Winter Work

by YellowBottle

The place smells of decay, not to mention it's the middle of winter and there is no heating.

Sara isn't a farm girl. She doesn't like the thought of smelly animals, mud and dirt. If there is ever an apocalypse, she doesn't want to live through it. Camping and chopping wood and all things outdoorsy are the embodiment of everything she hates.

And yet here she is, standing in the old moldy smelling hayloft of her grandparents' barn. It's going to be her living quarters for the next month and her nose screws up at the thought. The place smells of decay, not to mention that it's the middle of winter and there is no heating in the barn. Hay is strewn across the floor and is bunched up in random clumps around her feet. There's two mattresses pushed against the back wall that have seen better days, brown stains mar the once white fabric and Sara shudders to think what could have caused them.

"I am not sleeping on that!" She declares.

Tegan huffs climbing up the ladder behind her with a loaded back pack. "Suit yourself sis, I'm sure the floor is much better."

Not only is Sara stuck here for the next month to do chores and help her grandparent's out over the winter but she is stuck here with Tegan. Of all people her annoying sister. Recently they'd been fighting and bickering over everything.

Tegan pants, dragging more of their things up the ladder. "Could you at least help?"

Sara huffs, "whatever." She grabs the second bag from Tegan's grasp (her own) and hoists it up into the loft, it lands with a soft thud and a cloud of dust rises to encompass her head. She coughs dramatically.

"Oh stop complaining," Tegan says. She drags one of the mattresses to the middle of the loft and then begins sweeping up the clusters of hay around them.

Sara watches her sweep incredulously. "Are you actually going to sleep on that?"

Tegan shrugs, "Yeah, it's a mattress isn't it?"

"But it's filthy!"

"Sara, I don't give a flying fuck how filthy it is. I've been stuck on a flight with you for eight hours, crammed into a car for even longer, carried all of our shit up this god damn ladder and I'm so fucking tired I will sleep outside if I have to. And now I have to sweep this entire place because your lazy ass isn't doing anything. There is a perfectly good mattress here that with some fresh sheets will do just nicely, so yes, I fully intend to sleep on that," She finishes her rant with a thump of the broom against the floor and continues her frustrated sweeping.

"No need to be a bitch about it," Sara says and begins the rifling search for her own fresh sheets as she concedes she will be sleeping on that mattress.

"Fuck off," Tegan growls back at her. It could have been the start of a fight but Sara is tired too. Tegan's right, they've been halfway across the country today and it's finally caught up with them.

Sara does end up helping with some of the sweeping, though not without protest and the occasional noise of disgust.

When the loft area is almost livable and the girls have made their beds, if you could call it that, Sara thinks. She sits at the foot of her own and whines. "I have to pee."

"That's nice," Tegan murmurs lazily from her own bed.

"Tegan!"

"What?"

"I have to pee!"

"Well go pee then! I'm not stopping you."

"Where's the toilet?"

"It's down at the house." She settles comfortably back onto her mattress; eyes fluttering closed. "You'll have to take the truck, it's too long of a walk."

The main house, where their grandparent's live is some distance from the loft they're staying in. "There's no toilet in here?"

Tegan gets annoyed. She sits up, brows furrowed and arms crossed. "We're in a barn. There is one light bulb and a whole bunch of hay; do you really think plumbing was a priority when they built this place? Were you even listening to grandma in the car?"

Sara was not. Obviously otherwise she would have thrown a tantrum and begged to stay in the house with her grandparent's where there was heating and toilets! It was too small for all four of them though and that's how the girl's ended up out here in the first place.

Sara's bladder throbs. "Will you come with me then?"

"Nope," Tegan says smugly.

"Tegan, don't be a bitch. It's dark out there and you know I'm not a good driver."

"I do know that. Yes."

"Then come with me! Please," Sara doesn't like to beg but she's getting desperate.

"Sara, I am not leaving this bed. I don't care if you piss your pants, I'm tired and we have to be up early tomorrow. The last thing I want to do is be your chauffer. Goodnight." Tegan rolls over, pulling the blankets snug around her shoulders.

Sara whines pathetically and starts to dance from foot to foot.

Tegan growls into her pillow, irritated. "Just go do a bush wee!"

"That's disgusting!"

"That's farm life," She replies condescendingly.

"Well I'm not a farmer!"

Tegan stops replying and Sara knows that she's done talking on the matter.

Defeated, Sara searches through her bag and pulls out a small pack of tissues then carefully climbs down the ladder.

"What if there's like wolves out there or something?" She calls up to Tegan.

"Maybe they'll stay away once you mark your territory," She says back sarcastically.

"Bitch."

"I heard that!"

Sara forces open the large barn doors and it's absolutely freezing outside, not snowing just yet, but the kind of cold that sinks into your bones and makes them grow heavy with weariness.

She uses the torch from her phone to see where she's going and wanders to the back of the barn. She wasn't really serious about the wolves but now that she's actually out here she's not so certain they aren't around. The wind howls; She tightens the coat around her shoulders.

"I guess here is good enough." For a moment she considers going back inside but her bladder throbs again and so she pulls down her pants and underwear, cursing her mom for sending them here. The air is freezing on her exposed skin and she hurries to squat down. It's disgusting, she feels like an animal, humans did not evolve and create toilets to continue doing their business outside but once she's in position she can't stop herself. Relief rushes over her, all warm and tingly… She looks down at her feet. She's peeing on them. She's peeing on her feet, and she can't waddle away because her pants are stuck around her ankles and she doesn't want to risk falling into it too. It's horrifying and when she's done she finds her pack of tissues but then realises once she's wiped that she has no idea where to put them. She throws them onto the ground. She stands up with a huff, takes more tissues and delicately tries to clean off her feet. It's still freezing though so she gives up and makes her way back inside.

The rickety ladder creaks on her climb back up. Tegan sits wide-awake on her bed with a smirk. "I thought you were sleeping?" Sara says tersely.

Tegan grins. "I had to see if you actually did it."

Sara ignores her and tip toes towards her bed. She feels humiliated and gross and just wants to forget this whole day even happened.

Tegan watches Sara, then laughs holding a hand up to her mouth. "You peed on your feet, didn't you?"

"What!?" Sara feels the incriminating blush; it flushes from her neck up to the shells of her ears. "NO!"

Tegan laughs pointing to Sara's feet. "You totally did!"

Sara looks to her feet, too, where dirt has clung to the damp patches. God damn it!

Tegan holds her nose. "Man, I can smell you from over here!"

"Shut up, Tegan," Sara says sternly, a warning.

"Or what? You'll pee on me?"

"No, but I might just walk all over your clean sheets," Sara growls at her.

Tegan holds her palms out, "Okay, okay, truce."

Sara finds her drink bottle on the floor and uses it to rinse her feet off over the railing. Then dries them with more tissues and puts a pair of warm socks on.

She falls asleep wondering what she possibly did to deserve this punishment.

In the coming weeks, the girl's work together with their grandpa. They learn to drive tractors (well Tegan does), herd sheep, and catch the pesky farm dog that loves to escape. They hand raise lambs that have been abandoned by their moms. They build a shelter for the lambs and do the daily feeding of all the animals on the farm.

The work is exhausting, Sara is always tired and no matter how hard she tries she can't ever do anything as well as Tegan. The sheep ignore her when she tries to herd them and if there is a mistake to be made, Sara can be sure that she will be the one to make it.

Their grandpa doesn't get mad but Sara can see that he gets frustrated with her, to the point where he will just ask Tegan to do certain things instead of Sara. It makes her feel bad, she's tired and cold all the time but she is still trying her hardest.

"Sara!" Their grandpa calls from across the paddock. "I'm going to head the sheep off this way. I need you to get in the truck and push them from the rear, Tegan will get the other side!"

