Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, or anything of worth, so your suing efforts would be useless, ha! Useless I say! No seriously, I'm not out to make any money, just have fun. (and surely that's not against the law is it?)
Warning: Shounen-ai/Shoujo-ai. For the sanity of everyone involved, please don't bother to read something which will just disgust you if you don't like that sort of thing. Roll call: Kensuke, Hiyako, Takori, (Taito, Mira, Jyoshirou)
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Ignorance
* * * * * * * * * * * *
If you'd asked me about maturity 7 years ago, I'd probably have smiled and said 11 year olds can be more mature than you think. After all, saving the world, well, multiple times actually, has a way of doing that to people. But here i am, a jaded worldly 18, and I've never felt so very young in my entire life. We're graduating high school in about a week, and it's strange, but somehow, I think I'd feel more at ease if I was my 11 year old self again. I don't know what I'd give to feel that utter conviction again, that we were in the right, and that faith would provide. I suppose it's all less complicated in retrospect, but maybe when you're young, its easy to see things in rigid terms of good and evil, the world ruled by justice and virtue. I believe we're all closer to virtue in our youth. Perhaps that's why it was children after all who were called to this fight. Of course, even though the digiworld is more widely known these days, the digidestined children, well not children anymore I guess, we all still feel a responsibility to be advocates. Falling back into our old roles. Falling back into our childhoods. In fact, as we get older, the nostalgia seems almost stronger. we're like a whole generation drafted to be protectors of this brave new world. I mean, people can hardly accept other people as equals most of the time, so if anyone needs protection, it's our friends in the digital world, and I'm glad that we can at least do that. But humans are humans after all, and life just isn't as simple in this world as it is in the digiworld. I think. listen to me, talking about saving the world like it was a piece of cake compared to my teenage angst. Jeez, 'Kari, think you can get any more conceited? I laugh to myself, but I can't seem to shake the feeling that things are changing, not just for me and my friends, but for the whole world. For both worlds.
"Hey! Hikari-chan! Come on!"
I look up and see Daisuke running in place, grinning like a moron. A cute moron, but a moron nonetheless. I sigh, maybe some things never change. He's a real sweetheart, but boy am I glad he's not 11 years old anymore. As he makes inane yet endearing hurry gestures I reflect on how much less frustrating he is when he's not worshipping you as a love goddess, and I walk over to him. I silently thank whoever caught his eye and turned it away from me all those years ago, because he grins one of those Daisuke grins and I don't have to worry about taking it away from him, by saying his friendship matters more to me than his heart. I've been so selfish and callous to him, but, he understands. Despite what people say, he really deserves the crest of friendship.
Miyako-chan and Ken walk over, and Daisuke-kun and I both turned to them.
"Takeru and Iori are with the older kids in the lab already," Ken says. "The two of us volunteered to find you. We should have known that Daisuke's been trying to put the moves on you again." He said it jokingly, but his eyes sparkled darkly as he shot a glance at daisuke, who surprisingly enough, noticed and laughed nervously looking away a little. I raised my eyebrow at the strange display, but promptly forgot about it as Miyako began scolding me in turn.
"Hogging all the cute guys again Hikari?" she said, rolling her eyes. I started in confusion, for some reason wanting to deny it vehemently but, she started in again before my brain and mouth could get it together. "Oh, wait, its daisuke, never mind." she continued laughingly, and turned, starting to walk away. "But i won't forgive you for ruining my alone time with Ken-kun." wink. I think ken began to sweat a little.
"Now come on you three, we're wasting plenty of good gossip time with the older kids!" she said, pausing and turning her head back to us. Then she blushed. "Oops, did i say that out loud? uh, nevermind, lets get the lead out!"
Ken and Daisuke-kun gave her strange looks, but I smiled at her as she ran back, grabbed my arm and briskly started dragging me along. She was still blushing, but seemed intent on not looking back at us. I, feeling no such determination, turned and noticed Ken and Daisuke hadn't followed, and turning back, felt a stab for my friend as she still seemed embarrassed into silence. It wasn't like Miyako-chan to get embarrassed so easily, and I felt myself get inexplicably angry at the boys for whatever they'd done to hurt her. however, at that moment, Miyako-chan seemed to notice I was looking at her, and dropped my arm sheepishly. She started walking slower and turned to me with a pasted on smile, saying "Uh, sorry 'bout that Hikari-chan, I, uh, ..., well, uh, Ken was, er, so you were talking to Daisuke and um... I think ken..." she petered off, then sighed and turned away. "I don't think they'd really want us around, so uh, we'd better hurry, y'know." she finished, and I could almost hear the smile crumble out of her voice.
I looked after her, confused. I'd seen and felt this undercurrent of pain and despair before, mirrored it torturously in guilt every time I broke Daisuke's heart. But that was loneliness. I know loneliness. This seemed different. It was strong, stronger than I'd ever seen from Daisuke. I was surprised we were still walking because it struck me pretty hard then, realizing what this could mean. /Miyako was in love/. In love maybe, with Ken? all her comments, all her chasing after him, even her blushing. I thought she had been joking. I wanted to think I was just jumping to conclusions for some reason, but I got this sick feeling. Why else this pain? Miyako has the strength of purity. Nothing could hurt her this much except for her equal strength in love. It had to be. But if that was true, then how could Ken hurt her like this, I thought to myself. How dare he. I remember how much it hurt me to hurt Daisuke, and I hadn't even liked him back. Unless... Unless Ken didn't love her back either... /oh Miyako./ I couldn't help but stare at her back, fixedly, hoping desperately that she was okay. I don't know love. I wish I could help you miyako, but I don't know anything about love. except for pain. I don't know how you can stand this pain...
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Me and the rest of the digidestined from Odaiba were having a meeting today, y'know it being Saturday and stuff, and it's probably more like a picnic I bet cause, we don't really need meetings anymore, thanks to the kick ass job I, uh I mean we did saving the entire world when we were only 11. And dude, if that isn't cool, I don't know what is! I mean, being an international, or interworldular or whatever hero is a mighty responsibility, but as the leader of the digidestined, I'm totally up to it. Dude! I'm totally late! Oh, wait, there's Hikari-chan, just standing there with that creepy other world look on her face. I can't be that late then. She looks kinda cute like that though. But, I know she doesn't like me like that, and actually, it's kinda cool that it turned out this way, because, now we can talk to each other and she doesn't get that uncomfortable look anymore like she used to. I think it may be what I wanted from her in the first place. I always wanted Hikari-chan to be my friend.
I'm walking towards her, and she must be having some deep existential thoughts, 'cause she doesn't even notice me! And yes, I know what existential means. It's like when people sit around and think about what came first, the chicken or the egg, or maybe the digiegg... Anyway, she still doesn't notice me, and I'm thinking, if she's been standing around in this state, then who knows how late we could be! So i say "Hey, Hikari-chan, Come on!" and start running in place to make her laugh. She looks up and gives me one of those, you're so silly looks and i grin at her. Yeah, it's definetely better this way, cause she could never be around me before without me feeling like she was constantly sorry to be with me. I know her better now, and I know that that meant she didn't want to hurt me, but I mean, I just wanted her to talk to me, and would that have hurt? Well, yeah, maybe if I'd wanted more it would have, but give me a break, I was a lonely kid, and she was Taichi-san's sister who was my age! I thought, 'she'll give me a chance', and she did, but maybe we both got the wrong idea. but I'm glad. I'm real glad that Hikari-chan is my friend.
Then Ken and Miyako show up. They came from inside, so this must mean they've come to get us! And y'know I'm all happy to see them, but, uh, somehow, they don't seem to feel the same way.
Ken cracks some joke about me hitting on 'Kari, but then he gives me this /look/, like I did something wrong. well maybe not that bad, but like that makes him sad, and I can't help feeling soooo, guilty for some reason, I can't even look at him. It's almost like what Hikari-chan used to do around me, but, I don't know, it cut me. Like I want to say to Ken, don't, don't think I would do that. I wouldn't make you sad like that. But what the hell is that supposed to mean I wonder, and I can't even talk I'm so confused.
Meanwhile, Miyako's all getting on Hikari's case about hogging the cute guys, you know, which I totally get, since they're fighting over yours truly. But even when Miyako totally insults me, I get distracted cause she winks at Ken. I mean, Ken and Hikari-chan don't seem too thrilled about that either, though, but soon she's babbled herself into a corner as usual, so she gets our normal puzzled looks, but she seems kinda embarrassed for some reason and drags off Hikari-chan leaving me and Ken alone. Jeez, Miyako's real nice, but she sure can be strange.
