Adele's "Hello" put the idea for this story in my head, but it doesn't exactly follow the lyrics. I enjoy writing conversation stories so Stephanie had to answer. Everybody and anything familiar belongs to Janet. The rest is mine.
"Stephanie?"
"Yep. You got her."
If only that were true.
There was a slight pause on her end. "Joe?"
"Hey, Cupcake."
"Still won't give up on that nickname, will you?"
The voice coming out of my cell sounds so familiar, yet completely different.
"There are lots of things I should've given up years ago," I told her.
She doesn't have to know she's one of them.
My dick got hard as her laugh filled my ear. "Tell me about it. Moving into a neighborhood that contains a bakery and an award winning pizza place has been challenging."
"I can't see you ever giving up junk food," I said, a smile on my face as I remembered all the meatball subs I've watched her scarf down at Pinos.
After Pino died, the life and roaches that used to fill the place seem to have gone with him. The restaurant is still there being run by a cousin, but it's just barely scraping by. It's lost the family vibe that Pino himself brought to it.
I sighed. Nothing has been the same since Stephanie moved to Seattle. It was the last place I ever expected her to live, but everybody knew she'd do anything for Manoso. When his brother got a promotion and had to relocate, the control freak thought he could kill three birds with one move. He could expand his empire in a city that had been free of him up until then, he'd get Stephanie all to himself, and he'd be able to keep an occasional eye on his youngest sibling.
I think Mrs. Plum also helped convince Stephanie that a move was a good idea. Not purposely, but anybody who has overheard the overly polite 'And how is Ranger?' question she continually asked Stephanie, knew it was starting to get to her. There was a time both Helen and I believed Ranger would stay in Washington, or move somewhere else, and Stephanie would come back home. It didn't take me long to realize that Stephanie isn't coming back to the East Coast or to me, but Helen is still firmly planted in Denial Land. Valerie did return to Trenton and she believes Stephanie will too.
"I have for the most part," she was saying, and I consciously dragged my thoughts out of the past and away from past regrets. "I've embraced my inner salad-eater."
That surprised me. "You eat salad? On purpose?"
"Yup. I actually like them, too."
"You're kidding?"
"Yeah ... I am," she said, laughing again. "But if I want to avoid taking medication for diet-related ailments, I have to consume at least one vegetable for every doughnut I eat."
There's the woman I used to know. The next question also reminded me of her. She always did cut right to the chase when she wanted to know something.
"Now that we got the small talk out of the way, why are you calling? It's been years since we've spoken. I'm assuming you also 'called' in a favor to get a number that's supposed to be unlisted."
She assumed right. Since we both know what I did, I don't have to waste our time explaining it.
"I'm in town and I thought we could have lunch or something. You know ... like old times."
"Is that really a good idea?"
"Probably not, but I called you anyway."
There was complete phone silence as she debated whether or not to see me.
"If it's going to cause problems between you and Manoso ..."
She cut me off. "Ranger won't care."
Yeah, right.
"He won't," she emphasized.
Guess I said that out loud.
"Right, Ranger? You don't have a problem with me meeting Joe for a quick lunch, do you?" She asked the man who likely appeared like smoke right behind her when he heard my name mentioned.
I accepted long ago that I'll always be crashing into him in some capacity.
Steph made a noise that sounded like a happy sigh and I refused to let my mind wander to ways Manoso may have inspired it.
"Do you know where Worlds Collide is?" She asked me.
I don't know the restaurant, but its name does do a good job of summing up our situation.
"No," I answered, "but my rental has GPS."
"Then I'll see you there in ... an hour?"
"I'll be there."
I disconnected and immediately started wondering what the hell I just did to myself. If I couldn't completely get Stephanie out of my head after four years of no contact with her, what the hell is sitting three feet across from her going to do to me? My brother called me a fucking masochist when he heard where I'd chosen to go on the few days I had off. Now I see that Anthony wasn't insulting me just because he's an asshole, he was actually telling the truth. This is going to seriously fuck with my head, but that didn't stop me from picking up my keys and heading to the restaurant early.
Stephanie walked into the eclectic-looking place thirty-two minutes after I got there. The moment I saw her was so surreal ... like I was getting to act out a recurring fantasy. Her curly brown hair is still shoulder-length and was left down today. Her body instantly made my mouth water and my blood pound even though she's just in black jeans and a company t-shirt. From this distance, I swear I can see the air surrounding her crackling with a mixture of curiosity and confidence.