Tegan heads off jogging to where their grandpa needs her and Sara fills with dread at her own instructions. "Okay!" She yells back and runs to get in the truck.

The thing is, Sara can't drive a manual. Grandpa and Tegan have both tried teaching her and she just can't seem to get the 'ease off clutch, ease on accelerator' thing down. She thinks he keeps putting her in situations like this so she can learn by doing but instead it just fills her with dread and anxiety. She jumps into the driver's seat anyway, desperate not to let her grandpa down again but just knowing that she will. She starts the engine as her grandpa opens the gate for the sheep to get out, he whistles to signal that both girls should begin and Sara puts the truck into first. "Okay. I've got this. I can do it."

As she eases her foot off the clutch, the car lurches and comes to a stall. "Shit." Her body fills with nerves. Now that she's failed once, she's pretty much destined to keep failing. She starts the truck again, and again it bunny hops and stalls. Sara is bumped around in the front seat and she starts to cry when she hears her grandpa's voice over the radio.

"Sara, what's happening? I need you to get them moving, quickly now."

She grabs the little black hand radio and holds down the button to speak. "I can't, the truck keeps stalling."

There's silence for a moment and then Tegan's exasperated voice crackles over the radio. "C'mon Sara, It's not that hard. I've showed you a million times."

Sara doesn't reply to that.

Their grandpa's voice comes back over the radio, he sounds frustrated but again not angry. "It's okay, Sara," He says and then addresses Tegan. "Tegan run and close the gate before the sheep can get out. I want you in the truck. Sara, you switch with Tegan and we'll get them moving okay?"

"Okay, grandpa," Sara mumbles back into the radio. Tegan is jogging towards her as she slides out of the front seat and Sara tries to hide her tears.

"Seriously, Sara. You need to learn at some point."

"I know!" She shouts. She knows this but she just can't seem to get the hang of it like they can.

"Well it seems like you don't and you just keep waiting for me to do everything for you. I'm tired too, you know?" Tegan shoulders her out of the way and climbs into the truck, slamming the door with more force than necessary and starting the engine smoothly. It purrs under Tegan's control.

"Sara are you on channel?"

Sara picks up the radio. "Yes, grandpa."

"Go open the gate and get into position."

"Okay," she replies back and runs to the gate. She's so tired, her head is pounding, her legs are tired from running, her arms ache from lifting and throwing hay bails. But she has work to do.

She opens the gate and runs back down towards the side of the herd. Tegan sets the car into motion and beeps the horn to startle the sheep into moving. Sara claps and calls to the sheep from her side and slowly the herd begins to move together out the gate.

"Nicely done, Tegan." Their grandpa praises through the radio. "Okay girls lets keep them close together. We've got a ways to go now and we don't want to spend the rest of the day rounding up strays."

It feels like they walk for miles. They trudge through the mud and to make everything worse it begins raining. Sara keeps making loud encouraging noises, clapping to the sheep to keep them moving and pushing the occasional one but despite her best efforts, when they reach the new paddock and get the sheep successfully inside some strays managed to hang behind and now were wandering the property doing their own thing.

Sara hunches over, completely out of breath and panting hard. Oh jeez I'm unfit. "How many are still on the property?" Grandpa asks, closing the gate behind Tegan as she drives the truck back out and parks.

"Maybe fifteen?" Sara pants.

Tegan jumps from the truck. "Fifteen!? Were you even trying?"

Sara shoves her. "Shut up, Tegan!"

"Fuck off!" Tegan shoves her back and Sara stumbles to the ground.

Sara gets up quickly to lunge at Tegan again but Grandpa puts a sturdy palm on each of their shoulders. "Okay girls, lets calm down. And Tegan, I will not tolerate swearing."

"But she let fifteen get away and now we're going to have to spend hours catching them! She should have to do it by herself!"

"No. That's not how it works here. We all help each other. We're a team and we're going to get them all in no time."

Tegan grumbles something rude under her breath and if they hadn't just been reprimanded, Sara probably would have lunged at Tegan again for a fight.

"Well," Grandpa claps his hands together. "C'mon, we've got work to do!"

In the end it takes the three of them around two hours to find and gather the remaining sheep and shuffle them into their paddock.

That night after dinner, Sara climbs up the ladder to her bed. Her legs and body are still aching from the physical strain of her day along with a headache from the mental stress. She collapses on her bed with a sigh and wraps herself up into a cocoon beneath the covers; she can't believe she once cared about sleeping on this mattress when now it is the best part of her day.

Tegan is right behind her and climbs into her own bed.

Sara ignores her for the most part, she's still angry at how mean Tegan was to her today. She listens to the quiet rustling as Tegan gets changed into her pyjamas and hops into her own bed.

The rain still hadn't stopped since it began in the afternoon and the sound of it on the roof soothes Sara's tired muscles and mind.

"I'm not as good as you," She whispers. It feels like a confession and the weight of it slips from her chest.

The rain keeps pounding down outside. The barn is freezing. Even with her blankets she's shivering and the loud booms of thunder make her jump even though she isn't scared. She's so tired but she can't sleep knowing that she'll have to be a disappointment all over again tomorrow.

Tegan doesn't hear her of course but it still feels good to let it out. Sara knows that this self-pity is pathetic and that it only serves the purpose of letting her wallow in her own misery but there's a comfort in it, too.

Another boom of thunder cracks against the sky outside and Sara's eyes jolt open expecting to see the roof caving in. It isn't. But she continues to stare at it just in case, as if her watching will prevent it from happening.

There's a soft movement beside her and that makes Sara jump, too. The roof really is collapsing! She thinks startled. But it's not the roof. It's Tegan. She's pulled back Sara's covers and is sliding her body into Sara's bed.

"Tegan?" Sara asks. It feels like she should whisper but the noise outside has made her voice firm.

"I'm cold," Is Tegan's response and Sara can relate to that. Having Tegan's body there is already beginning to slow her shivers. "Can we cuddle?"

Would that be weird? Sara isn't sure how to answer. She wants to say no and remain mad but Tegan doesn't wait for a reply and slithers her arms underneath and around Sara's shivering body. It feels good. It feels really good. Warm and safe, her self-pity seems to melt away in Tegan's embrace. She can't even feel sorry for herself, she can't do anything right.

"You're so warm," Tegan holds her tighter, pulling Sara's body into her own and both of their shivers stop. Body heat is incredible, Sara thinks.

Sara is on her back facing the ceiling and Tegan is snuggled warmly into her side, breathing soft condensation into her neck. In this moment despite the day's feelings, something primal inside of Sara feels fierce and protective over Tegan. Sara would provide the comfort her sister sought.

"We worked so hard today, I'm so tired," And the way Tegan speaks into her neck, her lips trailing against Sara's skin sends a shiver up her spine.

"You worked hard, I just stayed out of the way," Sara says, still holding onto some of the days frustration.

"What do you mean?" Tegan pulls back.

Sara scoffs, "you know what I mean. I'm useless out there. I'm more hindrance than help and everyone knows it."

"Are you serious, Sara? You know that's not true."

"Of course it's true. You're better at everything than me. You even said so yourself!"

Tegan sighs. "I did not say that." Annoyance creeps into her sleepy voice.

"Are you really going to do this?"

"Do what?"

"Pull the whole sibling conflict thing? We don't always have to compare ourselves to each other all the time, you know? It's exhausting and it doesn't do anything but make us both miserable. I don't want to fight with you. I don't. I'm tired. I just want to love my sister and have her love me back." What began as annoyance ends in the soft waiver of Tegan's pleading voice and Sara's heart drops. Maybe she isn't the only one struggling.

"My grades will never be as good as yours. I'll never be as smart as you, I feel dumb all the time and I'm always looking for your approval. That's why I ask you for book recommendations. Why I ask what music to listen to. I feel like I have to work twice as hard just to hold a conversation with you because I don't want you to realise I'm the dumb twin."

