Su Luo wanted, she ached to take a few steps closer to Nangong Liuyun and give the man some comfort; she saw the pain in his eyes, the cracks in the marble floor left behind by the man's drunken despair, and bright red bloodstains staining through the careless bandages wrapped around his body. Her heart cried, and, inwardly, she thanked the poor servant who had risked their life to give the man before her medical care. In his state, he wouldn't have bothered or cared about it. She wanted to take his arm and give him comfort, maybe some celestial spirit water to heal his visible wounds. Her throat burned. She wanted to apologize; to let him know that she had never considered willingly leaving her relationship with him up to chance. She wanted to let him know that he had wiggled his way into her heart with his shamelessness and faith, and that she would never risk losing what she had already thought she had lost.
She wanted to do all these things, but she wouldn't. She couldn't. Her training wouldn't allow her to admit weakness, to show someone her vulnerabilities, to show that she cared, not again. If Nangong realized just how much of a hold he had of her heart, and he broke it…she wasn't sure she could recover. He made her feel safe in a world that, for the most part, wanted her dead. He was her support, and she wanted to be his, but he could never know. Assassins can't display weakness. Assassins had to be cold and heartless, otherwise their enemies would realize just how fragile they really were.
But while, Su Luo's mind felt this way, the body she had inhabited was not the body of an assassin. She felt her eyes begin to swell. She reminded herself that the man had left her to fend for herself, for her life, in those dangerous mountains prancing off with that Jade Fairy just to make her jealous, and that she nearly got eaten by a dragon. That the man before her had never really bothered to ask for her opinion on his shameless displays of affection. That he had almost choked her when she had briefly alluded to another love in her life, but somehow she had already forgiven him for those actions. A small crystal drop leaked from her body's eyes.
Inwardly, she cursed, quickly turning her head away from that mesmerizing handsome man. If she was in her old body, this would never have happened. She had trained that body to repress any sign of emotion, even dying by her former lover's hand she had not cried. Hiding the telltale tear in her sleeve, she prayed that Nangong had not noticed.
Unfortunately, the gods and spirits did not hear her. The man was an eighth rank expert, leagues above her own, of course the man had noticed her tear. In a moment, that man was behind her, holding her wrist out, and staring at the sleeve where she had tried to bury the evidence. "Girl, is this king's eyes mistaken, or did you shed a tear for this king?"
"This king's eyes need a physician. This girl does not know what you could possibly be referring to." Su Luo turned her head away from her arm and the man behind her, trying to both will the water in her eyes away and keep her face hidden. The man stared intently at her sleeve, the tight grasp of his hand leaving a red mark on her pale skin. He frowned and let go. Su Luo immediately moved the arm out of his grasp and sight, still refusing to face the bewitchingly handsome devil behind her whose skin practically glowed in the darkness of the room.
"Leave. This king did not desire to bring this girl to tears, but this king does not trust that he can control his rage." Nangong sighed, and turned to away, walking back to his bed, blood staining through the messily wrapped bandages around him.
"Wait…" Su Luo whispered, as she glanced behind her, "can I…can this girl rewrap your bandages? If left alone, they might become infected."
Nangong slumped over backward, coughed out a raspy laugh, "That is what this girl cares about?" Even in sadness, with his phoenix eyes blank without that familiar warmth that Su Luo remembered, the man gave off a sublime sad, and yet still noble, grace. He nodded to himself and sighed, a charming melancholy in his voice, "I suppose this king should be thankful for so much consideration."
He lay down on the bed, with such elegance in his haphazard, devil may care attitude that it was hard not to compare him with a god, even blood staining through the bandages and white inner cloth had the refinement of a painting. He motioned over to Su Luo who was pointedly not trying to look at him, "Is this girl intending to follow through with her offer?"
Su Luo blushed and again tonight felt like cursing the gods of this world. WHY did they give THIS much beauty to such a man. Thankfully, she was fairly certain that she had managed this body from crying. She moved towards the bed, careful to stare at the floor as she moved her way to his bed.
She could not find the courage to look at his face, her mood somewhere between blushing as she touched his flawless skin, trying to rewrap the bandage round his middle and focusing as much as she could on not letting any more potential tears leak from her eyes. She wanted to let him know that she wasn't frightened, but saddened and found herself unable to bring the feelings into words. Eventually she settled down after, rewrapping one of the bandages on his arm, focusing on the work in front of her instead of any feelings. She smiled and quietly whispered, not particularly towards anyone, "Thank you."
She knew that Nangong didn't allow people to touch him lightly. He was humoring her, he didn't really care if the bandages came loose or not, but for her it was a way to atone in part for the pain she had caused him. She moved her hand to wrap the next piece of loosened gauze, but found her hands instead intercepted and caressed by a familiar soft and firm set of hands. Su Luo blushed as he lightly pulled her hands so that they grazed the outlines of his face, until finally coming to his mouth where he lightly kissed them, and sighed as he looked into her eyes.
If he knew what was going through her mind right now. That she was imaging her hands running through his hair or wondering what the steady heartbeat of his chest would feel like through that porcelain skin of his...she didn't think she would ever be able to wipe the smirk from his face.
"It's not fair," his blushed from the alcohol induced despair from the night before as he slightly released and then traced over her hand with his own fingers, giving off a trace of warmth, "This king wonders," he murmured, "if I will ever occupy a space in your heart, the way you occupy mine."
A tear dropped from Su Luo's eyes as she looked at him, "I don't know the future, so I can make no promises, but I know you already affect my heart."
Nangong smiled an ever so slight, so small, smile as he thought about his future and the disease that would take him. A smile which just about broke apart Su Luo's defenses. She pulled his hand towards her own face and rubbed against it, blushing from embarrassment and hoping that he would forget about this in the morning due to the alcohol she could smell on his breath. He wouldn't, but if she didn't think that…she would never have courage to say the next words that came out of her mouth, "Stay with me?"
She was so tired. She had been so worried these past few days, all she wanted to do was curl up against his strong chest and feel, if only just for a moment, that she was safe. That the love he felt would last, and that she could believe just for a moment that he would love and always put her first, that she would never have to worry about making a contingency just in case his love expired. Nangong nodded, twirled her around and pulled her into his embrace. He gently smirked, his own tired eyes revealing that familiar warmth she had missed as he looked own at her, "I never expected you to show such initiative."
She smiled, relaxing her shoulders in his embrace, "This still doesn't mean that you're allowed to pull any shameless acts tonight."
Nangong sighed, "This king knows."
"….but at least", Nangong smiled, "I know you love me more because I don't eat your crystal source stones."
Meng Meng twitched awake from the nightmare, shaking his head as he did so. Thank his father, it was a dream. Owner still loved him best…though that would be the last time he ate the all the cyan stones before sleeping.