So me and Ken just stand there looking at each other for a second, and I don't know what to do. It's like, so weird, y'know. I want to talk to him. I /really/ do... but I have no idea what to say. And all i get is that stare, and I can't think if I want him to look away or want him to really look. I don't know. so...
"Aw, man! I think they're mad." I smile confidently and give him the thumbs up. "Of course, Hikari-chan loves me the way I am, but, good luck with Miyako!" I wink obnoxiously. "She seemed kinda pissed. Really, I could teach you a thing or two about girls man." I keep smiling, wanting him to laugh, punch me, defend Miyako's honour, anything! Please. Please I almost say. I want him to stop looking and I want to look at him forever but I want both and I'm all mixed up, and I don't, and it's, so... intense.
In that moment I watched as the, well, whatever it was, changed, and that familiar mask of amused superiority slid back into place. So he walks past me with a big sarcastic smile of his own and says "Sure, Daisuke, maybe I'll take you up on that some time. You could teach me how to repel women. I think Miyako-chan would really appreciate that actually." With him looking back at me, cat's smile all over his face, I could almost think I'd been imagining things. It's not the first time I've lost track of reality, so I figure I oughta act normal like.
I stick out my tongue and shoot back, "Well you just don't understand my sensitive appeal!" Then I run in front of him and call, "And i bet you can't beat me to the lab". He sighs, but runs up to parallel me. Raising an eyebrow he replies, "Don't I? The weak are fun to dominate." He's doing that smug thing again, but I look into his eyes. There's no smile in his eyes.
I slow a little, allowing him to shoot ahead of me, wondering, why those smileless eyes mean anything to me. I could tell from them that he'd been disappointed. and I can't get it out of my head. He's kind. He's too kind.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
"I don't think they'd really want us around, so uh, we'd better hurry, y'know."
God, its all I can do to keep walking and not start banging my head on the wall. Why do I do this to myself? I can feel that she's looking at me and I wish, I just wish for once I could relate normally to people, but no, Miyako-chan opens her mouth, and oh, instant foot sandwich. Of course Ken and Daisuke wouldn't want me around. argh, I sound stupid and pathetic even to myself!
I sigh to myself as I hear Hikari's footsteps behind me. In a second she's caught up, laying a hand on my arm.
"Miyako-chan, are you okay?" She's looking at me, and I wonder what she sees. I like to think there's something worthwhile under all my idiotic crap, but is there really? Can you see it Hikari-chan? If there's anything, then maybe I'm blind.
But just the fact that she's looking maybe makes me smile a little. "Yeah, I'm fine." I say. Then i pull out my patented Miyako love struck mooning face. "I just wanted to be there as my beloved Ken-kun showed Daisuke the penalty for accosting a lady, but he's so delightfully shy that I'm afraid he wanted to shield my delicate eyes from such graphic violence." I hold the pose as if expecting a backdrop to materialize behind me, and I can see Hikari-chan's familiar, 'oh no, she's being weird again' expression appear. We both chuckle at the worn in joke, and continue walking. She still seems a little apprehensive, maybe a little more than usual actually, but I think the way she cares about people is kinda sweet, if a bit heavy.
But that's the crux of the problem isn't it. People like Hikari, they care about others. Me, I've always just been me, and I don't care what others think, I don't care how they feel. Except now I do. And yeah, I know I'm an ass most of the time. That's just who I am. But whenever I'm around everyone, Hikari-chan, Ken-kun, Daisuke, Iori, Takeru, the other chosen children I'm a mess of what I want them to think about me. It sucks.
Hikari and I are walking along in a companionable silence, and I glance at her, wondering how she can be so strong. Strong enough to care about others more than herself. I really admire her, y'know. She's kind, smart, beautiful, graceful, um, tactful, well, basically everything I'm not. But thanks to my incredible self-centeredness, it just makes things worse. It makes me afraid. I'm afraid that I'll drive her away. I'm afraid that I'll lose everyone. We're so different and all, and she scares me the most.
Daisuke I get. He's actually a lot like me when it comes down to things, just a little braver, friendlier, uh, dumber, ack having unkind thoughts again. I think Daisuke and I understand each other because for the longest time we were both alone. For a long time all we could count on was ourselves, and I think that's how we got the way we are. Sure he can be aggravating, but Daisuke is strong too. He has a huge heart, and he isn't afraid to take on anything.
Ken reminds me a little of Hikari. They're both brilliant, but aside from that, they have the same way of putting others ahead of themselves. Ken told us the story about the dark ocean and his brother once, and I think a long time ago, Ken branded himself as no good. He has a gentle nature, and he's been used and hated, and it's left him hurt. Sigh, and he's really cute, but that is not the point. I like to make a big deal of 'our inevitable marriage' but we're really just good friends. Oh, sure, he has a certain draw, but my chasing him is more of a desire to get to know him, and I think he feels the same way about it. He's nice enough not to mind my posturing, and in a way, it's the only way I can think of to show him we want him around. He and I both know what its like to feel unwanted I guess, and that's our strange way of fighting it. But I don't think I'm in love... with him. As if I really know what love is.
Iori-kun would tell me I'm being stupid again. And he'd be right. The damnedest thing about that kid is he's right so often. He can be all innocent and sweet, but you gotta wonder if there ain't a bit of a demon in that kid. He just knows /way/ too much.
Then out of nowhere Ken and Daisuke come running at us, not looking where they're going. Predictably, they run into us and we all end up rather bruised and unhappy on the floor. By this point, we're actually right outside the computer lab we're using today, and the commotion attracts everyone from within. Thankfully it's just the other digidestined. Or maybe not thankfully. I'm hearing way too much laughter to be pleased here.
"Dammit, Yama, this is why you do not send teenagers to do anything!"
"Shut up Tai! I'm not the one who decided to send them. Ask Takeru. Besides, oh high and mighty 22 year old Taichi-sama, I can think of non-teenagers in this room who think with their hormones, cough, you, cough."
"Wanna make something of it 'Yama-sama'?"
"Um, guys, lets not trash the computer room shall we..."
"Oh, come on Sora, they're so cute together. Don't you think it would be fun to watch?"
"Mimi-chan!~"
"That's not what I meant, but I caught you, didn't I, you hentai!"
"Er,.."
"Jyou-san, you think we should just leave without them?"
"At this point, I think that's an excellent idea Koushirou."
"Ahem!" That was Takeru. "Uh, do you guys intend to stay like that all day, 'cause, while it seems like an uh, /interesting/ position, most of us prefer our picnics chaste and on time."
"Um, considering the company, are you sure that's true Takeru-san?"
Sigh, "You don't agree with me Iori-kun?"
Iori looked us over again. When we'd fallen, I'd reached out for Hikari-chan, only to succeed in pulling her down on top of me instead of remaining upright. Aw well, at least I seem to have broken her fall. I landed with my back against Ken-kun, who'd ended up with Daisuke sprawled across the half that Hikari and I weren't blocking. In fact, Daisuke somehow ended up laying half on Ken and half on Hikari. I for the life of me couldn't figure out why none of us had felt the urge to move.
Iori turned an eye on the older digidestined who were still bickering, and replied to Takeru, "I think it's just the two of us."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
I smile apologetically to Miyako-chan as we begin to extricate ourselves, seeing the others getting impatient. I tried to make sure to catch everyone on the way down, but I almost missed Hikari. Luckily, Miyako seems to have been more alert. This accident is entirely too indicative of my behavior recently. Not thinking. I'm too at ease, and I don't want to make a habit of it, but whenever I'm with this bunch, it just seems natural. When I decided to come to this high school with the rest of them, I tried to tell myself it was for practical reasons, but I know, I can't imagine my life without them. Maybe I'm losing my edge.
Daisuke gets to his feet, surreptitiously checking my leg where he fell on it to make sure I'm okay. I'm used to it from when we get a little rough in soccer practice, but I'm still not sure why he feels the need to hide the fact that he doesn't like hurting people. I suppose he's got his enforcer image to keep up, but really, he's more of a protector type. He helps Hikari up out of Miyako's arms, and I lift Miyako-chan up to her feet as I rise.