Sara hugs Tegan and pulls her back in against her neck, "I'm sorry." Feeling like she's failed her instincts to comfort Tegan. "You're not dumb. I'm sorry I ever made you feel that way."

Tegan rubs her nose against Sara's neck and there's a wetness that lets Sara know Tegan is crying.

"Please don't cry. I love you. Please don't." Sara moves her hand up to stroke Tegan's head with her knuckles and Tegan responds by arching her neck.

"It's not you." Tegan says and Sara can just make it out over another loud crack of thunder that makes both girls jump. "It's everyone else, they lump us together 'cause we're twins and I feel like I should know everything that you know and I'm always working overtime to catch up. It's dumb. I don't want to compete with you. I just want to be your sister. I just want to love you."

Sara's heart breaks. She feels like she's let Tegan down somehow. "I know you love me. I love you, too. So much," Sara kisses Tegan's head softly. Saying that doesn't get rid of their insecurities but it helps to ease them. For now they're young and will have to cope with these feelings as best they can. "I didn't know you felt this way, too. I'm sorry we haven't talked. "

"I'm sorry, too." Tegan rubs her ear against Sara's chest and Sara's heart stutters. Suddenly she is feeling very hot. Overwhelmed with Tegan's body so close to her own.

She lets out a shuddering breath and tries her best to fall asleep.

X

It was still raining. The sky was a deep grey, almost black. It'd been raining down hard the entire day while the girls worked with their grandfather. They were both shivering and wet and finally on their way back down to the main house for dinner. Today they had gotten along better than they had in a long time and Sara thinks it's because of their talk the night before. Maybe they just needed to be honest with each other and communicate more?

"What's that?" Tegan says distractedly. She's driving the truck while Sara shivers in the passenger seat. The truck is about a thousand years old and has no heating or air conditioning.

Sara looks out through the front window at the blurry white object in the distance. "I think it's a sheep."

"What's she doing down near the river? She should be with the rest of the herd."

Sara really just wants to go and have a hot shower and some food. "I don't know, maybe she wanted a drink?"

Tegan shakes her head like that doesn't sound right. "Not with all this rain. Let's just go check on her to make sure. Maybe she's hurt or something."

Sara sighs and watches as the sheep comes into view. The closer they get the larger the river seems. The rain has made it swollen and angry, the water level rising rapidly and the sheep standing to one side of it.

"Oh no."

Sara looks to Tegan. "What?"

"Her lamb. Do you see her?"

Sara sits up in her seat and smears some fog off the window to see more clearly. The river is swelling fast and right in the center stands a tiny lamb, stranded on a rock. The mother is standing to the side calling to it helplessly but the lamb has nowhere to go. It was going to drown.

"What do we do? I didn't bring the radio to call Grandpa."

Tegan ignores her and pulls the truck up right next to the distressed mama sheep. She's calling helplessly to her baby and the baby is calling back but the noise from the rain and rushing water is making it impossible to hear anything.

"I'm going to go and get her," Tegan says authoritatively. "You wait here." She pats Sara on the knee and climbs out into the rain so quickly that Sara can barely protest.

Sara dives out of the passenger seat after her, scrambling to find grip in the wet muddy grass. Rain clings to her eyelashes and her vision blurs almost immediately. "What? Are you crazy!? Tegan, you'll drown!"

Tegan isn't listening though. She's stripping down to her underwear.

Sara grabs her bare arm. "Tegan! You can't!"

Tegan yanks herself away, a stern resolve in her eyes. "I'm not just going to leave her to drown!" And before Sara can say another word, Tegan dives head first into the menacing river. For a moment she seems to vanish beneath the current. "Tegan!" But her body emerges moments later towards the center of the river closer to the lamb. Sara stands next to the mama sheep who seems to realise help has come, she still calls to her baby but she seems less agitated.

Sara watches Tegan fight the current and can see that she's already beginning to tire. Thinking quickly, Sara grabs Tegan's pile of clothes and throws them into the truck to keep them dry, when she turns back Tegan has made it to the little island rock just in time to lift the lamb above the rush of water.

Tegan tucks the lamb up close to her chest and clings to the rock with one hand. The water is still rising and when Tegan goes to push off from the rock, she's pulled beneath the surface. She scrambles to get a hold of the rock again, too tired and weak to swim back. Sara's heart pounds. Tegan's head ducks below the water. She's using all her strength to keep the lamb out of the current but it's too much and she can't keep herself above, too.

"Sara!" Tegan yells, her head ducks underneath the water and then back out again. She's clinging with every ounce of strength in her body to keep the two of them from being sucked away down stream.

"Tegan!" Sara calls back. She's completely helpless, watching her sister struggle. The mama sheep's distressed calls start up again as she watches her baby in the water. "What do I do? What do I do?" Sara's an idiot for forgetting the radio to contact their grandfather. He's too far away for her to get help. "Just hold on okay!?"

Tegan bobs below the water again.

Sara runs to the truck and rifles desperately through the crap they keep in the back tray until she finds a rope. She unravels it quickly and runs back to the edge of the stream. The water level is creeping up, the rain only getting heavier.

"Tegan! Catch this!" Sara throws the rope with all her might, keeping one end firmly in her grasp.

Tegan attempts to push herself closer to reach the rope but as soon as it touches the water it gets pulled away from her in the current. Tegan slips further below the water. Just her head and the lamb's head are now visible from where Sara stands. Debris and branches catch and scratch her on the way past but she stays holding on.

"I'm Sorry!" Tegan shouts, bobbing beneath the surface again temporarily, her head pops up again a moment later, gasping and heaving for breath but the water keeps beating her down.

Sara is panicking. Her heart slams against her ribcage as the person she loves more than life itself is about to be taken from her. "Let go of the lamb! Grab the rope with your free hand!" Sara throws the rope again but Tegan keeps a tight hold of the animal. It looks like a doll being pushed around in the current. In fact Tegan does, too.

Once again the rope is pulled away from her grasp and Sara screams a strangled cry. "You Idiot! Let go of it!"

Tegan can't respond anymore though, all her effort is concentrating on keeping her head and the lamb's out of the water. Her head is back facing the sky; the water forms a circle around her from her chin to her forehead. Her ears are below the surface and she can no longer hear anything Sara says.

Sara's eyes fill with tears and rain and she can barely make out anything at all. "Tegan!" she screams. "Tegan! Please!" She cries but Tegan can't respond. She's growing weaker by the second and Sara knows any moment she'll let go of that rock and they'll be pulled beneath the water to drown.

Sara runs back to the truck, she rummages through the crap again looking for anything that could put weight at the end of the rope. "Hold on, Tegan." Everything seems useless until she finds an old dirt bike tire. She grabs it and runs back to the stream. Mama sheep is calling to her baby desperately still, she runs alongside the river, up and down, pacing relentlessly. Sara ties the tire to the rope. She knots it tightly and hopes that it will hold.

It's no use to call to Tegan because she can't hear, so Sara just throws the tire with blind hope that it will somehow make it to Tegan. "Please, please, please."

The tire flies out into the current and Sara prays that Tegan will somehow see it. Just as it's about to reach her though, Tegan and the lamb vanish underneath the water. "No!" Sara screams. Heart beating in her throat she feels sick to her stomach. "No!" She shouts again, the rope is drifting down with the stream and Sara tightens her grip on the end in her hand.