The curiosity isn't new, but the confidence definitely is. She's obviously changed, and I'm still Joe Morelli, homicide detective with the TPD, single and so pathetic as to want a woman who has moved on a long frickin' time ago.
I stood right after she spotted me. And when she reached the table, she gave me a friendly hug before taking the seat across from me.
"You came alone?" I asked, as she put her shoulder bag down on the empty seat between us.
I half expected Ranger to be shadowing her.
"Sorta," she told me, pointing to the two men I immediately took note of when I was being shown to a table.
She waved and they gave her slight grins back. "That's Mick and Jagger. I ask Ranger to pair them whenever I know he's sending two men out with me. I find the name thing funny when I introduce them and he likes to humor me whenever he can."
He always indulged her when everyone else thought she was insane. I still hate admitting that I'd been one of the people who constantly and loudly doubted her sanity.
"How are you?" I asked, once she waved off the waitress' offer of coffee.
"No coffee. I'll just have water," she told the server, who wasn't subtle in the way she ran her eyes over me after taking our order.
I've kept in shape, going to the gym whenever work will allow it. I'm not twenty anymore, but I know I'm holding up in the looks department. Unfortunately for me, so is Stephanie. I found myself wanting her with a desperation that's not only stupid, but suicidal if Manoso ever got wind of how badly I want to be inside her again. At least Stephanie treating this 'date' like she would a spa day with Mary Lou knocked the desire back down to a manageable level. She's more interested in our conversation than my body.
"I'm good," she answered. "Ranger and I went through a rough patch a little while ago, but we got through it."
I wasn't shocked to hear that. It can't be easy to put up with Manoso's secrecy, arrogance, and overall King of the World attitude. I may not have seen him in what feels like decades, but still living in Trenton means I can't completely escape him. News on Stephanie has been harder to come by. Frank Plum isn't known for making idle chit-chat, and everybody knows Helen is still praying every Sunday morning for Steph to move back to the Burg. Neither are forthcoming with info on the life she's living elsewhere.
Only the most newsworthy events regarding her get repeated. Not hearing anything directly from her or about her on a more personal level prompted this vacation destination choice and the call I made to her as soon as I checked into the hotel.
"Can I ask what happened?" I said, feeling like an asshole for wishing I'd known they were having problems at the time. "Or is it too personal? You can tell me to butt out if you want."
"It's okay. Thanks to Ranger, I can talk about it now. I had a miscarriage two years ago."
That floored me. I had no clue at all ... not that she'd been pregnant or that she lost the baby. I see Mary Lou or Grandma Mazur at least once a week around town, and not one of them has mentioned anything about it. Not that I'd really expect them to. I feel like a major dick for momentarily being glad Manoso didn't get the happy ending he wanted by whisking Stephanie away.
What I was thinking must have shown on my face. "My family doesn't know," she said, her breath hitching a little as she spoke. "I didn't fully understand the saying 'You don't know what you've got until it's gone' before that moment. But seeing all that blood ... then Ranger's face when he found me ..."
Her voice trailed off and she blinked her eyes rapidly in an attempt to get rid of the tears before any could fall. The two men sitting a few tables away moved as one when they saw her distressed look. She blew out a steadying breath and made a motion for them to stay seated.
"Sorry. Just when I think I'm over the worst of it ... BAM! ... it hits me all over again."
"I'm so sorry, Steph."
"I am, too."
"You always said you didn't want kids."
"I know. And that was one of the harder things to get past. I actually believed my past insistence that I'm going to remain childless forever caused it."
"It didn't."
"I know that now. And Ranger assured me of that then. There was a slight silver lining, though."
I can't think of what that could be.
"The devastated look on Ranger's face that morning, and the way he took care of me afterwards, showed just how much he loved/loves me and the person our baby could have been. I never believed I could love anyone else as much as I do Ranger ... then I lost her."
"I can't even begin to imagine ..."
"It's alright."
"No, Steph. It's not."
"Okay, it really wasn't alright at all. And I wasn't a hundred percent alright myself for a while after that, but Ranger was right there with me. We helped each other through the trauma and became a much stronger couple because of it. We survived the worst possible thing a couple can ever face, and not once during it did either of us think of bailing. It may not be a perfect one, but there is a happy ending."
"Yeah ... I heard you guys got engaged."
Their engagement is one of the few things Edna didn't mind sharing.
