Sequel to Duo´s Story, but can be read as a stand alone fic, but I wouldn´t recommend it. Takes place in LA. Heero´s POV. Angst, sap.
Heero´s Mirror
People dream of angels. They glide on the auspicious wings of flight, watching over the transient lives of the mortals below, lost and unseen in an oblivion overhead. What people don´t realize is that angels have long been extinct, and only we remain- shadows of our ethereal ancestors, breezing through the rhythm of the city. We have watched this salient place since before we can remember, and will watch it for forever longer. This is my story, this is how I came to give up forever for one lifetime.
It started with a boy, getting off a bus from Nebraska, looking too young to be out here by himself. I followed him that night, watching over him as he slept. The wind threw shadows across his face, wisping tendrils of chestnut over his lips, and I found I wanted nothing more than to smooth them away. I wished I could touch him. And I followed him, after that night, and watched as he went through the motions of his life, wanting nothing more than to be there with him.
Then I came across a boy, maybe a few years older than my Duo. His name was Heero Yuy, and he was dying. I asked him if I could take over his body, take over his life, and in return I´d live out his dreams for him. His last word before death took him was a consent. It felt strange, at first, his body. I felt heavy, and cumbersome, not to mention apprehensive at the fact that I had just thrown away my immortality. I made my way to the alley where Duo slept, finding him sick and cold. I picked him up carried him to Heero´s house, to my house.
* * *
Heero Yuy´s dream had been to become an artist. But he was never more than mediocre at it, while I was more than adept. While Duo recovered from his illness I painted landscapes, sunsets and pastures. I realized this wouldn´t help me make money, though, and the money Heero had left wouldn´t last the two of us more than a few years. So I went out and got a job at a portrait studio, even though I hated drawing people. My salary would be adequate to sustain the both of us. I always got home at six so I could cook Duo dinner, and gradually I think he started to understand my feelings for him. Something sprang out of our initial understanding, something that seemed so much better than what I had given up.
I would lay there, after our couplings, before sleep claimed me, and just relish in his presence. I would breath in his smell, wrapping my arms around his skin and twining fingers in his hair. Love was such an ephemeral thing, since life itself was only transient, and I was intent on enjoying every moment of it.
I came home one day to find Duo with another man. I can´t help but state it matter-of-factly, I´m still not sure what I felt when I saw them together. I wasn´t mad. I couldn´t be mad at Duo. I´m not sure what happened, but I must have left the house, because the next thing I knew I was walking through the city. Emotions and relationships were new concepts to me, and I had never considered that Duo wouldn´t want to spend his life with me. Maybe he never cared for me at all. I had been selfish to think that he would. I started to walk home, hoping to discuss the matter with him. If he didn´t love me, then I would just let him go, no hard feelings, no regrets. As for me...I wasn´t sure what I would do. My whole existence had come about because of him. But it didn´t matter. When I got home, he had already left.
It hurt more than I thought it would, the realization that I was right. He didn´t love me. Maybe I was no better than one of his clients. I walked into the bathroom, staring at the mirror, staring at the razor he had left by the sink. I lifted it to my wrist, staring at it for a long time as it pressed in shallowly, leaving the thinnest line of blood in its wake. And I realized, this wasn´t what I wanted. I had asked for life, and I was going to live it out to the fullest, even without Duo.
I decided to become a doctor. I wanted to help people, and this would give me a chance to do just that. Heero Yuy had a high school degree and an impressive educational record, so getting into college wasn´t hard. I spent virtually all my free time studying, determined to live out this dream. And now, eight years later, I am officially Dr.Heero Yuy.
* * *
I made my way through the khaki tents, looking for the new shipment of supplies.
"Relena," I called. "Do you know where the new vaccinations are?"
Relena was a peer in college, and a co-worker on this project. We had both volunteered for it, dispensing medical aid in the Sudan. It was somewhat dangerous work, with all the diseases around the area, and the lack of a good communication and transportation system between us and the States. I know she has feelings for me, and I do care for her, but not the same way I care for Duo. She´s just...not him.