Suddenly there's a weight in the rope against Sara's palms and she grasps it tightly before it can slip from her hands. She looks down the river and amazingly Tegan and the lamb are inside the tire. Tegan is clinging to keep them in the ring of the wheel. She's barely conscious, and any strength she has left is pure adrenalin. "Okay. I've got you. I've got you," Sara calls but there is no chance Tegan can hear her. It's more for herself. She pulls as hard as she can, turning around with the rope over her shoulder to get the most leverage but it barely budges and her boots can't find a grip on the ground in the slippery mud. The current is too strong and Tegan too heavy. Sara has never felt more helpless in her entire life. The truck is close though and Sara runs to the bull bar at the front. She tightens the rope there with a triple knot to ensure it won't come undone and then dives into the drivers seat. Usually the thought of driving the truck scares Sara but right now she couldn't care less. She turns the key and the engine revs to life, she slams the gear stick into reverse and where usually she struggles, eases her foot off the clutch and onto the accelerator seamlessly. The car begins to back up slowly and Sara watches Tegan and the lamb being dragged through the water towards the edge of the river. She keeps going feeling awful as the water continues to rush against Tegan's and the lamb's heads. And then they're out of the water lying in the mud unmoving.

The mama sheep rushes towards her baby nudging it with her nose but the baby doesn't move. Tegan doesn't move either.

Sara jumps back out of the truck and runs towards Tegan. She falls to her knees next to her and rolls her onto her side into the recovery position. "Tegan! Tegan wake up!" She yells. She slams her hand against Tegan's back repeatedly and blows air into Tegan's mouth until she takes a huge gasping breath and then proceeds to vomit water. Her entire body is white. She's covered in scratches and cuts from debris. "You're okay. You'll be okay. I'm going to take you to grandpa, he'll help you."

Somehow with adrenalin Sara manages to drag Tegan's barely conscious form into the truck. She's colder than ice and her entire body is covered in goose bumps. Sara dresses her in the cabin of the van back into her semi wet clothes and then wraps Tegan in her own jacket for good measure. Sara looks back out into the rain and sees the baby lamb unmoving on the ground. The mama sheep still nudging it and baaing sadly.

She can't leave it there. Tegan nearly died trying to save it. Sara again hops back out into the rain and crawls down next to the mama sheep. Her pants completely soaked and covered in mud but she doesn't care. The sheep calls to Sara and Sara feels the plea for help in her heart. Language isn't necessary to recognise when an animal needs help.

"Okay, mama," she whispers. The wind is picking up and Sara desperately needs to get Tegan back to their grandparents before hypothermia sets in, if it already hadn't.

Sara pushes on the baby's chest. It's breathing but only just. She knows nothing about animal CPR but figures it can't be much different to humans. She pushes again and then holds the lamb's mouth shut blowing air gently into the nostrils. She does this a couple more times feeling more and more helpless with each passing moment until finally, the lamb moves, it wriggles beneath her palms and takes a deep breath puffing out its little chest.

Mama sheep calls out again nudging the baby more excitedly this time. Sara plucks the baby from the mud and tucks it underneath her sweater against her skin and beating heart hoping to get some warmth back into the baby. It's freezing against her skin but she ignores the pain. "She's going to come with me, okay mama?"

Sara climbs back into the truck with the baby tucked snugly into her sweater. Tegan is asleep or unconscious in the passenger seat, Sara isn't sure which; she starts the truck and begins the drive down to the main house. When she looks in the rear view mirror, mama sheep is following closely behind.

When Sara pulls up to the house it's as if her body fills with lead. She can't find the energy to lift herself out of the truck and thinks that she might just sleep here for the night. Her head falls against the steering wheel and everything turns black.

X

She wakes up to a roaring fire; she's curled on a mattress on the floor with blankets up to her neck and when she looks around there is a little bundle next to her wrapped up in blankets, too. A hot water bottle and an empty baby bottle of milk are on the floor to the side of the mattress and the lamb is sleeping snugly next to her; it wears a little green sweater tucked around its small body. Sara's heart melts at the sight.

But when she remembers why she's there, she sits up quickly. "Tegan!?" She calls. All Sara can hear is the flickering of the fire as they lick against the logs and branches.

"Hey sweetheart. How are you feeling?" It's her grandma, leaning down to stroke the hair behind her ear. The loving gesture makes her feel safe.

She feels tired. Exhausted. But she doesn't care. "Where's Tegan? Is she okay? She nearly drowned. I almost- I almost lost her." Sara begins to cry and she's quickly scooped up into her grandmother's warm embrace. The tears rush from her eyes like the current of the river and she clings to her grandmother desperately. All the emotions she had put off in the moment are hitting her now and it takes a while of gentle rocking and assurances from her grandma before they can stop.

"She's okay for now. She needs rest though and lots of warmth. She was almost hypothermic when you brought her back. Can you tell me what happened?"

Sara explains the entire thing to her grandma and cries again when she pictures Tegan's body being forced beneath the water. The moment she thought she lost her sister forever.

"I was so scared. I've never been so scared," Sara cries again.

"Shh, I know, but you were so brave. I'm just relieved you're both safe and sound. That was so dangerous. Don't you ever go near a river like that again unless your grandfather or I am with you. I'm going to give Tegan a talking to once she's feeling better, too." She lectures.

"You and me both," Sara says weakly. "I'm going to kick her ass."

"She deserves it," Grandma joins in. They hug and laugh together for a few more moments in front of the fire.

"Oh and that sheep of yours has been standing on the porch for the last couple hours you've been asleep. She's a good mom that girl. Waiting for her baby."

"Yeah?" Sara says.

"Mhmm," Grandma smiles. "Do you want to go see Tegan now?"

"Yes," Sara nods. "Please, I want to see her."

Their grandma stands wearily on old bones and Sara feels just as old when she stands on her own shaky legs, as if this event had aged her. In a way it had, she didn't feel like the same person she was this morning when she woke up. "Can I take her with me?" Sara plucks the sleeping lamb from the blankets and holds her to her chest.

"Of course," Grandma pats Sara softly on the back leading the way to the bedroom.

There is another fire on in the bedroom and when Sara steps in she sees Tegan curled into a ball on the small double bed. She's still dirty and scratched up from what Sara can see of her face. "She'll probably be asleep for a while yet. You can stay in here tonight if you like, your grandfather and I will sleep out on the floor."

Normally Sara would argue about letting her grandparents sleep on the floor but right now she doesn't possess the energy.

"Okay."

Her grandma kisses her on the forehead and pulls back the covers for Sara to climb in.

"Goodnight, love. Try and keep her warm okay?"

Sara nods sleepily, she feels at ease now that Tegan is safe and curled beside her. The lamb snuggles into Sara's chest and she tucks it between the two of them.

"Goodnight, Grandma. I love you."

"I love you, too."

And Sara is fast asleep.

X

It's very early morning when Sara wakes up. Her memories feel like a far off dream. Did all that really even happen? Perhaps it was a nightmare. Definitely a nightmare, she concludes. But when she rolls over and sees Tegan's sleeping bruised face, she remembers that it was real and the pain of that catches up with her again for a moment and she begins to cry. Her chest aches and she gasps to let the air into her lungs.

"Don't cry, Sasa," Tegan's raspy voice murmurs to her in the quiet.

Sara sniffs at having been caught and tries to swallow the lump in her throat. Tegan hadn't called her Sasa since they were children. "Tegan?"

"I'm okay," Tegan assures her. "I feel like I was run over by a truck. But I'm okay," She answers, knowing what Sara was about to ask.

They're spooning, Tegan is in front with Sara behind and Sara just hugs her tighter. Pulls her closer to her own body. "You are such an idiot," Sara growls but there's no anger behind it. It's mostly just fear. "You could have died."

"But I didn't," Tegan answers with a smile in her gravelly voice. "Because you were there to save me."

"But what if I wasn't? You would have died. And I would have been-" Sara begins to cry again and Tegan rolls over to face her.

"Please don't cry Sasa. I'm okay, really."

"Don't ever do something like that again. Promise me?"

"I can't promise I'm not going to do something stupid like that again. It's part of my charm." Tegan tries to laugh but it ends up sounding more like a groan.

"So you admit it was stupid?"

"Oh, absolutely," Tegan agrees. "Probably the dumbest thing I've ever done."