As we see the older digidestined still engaged in various states of bickering, Miyako smiles to me, winks, and gives me a pat on the, er, back, to show no hard feelings between friends. I return the smile, but begin edging away, blatantly. I stop and we both chuckle a little. Most people seem to think we're some kind of off and on couple, but the flirting is more like a pretext between us. I guess neither of us has the most straightforward way of thinking, and this is how we show we're comfortable with each other. Mutual non-rejection? Who knows.
Meanwhile, Takeru and Iori have gathered over to Daisuke and Hikari, who fix Miyako and I with twin unaccountably frosty glares. Miyako looks at me and then turns back to them with a distraught look, but the unpleasantness only seems to intensify. Remembering my earlier exchange with Daisuke, I feel an almost physical need to explain myself, but I'm not sure of what. It's just that, Daisuke and I have been leaning on each other since we were children, and I've always felt that, together, we were neigh unstoppable. What I mean is, he seems to understand me in a way that no one else can, and the thought of upsetting that, is, wrecking.
He forgave me and made me feel like a human being again, and without him, I don't know who I would be. But recently, well, maybe for a while now actually, something's been brewing between us that we can't seem to control, and, the thought of drifting, no, being driven apart, it hurts more than I could have ever imagined.
However, Takeru and Iori, seemingly oblivious of the darkened mood break our tableau, Takeru taking Hikari's arm, which of course entices Daisuke to protest, loudly, and Iori tugging on Miyako's sleeve. She manages to snag me as Iori and Takeru lead the rest of us to the computer we're using today, and I attempt to erase the bitter warning playing across my mind with small talk.
Miyako and Hikari seem to have engrossed themselves in conversation with Takeru and Iori, so I turn to Daisuke and say, "I'm really looking forward to seeing Wormmon today. It's been kind of lonesome around the apartment without him this week." We generally visit the digital world weekly, and our digimon have taken to alternating between the worlds each week. He still looks a little down as he answers, "Yeah, me and Veemon are best buds, it sucks having to deal with Jun all by myself." The disheartened expression gives way to a smile, his genuine smile. the one I... the one that can always cheer you up. "But I know Veemon enjoys spending time in the digiworld too so, y'know, I don't mind the switching back and forth. In fact, it's kinda like a little vacation every weekend! Man, I'd go everyday, but I gotta go to school. Hey! Maybe after we graduate, we'll have more time to spend there." It's only then as he smiled his guileless smile that I realized, he really didn't know.
During the crisis between worlds 7 years ago, the existence of the digital world became public knowledge, but still, the world governments have been keeping it low profile ever since then. Since the 'agents' with unlimited access were children, they pretty much left us alone while they tried synthesizing the digi-technology, however, as we come of age and leave our home environments the government contacts us and makes arrangements. We basically have to commit to a kind of service agreement to justify coming and 'working' in the digital world. We become true agents so to speak, diplomats, liaisons to the other world. We are no longer free in that respect. The work of the digidestined was not finished 7 years ago. There are too many things we don't understand, and it seems our new mission is to truly, bridge the gap between both worlds.
Seeing as the older kids all participated in such arrangements, I had assumed we all knew that. For that reason, I was certain at least Hikari and Takeru knew, likely Miyako was aware too. Between us, we treated the subject as a kind of daunting taboo. In fact, since the older children were here today, it had to mean something was going on. We're nearing our high school graduation yes, all except for Iori.
But Daisuke didn't know. I /had/ known that Iori was ignorant, actually I suspected Takeru and Miyako of keeping it from him on purpose. I smiled at Daisuke lightly, not trusting myself to answer. So the sour premonition came true. I reasoned, this was probably our last 'picnic'.
The older chosen gathered behind us, and Takeru pulled out his digivice.
"Digiport, open!"
The familiar sensation of being pulled into the computer came over us, but for a split second, the light seemed to change into a negative image. Dark electricity appeared to flicker across Takeru's body. My eyes widened in recognition of the shadowy force. It had haunted me for years, the darkness within that had helped warp my soul all those years ago. I heard a sharp gasp from the other side of the room, and turned toward it. I met Hikari's frightened eyes where I saw a building horror likely parallel to that which I felt myself. I was shaking while Hikari's hands clenched convulsively around the camera slung around her neck. I wanted to call out a warning to run away, but suddenly the dark electricity around Takeru broke away, passing through Hikari and I, then swirling around the older chosen settling on Yamato, Sora, and Jyou. Then it was gone and we were pulled into the digital world.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The transfer seemed a bit rougher than usual this time, and we emerged in kind of a heap, but quickly reorganized. I noticed that nearby, Takeru-san looked a little shaken, so concerned, I went to help him up. Curiously, I saw Ken-san move immediately to pull Hikari-san aside.
When I reached Takeru-san, he smiled as I offered my hand to him. Taking it, he still seemed pale as he rose.
"Is something wrong, Takeru-san?"
"No, it's just..." he trailed off as Hikari and Ken started over and something unspoken passed between the three. "I'm fine Iori-kun, just a little surprised is all" he replied without turning back to me. Hikari rushed over to him, and the three began discussing in low voices. Unsure of what to do, I shuffled my feet and looked at the ground trying to be inconspicuous, trying very hard to tell myself that I didn't want to know what they were speaking of. I swallowed, then steeled myself to move away, berating the indignancy that rose within me. I wanted so much for them all not to treat me like a child, but how am I to expect that when I can't even quell such childish desires. I have faith that they trust me. They've trusted me with their lives, and I am confident in doing the same in turn. But at the same time, if it was at all possible that I could help, I wish, I wish they would confide in me. My curiosity burned within me, despite the fact that I realize it's probably none of my business. Just, the anxiety of not knowing, I can never force it away.
I gaze at Takeru-san standing a few feet ahead, a man who's been enigmatic to me from the outset, and the urge to learn, the desire to understand him and this new riddle reasserts itself. But I know I'm out of place here. I feel lost sometimes because I know there's too much I don't and probably never will understand. And that's why I don't belong in this business. But I want so badly to make it otherwise.
I sense Miyako-san at my arm and turn to her. She's looking over at the recently gathered group of three as well. Perhaps a similar curiosity plagues her because she seems slightly troubled.
"Takeru and Hikari..." she pauses overlong, and I'm not sure why she seems so unhappy at that. "and Ken?" Now her brows crease in puzzlement. Ah, perhaps that's it. Miyako-san has always been a mite possessive of Ken, but somehow, I'd not thought it went that deep. Miyako-san is my best friend. I know that she and Ken seem to have an attraction, but the longing I'd just seen in her was not the same as the feeling I normally see her attach to Ken. Right now she has the same lost look that I felt before. Like there's a world we can never belong to, no matter how close we could strive to be.
She snaps out of her reverie and plies the questioning gaze on me. "Iori, what's going on?"
Ashamed, I can only reply "I'm not sure..."
"Hey. Hey!" Taichi-san is calling out to all of us. Takeru-san, Hikari, and Ken seemingly ignore him, but Miyako-san, Daisuke, and I give him our attention.
"The six of us have something to take care of. Y'know, and we thought we'd check stuff out, hang around, y'know get to know the old place again. It's been a while for all of us so, you guys wait for your digimon here, we arranged to meet with ours elsewhere actually. We'll see you later."
I nod, but I'm thinking this is a bit nonsensical. Why not all just meet here and then split up? A shade of understanding that I don't recognize falls over Miyako-san, and she answers, "Yeah, I'll tell the others. Izumi-senpai can e-mail us if you need us."
The older digidestined who've now gathered around Taichi-san remain in place because he seems a little unsure. Then Daisuke walks over to him. He doesn't seem to know whatever it is that Miyako-san does either, but he's not bothered it seems. "Sure dudes! I think all of us are just gonna have a picnic, so feel free to join us later. But don't expect anything good to be left!" He turns and nods to us. With that, Taichi-san and the others seem satisfied and move off towards the forest nearby.
Miyako-san and I go to join Daisuke where he seems to be scanning the plain ahead of us for signs of our digimon. I puzzle a bit at that exchange, but it seems fairly natural to me. After all, Daisuke is our leader, maybe not in as complete a sense as Taichi-san is to the older children, but he usually speaks for us all.
