond also had two friends by the names of Ellix and Erica.
"Hey there." Ellix waved at him.
"Just call me Eri." Eri beamed.
"Who are you guys?" Diamond asked.
"It doesn't matter." They both shrugged.
Anyway, one day a terrible twister struck the farm. And cue terrible twister.
"You asshole narrator!" Diamond yelled as she, Ellix and Eri leapt into the house for cover, though it was quickly uprooted from the wind.
"Sugoiii! This is fun!" Eri cheered as they were thrown up into the spinning air.
"No it's not!" Diamond shouted before they came unceremoniously crashing down.
The trio crawled out of the broken house to be met with green fields, mushroom houses, and a very noticeable yellow road. "Am I dreaming?" Ellix thought aloud.
"Either that or we're high." Diamond sweatdropped.
"Uhh, guys?" Eri called to them. "I think we squished someone."
"Huh? What are you talking abou-OH MY GODS!" Diamond shrieked as a distinctive pair of bony legs poked out from under the house. "We killed Brook!"
Suddenly the skeleton crawled his way out from underneath the wreckage and stood up. "Actually, I was playing dead, Diamond-san." He tipped his hat to them. "Diamond-san, Eri-san, may I please see your panties?"
"No way!" Both shouted as they kicked the skeleton into the sky.
"Yohohohohooooo!" The musician screamed as he soared off into the distance.
Then the doors to the mushroom houses opened, and Choppers dressed in little outfits walked out. "Who are you guys?" One of the Chopper's said as they all badly hid behind their houses.
"Oh my gods your so adorable!" Diamond and Eri squealed as they hugged a Chopper each.
"J-Jerks! You saying that doesn't make us happy!" All the Chopper's chorused whilst doing their dance.
"So uh, where are we?" Ellix asked.
As if almost to answer his question, a raven haired beauty flew down on wings made of arms. "Do not fear, mortals, I am the good witch Robia, and these are the gentle Chokins."
"I'm not a mortal, I'm the son of Aeso!" Diamond huffed.
"It's the hormones." Eri whispered to Ellix, to which he nodded.
"Urusai!" Diamond yelled at them both.
"In order to return home, you must go to the Emerald Sunny and see the wizard Usoppon." Robia explained. "Following this yellow brick road will lead you straight there. But be careful of the wicked witch Namini. I wish you luck." And with that she flew off.
"...Do we have a choice?" Diamond asked.
"Nope!" The Chokins replied.
She sighed. "Let's go then." And so the three began skipping-for-some-weird-reason down the road, whilst the Chokins sang after them.
The trio hadn't gotten far when they reached a corn field, where a girl wearing a straw hat with very little self-morals judging by her bandaged chest was walking around.
"Baka crows! Go away!" She demanded as she pulled her rubbery face into 'scary' faces, the crows just giving her a half lidded look. "Fine then! Gomu Gomu no Gatling!" She socked every single crow in the face.
Diamond jumped towards the girl. "Hey!" She greeted her enthusiastically.
"Oh hey!" She greeted her with a goofy smile. "Do you have any meat?"
"No, sorry." Diamond replied.
"Awwww." She pouted with puffed cheeks. "I'm Lucrow by the way, wanna join my crew? We'll get to beat up stuff!"
"Sure!" Diamond nodded.
"Lu-chin's a girl!" Eri yelled in shock.
"What black wizardry is this!?" Ellix shouted.
"Urusai!" Diamond once more shouted at the two bakas. "Hey, Lucrow, we're heading off to see the wizard Usoppon, wanna come?"
"Does he have meat?" Lucrow tilted her head.
"...I think so." Diamond shrugged.
"Yosh! Then let's goooo!" She cheered as she led the way.
The four walked into a forest where they saw a metal man standing there. "Sugoiiii!" Lucrow cheered with sparkly eyes, as well as Eri and Ellix when they had caught up.
Then the robot began making gestures and symbols, Lucrow hit her palm with her hand. "Ohhh! It's charades!"
"Are you sure it's charades, Lucrow?" Diamond sweatdropped.
"I think it's a tree." Eri guessed.
"Looks more like a seal." Ellix mumbled.
"It's a beetle!" Lucrow grinned.
"You bastards!" The robot yelled, making the group of four jump. "I need cola! So get me some!"
"Why didn't you say so!?" The four yelled as they got some convenient cola bottles for the robot.
"SUPEEEEER!" It cried as it struck a pose.
"Supeeeeer!" The other four copied it.
"Ow! Thanks for the help!" He grinned. "I'm Frankman, a cyborg! Damn narrator." Well exuuuuuuuse me! "So er, who are you guys?"
"I'm Lucrow! And these are my nakama, Diamond, Eri and Ellix." Lucrow explained. "Your sugoi! Wanna join my crew? We're going to the Emerald Sunny to see Usoppon!"
"Usoppon, huh? I do need some new SUPER tools, so sure." He said with a thumbs up.
And so, the robot-
"CYBORG!"
...Cyborg Frankman came along with them.
Soon they had almost reached the end of the forest, where they ran into a very pissed looking guy in a lion suit, with the mane being a bright green.
"It's a lion!" Lucrow and Eri stated as they got into battle positions.
"Urusai!" The 'lion' roared, causing the two to stare at him blankly. "Listen up! I'm Zoroar. Your the ones going to see the wizard Usoppon aren't you?"
"Let me guess, you wanna come with us?" Diamond asked.
"No, but that's the only part I get to play in this thing, so let's get it over with." He grumbled.
So the six nakama walked on, unaware they were being watched by the evil witch Namini.