A small movement between them from lower on the bed distracts them. A quiet little, "Baa," sounds as the lamb wakes up and stumbles up the bed to sit between the two girls.

"Oh, hey little girl," Tegan coos sweetly. Conveniently forgetting the serious conversation they were just having. "How are you feeling little one?" She strokes the lambs head and little nose and the lamb laps up the affection moving closer to Tegan as if she knows Tegan is the reason she's alive.

Sara will admit that the little green sweater is adorable on her.

Sara pats the lamb gently, too. "Her mom is probably worried sick."

"Do you think?"

"Yeah, she followed us back to the house and was on the porch last night waiting to see her baby. She's probably still there now, poor thing."

Tegan scratches under the lambs chin with both hands. And starts to sing song in a baby voice, "Your mama loves you. Yes she does. She loves you so much."

Sara giggles and snuggles closer to Tegan. They hadn't been this close in years. Physically and emotionally there had always been a distance but somehow being here was helping to melt it away.

They fall back to sleep again shortly.

X

"Sara?" A faraway voice pulls her from slumber. It's her grandmother and she's patting the side of Sara's face softly as she waits for her to awaken completely.

"Hmm?" Sara mumbles.

"I'm so sorry to do this to you. Your Grandfather needs help with the sheep. You accidentally left the gate open yesterday and most of the herd has found its way up onto the main property. I would be the one to help him but my back is playing up. Are you feeling well enough?"

"Sorry Grandma," Sara grunts sitting up in the bed. The lamb is curled into Tegan's chest, both fast asleep together. The sight makes Sara melt. "I left the gate open?" Sara can't remember; she was in such a blind panic that she had no recollection of even opening the gate in the first place.

"I think so but it's okay. The sheep are fine. They're actually having a wonderful time eating and destroying the garden," She laughs.

"Oh man," Sara rubs the sleep from her eyes and face. "Yeah, I can do it. We'll let Tegan sleep?"

"Thanks, Sara. You're a sweetie. Yes, she'll need a couple more days' rest I think. Has she woken up at all?" Grandma wanders to the other side of the room. "I washed and dried your clothes for you, too." Grandma places the faded jeans, two sweaters and a vest down on the corner of the bed for Sara to change into once she gets up.

"Thank you." Sara stands on wobbly legs, still feeling weak but much better than yesterday. "Yeah, I told her she was an idiot and told her never to do something like that again. And she said that she couldn't make any promises."

"Typical," Her grandma smiles. "I'll leave you to get changed."

X

It's dark when Sara and her grandfather make it back to the house. It took so much longer without a third person. Sara and her Grandpa spent the entire day directing sheep into their paddock while lunging at the lambs and trying to get them to follow their mom's. It was hard work and after yesterday, Sara just really needs to sleep.

They let Mama sheep stay on the porch to wait for her baby and she baas softly when she sees Sara coming. Tegan is sitting on the porch swing rugged up in what looks like their grandmother's entire wardrobe and two duvets. The lamb is curled on her lap and Mama sheep stands beside the both of them protectively.

Sara trudges up the steps with legs that feel like lead.

"Tegan!" Grandpa calls. "Good to see you're up! How are you feeling?"

Tegan grins at the both of them under the porch light and Sara can see that she has a split lip and very pale blue bruising around her right eye.

"I'm great!" She says jovially but her voice is gravelly and unused. She still sounds exhausted.

"Good to hear. Don't ever do something like that again, okay? I'm going to go and wash up. You come back in soon please, the last thing you need is to be out in this cold."

Tegan nods. "I will Grandpa. And don't worry, Grandma's been lecturing me all day."

He nods approvingly and goes inside. Sara makes her way to Tegan. Her heart is full with the view of Tegan all snuggled up with her two animals. "You want to come in?" Tegan lifts her arm and one side of the blanket to allow a space for Sara to hop in.

Sara protests, looking down at herself. "I'm all wet and muddy."

"I don't care."

So Sara sits next to her sister and Tegan tightens the blanket around the both of them. Sara lays her head against Tegan's shoulder and closes her eyes in the comforting warm embrace. She let's out a sigh of contentment.

"Yuck, you are wet and gross. I'm totally regretting this right now," Tegan says lightheartedly.

"Shut up, Tegan."

Tegan laughs and squeezes Sara tighter.

"So lectured all day, huh?"

"Oh yeah. She was not happy. She even called mom and I copped an earful from her, too."

"You deserve it." Sara says.

"I know," Tegan doesn't argue. "What do you think we should call her?"

"The lamb?"

"Yeah," Tegan hums. "She needs a name."

Sara thinks for a moment. "How about Rain? Your middle name is rain, and the reason she was stuck there in the first place is because of the rain. I think it's fitting."

"What? No! We can't call her Rain, what's wrong with you?"

"What?" Sara looks at Tegan confused.

"Naming her after something that nearly killed her? Why don't I just call her traumatic memories?"

"Alright!" Sara laughs. "We won't call her Rain. What do you want to call her?"

"Beans!" Tegan says excitedly without missing a beat.

"You just wanted to call her that the whole time didn't you? You don't actually care about the name Rain do you?"

Tegan grins sheepishly, "Kinda."

"I thought so."

Sara strokes the lambs little head and Mama sheep nudges the baby. "What do you think, Beans? Does that suit you?"

The lamb snorts in contentment and Tegan grins triumphantly. "She likes it!"

"C'mon you dope. Let's go inside where it's warmer."

X

They have dinner together around the dining table with the fire setting a comfortable atmosphere around them. Tegan is nearly falling asleep in her food and Sara feels the way Tegan looks.

"I can stay in the barn tonight with Sara," Tegan states through a half chewed mouthful of broccoli. "I'm not letting you two sleep on the floor again."

"Nonsense," Their grandfather says. "You're not well yet."

"That's okay. My bed in the barn is super warm. And Sara will be there to check on me. Please? I promise I'll come to you if I feel or get any worse." Tegan begs and Sara can already see that their grandparents are going to relent.

"I don't know," Grandma says.

"Please? Sara will look after me won't you, Sara?"

"Huh? Oh yeah. I will." After everything they had been through Sara wouldn't be taking her eyes off of Tegan.

"Well alright then, but you're not working tomorrow either. I want you to come down to the house when you wake up and you can stay here for the day in front of the fire."

Tegan agrees without any protest. Another day without work will be good for her but it means that Sara will be doing twice what she usually does like today. She's already exhausted at the thought. She knew she wasn't cut out for farm life but being here was really proving it.

X

"Goodnight!" The girls call back to their grandparents as they climb into the truck together. Sara is driving. When they're almost back to the barn Sara notices movement in the rear view mirror.

"Look at that," she says in amazement.

"What?" Tegan asks sitting up.

"Mama and Beans followed us back to the barn."

Tegan turns around to watch the two of them following along slowly behind. "Aww, they love us!"

Sara smiles warmly. "I guess they do."

"Can we let them in, Sara?" Tegan asks when they open the doors to the barn. "I don't want them to get cold without the rest of the herd to help keep them warm."

Sara looks at Mama and Beans patiently waiting next to Tegan. "Okay," Sara gives in easily. "We can set up some hay for them to curl up into, too."

They do just that and the two sheep make themselves comfortable while Tegan and Sara climb up into the loft and into Sara's bed.

X

Another day of work without Tegan was finally over as Sara drove the two of them back from the house after dinner.

"You're getting good at this," Tegan says. "The whole driving manual thing."

Sara yawns. "I think it was mostly anxiety stopping me from being able to drive it. I was scared but after the other day, this is easy. It doesn't scare me anymore."

"I'm proud of you."

"You're proud of me?" Sara laughs.

"Yeah," Tegan nods sincerely. "I am."

Instead of making a joke about it Sara just tries to hold back her small smile. "Thank you."