Leadership was less of an issue in our group than the elder group it seems as we didn't have to face the same kinds of trials as a group that they did. I've gathered that in their original adventure in the digital world, the elder children had to assimilate into a highly cohesive group to survive. Thusly, strong roles had to be established in their group, Taichi-san's being that of the leader, figurehead type. I think that's why their actions as a group tend to reflect his actions. On the other hand, our group formed as a result of the roles we fulfilled, so Daisuke's actions as our leader tend to reflect the consensus of our group. Which is not to say that one way is weaker or stronger, only that our different relationships formed different structures resulting in different types of leadership.
I'm no fool. We've all been through enough together for me to see that the elder group, along with its intricate role structure contains subtle partnerships. But like the situation with leadership, different qualities are emphasized and sublimated, so our relational organization is more based around our jogress pairs as strategical units.
Miyako-san and I had been standing with Daisuke for some time when he actually spotted our digimon and began making a commotion greeting them. Seeing his simple expression of what the digital experience meant made me realize I was over analyzing things again. The three of us stood our ground and waved wildly as we watched six little dots sharpen into the forms of our digimon friends. Miyako-san is smiling at them, more subdued than usual and I notice Daisuke's performance is a bit over the top. the arrival of our friends seems to bring Takeru-san, Hikari, and Ken back to us, and I realize, perhaps there was a subset I hadn't been calculating. The three of us called to inherit the strength of our predecessors have an added responsibility to live up to I think, and an obligation to our teammates who bear unique burdens.
I also try to act as if I don't sense something amiss in our group, but as Takeru-san and the others rejoin us, I feel a darkness as surely as Miyako-san and Daisuke must have. The darkness that the three of us specifically are meant to fight. I know this, but I don't know how. I can only vow that the others can depend on me to do my best against it.
I must talk to Armadimon about it. That's the last thing I think as our digimon partners reach us, and we respond warmly, all in our own ways.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
"Takeruuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!"
Patamon flies into my arms, and I hug the little orange digimon to me tightly, hearing the sounds of the others being greeted.
"Daisuke!"
"Yo Veemon! Long time no see!"
"Greetings Miyako-san!"
"Nice to see you too Hawkmon."
At this point, Patamon sees fit to wriggle out of my arms and hovers around my head playing with my hat.
"Ken-chan! I missed you!"
"I missed you too Wormmon."
"I was beginning to think you guys might not show."
"We wouldn't miss this for the world Tailmon."
"Glad to hear it Hikari-chan."
"Patamon!" laughing, I chase him as he makes off with my hat. He finally lands on my head, hat on top of him.
"Doesn't that look funny Iori-kun?"
Armadimon and Iori, who was kneeling by him, gave us amused looks. I rolled my eyes up trying to see what a Patamon hat looks like, but only succeeded in jostling the little joker. Iori and Armadimon looked at each other, nodded, and then Armadimon climbed up Iori's shoulders and onto his head. He stood and grinned at me, and it didn't look quite as imbalanced as it did when Iori-kun was 9, but I suppose I would've found it more humorous without a hyper patamon on my head.
"Very funny guys." I replied dryly. Then laughed anyway. It was remarkable though, Iori-kun had shot up considerably during his growth spurt, and would have caught up to me if I hadn't gained a little height in the recent year. Hmm, I don't know why I just had that thought, but it's true. Despite Iori-kun being a bit younger, it's quite apparent that we're all growing up. He's actually quite a handsome young man now. And at least, that youth affords him a bit more time... There are just some things he doesn't need to know about yet. I hope he can enjoy this time.
We walk over to the others, digimon hooded, as they, enjoying the joke, refused to come down. Daisuke-kun and Miyako-chan are setting up the picnic blanket and food, mostly, I think in an effort to protect it from a hungry Veemon. Tailmon smiles wryly at Hikari-chan as she sees us come over and says "I think the guys have let the attention go to their heads."
Hikari-chan giggles, and Iori-kun has the grace to look a little embarrassed, while I turn to Ken for help, only to find him chuckling as well.
"I'm not sure I get it Ken-chan. I think it's nice that Takeru and Iori carry their friends around."
Ken sighs smilingly at Iori and I, and replies "I guess you're right as usual Wormmon. Its very kind of them." But then he smirks. I make mock annoyed faces at Iori-kun, and that finally makes him laugh too.
Iori's laugh is a ringing reminder of my precious memories in the digiworld, and suddenly, my mood darkens a little at the recollection of the shadow that had crossed us on our journey today. So help me, I'd fight anything that tried to destroy what I hold dear.
I glance over where Ken and Hikari are, and see they must be thinking something similar, because they turn silent. They sensed the threat too, apparently, and saw how it obstructed us earlier today. They could feel the darkness as well. meanwhile, Iori-kun noticed the mood shift, and faded out laughing, but we were saved an awkward moment by Miyako and Hawkmon's remarkably similar sounding offended squawks.
"Daisuke! How could you! You know that food is for all of us!"
"Indeed, Veemon, you should be ashamed, depriving your fellow digimon like this!"
"If you can't beat 'em, join 'em's what I say. 'gulp'" Daisuke had apparently united with his digimon in food thievery.
"Don't worry, I'll leave some for you guys 'gulp', I'm just hungry!" Veemon did seem to be holding back a little from his usual eating habits...
"YOU MORONS!" Wow, Miyako-chan and Hawkmon in stereo can be intimidating.
As if trying to forget the hanging thought of darkness, Hikari-chan ran over to them, eager to think about something, anything else. They make her feel safe I think, in a way that neither Ken or I can. She needn't fear that they'll be taken by the darkness. Ken walked over to Daisuke-kun, who apparently has a similar affect for him, and snatched a sandwich out of his hand. Daisuke stuck out his tongue, but ignoring the weak protests, Ken winked and tossed it to Miyako, who gave it to Hawkmon.
I saw Miyako take Hikari-chan's hand because the girl seemed visibly distressed. Hikari looked a little surprised at that, but they exchanged a few words, and she smiled. I needn't fear for Hikari either, as it seems with help, she can hold back her darkness. Even as I can understand it, I myself am of no help. No help at all.
Meanwhile, Daisuke-kun had stopped pilfering sandwiches, looking a bit regretfully at Ken, who eyed him with reproach. then Ken relented and split his own sandwich in half, giving one part to Daisuke. Daisuke did a little happy dance around Ken, who seemed satisfied with half a sandwich and Daisuke, and I wondered if maybe I wasn't the weak link in this battle. I think with the help of the group, the others will be okay. But I don't want to fight the darkness alone.
I felt a tap on my arm and turned to see Iori-kun holding my hat, as it seemed, bored with my idleness, Patamon had flown over to the food, Letting the hat flop to the ground. Armadimon had joined the others as well, and silently, Iori's eyes invited me to do the same. However, he handed me back the hat, which I replaced firmly, and began to speak. "Takeru-san, please tell me what's going on. The three of you..." He stopped there as if ashamed of his curiosity, the brightness that had always shocked me into awareness before. I felt terrible at leaving him in such anxiety, but the darkness, it would be better if he didn't know, even if I was scared of it myself. Even if it would have been easier to tell him.
It was one thing confiding in Ken and Hikari, who know the darkness, too well, as do I, but I refuse to get Iori-kun and the others involved in that.
"Iori-kun, I..." This time I was cut off.
Large explosions were coming from the forest nearby where the older digidestined had went off to. My eyes widened. Oh no, could the mission have gone wrong? Yamato and the others must be in danger! We have to help! All of us had stopped to look over, but now, Ken, Hikari, and Miyako were all making preparations to move out. Daisuke was sitting in the middle of them looking bewildered, and I began to move to help, when I noticed Iori-kun looked the same. I don't regret keeping this from him, though, it lances me that his ignorance, which he hates, is partly my fault. I'll apologize later Iori...
We all froze when we heard clearly coming from the forest, a deafening shout. It was WarGreymon's voice.
"GAIA FORCE!!!"