"Yep. He purposely waited to propose until the anniversary of the day we lost her just so I can have at least one good thing to remember about that date when it rolls around," she told me, unconsciously fingering the huge cushion cut diamond on her left finger.
I know all about diamonds and their settings from my failed attempt at trying to convince myself and Chrissy that I was over Stephanie.
I waited until our food was put in front of us before speaking again. She wasn't kidding earlier. Her lunch was nothing but vegetables.
"Let me guess ... you had doughnuts for breakfast?" I asked, trying to get back to the lighthearted conversation like the one we'd had on the phone.
"Yep. Ranger picked up two Boston Creams on his way back to the Rangeman building and delivered them personally to my office. Being head of the 'Communications' department of a company owned by your soon-to-be hubby has its perks."
She took a bite of something that looks similar to what she would've fed Rex.
I had to ask. "How's your other roommate?"
"Rex?" She glanced at me and then at her fork when she put two and two together. "He's good."
I wasn't going to say anything, but I forgot at times she can read me better than my own mother. She pointed her now empty fork at me in warning.
"Don't you dare say that it's impossible for hamsters to live as long as he has. If Ranger tried to have him replaced with a carbon copy of Rex, I'd know."
I put both hands up in surrender. "Of course you would. And Ranger would be scared of what you'd do to him if you ever found out he tried to pull off a hamster-switch."
She relaxed. "Not much scares Ranger."
"Unless you're involved," I pointed out.
For just a moment, there was a secret smile pulling at her lips before she turned the tables on me.
"I'm sorry to hear about the divorce."
I shrugged. "We weren't who the other needed."
The fact that I only feel guilt for allowing a woman to believe she's the one I wanted to be married to, is a glaring example that I hadn't loved or been committed to her like I should've been. The only consolation is that Chrissy barely blinked when I suggested we split. The hours of a surgeon didn't leave many for us to work on our relationship if we both had wanted to. Our marriage was doomed because neither of us did. We were divorced in our minds long before the papers were filed.
"That's too bad. I know how much you wanted a family," she said, patting my hand sympathetically.
I never want her to pity me, so I put the focus back on her.
"So ... when's the big announcement going to be?" I asked.
She started coughing, appearing to choke on a piece of what I'd cautiously guess is zucchini.
"How did you know?" She asked, after taking a couple sips of water in between coughs and mouthing the word 'sit' to the RangeGoons.
"Umm ... you're engaged, Steph. Typically that means you're planning to get married. I was only asking if you'd already picked a date."
I'd rather slice my own skin off with a dull, rusty straight edge than hear details of her wedding to another man, but I don't want her knowing the truth ... that I'd still give my right arm to be the one she wants to marry.
"Oh ... that. Ranger and I will likely just hit the courthouse on a random day we both have off."
The instincts that make me a damn good detective are telling me there's more to the story.
"What did you think I was talking about?" I asked, curious if she'd answer me.
Her eyes darted first to the guys and then she scanned the entire restaurant before returning her attention to me.
"I'm a little over a week into my second trimester. I didn't want to jinx it by telling anyone."
"You're pregnant?!" I said a little too loudly.
The 'Mick Jagger' duo looked first at Stephanie's face and then moved to her stomach, which definitely doesn't look pregnant. I didn't feel anything aside from the usual lust when she'd hugged me.
"Thanks a lot, Joe. Now every RangeGuy from here to Trenton will know as soon as we leave here."
"Does Ranger know?" I asked.
"Of course. He was at the doctors with me when it was confirmed. He's actually the one who suspected my appetite increase wasn't because the bakery added new cake and doughnut flavors to their menu."
"And you're not worried ..." I started to say, but couldn't find the right words to finish what I was trying to ask.
"I'm not only worried ... I'm scared shitless. I'm trying to think only positive thoughts, though. And I'm pretty sure all the prayers my mother sent up for me to have a child someday exactly like the one I'd been will work for us this time. He and I didn't want to feel like we were trying to replace our daughter, so we waited until our lives, emotions, and careers could accommodate someone new."
"Wow," I said, speechless for probably the first time ever.
An accidental pregnancy I could maybe see, but two of the biggest family-phobes purposely planning on when to start one? Wow didn't even come close to what I was thinking.
"Yep. I never would've guessed that I'd be the one married with children out of the two of us," she said, finishing the vegetable dish she ordered while my chicken parm continued to grow colder.
Food wasn't what I'd come here for.
"I wouldn't have believed it either."