X

Sara lets Mama and Beans back into the barn when they arrive back as they'd been waiting for them to return. Sara strokes the lamb's head. "You're a cutie."

"Will you sleep with me again tonight?" Tegan asks turning her back to Sara and throwing off her day clothes.

Sara watches Tegan's muscular back with a deep blush and quickly turns to get changed herself. "Of course." It had almost become routine now, for the two of them to share a bed. It was warmer that way and Sara was still feeling a little clingy after almost losing Tegan the other day.

When they climb into bed, Tegan wraps her arms around Sara and Sara holds her back. She feels content and peaceful and right. "You're my other half," Sara whispers.

"I am?"

"Yes." There's no need for explanation. Tegan feels it too, Sara is sure of it.

The closeness of their bodies is beginning to make Sara sweat. Her heart thuds against her chest. And thoughts she had tried hard to subdue begin to bubble to the surface of her mind. Curiosity gets the best of her.

"Tegan?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you…?" Sara trails off, afraid to speak her mind and scare Tegan from her bed.

"Do I what?" Tegan squeezes Sara's arm with her hand to encourage her response.

"Do you ever…" Why is this so hard to say?

Tegan sits back to peek at Sara's face curiously as if to say, "go on?"

"Do you ever feel weird sometimes?"

Tegan laughs and affectionately pushes Sara's arm. "All the time," She answers.

"Really?"

"Well yeah 'cause I'm seventeen and I'm supposed to. But could you be more specific? Weird how?"

"I just, I feel weird around… girls."

"Like you're uncomfortable around them? You want to be friends with them? You want to fight them?" Tegan rattles off some options but none of them seem to fit.

"No. They just… they make me feel things I shouldn't." Sara holds Tegan a little tighter afraid she will slip from her grasp. "Do you ever feel that way?"

"Sometimes." Tegan responds. "I guess, yeah. If I'm being honest."

Sara feels relieved that she's not alone in this. That Tegan feels it, too. "Can you tell me?"

"How they make me feel?"

"Yes," Sara answers. "Please, I'm so confused."

Tegan shifts beneath the blanket and her whole body manoeuvres against Sara's to find a more comfortable position, their legs almost entwined. It's storming again. The sound of heavy rain on a tin roof penetrates their conversation.

Tegan chuckles awkwardly, "I don't know what to say."

"Just say anything."

"I guess sometimes I feel uncomfortable around them; sort of like I can't relax?" She says like a question and Sara nods encouragingly. "But I want to be close to them. I want to talk to them. I want-" Tegan cuts herself off.

"You want what?"

Tegan whispers. "I want to kiss them."

"To kiss them?" Sara repeats.

"Mhmm," Tegan hums. "Do you?"

"Yes." Sara answers without hesitation. These are the feelings she's afraid of, but they're not so scary when Tegan is the one voicing them.

"I think about them naked sometimes, too."

Sara's breathing picks up. Her heart rate too. She can feel that Tegan's does the same.

"Naked?"

"Yeah," Tegan hums. "What they would look like. You don't?"

"No," Sara confesses. "I never let myself get that far." There is some kind of a mental block.

"You should," She says.

"Why?"

"Because it…"

The anticipation makes Sara's heart palpitate. This conversation is probably weird to be having when wrapped up in her sisters' arms but it's also exciting and new and she doesn't want it to stop. "Because?"

"It's nice to think about sometimes."

Sara thinks that that wasn't going to be Tegan's original response but it's okay.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Tegan confirms.

"Keep going," Sara breathes. There is a slick wetness coating the insides of her thighs. She wants to reach down and touch it. Her pulse is there, too, pounding; demanding attention. She doesn't give it any.

"Do you really want to know?" Tegan whispers. She pulls her body up more against Sara's, her lips next to Sara's ear.

"Yes." Sara answers breathlessly. She's never wanted to know something more.

"I don't know if I can tell you. It's embarrassing."

"Please," she sighs.

"Well… I think about them naked, but I think about other stuff too." Sara can practically feel the sound the saliva makes against Tegan's lips as she speaks directly into her ear. The rain outside has receded or maybe Sara is just hyper aware of Tegan and can't hear it anymore. "I imagine what their skin would feel like. I reckon it would be soft, do you?"

"Yes," Sara says. Having never thought of this herself but now unable to think anything but. "It would be so soft."

"Yeah, and I would run my hands along her body. Just to feel her." Tegan's hands accompany the sentence. Her right arm that is slung over Sara's waist comes to life and begins to stroke itself against Sara's rib cage, through her sleep shirt. Sara takes a deep heaving breath. She feels sensitive and overheated and swallowed but she wants more.

"I think about her breasts and soft nipples. How they would go hard if I touched them…" She pauses, and then, "Do yours do that sometimes, Sara? Go hard when you run your fingers over them?"

Sara doesn't feel capable of a full sentence. "Uh huh."

Tegan's breath shudders against her skin in hesitation. "…Are they hard now?"

"Yes," Sara sighs. She doesn't need to feel them to know they're straining against her shirt.

"Mine are too." Tegan says. And the imagery that comes to life in Sara's mind is no longer a faceless girl but her own sister, naked with hard nipples. The pulse between her legs flares. It aches and pounds and Sara wants to touch it desperately. Tegan's hand continues to rub and push against Sara's shirt to the point where it has now risen up her belly. Tegan touches a tentative hand to Sara's bare skin and her eyes roll into the back of her head. A pitiful sound escapes her lips.

"I was right," Tegan breathes quietly. "So soft."

"Yes," Sara pants.

"And when I'm alone, I try to imagine what her pussy would look like, what it would feel like if she let me touch her." Sara starts to squirm. Tegan's leg that is just barely entwined with her own is making her crazy. She wants it on her; against her. She wants pressure where there is none and squeezes her legs together around Tegan's own to pull it closer but it remains just away from where she needs it. "If I held her lips open and looked at her clit, and then maybe a bit lower." Tegan's use of the word clit excites Sara. "Do you think she'd be wet, Sara?"

Sara nods frantically, feeling her own wetness seeping into, and probably through her underwear at this point.

"Yeah?"

"Yes, yes, she'd be wet."

Tegan ventures curiously. "Are you wet, Sara?" Her hand has moved so far up Sara's body that it's only a moment before it touches her breast, fingers curling around her hard nipple.

"Oh," Sara's hips jump from the bed.

"Are you?" Tegan prompts again and Sara is embarrassed to answer, because she shouldn't be wet. This is her sister.

"It's okay if you are," Tegan strokes her nipple again, electric. "I am too."

"You are?"

"Uh huh," She hums. And then Sara hears Tegan bite her lip in indecision. She takes a breath. "Can I see your pussy, Sara?"

Sara is delirious with pleasure but not so much that she knows this isn't wrong. "You want to see me naked?"

"I-I do." Tegan stutters for what feels like the first time. "But only if you'll let me."

The pulse between Sara's legs is frantic. But her mind is hesitant, she lays still. "Why?"

"Because… I want to see if it looks how I imagined it would," She says.

"You imagined what my pussy would look like?" Sara asks not as turned off, as she should be. It excites her.

"Does that make you uncomfortable?" Tegan mumbles more to Sara's neck.

Sara thinks about it for a moment. "No."

"It doesn't?"

"No." Sara shakes her head. "I want you to see it." Sara wriggles away from Tegan and misses her body as soon as she does. They both sit up and the air is electricity between them. Tegan keeps looking to Sara's face and then looking away. It's obvious she's nervous and so is Sara.

The covers are pulled back and suddenly Sara remembers that the room is freezing and that was why they had been sharing a bed in the first place. She shivers and reaches for the drawstring on her pyjama pants. Tegan is watching Sara's hands with anticipation as she slowly undoes the string and removes her pants and underwear all in one movement. She throws them to the floor and looks up to the ceiling with an unwavering gaze.