The crash of its impact sounded and we watched in horror as a dome of red orange fire spread across the ground to meet us.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
End Chapter 1
A/N: okay, so this is part of my horribly failed attempt at subtle yaoi/yuri -ness. theoretically, if i continued this, the next chapter would be all 01 pov, you know, 6 on 6 and all. and judging from the way i chose for this chapter, taito etc. should abound. anyway, whoa, there was a much stronger takori vibe than i expected. 'sweatdrop' i know everyone hates shakkoumon, but i couldn't help it! 'til next time i guess. also, i don't really know much about how they address each other, so all that -san -chan -kun stuff was almost entirely made up.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Warning: Shounen-ai/Shoujo-ai. For the sanity of everyone involved, please don't bother to read something which will just disgust you if you don't like that sort of thing. Roll call: Kensuke, Hiyako, Takori, (Taito, Mira, Jyoshirou)
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Ignorance
* * * * * * * * * * * *
If you'd asked me about maturity 7 years ago, I'd probably have smiled and said 11 year olds can be more mature than you think. After all, saving the world, well, multiple times actually, has a way of doing that to people. But here i am, a jaded worldly 18, and I've never felt so very young in my entire life. We're graduating high school in about a week, and it's strange, but somehow, I think I'd feel more at ease if I was my 11 year old self again. I don't know what I'd give to feel that utter conviction again, that we were in the right, and that faith would provide. I suppose it's all less complicated in retrospect, but maybe when you're young, its easy to see things in rigid terms of good and evil, the world ruled by justice and virtue. I believe we're all closer to virtue in our youth. Perhaps that's why it was children after all who were called to this fight. Of course, even though the digiworld is more widely known these days, the digidestined children, well not children anymore I guess, we all still feel a responsibility to be advocates. Falling back into our old roles. Falling back into our childhoods. In fact, as we get older, the nostalgia seems almost stronger. we're like a whole generation drafted to be protectors of this brave new world. I mean, people can hardly accept other people as equals most of the time, so if anyone needs protection, it's our friends in the digital world, and I'm glad that we can at least do that. But humans are humans after all, and life just isn't as simple in this world as it is in the digiworld. I think. listen to me, talking about saving the world like it was a piece of cake compared to my teenage angst. Jeez, 'Kari, think you can get any more conceited? I laugh to myself, but I can't seem to shake the feeling that things are changing, not just for me and my friends, but for the whole world. For both worlds.
"Hey! Hikari-chan! Come on!"
I look up and see Daisuke running in place, grinning like a moron. A cute moron, but a moron nonetheless. I sigh, maybe some things never change. He's a real sweetheart, but boy am I glad he's not 11 years old anymore. As he makes inane yet endearing hurry gestures I reflect on how much less frustrating he is when he's not worshipping you as a love goddess, and I walk over to him. I silently thank whoever caught his eye and turned it away from me all those years ago, because he grins one of those Daisuke grins and I don't have to worry about taking it away from him, by saying his friendship matters more to me than his heart. I've been so selfish and callous to him, but, he understands. Despite what people say, he really deserves the crest of friendship.
Miyako-chan and Ken walk over, and Daisuke-kun and I both turned to them.
"Takeru and Iori are with the older kids in the lab already," Ken says. "The two of us volunteered to find you. We should have known that Daisuke's been trying to put the moves on you again." He said it jokingly, but his eyes sparkled darkly as he shot a glance at daisuke, who surprisingly enough, noticed and laughed nervously looking away a little. I raised my eyebrow at the strange display, but promptly forgot about it as Miyako began scolding me in turn.
"Hogging all the cute guys again Hikari?" she said, rolling her eyes. I started in confusion, for some reason wanting to deny it vehemently but, she started in again before my brain and mouth could get it together. "Oh, wait, its daisuke, never mind." she continued laughingly, and turned, starting to walk away. "But i won't forgive you for ruining my alone time with Ken-kun." wink. I think ken began to sweat a little.
"Now come on you three, we're wasting plenty of good gossip time with the older kids!" she said, pausing and turning her head back to us. Then she blushed. "Oops, did i say that out loud? uh, nevermind, lets get the lead out!"
Ken and Daisuke-kun gave her strange looks, but I smiled at her as she ran back, grabbed my arm and briskly started dragging me along. She was still blushing, but seemed intent on not looking back at us. I, feeling no such determination, turned and noticed Ken and Daisuke hadn't followed, and turning back, felt a stab for my friend as she still seemed embarrassed into silence. It wasn't like Miyako-chan to get embarrassed so easily, and I felt myself get inexplicably angry at the boys for whatever they'd done to hurt her. however, at that moment, Miyako-chan seemed to notice I was looking at her, and dropped my arm sheepishly. She started walking slower and turned to me with a pasted on smile, saying "Uh, sorry 'bout that Hikari-chan, I, uh, ..., well, uh, Ken was, er, so you were talking to Daisuke and um... I think ken..." she petered off, then sighed and turned away. "I don't think they'd really want us around, so uh, we'd better hurry, y'know." she finished, and I could almost hear the smile crumble out of her voice.
I looked after her, confused. I'd seen and felt this undercurrent of pain and despair before, mirrored it torturously in guilt every time I broke Daisuke's heart. But that was loneliness. I know loneliness. This seemed different. It was strong, stronger than I'd ever seen from Daisuke. I was surprised we were still walking because it struck me pretty hard then, realizing what this could mean. /Miyako was in love/. In love maybe, with Ken? all her comments, all her chasing after him, even her blushing. I thought she had been joking. I wanted to think I was just jumping to conclusions for some reason, but I got this sick feeling. Why else this pain? Miyako has the strength of purity. Nothing could hurt her this much except for her equal strength in love. It had to be. But if that was true, then how could Ken hurt her like this, I thought to myself. How dare he. I remember how much it hurt me to hurt Daisuke, and I hadn't even liked him back. Unless... Unless Ken didn't love her back either... /oh Miyako./ I couldn't help but stare at her back, fixedly, hoping desperately that she was okay. I don't know love. I wish I could help you miyako, but I don't know anything about love. except for pain. I don't know how you can stand this pain...
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Me and the rest of the digidestined from Odaiba were having a meeting today, y'know it being Saturday and stuff, and it's probably more like a picnic I bet cause, we don't really need meetings anymore, thanks to the kick ass job I, uh I mean we did saving the entire world when we were only 11. And dude, if that isn't cool, I don't know what is! I mean, being an international, or interworldular or whatever hero is a mighty responsibility, but as the leader of the digidestined, I'm totally up to it. Dude! I'm totally late! Oh, wait, there's Hikari-chan, just standing there with that creepy other world look on her face. I can't be that late then. She looks kinda cute like that though. But, I know she doesn't like me like that, and actually, it's kinda cool that it turned out this way, because, now we can talk to each other and she doesn't get that uncomfortable look anymore like she used to. I think it may be what I wanted from her in the first place. I always wanted Hikari-chan to be my friend.
I'm walking towards her, and she must be having some deep existential thoughts, 'cause she doesn't even notice me! And yes, I know what existential means. It's like when people sit around and think about what came first, the chicken or the egg, or maybe the digiegg... Anyway, she still doesn't notice me, and I'm thinking, if she's been standing around in this state, then who knows how late we could be! So i say "Hey, Hikari-chan, Come on!" and start running in place to make her laugh. She looks up and gives me one of those, you're so silly looks and i grin at her. Yeah, it's definetely better this way, cause she could never be around me before without me feeling like she was constantly sorry to be with me. I know her better now, and I know that that meant she didn't want to hurt me, but I mean, I just wanted her to talk to me, and would that have hurt? Well, yeah, maybe if I'd wanted more it would have, but give me a break, I was a lonely kid, and she was Taichi-san's sister who was my age! I thought, 'she'll give me a chance', and she did, but maybe we both got the wrong idea. but I'm glad. I'm real glad that Hikari-chan is my friend.
Then Ken and Miyako show up. They came from inside, so this must mean they've come to get us! And y'know I'm all happy to see them, but, uh, somehow, they don't seem to feel the same way.
Ken cracks some joke about me hitting on 'Kari, but then he gives me this /look/, like I did something wrong. well maybe not that bad, but like that makes him sad, and I can't help feeling soooo, guilty for some reason, I can't even look at him. It's almost like what Hikari-chan used to do around me, but, I don't know, it cut me. Like I want to say to Ken, don't, don't think I would do that. I wouldn't make you sad like that. But what the hell is that supposed to mean I wonder, and I can't even talk I'm so confused.
Meanwhile, Miyako's all getting on Hikari's case about hogging the cute guys, you know, which I totally get, since they're fighting over yours truly. But even when Miyako totally insults me, I get distracted cause she winks at Ken. I mean, Ken and Hikari-chan don't seem too thrilled about that either, though, but soon she's babbled herself into a corner as usual, so she gets our normal puzzled looks, but she seems kinda embarrassed for some reason and drags off Hikari-chan leaving me and Ken alone. Jeez, Miyako's real nice, but she sure can be strange.