"HEY! NARRATOR! WHY AM I THE WICKED WITCH!?" Ahhh! She's so scaryyyy! Er-ahem, I mean, Namini stared at the nakama via her crystal ball. "If I kidnap those...things...I can sell them and turn a tidy profit!" She got berri signs in her eyes as she turned away from the orb. "OI! Get over here, minions!"
Three winged, monkey tailed Sanji's twirled over to her. "Yes my dear Namini-swaaaan?"
"Sanjonks, I need you to kidnap those...things...and bring them back here unharmed." Namini demanded.
"Of course, Namini-swaaaaan!" All three Sanjonks nodded with heart eyes as they flew away.
Meanwhile the group of nakama had walked into a dark woods. "Friendly, isn't it?" Diamond asked sarcastically.
"We're almost thereeeee!" Lucrow and Eri cheered.
And that's when the Sanjonks swooped down on them. "I always knew Ero-cook had a brain the size of a monkey." Zoroar snorted.
"Urusai, Marimo!" All three Sanjonks yelled with shark teeth as they kicked the three males in the face, whilst carrying off the three females.
Ellix sat up first. "Hey! Why didn't WE get kidnapped!?" He asked in an offended tone.
"Damn monkeys..." Frankman growled.
"That Swirly brows just signed his will..." Zoroar drew his swords as the red boot mark was still on his face.
Meanwhile in Namini's dungeon, the Sanjonks were catering to the three captive girls with ooks and eeks and 'melloriiiiiine's.
"This sucks..." Lucrow and Eri pouted.
"We gotta get outta here." Diamond mumbled whilst thinking.
"Hey, Diamond."
"AH!" Diamond screamed as none other then his father, Aeso's voice resounded in his head. "Aeso? What are you doing here?"
"I got invited." He stated plainly. "Anyway, Diamond, I'm here to tell you that it is YOUR destiny to defeat the wicked witch Namini and save the Land of Odd!"
"...Okay...Anything else?"
"Nope, my part is done." He stated as he left, making Diamond sigh in anger.
Meanwhile the three males had found Namini's castle. Think they snuck in? HELL NO! They burst in blowing shit up! "Where are our nakama!?" All three yelled as they started smashing everything possible.
The Sanjonks obviously heard the ruckus. "Damn Moss-head." All three grumbled as they flew off.
Diamond nodded. "Alright!" Now we can esca-"
"Move out of the waaaaay!" Eri shouted as she smashed down the cell wall with a Haki infused bo staff.
"Why didn't you do that sooner!?" Diamond yelled.
"Waiting for a cool moment." Lucrow and Eri said as the former picked her nose.
Soon the two groups had met at the top tower where they confronted Namini. "Hey Namiiiiiii...ni." Ellix waved to her.
"Ellix, after this you are doomed!" Namini roared at him, making him cower behind Frankman.
"Sea witch..." Zoroar muttered.
"Alright Namini, I'm here to defeat you!" Diamond declared.
"Go Diamooooond!" Lucrow cheered, causing her to blush.
"Oh yeah? And how are you gonna do that?" Namini asked.
"Like this! Tempest Wave!" She wrapped water around her fists and swamped Namini with a small tidal wave, who glared at him in rage as the water drained away. "Err...aren't you supposed to be melting?"
"YOU BAKA, DIAMOND!" Namini screamed as she socked Diamond in the face. "YOU'VE COMPLETELY RUINED THIS DRESS! YOU NOW OWE ME 500,000 BERRI! AND I'D BETTER HAVE IT SOON!" She then stormed off fuming.
"Yosh! We wooooon!" Lucrow and Eri cheered.
"HOW WAS THAT A WIN!?" Ellix, Frankman and Zoroar yelled, whilst Diamond nursed her cheek.
They quickly made it to the Emerald Sunny, where they met up with Usoppon, the wizard. "Hello, travellers!" A giant green version of his head boomed. "I am the great wizard, Usoppon! I have powers so great that-"
"Nani? Usoppon? Why are you curled up in the corner?" Lucrow asked as she picked her nose.
"Crap! I've been found out!" Usoppon shrieked as he dropped the Den Den Mushi speaker and stood up. "W-Well, anyway...I know why you are all here. Diamond, Eri and Ellix, you just want to return home."
"After all this? Definitely." Diamond groaned as she rubbed her swollen cheek.
"No. It's cooler here." Eri and Ellix stated bluntly.
"And Lucrow, you wanted lots of meat."
"Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!" She drooled with sparkly eyes.
"Frankman, you wanted new tools."
"Extra SUPER ones!" He said as he struck a pose.
"And finally Zoroar...err..."
"Let's just cut the crap and finish this already." He grumbled.
"Well, I can give you all those thing!" Usoppon shouted, spreading his arms for dramatic emphasis.
"REALLY!?" Lucrow and Frankman said.
"...No, I lied." Usoppon shrugged.
"YOUR A TERRIBLE WIZARD!" Every single cast member yelled.
And none of them lived happily ever after.
The End.
...Well, this started as a one-shot for TheRealEvanSG's challenge, but then it became...this. Hope you still enjoyed it, though! Reviews are much appreciated! I also want to thank Diamond-chan, belonging to TheRealEvanSG, and Eri-chan, belonging to ThiefofStealth, for starring!
Both: YOU DIDN'T ASK FOR PERMISSION TO USE US!
CRUD! YOUR RIGHT! I've gotta run! *Runs off*
Ellix: OPFan37 doesn't own One Piece, Diamond-chan, or Eri-chan, only me and this one-shot. It's probably not elligible for your contest anymore Evan-san, *sigh*.