The bed dips as Tegan moves closer towards her body. Sara peeks down to watch Tegan sitting between her spread legs. She feels exposed and vulnerable. "Is it how you imagined it?" Sara manages to ask.

Tegan looks up and smiles at her through her pretty lashes. "It's better," she says.

Sara blushes and her entire body feels the heat. She tries to close her legs but Tegan puts her hands on her knees to stop her. "Don't hide. Please?"

Having Tegan's hands so close but not close enough makes her hips rock upwards. "Do you touch yourself, Sara?" Tegan asks curiously.

Sara blushes again; shakes her head.

"You don't?" Tegan asks surprised.

Sara shyly shakes her head again.

"Can I ask why?"

"I was scared if I… did it. That I would know for sure."

"That you might be gay?"

"Yeah," Sara is starting to feel awkward laying like this. "I tried it, thinking about boys once and my mind kept wandering so I promised myself I wouldn't do it again."

"Oh, Sara," Tegan rests her body back against the length of Sara's own and wraps her arm back across Sara's exposed middle. Her shivering stops, but Tegan being there while Sara is so vulnerable is making her feel hot. "I didn't know you felt like that. You should have told me."

Sara laughs nervously. "And said what? Tegan, I can't masturbate because I keep thinking about girls and I don't want to be gay."

Tegan looks at her with wide honest eyes. "Yeah, if that's what you wanted. I would never judge you."

Sara sighs because she knows Tegan is right. "I know, It's just…"

"Yeah," Tegan agrees.

"Does it feel good?" Sara wonders.

"Oh man. Yes it feels so good." She hesitates, "I kind of want to do it right now."

"You do?"

Tegan hums, "So bad."

Sara looks down at Tegan's hand on her belly and then to her own exposed legs. A thrill shoots up her spine at the thought of Tegan doing that so close to her.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to…?" Tegan trails off nervously.

Sara is about to ask what? But then realises what Tegan is asking. She thinks about it for a moment. Heart beating and breath shaking. "I- I don't know," She stutters. "It's dumb, but I'm scared."

"It's not dumb," Tegan reassures her and untucks her left arm to stroke some of Sara's hair behind her ear. Sara shivers. "It's a personal thing. I get it if you feel uncomfortable."

"It's not that," Sara says. "I just, I don't want to do it wrong."

Tegan laughs quietly and Sara blushes feeling embarrassed and naïve, she wants to pull the covers back up over her exposed body. Tegan must notice the change in her demeanor for she apologises quickly. "I'm sorry. Hey, look at me?" Tegan touches the corner of her jaw and brings them face-to-face in the dark. Sara can make out the outline of Tegan's features, her wide eyes and grinning mouth. "I'm not laughing at you. Okay? I'm not. I just remember when I first started doing it and you reminded me of myself." Tegan kisses Sara's jaw. It's just a peck but it feels like everything to Sara. "And I just want you to know, that there is no wrong way of doing it. Any way that feels good is the right way."

Sara feels hot all over at Tegan's words. She wants to know more. "When did you first try it?" It's exciting to Sara that there are sides to Tegan that she doesn't yet know about. She wants to learn everything.

Tegan lets out a puff of air that could be a laugh or just a simple expelling of air. "I think I was fifteen?" She says it like a question. As if Sara would know the answer. Sara nods wanting her to continue.

"What made you try it?"

"You." Tegan confesses.

"Me?" Sara asks. "What about me?"

"Do you remember that night we watched Friday the 13th in my bedroom? It was around the time we stopped getting along but there was that one night where you were bored and came into my room?"

Sara struggles to grasp the memory. "Yeah, kind of?"

"Every time a scary part came up, you clung to me and hid your face in my neck. You were wearing those tiny pyjama shorts and a singlet and I could feel so much heat coming from you." She pauses and takes a shy breath. "It made me so fucking wet."

"Really?"

"You have no idea. It scared the hell out of me though and I asked you to leave. You got upset with me and we had a big fight. But as soon as you left, I had my hand down my pants."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"It's okay. I kind of deserved it. I made up some asshole comment about how you were smothering me and I wanted you to get the fuck out."

Sara laughs. "Yeah, you did deserve that. Was it good?"

Tegan laughs. "Oh yeah. I think I made myself come four times that night just because it was so new and it felt so amazing."

Sara traces Tegan's face with awe in her eyes. "Wow."

"Yeah."

Without taking her eyes off of Tegan, Sara slides her hand down to between her legs.

Tegan's eyes skate down to where her hand is moving and watches intently. Her breathing speeds up but she tries to control it, which only makes it louder to both of their ears.

Sara touches tentatively at first. Her clit is just about aching at this point; it almost hurt to be this turned on. Her skin is wet and slippery but just these light grazes feel fantastic and Sara moans.

"That's it," Tegan whispers in encouragement. "It feels good doesn't it?"

Sara just gasps and rocks her hips.

"Touch your clit, Sara."

Sara strokes the wet skin and gasps again when she finally touches her clit. An animalistic need takes over her and she begins to rub her clit feverishly. There are no thoughts in her mind but to keep going.

"Yes," Tegan begins stroking Sara's breast again with her right hand while her lips suck and bite at Sara's earlobe and down the side of her neck.

"Oh," Sara moans again and tries to quiet it but Tegan's hands and lips touching her are making it too hard. "Oh, oh."

"Be as loud as you want. No one can hear us out here."

So Sara gasps and groans as loud as she wants. She starts to chant Tegan's name in a nonsensical desperate kind of way. "Tegan, Tegan, tee-, t-teegan!"

"Do you want something inside of you, Sara?" Tegan asks.

Just the suggestion from Tegan forces Sara's legs apart. They instinctively part to make room for whatever is going to be inside her. She wants to feel it all, to feel full.

"Is that a yes?" Tegan asks cheekily.

"Yes, yes, yes," Sara responds. She's on the edge of something big. She's not sure if she can stop. Her hips grind into her hand. Nothing has ever felt like this before.

"Keep touching yourself," Tegan says. "Don't stop."

Sara has no intention of stopping.

There's a foreign feeling between her thighs, and then it's touching and putting pressure on her lips and then a bit lower, to the source of her wetness. It pushes in just lightly, just enough to make its presence known against her body before it pulls away again.

Sara groans at the feeling as it disappears. She realises her eyes have been closed and looks down to see Tegan's hand between her legs, her finger gently pushing and then pulling away again. It drives Sara crazy and she just about screams at Tegan. "Please, please!"

"You want me inside?" Tegan says.

"Yes!"

"Okay," she says softly, sweetly.

Tegan pushes against the resistance and Sara sucks in a sharp breath, the pleasure temporarily halted by a twinge of pain. Tegan notices and stops immediately. She pulls her hand away and tucks the hair behind Sara's ear gently. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Sara gasps. "Is it supposed to hurt like that?"

"It hurt me a little the first time, too. Tell me to stop if it gets too much, okay?"

Sara nods and waits to feel Tegan back between her legs again.

"Keep rubbing your clit, it'll help to feel the pain less."

Sara follows her instruction and strokes her clit again. She's already finding the rhythm and way her body likes to be touched and is so close to her first orgasm that she wants to come now.

Tegan strokes her lips again and then begins the light pushing; at the first sign of pain Sara rubs her clit harder and encourages Tegan not to stop. Tegan hesitates but ultimately listens to her sister.

Her finger begins to breach Sara's body and the feeling is so strange and foreign that Sara gasps. It hurts, and then suddenly the pain is gone. Tegan's finger slips past that small barrier of tight contracting muscle and then sinks deeper painlessly into her body.

"Holy shit," Tegan says eloquently. "Sara, you feel so good. I want to fuck you. Please? Please let me."

But Sara feels as if she's almost on another planet. She's panting hard; vision white and starry, she barely hears Tegan's question above her desperate cries and moans.