So me and Ken just stand there looking at each other for a second, and I don't know what to do. It's like, so weird, y'know. I want to talk to him. I /really/ do... but I have no idea what to say. And all i get is that stare, and I can't think if I want him to look away or want him to really look. I don't know. so...
"Aw, man! I think they're mad." I smile confidently and give him the thumbs up. "Of course, Hikari-chan loves me the way I am, but, good luck with Miyako!" I wink obnoxiously. "She seemed kinda pissed. Really, I could teach you a thing or two about girls man." I keep smiling, wanting him to laugh, punch me, defend Miyako's honour, anything! Please. Please I almost say. I want him to stop looking and I want to look at him forever but I want both and I'm all mixed up, and I don't, and it's, so... intense.
In that moment I watched as the, well, whatever it was, changed, and that familiar mask of amused superiority slid back into place. So he walks past me with a big sarcastic smile of his own and says "Sure, Daisuke, maybe I'll take you up on that some time. You could teach me how to repel women. I think Miyako-chan would really appreciate that actually." With him looking back at me, cat's smile all over his face, I could almost think I'd been imagining things. It's not the first time I've lost track of reality, so I figure I oughta act normal like.
I stick out my tongue and shoot back, "Well you just don't understand my sensitive appeal!" Then I run in front of him and call, "And i bet you can't beat me to the lab". He sighs, but runs up to parallel me. Raising an eyebrow he replies, "Don't I? The weak are fun to dominate." He's doing that smug thing again, but I look into his eyes. There's no smile in his eyes.
I slow a little, allowing him to shoot ahead of me, wondering, why those smileless eyes mean anything to me. I could tell from them that he'd been disappointed. and I can't get it out of my head. He's kind. He's too kind.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
"I don't think they'd really want us around, so uh, we'd better hurry, y'know."
God, its all I can do to keep walking and not start banging my head on the wall. Why do I do this to myself? I can feel that she's looking at me and I wish, I just wish for once I could relate normally to people, but no, Miyako-chan opens her mouth, and oh, instant foot sandwich. Of course Ken and Daisuke wouldn't want me around. argh, I sound stupid and pathetic even to myself!
I sigh to myself as I hear Hikari's footsteps behind me. In a second she's caught up, laying a hand on my arm.
"Miyako-chan, are you okay?" She's looking at me, and I wonder what she sees. I like to think there's something worthwhile under all my idiotic crap, but is there really? Can you see it Hikari-chan? If there's anything, then maybe I'm blind.
But just the fact that she's looking maybe makes me smile a little. "Yeah, I'm fine." I say. Then i pull out my patented Miyako love struck mooning face. "I just wanted to be there as my beloved Ken-kun showed Daisuke the penalty for accosting a lady, but he's so delightfully shy that I'm afraid he wanted to shield my delicate eyes from such graphic violence." I hold the pose as if expecting a backdrop to materialize behind me, and I can see Hikari-chan's familiar, 'oh no, she's being weird again' expression appear. We both chuckle at the worn in joke, and continue walking. She still seems a little apprehensive, maybe a little more than usual actually, but I think the way she cares about people is kinda sweet, if a bit heavy.
But that's the crux of the problem isn't it. People like Hikari, they care about others. Me, I've always just been me, and I don't care what others think, I don't care how they feel. Except now I do. And yeah, I know I'm an ass most of the time. That's just who I am. But whenever I'm around everyone, Hikari-chan, Ken-kun, Daisuke, Iori, Takeru, the other chosen children I'm a mess of what I want them to think about me. It sucks.
Hikari and I are walking along in a companionable silence, and I glance at her, wondering how she can be so strong. Strong enough to care about others more than herself. I really admire her, y'know. She's kind, smart, beautiful, graceful, um, tactful, well, basically everything I'm not. But thanks to my incredible self-centeredness, it just makes things worse. It makes me afraid. I'm afraid that I'll drive her away. I'm afraid that I'll lose everyone. We're so different and all, and she scares me the most.
Daisuke I get. He's actually a lot like me when it comes down to things, just a little braver, friendlier, uh, dumber, ack having unkind thoughts again. I think Daisuke and I understand each other because for the longest time we were both alone. For a long time all we could count on was ourselves, and I think that's how we got the way we are. Sure he can be aggravating, but Daisuke is strong too. He has a huge heart, and he isn't afraid to take on anything.
Ken reminds me a little of Hikari. They're both brilliant, but aside from that, they have the same way of putting others ahead of themselves. Ken told us the story about the dark ocean and his brother once, and I think a long time ago, Ken branded himself as no good. He has a gentle nature, and he's been used and hated, and it's left him hurt. Sigh, and he's really cute, but that is not the point. I like to make a big deal of 'our inevitable marriage' but we're really just good friends. Oh, sure, he has a certain draw, but my chasing him is more of a desire to get to know him, and I think he feels the same way about it. He's nice enough not to mind my posturing, and in a way, it's the only way I can think of to show him we want him around. He and I both know what its like to feel unwanted I guess, and that's our strange way of fighting it. But I don't think I'm in love... with him. As if I really know what love is.
Iori-kun would tell me I'm being stupid again. And he'd be right. The damnedest thing about that kid is he's right so often. He can be all innocent and sweet, but you gotta wonder if there ain't a bit of a demon in that kid. He just knows /way/ too much.
Then out of nowhere Ken and Daisuke come running at us, not looking where they're going. Predictably, they run into us and we all end up rather bruised and unhappy on the floor. By this point, we're actually right outside the computer lab we're using today, and the commotion attracts everyone from within. Thankfully it's just the other digidestined. Or maybe not thankfully. I'm hearing way too much laughter to be pleased here.
"Dammit, Yama, this is why you do not send teenagers to do anything!"
"Shut up Tai! I'm not the one who decided to send them. Ask Takeru. Besides, oh high and mighty 22 year old Taichi-sama, I can think of non-teenagers in this room who think with their hormones, cough, you, cough."
"Wanna make something of it 'Yama-sama'?"
"Um, guys, lets not trash the computer room shall we..."
"Oh, come on Sora, they're so cute together. Don't you think it would be fun to watch?"
"Mimi-chan!~"
"That's not what I meant, but I caught you, didn't I, you hentai!"
"Er,.."
"Jyou-san, you think we should just leave without them?"
"At this point, I think that's an excellent idea Koushirou."
"Ahem!" That was Takeru. "Uh, do you guys intend to stay like that all day, 'cause, while it seems like an uh, /interesting/ position, most of us prefer our picnics chaste and on time."
"Um, considering the company, are you sure that's true Takeru-san?"
Sigh, "You don't agree with me Iori-kun?"
Iori looked us over again. When we'd fallen, I'd reached out for Hikari-chan, only to succeed in pulling her down on top of me instead of remaining upright. Aw well, at least I seem to have broken her fall. I landed with my back against Ken-kun, who'd ended up with Daisuke sprawled across the half that Hikari and I weren't blocking. In fact, Daisuke somehow ended up laying half on Ken and half on Hikari. I for the life of me couldn't figure out why none of us had felt the urge to move.
Iori turned an eye on the older digidestined who were still bickering, and replied to Takeru, "I think it's just the two of us."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
I smile apologetically to Miyako-chan as we begin to extricate ourselves, seeing the others getting impatient. I tried to make sure to catch everyone on the way down, but I almost missed Hikari. Luckily, Miyako seems to have been more alert. This accident is entirely too indicative of my behavior recently. Not thinking. I'm too at ease, and I don't want to make a habit of it, but whenever I'm with this bunch, it just seems natural. When I decided to come to this high school with the rest of them, I tried to tell myself it was for practical reasons, but I know, I can't imagine my life without them. Maybe I'm losing my edge.
Daisuke gets to his feet, surreptitiously checking my leg where he fell on it to make sure I'm okay. I'm used to it from when we get a little rough in soccer practice, but I'm still not sure why he feels the need to hide the fact that he doesn't like hurting people. I suppose he's got his enforcer image to keep up, but really, he's more of a protector type. He helps Hikari up out of Miyako's arms, and I lift Miyako-chan up to her feet as I rise.