Relena shook her head sadly. "They´re being held in transit, the Sudanese government wants to check them over."
"What could they possibly want with medical equipment?"
Relena sighed. "You know how it is, Heero. On our brighter note, we do have some more boxes of malaria pills."
"Good, there are families here that will need them." I grabbed a medium sized box and made my way out of Relena´s tent, towards the patients area. It really wasn´t a special type of area, just an empty space where the people could wait to get their shots and medicine. I handed out seven pills to each person there, enough for a weeks supply, cringing at the malnourished children, stomaches swollen over the skin and bones of the rest of their body. They thanked me with smiles; I´m sure that didn´t know exactly what good these pills and shots we gave them did, but they knew since we´ve been around less people have been dying. It´s gratifying to see them chasing after my plane as it lands, when I make a trip back from America, hear them calling hello so ethusiastically to me. It´s nice to know that they want me here, that I´m helping.
After night fell we gathered in the communal tent for dinner. There wasn´t much from home, but the local tribes are kind enough to bring us little tidbits of food. Tonight we were lucky enough to have some meat, the leg of an antelope some one had hunted down. Relena was sitting by me, while the other two doctors, Sally and Lucrezia, were seated across from us.
"Vaccinations and pills are one thing," I said. "But we really should send some food down here."
Sally shook her head. "It´s just not possible. The funds just aren´t there, and the war lords either won´t accept it, since it´s an act of charity, or they´ll just keep it to themselves."
"Still," I answered. "There must be a way."
"You know," said Lucrezia, "the organization funding this expidenture is having a meeting in a month. Maybe you should schedule a plane to take you there, speak with the chairmen and what not, drudge up some more support."
"That´s a wonderful idea," Relena gushed. "Heero, I´m sure you can convince them."
I guessed I had no other choice, since they had all but volunteered me. It was my idea in the first place, any way. I nodded.
After dinner, Relena insisted on walking me back to the my tent. When we got there, I stopped to say goodbye, but saw that she still had something to say.
"Heero, I know that you´d never ask me, so I thought I´d take the initiative. "
And then she asked me to marry her. What could I do? I said yes. I had failed to make Duo happy, and I wasn´t going to deny Relena that in her life, not if it were up to me. Life´s too short as it is. She beamed at me, gave me my first kiss since Duo left, a short peck on the lips. The next day I called into town for a plane, which came to pick me up two weeks later. Relena waved to me as the small plane lifted off to take me to a major airport, and I waved back, determined to make the two of us happy when I came back.
The meeting was a disaster. Not only did they refuse the request for more support, they decided to scrap the project all together. They offered me their condolences, commended me for my effort, and promised a glowing recommendation for my next job. It was too bad, they said, but the money just wasn´t there. So I left to go back to Africa, to give everyone the news and pack up the equipment. It was night when the plane landed at the site, so there were no cheering children running after the plane. I got off and landed in the dusty, dry soil. Sally came up to me with a strange, sad expression on her face. And I hadn´t even told her the bad news yet.
"Heero," she started, as if talking to a child. "Relena, there was an accident."
It had been a snake, a green mamba. Evit spirit resurrected, evil incarnate to the natives. I had seen it happen once. Once a little girl had been playing on the land next to the site with her friends. All of the sudden, there was a streak of light, and there had been a shriek, and she was so pale, so still, as she stood there. The other children silently crept away from her, afraid to be near her but afraid to disrupt her. The poison worked in a matter of minutes, too short a time to get the vaccine, and she had died. I had helped to bury her, and tonight, I helped to bury Relena. The three of us stood memorial under the night sky, and I mourned, although I wasn´t sad. Nonetheless, I mourned.
A few months later I got a job at a hospital in Washington, taking on terminal cases. I had changed my name, wondering why I hadn´t done so sooner. This was my life now, not Heero Yuy´s. I called myself Solo, because I was alone without Duo, and Darlian, to honor the only person who ever truly loved me. Dr. Solo Darlian.
