Tears
By Aa-chan
A/N: This story contains shounen-ai. Any and all flames will
be laughed at. Mm, Kensuke… Daiken… I'm not sure which this story is (it's
starts out Daiken, though, that's for sure), but I love this coupling. ^_^
I am so incredibly confused.
I'm meandering around town aimlessly, not knowing where I'm
going and not caring. I have too much on my mind right now. It's nighttime but
the city is still fairly busy; it always is here. People living normal lives,
going about their business. They think they have problems. Stuck in a dead-end
job, nonexistent love lives—they don't realize how much I would give to trade
places with any one of them.
At least they know who they are. I don't have that.
The Digidestined know. They have their characteristics,
personalities—Kari is the sweet, funny one. Yolei is the outgoing, fun one.
Cody is the wise, reliable one. And Davis… Davis is the brave, determined one.
But who am I? I don't have an identity anymore. When I was
the Digimon Emperor, even though I was cruel and malicious, that was me. I
understood what I was all about. But now… It's as if I've been reborn, but
haven't had the time to develop. I'm a child, really, naïve in so many ways.
There's so much I never understood as I grew up under the control of darkness.
It's chilly out; I pull my jacket tighter around myself. It
would be pitch black, with only a dim moon and not a star in the sky, if it
weren't for the lights of Odaiba. I want to be alone right now. I have to find
somewhere peaceful to think.
Wormmon always said that I was kind. I smile briefly at the
thought Wormmon, who is currently at home and sleeping. I had to sneak out
without him; if he had awakened, he would have insisted on coming with me. He
needs his rest, not to be bothered by my problems. Besides, he can only see
good in me, at least now. He wouldn't understand what I'm going through, I
don't think.
A friend. That's what I need. A friend who understands me…
but there isn't anyone out there who cares, is there? I mean, the people here
don't know anything about me. I'm just a super genius who disappeared and then
returned home under mysterious circumstances. The only ones who know what
happened are the Digidestined, and I wouldn't be surprised if they hated me.
And I'm supposed to be one of them—well, that's a laugh. There's no way we'd be
able to get along after what happened.
I turn a corner, and a strong wind starts to beat at me. I'm
on the road near the ocean, I realize. I've always loved the beach. The waves
crashing methodically against the shore, the utter peacefulness… memories of
the beach when I was little drift around in my mind hazily. It's hard to
remember things that far back, from before my first trip to the Digiworld…
I suddenly notice a figure on the shore, staring out at the
horizon. It's just a silhouette from here, but that hair is unmistakable—it's
Davis. Just what I need right now.
I turn to go, but it's too late. "Ken? Is that you?"
I swallow and paste a grin on my face before turning around to
approach him. I don't want him thinking I'm weak. I don't think he would
understand emotional weakness. He's certainly never experienced anything of the
like, as far as I know.
Suddenly I recall the time when I, as the Emperor, made him
choose which of his friends would be allowed to live. Maybe he would
understand, after all…
"Hi, Davis, " I say. "What are you doing out here?"
He sighs and turns back towards the sea, then plops down
onto the sand, motioning for me to join him. "Oh, I'm just thinking… about this
new enemy who hasn't even shown her face yet. Palmon said it was a human
woman…"
He continues to talk, but my attention has drifted. He's
talking to me like I'm a normal person, after everything I put him through. How
can he be so forgiving? I can't even forgive myself.
Davis has suddenly cut off his words and is staring at me. I
realize I'm crying and hastily wipe away the tears on my cheeks. Idiot, idiot,
idiot.
"Ken…?" the goggle-clad boy asks hesitantly. "What's wrong?"
"N-nothing."
He looks at me for a moment, head tilted slightly and eyes
thoughtful. It looks absolutely adorable.
Now where did that thought come from?
"You know, Ken," he begins, "I thought that since you're
good again, you'd be really happy and stuff… and that, like, you would join us
and be our friends. I never really thought… that you would be sad…"
Words suddenly echo in my memory as they have a tendency of
doing. Cody, yelling at me furiously; TK, quietly undermining my confidence;
and Davis, shouting, "Come back, Ken! We want to help you!"
Suddenly I find that I'm sobbing against his chest, crying
for the life I never knew, crying for the souls of the Digimon that are dead
because of me, crying for Sam…
He's holding me tightly and I'm clutching desperately at him,
as if he's a life preserver in a storm on the ocean. He isn't saying anything,
which I'm grateful for. There's only so much "It's okay, Ken" I can take when I
know very well that's not true. He's just being a comfort. He's being… a
friend.
He smoothes my hair back. "Ken… you'll get through this, you
know. And I'll help you."
I bury my face against his jacket, my cries slowing.
"You'll… help me?" Why?
"Of course." He sounds surprised.
"Thank you." It's all I can manage to say right now. I want him
to know how much this means to me, how grateful I am, how close I feel to him.
But somehow, I think he understands that's what I wanted to say.
I pull away from him abruptly, flushing with embarrassment.
Letting myself go like that—what was I thinking?
But Davis just grins and stands, brushing off his pants then
holding out a hand to help me up. "Come on. It's late. We should go home."
I think of my apartment, with my doting parents there. I
love them with all my heart, but they've been so… so… stifling lately. "Yeah… I
guess…"
Davis notices my expression and a toothy grin suddenly
brightens his tanned face. "Why don't you sleep over at my place? My parents
won't mind."
"Really?" I ask, allowing myself to be pulled to my feet by
him. "I'd like that."
-
I'm not sure what time it is when I wake up; only that it's
the middle of the night. Rubbing my eyes, I roll over on the cot Davis' mom got
out for me and freeze when I see Davis, sitting in his pajamas by the window.
He's staring out at the night sky, wearing a worried frown.
"Davis?" I ask quietly.
He whips his head around and then relaxes with an obviously
forced grin. "I can't really sleep, that's all."
"It's the new enemy, isn't?" I ask, knowing the answer. Out
on the beach, I totally ignored his problem and him comfort me, instead.
Stupid, Ichijouji.
Davis blinks a couple times. "How'd you know?" he asks
sheepishly. "Well, yeah. I'm worried. I mean, the last threat to the Digital
World is gone—" he doesn't avoid my eyes, and I'm grateful— "but now there's
this powerful new enemy who hasn't even shown herself. The lives of every
Digimon there are in danger."
I study him silently. He is the type of person that would
hate having a problem and being unable to solve it. "You know she'll have to show
herself eventually. You've been beating those fake control spire Digimon
easily, and everyone's Digimon has become a Champion. Eventually she'll attack
herself." It's simple logic, but apparently not to Davis.
"Hey, bet you're right," he says, flopping onto his bed and
shoving his hands under his head. "Yeah. We'll beat her!"
I can't help but smile. That was all he really
wanted—conviction that this would not be impossible to solve. He has the
willpower and strength in him to carry it out once he realizes it's true.
I settle back into my covers, squirming until I'm
comfortable. I start to fall to sleep, but just as I'm drifting off, Davis
mumbles, "Thank you." That's all he said, but I know he meant more than that.
He wanted me to know that he is grateful and that he feels close to me right
now.
I've had experience, you see.