She took another sip of water then spoke. "Your life will match mine one day, Joe. I was lucky that Ranger happens to have a high annoyance tolerance. It might take you a little longer than you'd expect to find someone who'll put up with you."
She rolled her eyes at herself and all of a sudden the Burg-girl was back. I don't know the woman currently sitting in front of me, but there's no doubt that if I don't get the hell away from her soon - and stay away this time - I'll fall in love with her, too. Which means wasting more years of my life on someone who sees me as only a friend from back home.
"I'm really glad everything is working out for you, Cupcake." I tossed my napkin onto the table and pushed my chair back. "I wasn't sure how this would go when I picked up the phone to call you, but it's been fun hanging out with you again."
My plan was to pay for our meal, since I'm the one who asked her to come, but a hand on mine stopped me. My head jerked up at the current of electricity that shot through my entire body when her soft skin touched mine. I immediately looked at her to see if she felt it too, but her beautiful blue eyes weren't on me. She had zeroed in on something just over my shoulder. The sudden sparkle in her eyes and the acid now churning in my still empty stomach alerted me to who had just joined our reunion.
"Don't worry about the bill. He'll take care of it," Steph said, also ready to stand.
I know the only thing keeping her at the table with me is politeness. I'm not the man she wants to be with. Not now or back then.
"I'm sure he'll appreciate that," I said to her.
Her smile got bigger as Manoso got closer. "He already told me that lunch is on him. He owes me for postponing our dinner plans to personally supervise the security system being installed in the Governor's vacation home."
"Morelli," he said in that amused tone he's perfected.
One word was all I got. After years of working together - or against each other - for Stephanie, there's clearly no love lost between the two of us.
"Manoso," I said back.
The nutcase hasn't changed at all. Damn him. I was hoping for a beer gut or receding hairline, but his appearance is exactly the same except for his eyes. As impossible as it seems, the look in his eyes appeared older ... until they landed on Stephanie. When he saw her face, the change in the non-expression I associate with cold blooded killers was staggering. He's still a loose cannon, and I don't need to count the concealed weapons he has on him today to know that he's an extremely dangerous man, but she's apparently been able to tame him slightly.
"You two done?" He asked Steph.
She cut her eyes to me.
"We are," I said. "I just wanted to see how she was doing. I hear congratulations are in order."
A single eyebrow went up.
"That was my fault," Steph told him. "I accidentally let it slip when I choked."
His body went on full alert. "Choked?" He asked, narrowing his eyes at the men he trusted to watch over her.
"Not choked/choked," she said, calming him down with a kiss to his stubborn jaw. "One of those green foods you think so highly of almost did me in when Joe asked when we were gonna make the 'big announcement'. The baby was on my mind and for a split second I thought he somehow knew about her."
"You're having a baby girl?" I asked her.
"Yep. Found out for sure last week. According to the doctor, she's absolutely perfect, too."
"Hard for her not to be with you for a mother," Manoso told her.
He's lost none of his silver tongue where she's concerned. I was beginning to feel like I'm intruding on their moment. It doesn't matter that Manoso is the one who crashed the lunch date I had with Steph. I don't belong here ... just like she never belonged with me.
"I'm gonna head out. It was good seeing you," I said, thinking I sounded polite by possibly including him.
I don't care if I never see him again, but I don't want Stephanie to think I've become that bitter because of her.
She stepped away from Manoso just long enough to give me another brief hug. The bastard didn't even pretend to be jealous. He's the only man in the room in Steph's eyes ... and he fucking knows it.
"This was fun, well not the almost crying part of the meal, but I forgot how great we get along when we aren't trying to pick fights with each other. Let's not wait years to do this again."
"Sure," I said, non-committedly. "You can expect a baby gift from me soon."
Her smile was back and so was the arm she'd had around Ranger. "Thanks. I'd appreciate you not telling anyone until I do."
"No problem."
I'm not in any hurry to hear the baby talk that will be circling once this news hits the Burg. And I know she'll never agree to see me again if I say something that sics her mother on her during what is no doubt a stressful yet happy time.
I gave Steph a small smile and nodded to Manoso before I walked away from her. As I was passing in front of the large glass window taking up the majority of space between the front door and side terrace, I saw the two of them sitting side by side at the table I'd just vacated. Their foreheads were touching and their hands were joined where they rested on Steph's lap.
I never simultaneously envied and hated a person before Manoso entered my life. Looks like my feelings haven't changed regarding him either. They're looking forward to their life, while I'm still trying to figure out how to rebuild mine.