Tegan curls her finger the slightest bit and that's all it takes for Sara to come. "Oh, oh, yes, yes, yes. Tegan!" She shouts. Her body writhes against her own hand and Tegan's. She sees stars and everything that has ever made her happy and then Tegan's face along with a warm feeling of overwhelming comfort and happiness.

Sara whimpers as she comes back down. Her body jerks and moves with after shocks and she whines when Tegan slowly and very carefully removes her finger.

There's an awkward silence for a couple minutes while they both lay there thinking about what to say next.

Tegan breaks the silence first. "Jesus," she pants.

"I know," Sara agrees.

"Did we just..?" Tegan trails off.

"Have sex?" Sara fills in for her. "I think so."

Tegan scratches the back of her neck self-consciously but all Sara can notice is that was the hand that was just between her legs. "Do you feel okay about it?"

Sara isn't sure yet. She's still high on endorphins from her orgasm so everything still feels good. "I don't know. You?"

Tegan shrugs. "I don't know either." She's contemplative for a moment. "I do know that I love you though. So much."

Sara melts. "I love you, too." She pulls Tegan close and holds her.

"So that was your first orgasm?" Tegan asks.

Sara laughs. "I guess so."

"Was it good?"

Sara can't even believe Tegan needs to ask. She was practically screaming a moment ago. "I've never felt that good. I didn't know I was capable of a feeling like that," She says in wonderment. "No wonder people have sex all the time."

Tegan laughs, too. "Yeah it's pretty damn amazing."

"It really is," Sara murmurs beginning to feel sleepy.

"Are you tired?"

"Mmmm," Sara says.

Tegan strokes her hair. "Okay, go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

X

The next morning is awkward. They both arise before the sun and stretch out on the small bed. Sara looks at Tegan and then away. Tegan shyly does the same. They climb out of bed in silence and get dressed back to back.

The drive down to breakfast is silent until Tegan utters a word. "I-.." But she stops and closes her mouth. Sara had tensed up at her voice, terrified of what Tegan was going to say. She doesn't regret the night before. Or at least she thinks she doesn't. It's more that she wishes they had thought of the consequences before they did it. Also Tegan had now seen her in a very vulnerable position and she isn't used to having people know her so intimately. How should she act? She couldn't even look at Tegan without blushing.

"You girls alright?" Their Grandpa asks over a mouthful of oatmeal. "You're awfully quiet."

The girls blush and reassure their grandpa that they're okay.

"Are you sure you feel ready to work today, Tegan? Because Sara and I can handle it if you're still feeling unwell."

"No! I feel great, much better. I want to work."

Sara thinks Tegan just wants a distraction rather than sitting around stuck in her own thoughts for the rest of the day. Actually Sara feels the same way.

"Great!" He says cheerily. "Because today we're harvesting the chickens!"

Tegan's face drops. "Wait. What?"

"Yep they're all plump enough to be eaten, so I'll teach you girls how we kill 'em, pluck 'em and remove all the organs."

Sara is about to throw up into her oatmeal.

"On second thought, grandpa. I'm actually not feeling too good. I think I'll stay down here today."

"Don't you even try to get out of this," Sara says. "If I have to do it then you do, too."

Grandpa lets out a raucous laugh and grandma laughs along with him. "I'm just kidding! The chickens are still too little yet. Just thought I'd try and liven up the mood a bit since you seem so quiet."

"Oh," Sara laughs uncomfortably.

"Yeah, good one," Tegan says.

"But seriously, we've got work to do. Once you finish your breakfast I'll meet you out front." He stands and leaves the table swiftly and the girls try to get through the rest of their breakfast without blushing or throwing up at the thought of chicken guts.

X

They're sitting together in the John Deere, a huge beast of a machine that Tegan is driving smoothly. A round bale of Silage lays across the forks to be given to the cows and Sara jumps out and climbs down to open the gate for Tegan. The cows gather around and Tegan lowers the bale to the ground and then gets out to help Sara unravel it down the hill for the cows to spread out and eat.

"I'm sorry," Tegan says as they push on the bale together.

Sara plays dumb. "What for?"

"You know what for. I shouldn't have done any of that last night and I hope it hasn't ruined anything between us."

A cow nudges Sara's shoulder and she stumbles into the bale. Tegan laughs and helps her up.

"To be honest. I'm not upset that it happened. Besides, it wasn't just you. It was me, too."

"Really?" Tegan asks. "So you don't regret it?"

"No," Sara says.

"I thought maybe you did because of how quiet you've been."

"I'm just…" she thinks quietly. "I'm shy, no one has seen me like that before and I guess I just don't know how to act."

"You can be the same around me. I don't think any differently of you." Tegan pauses. "Okay, well maybe I do but like, in a good way."

Sara blushes. "You know? I didn't get to see you naked last night."

Tegan looks away with a small smile. "You didn't ask."

"Well I'm asking now."

"Okay," Tegan smiles. "Are you saying you want to do it again?"

"Maybe," Sara answers. "Okay, yes. Very much so."

Tegan laughs giddily. They finish feeding the cows and leave to begin their next job.

X

When the time finally comes for the girls to leave the farm, Sara feels sentimental. This place had always been a part of her childhood, as she grew up coming here. But now it holds a very special place in her heart. It's where Tegan and herself found each other. Where they finally got past their sibling rivalry and found something more. Whether that something more is a good or bad thing, the girl's still hadn't figured out yet. But Sara knows in her heart that she's happy, and she knows that Tegan is, too.

They pack their things in the barn and shove each other playfully, laughing and joking the whole time. When the loft is empty of all their things they climb down the ladder and find Mama and Beans waiting for them outside, as they are every morning.

"I'm really going to miss you two," Tegan says to the sheep. She pats Mama affectionately and then scoops Beans into her arms for a final hug.

"Yeah, me too." Sara strokes the lamb in Tegan's arms. "I really hope Grandma and Grandpa don't eat you guys while we're gone."

Tegan looks shocked and covers the lamb's ears. "Sara! Don't even joke about that. It is not funny."

Sara laughs at Tegan's indignation, "I'm just saying."

"Take it back!"

"Okay, Okay!" Sara smiles. "I take it back." Sara had already made sure that their grandparent's would take good care of these two and that they were not to be eaten. She just liked to mess with Tegan for the fun of it.

Their relationship felt easy now in a way that it hadn't in a very long time. Sara felt relaxed and comfortable with Tegan. Perhaps being here was the best thing for their relationship. It put everything into perspective; especially how trivial and insignificant their fights were when Tegan nearly drowned. Life was too short to fight with somebody she loved so much. Sara suspects that was the reason their mother sent them here in the first place, to work as a team and learn how to be around each other without fighting. If that was the reason then she was right, because it worked and they were getting along better than they ever had. Although now there was a much deeper connection between the two of them that their mother could never know about.

"I'll drive," Sara says and hops into the front seat of the truck.

Tegan clambers into the passenger side and watches Sara.

Sara can feel Tegan's eyes on her. "What are you looking at?"

"How beautiful you are."

Sara's face heats up, she laughs nervously. "Stop trying to butter me up. I already said I'd be with you tonight."

"I'm not." Tegan says sincerely. She places her hand on top of Sara's on the gear stick. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too."

Sara moves to change gear but Tegan's hand prevents her and the truck shudders; bunny hops to a halt and then stalls.

The girls are jerked around in their seats. "God damn it, Tegan!"

"That's what you get for saying grandma and grandpa were going to eat my babies!"

Sara goes to argue but then ends up laughing instead at the scandalized look on Tegan's face. "Okay," she concedes. "Fair enough."

Something like this would have started a brawl a month ago and now it is easily laughed off.

They start the truck back up and drive back down to the main house.

"I'm glad mom made us come here," Tegan says as she steps out of the vehicle.

Sara grabs both their bags and smiles. "Yeah, me too."