"Dr. Darlian," called a nurse, "there´s a case they want you to diagnose. Some one just bought him in, he´s unconscious in room 213."
I nodded and headed to the room, looking in on the patient. It was obvious he was dying. Too thin, too pale, though I couldn´t see much of him. He was almost completely covered with dirt. I decided to wait until they gave him a sponge bath before I made any diagnoses. When I came back an hour later, I stopped, surprised, at the door. There were sores on his face that could only be from a full blown case of AIDs, but even through the sores I could identify him, and I wondered why I didn´t notice that trail of hair before.
"Dr.Darlian?" the other boy in the room said. He was tragically young, a leukemia patient.
"I´m just checking on the new patient, Quatre."
He nodded and I walked up to Duo, resisting the urge to grasp his hand in mine. God he looked awful, and he was still the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Suddenly, his eyes fluttered open, and I was drowning in cobalt.
"Where am I?" his voice was soft, raspy, and I imagined it hurt him to speak.
"You´re at a hospital," I managed to get out.
Quatre leaned forward to talk to the new patient. "This is Dr. Darlian, and I´m you´re roommate, Quatre."
Duo nodded weakly, and I continued in my doctor´s voice. "We found you unconscious four hours ago, and you´ve been here ever since."
He looked at me then, and I realized he didn´t recognize me. It wasn´t surprising, I had changed a great deal more than he had. I was taller now, more broadly built. My hair was cut shorter, closer to my head, and had been tamed somewhat. The African sun had bleached it to a dirty blond, and tanned my skin to a darker color. I even had something of a beard; not because I liked it, but because my long hours made it hard to find time to shave regularly. Or maybe it wasn´t that. Maybe he had simply forgotten me.
"So how long am I going to be in here, Doc?"
I looked down, pretending to be absorbed in my clipboard. I didn´t want to talk about this with him. It was too depressing. "This section of the hospital was set up for terminal patients. Unless you want to leave, you´ll be staying here until you pass on."
"Sounds good to me. So I get a free place to stay and some food?"
So he was still out on the street. "Yes. There´s a special fund set up here for patients like you."
Duo nodded before drifted off to sleep. I said good bye to Quatre and left the room, signing out and going home.
* * *
The next morning I walked towards room 213, holding a box of cookies I had picked up from from the market. Duo and Quatre had been talking, and I got there to see Quatre falling asleep and murmuring a sleepy "I guess that´s all we can do."
I wonder what they were talking about.
I walked up to Duo, pretending to read his name off the clipboard. I didn´t want him to know who I was; he didn´t need that stress right now. He smiled politely at me.
"I bought you some cookies, Mr.Maxwell. I know how bad the food here is."
"No, it´s okay really. I´m just glad to have any food at all."
I winced at that comment and hoped he didn´t notice, placing the box on his lap.
"Thank you. These are my favorite."
I nodded as if I hadn´t known that, taking a seat next to him.
"So what´s your name, anyway, doc?"
"Solo Darlian."
"Solo? That´s funny, my name´s Duo."
"Small world."
He nodded slightly. "This is awfully nice of you, but don´t you have other patients you have other patients to go give cookies to?"
"Yes, well, I´d like to ask you a few questions first."
"I though I already went through that with the other doctor."
"It won´t take very long." I opened the folder I had with me. "How long have you been HIV positive?"
"About seven years."
"Do you have any family, or any people that care about you, that you want to contact?"
It hurt when he shook his head no. "So Dr. Darlian, what exactly is the diagnosis? I know it´s not long."
I closed my folder. "Call me Solo. We think two weeks, at most."
"I see."
There was a short, awkward silence before my beeper rang. "If you´ll excuse me."
He nodded as I left the room.