As we see the older digidestined still engaged in various states of bickering, Miyako smiles to me, winks, and gives me a pat on the, er, back, to show no hard feelings between friends. I return the smile, but begin edging away, blatantly. I stop and we both chuckle a little. Most people seem to think we're some kind of off and on couple, but the flirting is more like a pretext between us. I guess neither of us has the most straightforward way of thinking, and this is how we show we're comfortable with each other. Mutual non-rejection? Who knows.
Meanwhile, Takeru and Iori have gathered over to Daisuke and Hikari, who fix Miyako and I with twin unaccountably frosty glares. Miyako looks at me and then turns back to them with a distraught look, but the unpleasantness only seems to intensify. Remembering my earlier exchange with Daisuke, I feel an almost physical need to explain myself, but I'm not sure of what. It's just that, Daisuke and I have been leaning on each other since we were children, and I've always felt that, together, we were neigh unstoppable. What I mean is, he seems to understand me in a way that no one else can, and the thought of upsetting that, is, wrecking.
He forgave me and made me feel like a human being again, and without him, I don't know who I would be. But recently, well, maybe for a while now actually, something's been brewing between us that we can't seem to control, and, the thought of drifting, no, being driven apart, it hurts more than I could have ever imagined.
However, Takeru and Iori, seemingly oblivious of the darkened mood break our tableau, Takeru taking Hikari's arm, which of course entices Daisuke to protest, loudly, and Iori tugging on Miyako's sleeve. She manages to snag me as Iori and Takeru lead the rest of us to the computer we're using today, and I attempt to erase the bitter warning playing across my mind with small talk.
Miyako and Hikari seem to have engrossed themselves in conversation with Takeru and Iori, so I turn to Daisuke and say, "I'm really looking forward to seeing Wormmon today. It's been kind of lonesome around the apartment without him this week." We generally visit the digital world weekly, and our digimon have taken to alternating between the worlds each week. He still looks a little down as he answers, "Yeah, me and Veemon are best buds, it sucks having to deal with Jun all by myself." The disheartened expression gives way to a smile, his genuine smile. the one I... the one that can always cheer you up. "But I know Veemon enjoys spending time in the digiworld too so, y'know, I don't mind the switching back and forth. In fact, it's kinda like a little vacation every weekend! Man, I'd go everyday, but I gotta go to school. Hey! Maybe after we graduate, we'll have more time to spend there." It's only then as he smiled his guileless smile that I realized, he really didn't know.
During the crisis between worlds 7 years ago, the existence of the digital world became public knowledge, but still, the world governments have been keeping it low profile ever since then. Since the 'agents' with unlimited access were children, they pretty much left us alone while they tried synthesizing the digi-technology, however, as we come of age and leave our home environments the government contacts us and makes arrangements. We basically have to commit to a kind of service agreement to justify coming and 'working' in the digital world. We become true agents so to speak, diplomats, liaisons to the other world. We are no longer free in that respect. The work of the digidestined was not finished 7 years ago. There are too many things we don't understand, and it seems our new mission is to truly, bridge the gap between both worlds.
Seeing as the older kids all participated in such arrangements, I had assumed we all knew that. For that reason, I was certain at least Hikari and Takeru knew, likely Miyako was aware too. Between us, we treated the subject as a kind of daunting taboo. In fact, since the older children were here today, it had to mean something was going on. We're nearing our high school graduation yes, all except for Iori.
But Daisuke didn't know. I /had/ known that Iori was ignorant, actually I suspected Takeru and Miyako of keeping it from him on purpose. I smiled at Daisuke lightly, not trusting myself to answer. So the sour premonition came true. I reasoned, this was probably our last 'picnic'.
The older chosen gathered behind us, and Takeru pulled out his digivice.
"Digiport, open!"
The familiar sensation of being pulled into the computer came over us, but for a split second, the light seemed to change into a negative image. Dark electricity appeared to flicker across Takeru's body. My eyes widened in recognition of the shadowy force. It had haunted me for years, the darkness within that had helped warp my soul all those years ago. I heard a sharp gasp from the other side of the room, and turned toward it. I met Hikari's frightened eyes where I saw a building horror likely parallel to that which I felt myself. I was shaking while Hikari's hands clenched convulsively around the camera slung around her neck. I wanted to call out a warning to run away, but suddenly the dark electricity around Takeru broke away, passing through Hikari and I, then swirling around the older chosen settling on Yamato, Sora, and Jyou. Then it was gone and we were pulled into the digital world.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The transfer seemed a bit rougher than usual this time, and we emerged in kind of a heap, but quickly reorganized. I noticed that nearby, Takeru-san looked a little shaken, so concerned, I went to help him up. Curiously, I saw Ken-san move immediately to pull Hikari-san aside.
When I reached Takeru-san, he smiled as I offered my hand to him. Taking it, he still seemed pale as he rose.
"Is something wrong, Takeru-san?"
"No, it's just..." he trailed off as Hikari and Ken started over and something unspoken passed between the three. "I'm fine Iori-kun, just a little surprised is all" he replied without turning back to me. Hikari rushed over to him, and the three began discussing in low voices. Unsure of what to do, I shuffled my feet and looked at the ground trying to be inconspicuous, trying very hard to tell myself that I didn't want to know what they were speaking of. I swallowed, then steeled myself to move away, berating the indignancy that rose within me. I wanted so much for them all not to treat me like a child, but how am I to expect that when I can't even quell such childish desires. I have faith that they trust me. They've trusted me with their lives, and I am confident in doing the same in turn. But at the same time, if it was at all possible that I could help, I wish, I wish they would confide in me. My curiosity burned within me, despite the fact that I realize it's probably none of my business. Just, the anxiety of not knowing, I can never force it away.
I gaze at Takeru-san standing a few feet ahead, a man who's been enigmatic to me from the outset, and the urge to learn, the desire to understand him and this new riddle reasserts itself. But I know I'm out of place here. I feel lost sometimes because I know there's too much I don't and probably never will understand. And that's why I don't belong in this business. But I want so badly to make it otherwise.
I sense Miyako-san at my arm and turn to her. She's looking over at the recently gathered group of three as well. Perhaps a similar curiosity plagues her because she seems slightly troubled.
"Takeru and Hikari..." she pauses overlong, and I'm not sure why she seems so unhappy at that. "and Ken?" Now her brows crease in puzzlement. Ah, perhaps that's it. Miyako-san has always been a mite possessive of Ken, but somehow, I'd not thought it went that deep. Miyako-san is my best friend. I know that she and Ken seem to have an attraction, but the longing I'd just seen in her was not the same as the feeling I normally see her attach to Ken. Right now she has the same lost look that I felt before. Like there's a world we can never belong to, no matter how close we could strive to be.
She snaps out of her reverie and plies the questioning gaze on me. "Iori, what's going on?"
Ashamed, I can only reply "I'm not sure..."
"Hey. Hey!" Taichi-san is calling out to all of us. Takeru-san, Hikari, and Ken seemingly ignore him, but Miyako-san, Daisuke, and I give him our attention.
"The six of us have something to take care of. Y'know, and we thought we'd check stuff out, hang around, y'know get to know the old place again. It's been a while for all of us so, you guys wait for your digimon here, we arranged to meet with ours elsewhere actually. We'll see you later."
I nod, but I'm thinking this is a bit nonsensical. Why not all just meet here and then split up? A shade of understanding that I don't recognize falls over Miyako-san, and she answers, "Yeah, I'll tell the others. Izumi-senpai can e-mail us if you need us."
The older digidestined who've now gathered around Taichi-san remain in place because he seems a little unsure. Then Daisuke walks over to him. He doesn't seem to know whatever it is that Miyako-san does either, but he's not bothered it seems. "Sure dudes! I think all of us are just gonna have a picnic, so feel free to join us later. But don't expect anything good to be left!" He turns and nods to us. With that, Taichi-san and the others seem satisfied and move off towards the forest nearby.
Miyako-san and I go to join Daisuke where he seems to be scanning the plain ahead of us for signs of our digimon. I puzzle a bit at that exchange, but it seems fairly natural to me. After all, Daisuke is our leader, maybe not in as complete a sense as Taichi-san is to the older children, but he usually speaks for us all.