* * *
Over the next few days I came to see Duo as often as I could, bringing him little things I knew he liked. Sometimes he would even ask me to get him something, a particular snack or a magazine to read. He still read those Hollywood magazines, flipping through the back, where they listed the auditions. I´m sure he was picking out the parts he would try out for, if he weren´t sick, the parts that would make him famous. Some times, all you have are your dreams. I would take him outside a lot. He was wheelchair bound now, but I pushed him along the beach in back of the hospital. He had always loved the ocean. We built a friendship, because we didn´t have any one else. Then one day I came in, and he looked so weary all of the sudden. I looked over to Quatre´s side of the room. It was empty.
"Kid was nice, you know? One of the nicest people I´ve ever met." he murmured.
I nodded. "Duo, how much morphine did you take today?"
"I dunno. Five pills?"
It was only ten in the morning. He didn´t need that much medication. I rolled him out to the beach, where we just sat and watched the ocean.
"Solo?" he asked. "How come there aren´t any mirrors in my room?"
Duo had always been proud of the way he looked. I hadn´t wanted him to see himself like this, the way he looked now. I had had them removed that first night, while he was sleeping. "They were removed."
He didn´t ask me to explain. "Could you do something for me?"
"Anything."
"Could you...bring me a mirror? I´d like to see myself one last time, before I die. It may be hard to believe, I know I must be a mess now, but I was beautiful at one point in my life."
"You´re beautiful now."
"You don´t need to flatter me, Solo."
He was having trouble breathing. I pushed him back inside, and he fell asleep along the way. I picked him up and put him on his bed, tucking the blanket over his too thin frame. I left the hospital then, taking the rest of the day off. I went home, pulling out a wooden box I hadn´t opened in years, but hadn´t had the heart to throw it away. Opening it, I ran my fingers across the tubes of acrylic. This would be my last piece. I didn´t have any photos, but I only needed my memories. I remembered how his eyes laughed all the time, how his mouth was perpetually pulled up in that smirk that threatened to explode into a full blown grin, how his braid had a tendency to flow to one side. And when I was finished, there he was. Duo Maxwell at seventeen, as beautiful and vivid as he had looked in the days before he left me. I had the canvas framed in an oval, antique frame, and I headed to the hospital. It had taken me twelve straight hours to finish the painting, and when I got to the hospital, I learned he was in a coma. So I sat by his bed, waiting for him to wake up. I stayed awake for more than twenty-four more hours, never giving up hope, and then, he opened his eyes.
"Solo," he rasped out, "I guess this is it."
I nodded, finding it a lot harder to keep from crying than I had expected. "I bought you a mirror."
I held the painting in front of him, and he looked at it for a little bit, before turning to face me. I thought his eyes seemed a little wet.
"Thank you," he breathed out.
I nodded, as he stared at me, and I wondered if he knew. Then he turned to the window, and looked out sadly. "I´d like my ashes to be spread out over the ocean."
I nodded again, I didn´t trust myself to speak. He closed his eyes, an overwhelming sorrow coming over his features. He probably wouldn´t last more than an hour now. Then he opened his eyes again and, looking through the window at something beyond the horizon. "I´ve done a lot of things in my life that I´ve regretted. I think my biggest regret, though, was pushing away the one good thing I ever had in this life. I had an angel looking out for me, you know, and I hurt him. Maybe more than I realized. Do you think...do you think that he would forgive me, for what I did?"
I forced himself to choke out the words, my voice cracking a little. "I think he forgave you a long time ago."
"I had hoped so."
His eyes closed then, and I had a feeling he wouldn´t have the strength to open them after this. He whispered his last words, each one growing softer and fainter than the last.
"I love you, Heero. I always have."
And then there was only the steady ping of the heart monitor.
* * *
The next day I walked down to the beach, a small steel box in my hands. I opened it, watching as the ashes blew out and into the ocean. I had already put in my resignation at the hospital; Duo wouldn´t have wanted me to stay, it would only be torture, and he wouldn´t want me to mourn for too long. I didn´t know yet, what I would do with my life. I was thinking of becoming an actor, since he never had a chance to.
I was wrong before; I hadn´t traded in forever for a single lifetime. What I had with Duo, whatever it was that was between us, that was forever, and it was worth living for.
Zutto, Duo, ai shiteru.
~owari~