Leadership was less of an issue in our group than the elder group it seems as we didn't have to face the same kinds of trials as a group that they did. I've gathered that in their original adventure in the digital world, the elder children had to assimilate into a highly cohesive group to survive. Thusly, strong roles had to be established in their group, Taichi-san's being that of the leader, figurehead type. I think that's why their actions as a group tend to reflect his actions. On the other hand, our group formed as a result of the roles we fulfilled, so Daisuke's actions as our leader tend to reflect the consensus of our group. Which is not to say that one way is weaker or stronger, only that our different relationships formed different structures resulting in different types of leadership.
I'm no fool. We've all been through enough together for me to see that the elder group, along with its intricate role structure contains subtle partnerships. But like the situation with leadership, different qualities are emphasized and sublimated, so our relational organization is more based around our jogress pairs as strategical units.
Miyako-san and I had been standing with Daisuke for some time when he actually spotted our digimon and began making a commotion greeting them. Seeing his simple expression of what the digital experience meant made me realize I was over analyzing things again. The three of us stood our ground and waved wildly as we watched six little dots sharpen into the forms of our digimon friends. Miyako-san is smiling at them, more subdued than usual and I notice Daisuke's performance is a bit over the top. the arrival of our friends seems to bring Takeru-san, Hikari, and Ken back to us, and I realize, perhaps there was a subset I hadn't been calculating. The three of us called to inherit the strength of our predecessors have an added responsibility to live up to I think, and an obligation to our teammates who bear unique burdens.
I also try to act as if I don't sense something amiss in our group, but as Takeru-san and the others rejoin us, I feel a darkness as surely as Miyako-san and Daisuke must have. The darkness that the three of us specifically are meant to fight. I know this, but I don't know how. I can only vow that the others can depend on me to do my best against it.
I must talk to Armadimon about it. That's the last thing I think as our digimon partners reach us, and we respond warmly, all in our own ways.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
"Takeruuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!"
Patamon flies into my arms, and I hug the little orange digimon to me tightly, hearing the sounds of the others being greeted.
"Daisuke!"
"Yo Veemon! Long time no see!"
"Greetings Miyako-san!"
"Nice to see you too Hawkmon."
At this point, Patamon sees fit to wriggle out of my arms and hovers around my head playing with my hat.
"Ken-chan! I missed you!"
"I missed you too Wormmon."
"I was beginning to think you guys might not show."
"We wouldn't miss this for the world Tailmon."
"Glad to hear it Hikari-chan."
"Patamon!" laughing, I chase him as he makes off with my hat. He finally lands on my head, hat on top of him.
"Doesn't that look funny Iori-kun?"
Armadimon and Iori, who was kneeling by him, gave us amused looks. I rolled my eyes up trying to see what a Patamon hat looks like, but only succeeded in jostling the little joker. Iori and Armadimon looked at each other, nodded, and then Armadimon climbed up Iori's shoulders and onto his head. He stood and grinned at me, and it didn't look quite as imbalanced as it did when Iori-kun was 9, but I suppose I would've found it more humorous without a hyper patamon on my head.
"Very funny guys." I replied dryly. Then laughed anyway. It was remarkable though, Iori-kun had shot up considerably during his growth spurt, and would have caught up to me if I hadn't gained a little height in the recent year. Hmm, I don't know why I just had that thought, but it's true. Despite Iori-kun being a bit younger, it's quite apparent that we're all growing up. He's actually quite a handsome young man now. And at least, that youth affords him a bit more time... There are just some things he doesn't need to know about yet. I hope he can enjoy this time.
We walk over to the others, digimon hooded, as they, enjoying the joke, refused to come down. Daisuke-kun and Miyako-chan are setting up the picnic blanket and food, mostly, I think in an effort to protect it from a hungry Veemon. Tailmon smiles wryly at Hikari-chan as she sees us come over and says "I think the guys have let the attention go to their heads."
Hikari-chan giggles, and Iori-kun has the grace to look a little embarrassed, while I turn to Ken for help, only to find him chuckling as well.
"I'm not sure I get it Ken-chan. I think it's nice that Takeru and Iori carry their friends around."
Ken sighs smilingly at Iori and I, and replies "I guess you're right as usual Wormmon. Its very kind of them." But then he smirks. I make mock annoyed faces at Iori-kun, and that finally makes him laugh too.
Iori's laugh is a ringing reminder of my precious memories in the digiworld, and suddenly, my mood darkens a little at the recollection of the shadow that had crossed us on our journey today. So help me, I'd fight anything that tried to destroy what I hold dear.
I glance over where Ken and Hikari are, and see they must be thinking something similar, because they turn silent. They sensed the threat too, apparently, and saw how it obstructed us earlier today. They could feel the darkness as well. meanwhile, Iori-kun noticed the mood shift, and faded out laughing, but we were saved an awkward moment by Miyako and Hawkmon's remarkably similar sounding offended squawks.
"Daisuke! How could you! You know that food is for all of us!"
"Indeed, Veemon, you should be ashamed, depriving your fellow digimon like this!"
"If you can't beat 'em, join 'em's what I say. 'gulp'" Daisuke had apparently united with his digimon in food thievery.
"Don't worry, I'll leave some for you guys 'gulp', I'm just hungry!" Veemon did seem to be holding back a little from his usual eating habits...
"YOU MORONS!" Wow, Miyako-chan and Hawkmon in stereo can be intimidating.
As if trying to forget the hanging thought of darkness, Hikari-chan ran over to them, eager to think about something, anything else. They make her feel safe I think, in a way that neither Ken or I can. She needn't fear that they'll be taken by the darkness. Ken walked over to Daisuke-kun, who apparently has a similar affect for him, and snatched a sandwich out of his hand. Daisuke stuck out his tongue, but ignoring the weak protests, Ken winked and tossed it to Miyako, who gave it to Hawkmon.
I saw Miyako take Hikari-chan's hand because the girl seemed visibly distressed. Hikari looked a little surprised at that, but they exchanged a few words, and she smiled. I needn't fear for Hikari either, as it seems with help, she can hold back her darkness. Even as I can understand it, I myself am of no help. No help at all.
Meanwhile, Daisuke-kun had stopped pilfering sandwiches, looking a bit regretfully at Ken, who eyed him with reproach. then Ken relented and split his own sandwich in half, giving one part to Daisuke. Daisuke did a little happy dance around Ken, who seemed satisfied with half a sandwich and Daisuke, and I wondered if maybe I wasn't the weak link in this battle. I think with the help of the group, the others will be okay. But I don't want to fight the darkness alone.
I felt a tap on my arm and turned to see Iori-kun holding my hat, as it seemed, bored with my idleness, Patamon had flown over to the food, Letting the hat flop to the ground. Armadimon had joined the others as well, and silently, Iori's eyes invited me to do the same. However, he handed me back the hat, which I replaced firmly, and began to speak. "Takeru-san, please tell me what's going on. The three of you..." He stopped there as if ashamed of his curiosity, the brightness that had always shocked me into awareness before. I felt terrible at leaving him in such anxiety, but the darkness, it would be better if he didn't know, even if I was scared of it myself. Even if it would have been easier to tell him.
It was one thing confiding in Ken and Hikari, who know the darkness, too well, as do I, but I refuse to get Iori-kun and the others involved in that.
"Iori-kun, I..." This time I was cut off.
Large explosions were coming from the forest nearby where the older digidestined had went off to. My eyes widened. Oh no, could the mission have gone wrong? Yamato and the others must be in danger! We have to help! All of us had stopped to look over, but now, Ken, Hikari, and Miyako were all making preparations to move out. Daisuke was sitting in the middle of them looking bewildered, and I began to move to help, when I noticed Iori-kun looked the same. I don't regret keeping this from him, though, it lances me that his ignorance, which he hates, is partly my fault. I'll apologize later Iori...
We all froze when we heard clearly coming from the forest, a deafening shout. It was WarGreymon's voice.
"GAIA FORCE!!!"
The crash of its impact sounded and we watched in horror as a dome of red orange fire spread across the ground to meet us.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
End Chapter 1
A/N: okay, so this is part of my horribly failed attempt at subtle yaoi/yuri -ness. theoretically, if i continued this, the next chapter would be all 01 pov, you know, 6 on 6 and all. and judging from the way i chose for this chapter, taito etc. should abound. anyway, whoa, there was a much stronger takori vibe than i expected. 'sweatdrop' i know everyone hates shakkoumon, but i couldn't help it! 'til next time i guess. also, i don't really know much about how they address each other, so all that -san -chan -kun stuff was almost entirely made up.
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